Why is it that men must link intimacy with sex? lol
As my sex drive slowly declines over 2 months I've been on hormones, I find myself just wanting to cuddle with the guys I have brought home from the bars so far - unfortunately, they all just want to shove their cocks up my ortifices, heh.
Do I have to become a lesbian to find intimacy with someone in bed? heh
Quote from: MsDazzler on December 23, 2011, 09:43:04 PM
Why is it that men must link intimacy with sex?
Rhetorical, perhaps?
If you are one to identify and accept having a prior 'male' side, so to speak; rather specifically referring to having once possessed male levels of testosterone and having portrayed stereotypical male behavior in relation to intimacy and sex, one might suggest this question could be answered by the very person asking it, thus in turn not really requiring a contributing answer elsewhere. "Been there, done that" perhaps a relevant phrase to summarize this, I believe. Keep in mind that this statement is in no way intended to imply applicability to you or anyone else for that matter.
Regardless, I am confident in time you will find someone. Browsing in other areas aside from bars might offer better chances, no? I do not typically go to bars, thus I cannot entirely comment on the overall sexual demeanor of the individuals that frequent them, but I do imagine it is more of a sex seeking environment as opposed to seeking intimacy; though this is merely speculation.
I've never understood the link.
Just cuddling and talking is so much more intimate than sex. I could easily go without sex my whole life if I had someone to hold at night, someone I could talk to about anything and feel completely safe with. Any enjoyment I'd get from sex would come solely from satisfying my partner's need for it.
Because they're guys you've brought home from bars, what do you expect? If you want cuddling you have to become friends first. I'd be pretty freaked out if a girl brought me home from a bar/club to just cuddle. My first area of interest would be the fridge.
Quote from: MsDazzler on December 23, 2011, 09:43:04 PM
Do I have to become a lesbian to find intimacy with someone in bed? heh
You think lesbians take girls home from bars to cuddle? Keep dreaming, love.
Quote from: 8888 on December 24, 2011, 06:22:01 AM
Because they're guys you've brought home from bars, what do you expect? If you want cuddling you have to become friends first. I'd be pretty freaked out if a girl brought me home from a bar/club to just cuddle. My first area of interest would be the fridge.
Why the fridge? lol
Quote from: stldrmgrl on December 24, 2011, 12:06:25 AM
Rhetorical, perhaps?
If you are one to identify and accept having a prior 'male' side, so to speak; rather specifically referring to having once possessed male levels of testosterone and having portrayed stereotypical male behavior in relation to intimacy and sex, one might suggest this question could be answered by the very person asking it, thus in turn not really requiring a contributing answer elsewhere. "Been there, done that" perhaps a relevant saying to summarize this, I believe. Keep in mind that this statement is in no way intended to imply applicability to you or anyone else for that matter.
Regardless, I am confident in time you will find someone. Browsing in other areas aside from bars might offer better chances, no? I do not typically go to bars, thus I cannot entirely comment on the overall sexual demeanor of the individuals that frequent them, but I do imagine it is more of a sex seeking environment as opposed to seeking intimacy; though this is merely speculation.
Actually, even when I was presenting as a gay male, I still preferred cuddling, kissing, and whatnout over straight-out sex.
I was doing some research on the Internet about the male sexual response - very interesting how evolution designed men to value orgasm over intimacy and women intimacy over orgasm, lol
I'd like to say it's testosterone and male sexual urges / arousal at work. Maybe a rhetorical question indeed. I know I suffer from the linkage of sex to intimacy, trying to break it, but it's hard pre-hrt. Now men in love, I think, will value physical / emotional intimacy, but that takes a long time.
Yes, the phrase "been there, done that" that someone else brought up might apply to my thoughts as well.
As far as "men" in general, I think some men have better self control and know what the lady wants (slow build up) ;). Or at least I can dream :D
Yea, I am definitely in the "I am pretty happy with cuddles and kisses :)" category...
But, I actually think this type of "adolescent" mentality is pretty unique to trans people (at least at ages 20+). Of course, the reason is from the pills we take... ((not saying that it is bad, just how it is for a lot of us)).
Then, on the other side of things, I definitely know how it was to be a guy. How frisky they can get and how the drive for more than just kissing can get pretty powerful. I totally don't blame them for this, it is just how they are (and I wouldn't want them different! I think it is fun when they are like that)... so, they can have what they want, if they start doing more my feelings and friskyness can keep up :P
But, the main thing for me is I gotta know there is still intimacy. They gotta know I am still there (as more than just a body)... if they aren't texting me or contacting me the next day (or even after they go home that night)... I start to get upset and feel like there was no intimacy and I was just a warm body for them. ((If a few minutes after finishing they go "oh, I better head off"... it would be over, permanently)).
Basically, I see it as a give and take type of thing. They want more physical... sure... but I want more intimacy... so they can have what they want, but they better fill my needs too (which means things like no suddenly leaving after getting frisky, messages to know they think of me, support and talk besides just sex stuff....).
I think that is how a relationship works... a give and take type of thing...
Quote from: stldrmgrl on December 24, 2011, 12:06:25 AM
Rhetorical, perhaps?
If you are one to identify and accept having a prior 'male' side, so to speak; rather specifically referring to having once possessed male levels of testosterone and having portrayed stereotypical male behavior in relation to intimacy and sex, one might suggest this question could be answered by the very person asking it, thus in turn not really requiring a contributing answer elsewhere. "Been there, done that" perhaps a relevant phrase to summarize this, I believe. Keep in mind that this statement is in no way intended to imply applicability to you or anyone else for that matter.
Regardless, I am confident in time you will find someone. Browsing in other areas aside from bars might offer better chances, no? I do not typically go to bars, thus I cannot entirely comment on the overall sexual demeanor of the individuals that frequent them, but I do imagine it is more of a sex seeking environment as opposed to seeking intimacy; though this is merely speculation.
Wow Girl waht an inspire and superbly articulated post, righ on the money ! Nothing to add + 100
Quote from: Sarah7 on December 24, 2011, 08:02:55 AM
You think lesbians take girls home from bars to cuddle? Keep dreaming, love.
The thing with lesbians is that it can be hard to tell what is foreplay and what is sex. Or whether there is actually much difference.
All I know is I am not getting much of either! Having someone to cuddle would be a big step forward.
Karen.
Quote from: justmeinoz on December 24, 2011, 10:07:49 PM
The thing with lesbians is that it can be hard to tell what is foreplay and what is sex. Or whether there is actually much difference.
All I know is I am not getting much of either! Having someone to cuddle would be a big step forward.
Karen.
http://mycdn.theexcitantgroup.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/lesbian-sex-flowchart1.jpg (http://mycdn.theexcitantgroup.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/lesbian-sex-flowchart1.jpg)
Quote from: Sarah7 on December 24, 2011, 10:50:57 PM
http://mycdn.theexcitantgroup.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/lesbian-sex-flowchart1.jpg (http://mycdn.theexcitantgroup.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/lesbian-sex-flowchart1.jpg)
Oh man, is that the one from Autostraddle? I love that chart. :D
Quote from: Sarah7 on December 24, 2011, 08:02:55 AM
You think lesbians take girls home from bars to cuddle? Keep dreaming, love.
Not after I leave the bar...I take girls home to bone.
Note: I haven't actually done that yet.
Quote from: 8888 on December 24, 2011, 06:22:01 AM
Because they're guys you've brought home from bars, what do you expect? If you want cuddling you have to become friends first. I'd be pretty freaked out if a girl brought me home from a bar/club to just cuddle. My first area of interest would be the fridge.
Referencing Dahmer?
Quote from: Sarah7 on December 24, 2011, 08:02:55 AM
You think lesbians take girls home from bars to cuddle? Keep dreaming, love.
Well, doesn't the joke go like this - what do lesbians bring on the first date? U-Haul! :D
Seriously, though - I think I need to pop more horny goat weed supplements or something or I'll find myself completely devoid of sex AND intimacy, considering men will only give you intimacy after they ve gotten their rocks off, lol.
Quote from: MsDazzler on December 24, 2011, 11:55:55 PM
Well, doesn't the joke go like this - what do lesbians bring on the first date? U-Haul! :D
Second date.
Quote from: Wonderdyke on December 24, 2011, 10:57:49 PM
Oh man, is that the one from Autostraddle? I love that chart. :D
Yes, I lub it too.
Quote from: MsDazzler on December 24, 2011, 11:55:55 PM
Well, doesn't the joke go like this - what do lesbians bring on the first date? U-Haul! :D
Seriously, though - I think I need to pop more horny goat weed supplements or something or I'll find myself completely devoid of sex AND intimacy, considering men will only give you intimacy after they ve gotten their rocks off, lol.
I find women too emotional on the sexual side. I have trouble with my gg friends, much less a lez gg. But of course, I lost my PIV virginity to my ->-bleeped-<- hag and yeah, I was in a world of pain for the last 2 years.
Eeek...
Quote from: Sarah7 on December 25, 2011, 01:04:16 AM
Second date.
Yes, I lub it too.
Autostraddle is probably my go-to site for just about everything.
Seriously, though, my girlfriends and I have all been pretty commitment-paranoid. I don't know where this U-Haul deal came from. >_>
Sigh....
Women view kissing as intimacy; men view kissing as a prelude to sex.
God, what would I give to just make out with a guy all night long without having to get into the nasty. lol
Quote from: MsDazzler on December 25, 2011, 03:53:43 PM
Sigh....
Women view kissing as intimacy; men view kissing as a prelude to sex.
God, what would I give to just make out with a guy all night long without having to get into the nasty. lol
Um...can't it be both?
Maybe it's just because I'm a big homo, but I actually, yanno,
like having a lot of sex.
God, what would men give just to skip straight to the sex without the making-out part? Oh, $40, same as downtown.
Both sides trade one for the other, men trade intimacy for sex, women trade sex for intimacy - 'twas ever thus.
Quote from: tekla on December 25, 2011, 05:38:47 PM
Both sides trade one for the other, men trade intimacy for sex, women trade sex for intimacy - 'twas ever thus.
Straight people are weird.
Quote from: Sarah7 on December 25, 2011, 06:07:10 PM
Straight people are weird.
Amen. Why trade when you can have both?
Straight people are weird.
Everybody's weird, they are just weird in different ways.
Quote from: tekla on December 25, 2011, 06:55:44 PM
Straight people are weird.
Everybody's weird, they are just weird in different ways.
aint that true! I am a weirdo lol
seriously , though - intimacy rocks! you cuddle and kiss with someone all night as opposed to just acheiving that few-second orgasm and leaving out the door. lol
Quote from: tekla on December 25, 2011, 05:38:47 PM
God, what would men give just to skip straight to the sex without the making-out part? Oh, $40, same as downtown.
Both sides trade one for the other, men trade intimacy for sex, women trade sex for intimacy - 'twas ever thus.
I charge 200$ an hour and I get to "inspect their wallet' at the end of the night.
Quote from: MsDazzler on December 26, 2011, 12:56:02 PM
intimacy rocks!
This is so true. I have always valued intimacy over sex even though I used to have a T powered sex drive.
Jennifer
Quote from: Jennifer on December 26, 2011, 10:01:46 PM
This is so true. I have always valued intimacy over sex even though I used to have a T powered sex drive.
Jennifer
I still have a T powered sex drive. Nothing wrong with that.
Quote from: Sarah7 on December 24, 2011, 10:50:57 PM
http://mycdn.theexcitantgroup.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/lesbian-sex-flowchart1.jpg (http://mycdn.theexcitantgroup.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/lesbian-sex-flowchart1.jpg)
Interesting. Explains exactly where I am. Not having sex, or anything else.
I have been alone a while and I REALLY miss intimacy. A knowing glance, the brush of a hand, a kiss as we pass through the doorway. I will cherish all the intimacy I have had in my life because the fear is that I may never have it again. Very, very sad and making me wonder what's left?
Quote from: Kim 526 on December 27, 2011, 07:24:09 AM
I have been alone a while and I REALLY miss intimacy. A knowing glance, the brush of a hand, a kiss as we pass through the doorway. I will cherish all the intimacy I have had in my life because the fear is that I may never have it again. Very, very sad and making me wonder what's left?
Wanna change places? :-) You'd be in the same one again! Grrrrrr.
Yes, didn't you say it all.
Now let me sob to make it a little better.
Charging $200 will make ->-bleeped-<- all difference to this here condition.
"Being paid for getting laid..."? NOT the answer to this need, sure ain't. Nahhhh
Axélle
"Charging $200 will make ->-bleeped-<- all difference to this here condition.
"Being paid for getting laid..."? NOT the answer to this need, sure ain't. Nahhhh"
I don't understand what you meant?
Quote from: Kim 526 on December 27, 2011, 07:47:59 AM
"Charging $200 will make ->-bleeped-<- all difference to this here condition.
"Being paid for getting laid..."? NOT the answer to this need, sure ain't. Nahhhh"
I don't understand what you meant?
If a guy wants sex and doesn't want a relationship...I should charge him.
Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on December 27, 2011, 01:05:50 PM
If a guy wants sex and doesn't want a relationship...I should charge him.
Go stand on the streets near Divas and pick up cruising guys 'n charge them 10% less than what the local TG prosittutes do, LOL.
I think intimacy is beginning to fade into oblivion for me... :(
Quote from: MsDazzler on December 27, 2011, 04:10:15 PM
Go stand on the streets near Divas and pick up cruising guys 'n charge them 10% less than what the local TG prosittutes do, LOL.
The non cracked addled price right?
I had wanted to work as an escort. Of course, I got the boyfriend and he wasn't gonna have it.
Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on December 27, 2011, 01:05:50 PM
If a guy wants sex and doesn't want a relationship...I should charge him.
Hm, I guess you got a point --- so long he brings his non-HIV certificate, AND will be fine with a condom. "The things we do for love..." ta, ta, :-)
Axélle
Although I've always liked intimacy rather than just bang-bang, I used to be a horny guy.
At 53 I still needed at least one orgasm per day and had a T level of 28 (a cis woman is circa 1.4)
On AA implant, my level fell to 1.8 I still had SOME sex-drive, but was far more interested in intimacy.
Post-op my T level has been steadily falling .... 1.2 1.0 0.8 0.6 0.4 now
Now I have almost zero drive, though can get interested if my g/f starts things off.
I'd swap sex for intimacy, just kissing, stroking, cuddling up - especially cuddling up to fall asleep together at night.
Go figure - a classic example happened just last night, heh.
I met a guy off the Internet for drinks, ended up back at my place... the funny thing was that I was actually horny and ready to go at it, then all of suddenly my sex drive deflated for some reason (I suspect too much alcohol was starting to hit me and it was like 3 am)...
I wanted to just settle for intimacy, but unfortunatey, being a hot-blooded (and hot!) alpha male he is, he was all riled up and wanted to ->-bleeped-<- - so we had sex until he had his orgasm first then he finally rolled off and i was able to curl up to him and finally get some bleary-eyed intimacy at 6am.
Go figure. lol