Hello Everyone,
I have been really depressed lately. My spouse is look more female everyday. This is a completely different lifestyle for me!!! And I am scared I will not like it. What comes from spouses transitioning together? I am starting to question if this is really for me. Right now it is super hard to endure these brand new changes... What will being a lesbian feel like for the years to come??? I am really open minded and I do get turned on by my spouse, so that is good!! BUT what is to come of these new life for me?? I am scared and depressed. Please if someone could give me ANY words of advise I would appreciate it!!!!! What does it mean for a SO to transition as well??
I think the most important thing is that you love the person you are with. If you love them and can feel attracted to them then things should work out in the long run. I'd never been attracted to physical males, so Jessica (who at the time was not out or even trying to pass yet) through me for a loop. I feel in love with Jessica not the body she is in.
Hmm. Being a lesbian isn't all that bad...I do know that there is the chance of homophobia which it seems you haven't experienced before, so in some bad areas you'd have to be careful. But it isn't anything to be afraid of! Being a lesbian isn't any different from being straight or bi...it's just love. :)
I figured out that I am going to take these changes day by day and if I need to let out my emotions I will. My spouse is becoming better at supporting me, so I will keep on going and loving....
My spouse and I spent 8 months in counseling to prepare for my change. It helped our relationship and now we are both more confident for me to start hormones. I have waited six months to start until she was ready.
I would suggest couples counseling.
I agree about counseling - whether couples counseling or something else (I'd recommend finding an open minded counselor who doesn't have an agenda), but of course that isn't for everyone either. But it can be a very positive experience to sort out your emotions (which is important for BOTH you and your partner!).
As for being a lesbian, the way I think I would suggest looking at it (granted, I'm not a woman, so my advice isn't necessarily right!) is that you are or aren't in love with her. If you are in love with her, don't run from love! Let your heart lead you. After all, plenty of people date someone who doesn't meet all of their "ideal relationship" criteria (and even if they meet the criteria today, who knows if they will in 20 years!). Just let your heart lead (look at the long term leading, not quick emotions that may come or go). Not every relationship needs to be labeled, even if many people insist on labeling.