First, let me wish everyone a very happy, merry X-Mas. I hope this holiday season brings to you peace and joy. (Or plenty of spiked egg nog!)
A simple question for everyone. For those of us who are "out" to our extended or immediate families, who is planning on spending Christmas with them? Are you welcome with open arms? Invited but not exactly warmly received ? Are you planning on crashing the party anyway, their feelings be damned?
The last invitation I received to a family function was in 2004, three years before I went full time. My family likes to get a jump on things.
Tonight my extended family (parents, siblings, nieces and nephews) are all celebrating Christmas at my parents house. Tonight marks the 4th or 5th year I've been cut out. Coincidentally, I transitioned about that many years ago.
On the other hand, I do have some things to celebrate. My dad survived a heart attack, and bypass surgery this year. My mother, at my father's urging, finally went out to lunch with my dad and I. She and I had not seen each other since I came out. It went very nicely, though she wouldn't give me the courtesy of proper names or pronouns. Still, I very happy we spent time.
My partner Julie and I will celebrate X-Mas together, and alone. Still, we have each other, and some very good friends. We've decided to make our own, NEW FAMILY, and for that we are grateful. Our son will come by Monday to spend the day with us.
Personally speaking, I'd rather only spend the holidays with people who are truly happy that we are in their company. As for those who can't forget the past, and lay blame on us, I can only say.....
Merry Christmas!
I'm not welcome for christmas among the family I was born into. I'm not sure which of them know I'm trans and which don't, but I told my little sister and she was very supportive. We don't know each other well enough for holidays, though.
But I did start my own family. My daughter is almost twelve, and we have wonderful christmases.
QuoteWho's welcome at their Family's Christmas Celebration?
I am welcome to attend my family's gatherings, and I plan on it.
Though my family is not supportive of my being trans and/or my transition.
I'm hosting my mum for lunch for Christmas Day.. She's been wonderfully supportive.. And my extended family is gathering on Boxing Day for some reason, and I'll be going to that too.. My extended family is also wonderfully supportive - although what my eldest cousin is going to tell his 3 yo son remains to be seen.. ;D
I am cookin dinner for my best friend and lezbionic parents.
I am always welcome.
Beats spending christmas alone waiting for my boyfriend to get home from Connecticut.
Im expending xmas with mom and dad. They are coming to terms with my transition.
After doing the heavy lifting for the Xmas shows, and in the past doing lots of mall set-ups and the like, I tend to be burned out on the holiday so I try to slip away, I try to hit Tahoe and get some skiing in, but no snow this year so, what the heck, Vegas is always perfect the week before, some nice dinners, some shopping, a show or two. So I was at Caesar's last week, and we just got back in time for Xmas Eve and that makes it very nice. My brother will come up tomorrow and we'll have dinner and do a hot tub, and then I'll be back at work getting ready for the NYE shows.
If the old traditions don't work for you, then make up new ones.
We weren't invited to the "big" family party on my wife's side this evening. And I've not been invited to my family's stuff since before I came out even, once I stopped dancing to their music I wasn't welcome anymore (it spurs discontent among the younger ones if they see someone else that isn't being controlled).
But we do our own thing and have for years. We always make homemade waffles with this awesome recipe that takes an hour to finish rising on Christmas evening for us and some of the closer family. This year it is lunch since my wife's dad has to work in the evening, but everyone that usually comes is still coming. The waffles are "special" because they take so long that we don't make them often.
wORKING ON cHRISTMAS
Had my wife and her family around for Christmas lunch.
My macho brother in law bought me perfume. My sister in law bought a journal entitled; 'Some times the best man for the job is a woman'. My other sister in law bought me nice smelly shower stuff. My other brother in law bought me a nightie, wrong size but Hey. My 90 year old mother in law just looked on and seemed a bit confused with my feminine presents :laugh: :laugh:
Cindy
Quote from: Cindy James on December 25, 2011, 12:23:47 AM
Had my wife and her family around for Christmas lunch.
My macho brother in law bought me perfume. My sister in law bought a journal entitled; 'Some times the best man for the job is a woman'. My other sister in law bought me nice smelly shower stuff. My other brother in law bought me a nightie, wrong size but Hey. My 90 year old mother in law just looked on and seemed a bit confused with my feminine presents :laugh: :laugh:
Cindy
The bit about your mother in law is kinda hilarious. :laugh:
I haven't even wrapped all the presents yet. My daughter just fell asleep, and I'm like a deer in the headlights. She deserves the absolute very best, and I have really cool gifts for her, but the house is a mess and I'm tired and kinda sad.
And I don't have a roasting pan for the tofurkey, and I don't have a good plan for tomorrow. We open presents, we eat, we go look at lights. But what if she wakes up and the pretty centerpiece she made isn't on the table? We have just one table, and it's a bit tall to eat off of, but I'll be damned if we're going to sit on the bed for christmas dinner.
What if I forget to nibble the cookies and drink some of the soymilk? I'm too nervous to do it now. What do I put in the stockings? I have some chocolate coins and small presents, but she got really upset when I didn't hang a stocking for myself, and so I hung one, but I haven't the slightest clue where to go from there.
There's a store a block away. I might just do some last minute scrounging if they're open.
God it's actually a nice relief just to say these things.
Okay, so I went in at ten minutes to closing. Grabbed skittles, bubblegum, cherry chapstick, chex mix, necco wafers, nerds, a weinhardt's root beer and a red stripe regular beer, and a handful of silver-wrapped hershey kisses, and dumped it all on the counter.
The guy looked at me like I was totally crazy, and proceeded to sort my stuff and ring me up the way I usually only see him do with drunk people. Lol. So I asked him if he celebrates christmas, and he told me that yes he does, but tomorrow, not today. He said his family gathers and eats. I asked him if they hang stockings, and he cracked up like he was obviously aware of the tradition but thought it was the stupidest thing ever. I should mention that we've seen each other pretty often for years, and his english is very limited. He's nice. Very profit-oriented.
Just because he doesn't care and it's late at night on christmas eve and I was already apparently looking pretty insane, I decided to pay for the pile of candy with food stamps. Normally I'm really neurotic about them, and I only spend them on cheap and healthy food, but tonight I was James Dean, cool and living on the edge. Suck it feds, I need skittles and root beer.
I have two planned, the first with my Mom, Sister and Brother-In-Law, and the second that I may or may not go to will be my Cousin's and his family. I'm out to my family, but not to my Cousin's, not that close. Got cancelled when I got to my assignment tonight, so it makes it easier to make the long drive later today to my Sister's.
We don't talk about it, but I feel its my life, not something that requires a family "consensus". My Mom is in her mid 80's, so I want to spend these moments with while I can. Things are getting better, maybe an extended family in the future, life goes on.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all! :)
SJ
PS- Try not to get run over by a Reindeer :laugh:
If you get run over by a Reindeer have you be sleighed?
I'm not welcomed at my family's christmas get together this year. :'(
I'm welcomed but made to feel extremely uncomfortable. Stuff is messed up in my family, and I bear the brunt of it as the oldest child, and the "girl".
My mum would kill me if I wasn't there for Christmas.
This thread makes me really sad. I wish it wasn't lucky to have parents that still care about me. It seems awful that that should be lucky.
Alex,
Your family isn't the only one that is messed up. As to being the girl, that is the part that confused me for years. Most times I wasn't the girl, oldest but not girl. So when I was expected to act like one, I got confused. Those times were rare but confusing and usually dealt with church, weddings, or my fathers extended family.
Back to thread, no matter how messed up, your still here and it is still christmas.
Well our lunch with my wife's family is over (they left 15 minutes ago).
WOW!, Thanksgiving was terrible with misnaming and misgendering galore. They are actually trying now and I don't think anyone slipped the whole time. All my presents were to Jen or Jeneva and they were actually feminine gifts.
For those still working things out with their family please remember that you are all part of our online family here at Susan's. As time passes may your family learn to accept the true you.
We're not done yet at my house, but it's going great so far. I'm taking a break. The floor is a mess of ribbons and wrapping paper, and everything's warm and the lights are twinkling, and my daughter is playing a little video game and eating candy on the bed with her new teddy bear and sock monkey.
The tofurkey is thawing, and after we eat we're going to bring some food and a small present to a person who I know won't get any holiday gifts or greetings otherwise. I also wanted to give something to the cleaning lady in our building, but I don't know what.
I am out to the family. My side of the family is 100% supportive. My spouse's family is not so accepting. They 'tolerate' it but I am required to wear at least gender nuetral clothing when we go to see grandma. (Sevans granny)
She is also the landlord and I have a very sweet deal going on here so I suck it up and when we go to see grandma on christmas for a few hours I show up in guy mode (somewhat). ;)
I have stoped binding when we go over to see her and just wear very loose shirts.
Other than when we go to see grandma I am in female mode, but even when at grandmas I am more fem than male...
Quote from: Felix on December 25, 2011, 04:21:12 PM
The tofurkey is thawing,
Is that a typo, or is there actually a such thing as a tofurkey? :laugh:
Quote from: Forum Admin on December 25, 2011, 05:15:34 PM
Is that a typo, or is there actually a such thing as a tofurkey? :laugh:
http://www.tofurky.com/tofurkyproducts/holiday_products.html (http://www.tofurky.com/tofurkyproducts/holiday_products.html)
They're actually rather tasty. :D
Quote from: Forum Admin on December 25, 2011, 05:15:34 PM
Is that a typo, or is there actually a such thing as a tofurkey? :laugh:
Lolya. It's not exactly visually appealing if you don't slice it and dress it up a bit, but it's hearty and christmassy and gets the job done. My daughter loves it. :D
My family runs hot and cold on the acceptance deal :-\ My sister did have me over for Christmas Eve dinner, It was pretty good :) They never wrap my presents though, they just put them in a random shopping bag :laugh: Anyway last night they gave me a blanket and this morning there was a beach towel hanging outside on my door handle
Quote from: Forum Admin on December 25, 2011, 05:15:34 PM
Is that a typo, or is there actually a such thing as a tofurkey? :laugh:
If you want to get really festive you can even do a tofurducken. ;)
Quite unexpectedly, I got to enjoy yesterday with my daughter. She called around 2 and said she was coming over. I hadn't seen her in months. (Her mother told her some BS about me that pissed her off and she stayed pissed until we talked a couple of days ago and she heard the truth.)
She arrived around 3 and stayed til almost 10. It was like we were never apart. She's still having a tough time with my transition. I know sometimes she gets mad at me because I killed her daddy, who was her hero. But the entire time she was here was very enjoyable. And she brought COOKIES! ;D
Julie,
That is spiffy!
My side of the family has had a hard time accepting me. But my lovely wife's family has accepted me with open arms. I celebrated Christmas with my wife's entire extended (cousins, etc) family on Christmas day and everyone treated me fantastic. My mother in law (I now call her mom because she accepts me completely, my own mother does not), comes over often for dinner.
All in all, I'm totally satisfied with this arrangement. :)