So my wife and I went out to a late dinner at like 2am on Christmas day. We drove two hours out of town to the nearest Denny's. We wanted to spend some alone time together. Anyways so we get to the Denny's and I have to make a pit stop in the ladies room. so I walk in the restroom and the hostess is in there she says Hi as she walked out and I walked in. Anyways I headed out to the table my wife was at, she had already ordered her drink and advised me the waiter would be back to take my order. So the waiter walks up and says "what will you be having SIR?" my wife replied she'll have a hot chocolate. He walked off with no apology or nothing! I was dressed completely femme with make up and earrings on, painted nails, I thought I passed very well. Anyways it was my first time being called SIR when I'm out as me. Ouch did it hurt and make me feel horrible! I almost broke down and cried right there! My wife and I both looked at each other and said" How rude!" We both got up and left, My wife wanted to Punch him!As we were getting in our car we noticed the waiter getting to our table with my hot chocolate. He then ran out to find us as if we had skipped out on an expensive tab! We drove to the next nearest Denny's, my wife was trying to comfort me the whole way. Anyways we arrived at the next Denny's we sat down and our waitress came up and said "Hi girls! what will you be having" sigh! what a relief and feeling it was to be addressed correctly, she addressed me correctly the whole night and made me feel great! even a" you girls come back soon! "yay!
That does suck when that happens =( I'm glad your day ended well though. i got sir'd on friday
Quote from: JennyCop on December 25, 2011, 06:48:44 PM
So my wife and I went out to a late dinner at like 2am on Christmas day. We drove two hours out of town to the nearest Denny's. We wanted to spend some alone time together. Anyways so we get to the Denny's and I have to make a pit stop in the ladies room. so I walk in the restroom and the hostess is in there she says Hi as she walked out and I walked in. Anyways I headed out to the table my wife was at, she had already ordered her drink and advised me the waiter would be back to take my order. So the waiter walks up and says "what will you be having SIR?" my wife replied she'll have a hot chocolate. He walked off with no apology or nothing! I was dressed completely femme with make up and earrings on, painted nails, I thought I passed very well. Anyways it was my first time being called SIR when I'm out as me. Ouch did it hurt and make me feel horrible! I almost broke down and cried right there! My wife and I both looked at each other and said" How rude!" We both got up and left, My wife wanted to Punch him!As we were getting in our car we noticed the waiter getting to our table with my hot chocolate. He then ran out to find us as if we had skipped out on an expensive tab! We drove to the next nearest Denny's, my wife was trying to comfort me the whole way. Anyways we arrived at the next Denny's we sat down and our waitress came up and said "Hi girls! what will you be having" sigh! what a relief and feeling it was to be addressed correctly, she addressed me correctly the whole night and made me feel great! even a you girls come back soon! yay!
Something like that always crushes a girl. And the worst is, its hard to shake it off after that. That truly stinks though. :(
Hugs
I don't understand why some people are so nasty about this. :(
lol he missed out on a tip!
yup yup! our second waitress got tipped really well!
I am happy that ended for you and I am happy your wife is so supportive : ) how wonderful.
it was all here idea actually, she came home on her lunch break and told me to be all dolled up for her and ready to go out to dinner.
Once again, this makes me wonder if my deafness is a curse or blessing as in terms of transitioning - I never know if someone is calling me sir or madam, lol.
Ignorance is bliss, RIGHT? ::)
my ex gf enjoys being deaf from time to time.
She said it was "Goddess' way to block out all the verbal bull->-bleeped-<-."
I hate the word "ex" as we're still very close.
In a lot of cases you get what you pay for. And places like Denny's can be hit and miss. However, I did the circut of some of the Vegas fancy bars and clubs (Caesar's, the Mirage, the Bellagio, Planet Hollywood and Paris), and I don't pass with blind people at my best, and w/o a wig, so I'm sure even less, and never a 'sir' to be had. Like I said I think you get what you pay for.
I'm not sure what a Denny's is I presume some sort of chain thingy? I'm in Australia so I'm not all hat up with the USA chains, but I do know that Americans like to eat out a lot at such places and that the staff live on the tips, so I'm surprised that staff would be so stupid. It is very rare to tip in Australian restaurants, I cannot remember the last time I tipped anyone in Australia. But if anyone was that rude to me I would have management over and they would be looking for a new job ASAP. I may accept a grovelling apology and a free meal, reluctantly of course.
I'm glad you both had a nice dinner finally.
Cindy
After seeing Jennycop on youtube I'm surprised that the guy could tell she was trans anyway. I probably wouldn't have guessed she wasn't a cis
@ Cindy, Dennys is a Family Diner chain open 24hrs really convienient. I didn't want to cause a scene though,so we just left. But it was just so rude, I mean come on you see this person wearing all femme stuff really trying, you could at least be nice and acknoledge it, even if its just for a tip.
@ Fionabell, Thank you so so much!
He was probably some kind of ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- and therefore(I know"therefore ":laugh:) attuned to such things.
but if he was a ->-bleeped-<- why would he say sir?
Quote from: JennyCop on December 26, 2011, 03:10:10 PM
but if he was a ->-bleeped-<- why would he say sir?
I meant in that way that homophobes are sometimes gay.
I'm gonna jump in and play Devil's advocate if noone minds.
If your Denny's is anything like the Denny's/Ihop/Jb's by my casa, the vast majority of the workers are either blitzed or high out of their skulls (And have a tenous grasp on the English language.) Perhaps he just was really tired/strung-out and was calling everyone sir?
Having worked stressful serving jobs before like that, I can that attest that I would sometimes mix up the sir/ma'am thing unintentionally. Mostly towards Cis-gendered people. If you have to talk to 3-500 people a night, you're bound to mix up once or twice.
Although, he didn't really apoligize when you corrected him, so my guess was he was just being an ass. ::)
What's a big tip at Denny's? A couple of bucks? Three maybe if you order the big specials. What do you expect for three bucks?
I've had worse service at Denny's as a male than as a female. Go figure.
I remember being in Thailand and sometimes being addressed as something that sounded like a cross between "Sa" and "Sir". This got me paranoid as I had never been sirred since pre transition, but I thought perhaps in thailand, trans people were more prevalent and they could somehow 'tell'. However, I was relieved when my (GG) female friends I was with were also addressed in the same way, so I figured it was some form of address that Thai people used, even when speaking English. Might be useful to know for anyone going to Thailand!
Quote from: monica93304 on December 26, 2011, 03:42:08 PM
I've had worse service at Denny's as a male than as a female. Go figure.
I think you'd have to go to the middle east to get good service as a male these days. Males are like 1.1 class citizens in the west. Mind you, if I had my way they be at least 1.5
I've been SIRed before and it's not a pleasant experience. As a result, it kickstarted a very bad night for me, minimally!
Quote from: fionabell on December 26, 2011, 03:53:25 PM
I think you'd have to go to the middle east to get good service as a male these days. Males are like 1.1 class citizens in the west. Mind you, if I had my way they be at least 1.5
I have no idea what is going on here- explain plox?
Well, I can see why you would get mad at him not apologizing... but, I have a feeling that isn't where the real anger is coming from.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you more angry that he clocked you? And called you by your former gender?
If this is the problem.. well, you can't really blame him (you can definitely be upset about it! I would! ... but... you can't expect the rest of the world to know how to handle us...)
Not everyone is really up to date on how to refer to the trans community. Even we get confused a lot of the time!! Normally people just go with whatever they identify the persons born gender (and, normally that isn't really a problem... you can ~and many do~ live your entire life without running into an issue from that). Most people simply have never had contact with trans people (that they know of)... they MIGHT have seen one from a distance, but actually getting to a point of talking to them? Or even further to a discussion on proper etiquette?
Then there is the issue of if you weren't passing... well, at least if it was me, I would want to know.
If I ever go full time and this happened, I would definitely be upset... but, the anger would be directed more at the sittuation... I wouldn't direct it at the waiter (except for the not apologizing thing).
Quote from: tekla on December 26, 2011, 03:29:34 PM
What's a big tip at Denny's? A couple of bucks? Three maybe if you order the big specials. What do you expect for three bucks?
In the San Francisco downtown area, I found that most restaurants already charged the tip in the bill, and I did not have any chance to change it ::).
By the Way, in SF, most employees in the hotel SIRed me, while those street people always called me as lady. Some street women even tried to grasp my hands.
And, the downtown stores were so much luxurious while so many street people were there. Too much contrasting. The number of street people there was probably higher than NY. Certainly highest among cities I have ever visited. Why doesn't the state or local government do anything for them? How about building some shelters for them? I saw some people sleep in the street while it rained.
Barbie~~
Quote from: Rabbit on December 26, 2011, 06:24:05 PM
Well, I can see why you would get mad at him not apologizing... but, I have a feeling that isn't where the real anger is coming from.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you more angry that he clocked you? And called you by your former gender?
If this is the problem.. well, you can't really blame him (you can definitely be upset about it! I would! ... but... you can't expect the rest of the world to know how to handle us...)
Not everyone is really up to date on how to refer to the trans community. Even we get confused a lot of the time!! Normally people just go with whatever they identify the persons born gender (and, normally that isn't really a problem... you can ~and many do~ live your entire life without running into an issue from that). Most people simply have never had contact with trans people (that they know of)... they MIGHT have seen one from a distance, but actually getting to a point of talking to them? Or even further to a discussion on proper etiquette?
Then there is the issue of if you weren't passing... well, at least if it was me, I would want to know.
If I ever go full time and this happened, I would definitely be upset... but, the anger would be directed more at the sittuation... I wouldn't direct it at the waiter (except for the not apologizing thing).
What she said ^^
If you were dressed as you say I am assuming he did it on purpose. I do not know you, nor do I know how you were dressed but maybe it was a bit over the top. Please don't take offense, its just my assumption.
I noticed about a year ago when I was getting gendered female while presenting male if I girl-ed it up just a bit I seemed to get some questionable looks but still not sir'ed. I would get the occasional greeting of no pronoun when one may have been needed. That to me was getting sir'ed
not at all over the top, I was wearing dickies pants, with a t-shirt and a hoody jacket. my bracelets, and earings. very plain but girly actually. The hostess in the womens restroom didn't give me a second glance while I went in there. Then theres the other Dennys where all went well.
I looked kinda like this, minus the reindeer antlers!
Jenny Thursdays 3 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euk0E8jFoR8#)
I'm going to reply to Barbie here;
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,112883.0/topicseen.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,112883.0/topicseen.html)