Of course he was there this family Christmas. I tried so hard not to think about it and enjoy the time with the family, but I couldn't get it off my mind that he had the body I wanted. (He's my only other male cousin). Flat chest (I am now having terrible nightmares about my female chest), male voice, face, 5'10. My height dysphoria got worse when my sister was talking to me about "cute" celebrities on the way home. "What about Darren Criss?" I decided to throw in. "Nah, he's too short" D: If 5'8 is short in her opinion... I am 5'4 so it did wonders for me (sarcasm). But yeah, I tried not to think about it, but I did, and it drove me crazy. How do I deal with this? I mean not just the height, but when I heard every single family member going to him "my, my, what a fine young man you're growing to be". :-\
I know the feeling. I have a cousin who I'm a little jealous of. He's tall, great built body, good looking and a good looking gf too.
You just have to distract yourself and not think about it. I wish there was something more I could tell you. When I'm around my cousin I don't really think too much about it. Yeah, I wish I was tall and had a great body like him, but in order to get a body like his I have to workout. I'm hoping someday when I get motivated I'll have a great body that will distract from my height and women won't care.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm like 4'10, 4'11.
hey cody, i totally feel your pain. if it makes you feel any better, there's a tumblr called something like "->-bleeped-<-yeahshortguys!" and just because some girls are jerks and only like tall men, there are LOADS of women that like guys of shorter stature as well! shorter guys usually have bigger personalities in my experience.
most of the short guys ive met have been a lot more interesting, funny, and fun to be around than taller dudes.
also, you are also growing to be a fine young man! your journey is just a little different from most young men. you'll be a better man at the end of it
@Dominick I guess I have such a hard time getting over it because my sister is taller than me, my parents were both tall, I feel like shaking my fists at the sky and going "why did I get the short genes?!" But you've already said you know the feeling. I also can't help but want the big muscular body that most guys have. I hope you're right, and that one day when I begin to work out, the muscular part will come with it.
@Jude, yes, I visit that site often, but when I'm not on the internet and not on that site, I look at all the people who are tall, my long legged cousin most.
I keep telling telling myself I'll be a better man at the end of this because my cousin, to begin with, is spoiled and doesn't necessarily appreciate things. Including his male body.
exactly! when you have to work for what you want you appreciate it so much more. it also makes you more sensitive to other people's struggles, whatever they may be, which i think is a good thing.
i have a cousin that sounds a lot like yours.i just want to tell him to shut his whore mouth all the time lol
I get a lot of dysphoria from my height, 5'2" or thereabout, an I'm the 4th shortest 'girl' in my year at school and by far the shortest guy. I started crying at our schools Christmas dinner/dance this year with everyone commenting on how short I looked seeing as everyone else was either much taller than me either because they were male bodied or because they were wearing ridculously high heels and were now about a foot taller than me rather than just a few inches. My height also stops me imagining any sexual scenes involving me because I just can't bare to see myself that short compared to someone where I'm trying to be dominant/masculine etc. Probably TMI, but I'm just trying to say I know where you're coming from a feel your pain bro.
I'm mostly jealous of my female cousin because shes motivated to work out all the time and skinny as feck. But just seeing guys around our pub bar drinking and stuff, or my male step cousins drinking... yeh I guess most of my jealousy comes from drinking, because it seems a good manly thing to do, hang out drinking and laughing and joking. And they're all so confident, I think I could be bordering on socially anxious half of the time.
But yeh, you will be a better man at the end of this journey, because when we get there we can appreciate it, not just take it for granted and not care about it like cisgendered men.
@Jude LOL. Well I guess it's cause, my cousin being the only "boy", and therefore treated like a prince all the time. But yeah, I wish I could tell him that too
@Adam speaking of social anxiety, I always felt like my sister was the more likeable one. Listen to this, I tell my cousin the same playful joke about her frizzy hair BEFORE my sister says it. She says nothing (believe me, it wasn't because she didn't hear me). My sister says the EXACT same thing I do, and my cousin laughs and playfully hugs her. Another thing, I got a part in my very first official musical Wicked, it's in the chorus, so, it's not like "WOW" but, for me, being extremely quiet and shy, and not having done any sort of musical thing before this, it WAS a big deal. I say it to three different people last night, my dad's girlfriend, my female cousin, and my sister, all at different times and none of them said a word. I even repeated myself to my dad's gf, in a queit room, and nothing. At all. It hurts, because when my sister says anything at all, and right away her "charm" gets everyone's attention. Often I feel like I wasn't even born and I'm just some ghost. A lot at home too, it feels like my dad is so proud of my sister, but I will just end up with a dead end job (he's actually said he thinks that out loud).
0.0 6'10...
I'd be happy with 5'7 honestly
4'11 :(
I'm crazy jealouse of my cusins height he is 14 and 6 feet tall but I'm better looking (by a lot) but he has a dick. I'm also very envious of my brother he has a great build he is actuall going through a male puberty right now. so I totally get it but what's great is that of all the male "kids" in my family I get th most action.
Sometimes I wonder if three more inches is too much to ask for :S I am obsessed, I am constantly looking up HGH hormones trying to decide which one is best for me :S
Quote from: Cody Jensen on December 26, 2011, 05:30:51 PM
@Jude LOL. Well I guess it's cause, my cousin being the only "boy", and therefore treated like a prince all the time. But yeah, I wish I could tell him that too
it pisses me off when boys get treated special because they're the only boy. if there was a situation where it was all boys and one girl, the girl wouldn't be treated special at all.
also all the guys in my family are super tall too. my cousins are 6'5 and my brother is pushing six feet and he's thirteen.. i hate my life lol. im five six
Quote from: Jude on December 27, 2011, 01:11:26 AM
it pisses me off when boys get treated special because they're the only boy. if there was a situation where it was all boys and one girl, the girl wouldn't be treated special at all.
Ha, truth. I'm the only 'girl' and I've never gotten anything special other than being the one who's going to pop out the babies and therefore needs to learn how to cook and clean and be perky and happy and cute. Yeah, my family pretty much lives in the 1950s. :P
Quote from: Cody Jensen on December 26, 2011, 11:47:30 PM
Sometimes I wonder if three more inches is too much to ask for :S I am obsessed, I am constantly looking up HGH hormones trying to decide which one is best for me :S
I was on HGH for about 8 months. If you have already finished puberty and your growth plates have set, you will not grow. Also, HGH is incredibly expensive (cost me rougly $800/month) and extremely hard to get a script for.
@Cody Jensen: Yeah, if you work out you will get a more muscular body. Ya just got to lift a lot of weights and I'm not sure what else bodybuilding involves, but if you work hard at it, in time you'll get the body you want.
Quote from: Jude on December 27, 2011, 01:11:26 AM
it pisses me off when boys get treated special because they're the only boy. if there was a situation where it was all boys and one girl, the girl wouldn't be treated special at all.
Yes. Yes. YES.
@Caseyyy god is my family like that, you know, this Christmas (I was/am still presenting as female), I just snapped. It was the usual "women" going to cook the dinner, and the guys were sitting on the couch watching TV. My dad snapped at me "GO AND HELP!" I got up and said "NO. YOU go and help for a change!" I felt so proud of myself :3 It was in front of everyone, so he didn't want to make a big scene out of it I guess, then he disappeared for a while. I guess he did go and help them :D
Yeah, sexism is totally painful. My grandma 'banned' me from Christmas this year, and you know what, I actually had the best Christmas I had in years because I didn't have to deal with that garbage.
man sorry to hear that. sometimes i actually think christmas away from my family would be better too sometimes. we spent the entire second half of it arguing :S
i totally get what you mean about sexism being painful, living as a 'girl' in a mostly traditional Italian family, my mother told me i was literally scowled at by my grandmother when I was born. These are the words from my mother's mouth "'just another girl', is what she said". but after that she told me she wouldn't trade me for the world. but i have heard her say a couple times "your dad and i thought, after your sister was born, since we already had a girl, we wanted a boy". so idk. all i can say is they may just be getting that boy they wanted :S
I hate being the only 'girl.' I used to wish so bad that my aunt would have had Maria (the daughter she always wanted but never actually conceived, lol) so that she could replace me and I could go about my way. There was me, then my brother (but he defied all their hopes for a masculine child because he's super femme and aways has been), then the three boys who are pretty much stereotypical. They always get things given to them and they get away with a lot more because they're what everyone always wanted. i'm just full of bitterness for it all, ha, because it obviously hurts the AFAB kids (no matter how they identify) and it hurts the AMAB kids too if they don't fit what people expect of boys.
Cody: hopefully they'll come around when you come out. That's a terrible thing for your mom to tell you, and a horrible thing for your grandma to say. =/ My family are Dutch, so they're pretty traditional in their own way but from what I understand, a lot of Italian families that are traditional can be bad for sexism. Not to stereotype, of course.
Quote from: Mister on December 27, 2011, 03:52:48 AM
I was on HGH for about 8 months. If you have already finished puberty and your growth plates have set, you will not grow. Also, HGH is incredibly expensive (cost me rougly $800/month) and extremely hard to get a script for.
Did you get any changes from the HGH?
I get jealous around cis-males, but it's getting much better now that I am on T and am seeing some changes. When hormonal and top surgery factors are considered, there is not much that is different between us and cis-males. The only thing significant is chromosomes (which isn't really significant except for genetics), reproductive ability (although this varies greatly between people), and the appearance of the genitals. There's not much else really, if you ask me.
I am short compared to my immediate family, and most of my extended family. My mom is 5'10, my dad is 6'1, and my brother is 6'5. I am 5'6. My dad's parents were 5'0 and 5'3 so I am not that out of the ordinary. It's strange how sometimes it skips generations (the rest of my dad's family is relatively tall). My whole mom's family is tall too, so I guess my paternal grandparents and me are the odd ones out.
As for HGH, it's kind of weird. It definitely will not increase your height if you're done growing (when the growth plates fuse, as someone said previously), and there is claims that it can increase "vitality" (energy, tissue repair, energy, etc.) but this hasn't been tested enough. It's also prohibitively expensive (also previously stated), and negative side effects aren't fully known yet. It's just not worth it at this point.
Quote from: Caseyyy on December 27, 2011, 11:28:00 PM
I hate being the only 'girl.' I used to wish so bad that my aunt would have had Maria (the daughter she always wanted but never actually conceived, lol) so that she could replace me and I could go about my way. There was me, then my brother (but he defied all their hopes for a masculine child because he's super femme and aways has been), then the three boys who are pretty much stereotypical. They always get things given to them and they get away with a lot more because they're what everyone always wanted. i'm just full of bitterness for it all, ha, because it obviously hurts the AFAB kids (no matter how they identify) and it hurts the AMAB kids too if they don't fit what people expect of boys.
Cody: hopefully they'll come around when you come out. That's a terrible thing for your mom to tell you, and a horrible thing for your grandma to say. =/ My family are Dutch, so they're pretty traditional in their own way but from what I understand, a lot of Italian families that are traditional can be bad for sexism. Not to stereotype, of course.
It's getting to me again. I'm confused and scared. I felt almost normal with my chest today. That just got me thinking well then what the hell am I worrying about. Now it doesn't feel normal. I am super confused and upset right now. I cannot stand this at all. I don't even know who I am career-speaking, the confusion just keeps getting worse. It will drive me insane, and soon. Everyone keeps telling me I don't need to know who I am right now, but really DO need to know, because I. can't. take it anymore!! I get nightmares and my dreams only add to confusion. I can't stand the thought of coming out to my family. But boy or girl, I don't know and I need to before I go completely insane!!!!!!!!!!
Dysphoria isn't always 'on.' I, and I'm sure many others, have days where we don't feel it as strongly. Doesn't mean it's any less real when it is more painful. And as for not knowing about other things like career...I didn't know what my major was going to be until age 21, and I'm currently getting a master's in something that I don't want to stick with forever. Planning to get a second master's when I have time/money to amend my career path. So really, I likely won't get started in what I want to do until I'm like 30, haha. In other words, you'll likely be on a career path before I am. ;)
*hug* I'd stay and chat if I didn't have to help my mom move a s* ton of furniture at her school tomorrow morning. If you need someone to talk to though, or just to vent, you can message me tonight and I'll reply tomorrow. :)
Thanks for the support Casey, I think I'll definitely PM you
In a way I know what you are going through. I have a brother who is a jerk and we don't have ANY sibling connection. It is so bad that I call him my father's son because I hiss at recognizing him as my brother. As far as I am concerned my true brothers are on this site. Anyways he is about 6'1 and I am 5'4 and I tend to get dysphoric when I'm around him and angry because I think to myself "he doesn't deserve his downstairs area I do!" but I a'm learning to deal with it.
When dealing with dysphoria you CANNOT compare yourself to other guys especially bio men. If you do then you can never truely find happiness and you will always try to live up to other expectations. You have to realize your self-worth as a person. Nobody is perfect.
As far as his compliments go you cannot focus on what everyone says about him. You must have the will power to push yourself even when no one else will. Know what you are too growing into a fine young man and you don't need anyone else to tell you that. Know that you are your own man.
Quote from: Malachite on December 29, 2011, 06:42:37 PM
In a way I know what you are going through. I have a brother who is a jerk and we don't have ANY sibling connection. It is so bad that I call him my father's son because I hiss at recognizing him as my brother. As far as I am concerned my true brothers are on this site. Anyways he is about 6'1 and I am 5'4 and I tend to get dysphoric when I'm around him and angry because I think to myself "he doesn't deserve his downstairs area I do!" but I a'm learning to deal with it.
When dealing with dysphoria you CANNOT compare yourself to other guys especially bio men. If you do then you can never truely find happiness and you will always try to live up to other expectations. You have to realize your self-worth as a person. Nobody is perfect.
As far as his compliments go you cannot focus on what everyone says about him. You must have the will power to push yourself even when no one else will. Know what you are too growing into a fine young man and you don't need anyone else to tell you that. Know that you are your own man.
Hmm. This this this this this! He most definitely does not deserve his downstairs area. But I will do my best not to think about it and focus on myself.
QuoteMy height also stops me imagining any sexual scenes involving me because I just can't bare to see myself that short compared to someone where I'm trying to be dominant/masculine etc. Probably TMI, but I'm just trying to say I know where you're coming from a feel your pain bro.
When I was living as female I had no problem dating or sleeping with shorter guys. I'm 5' 6" or 5' 7" and some of my boyfriends were taller and some were shorter, and I don't remember that ever being much of a factor. We weren't in a ballroom slowdancing or anything, so there was no reason for it to matter.
Quote from: Sharky on December 28, 2011, 12:28:20 AM
Did you get any changes from the HGH?
Yup. I didn't get any taller, though I wasn't expecting/wanting to.
Quote from: Felix on December 30, 2011, 04:06:12 AM
When I was living as female I had no problem dating or sleeping with shorter guys. I'm 5' 6" or 5' 7" and some of my boyfriends were taller and some were shorter, and I don't remember that ever being much of a factor. We weren't in a ballroom slowdancing or anything, so there was no reason for it to matter.
I'm sure with time and love i would get over it, but the jarring as I imagine it, and the reminder that it always brings takes my thoughts away from that and simply how god damned tiny i am. True I had no problem with my exboyfriend, but I only met him 3 times, each of which we were ecstatic to be physically together and he made me feel like a man.
I'm 5'4" and I see a LOT of guys my height around this city. I used to be really insecure, so I never noticed and felt like everyone was bigger, but when I straightened my back and paid attention, I saw lots that were either shorter/the same, or maybe an inch or two taller.
Quote from: AdamMLP on December 30, 2011, 05:29:09 AM
I'm sure with time and love i would get over it, but the jarring as I imagine it, and the reminder that it always brings takes my thoughts away from that and simply how god damned tiny i am. True I had no problem with my exboyfriend, but I only met him 3 times, each of which we were ecstatic to be physically together and he made me feel like a man.
I had a couple boyfriends who were shorter than you, and I see a lot of very short guys downtown (usually not white guys though), but I know a little bit of how you feel. I'm taller than most faab people, but I still worry that my height will give me away somehow. That it'll make me stand out among the men enough that people look twice, or that it will make me look like a teenager the rest of my life.
Short cismen are everywhere. People are more likely to see a short man and think "huh he's kinda short, oh well" and move on. I seriously doubt average people see a short male and think "huh he's short, must be trans" or worse, "huh a short man, must really be a woman".
I must live amongst giants then! Seriously, where do you guys all live?! Ive never seen a guy shorter than me (5'2") in the last 5 years...
Quote from: Kreuzfidel on December 30, 2011, 07:44:45 PM
Short cismen are everywhere. People are more likely to see a short man and think "huh he's kinda short, oh well" and move on. I seriously doubt average people see a short male and think "huh he's short, must be trans" or worse, "huh a short man, must really be a woman".
I don't think the average person is aware enough of the trans community to consider this much of an option. I do think, though, that many trans people desperately cling to statements off, "But some men are _____, and so am I, so it means that I'm not any less of a man!"
Quote from: Mister on December 30, 2011, 09:15:27 PM
I don't think the average person is aware enough of the trans community to consider this much of an option. I do think, though, that many trans people desperately cling to statements off, "But some men are _____, and so am I, so it means that I'm not any less of a man!"
I think it's okay to desperately cling to those statements. Whatever keeps us going, right?