I apologize if this isn't the best section for this, but it bothers me a lot and I'm never sure how or when to talk about it.
I live in a large low rent building. Not all of us here are automatically bad or dangerous people, but there is a pretty high rate of domestic troubles, mental illness, drug use, and the general insanity of youth. And old age.
My former next door neighbors (of which I've had many) did nothing but fight and have sex. I thought it was funny. They never got too over the top with it, though. They just made noise, really.
My new neighbors in the same apartment do the same thing, but I'm worried. They take it too far. The guy hurts the girl. We (another neighbor and I) called the cops on them last night, because she was crying and screaming for help. I'm not ever sure though what crosses that line. If I just hear furniture being thrown, is that enough to intervene? If she cries, should I do something? When I see the guy, should I question him? As it is I kinda glare at him and leave it at that. Sometimes I knock on the door, but they don't answer. How much is this my problem, and how much am I crossing boundaries by getting involved?
Felix,
This is your problem but be careful how much to get involved. Don't confront HIM try to catch her alone and simply express your concern and support . . . Don't threaten or let on to either WHO is calling the cops but if the ruckus continues they will need to drag his ass off and you definitely don't want someone resenting, coming after YOU if that turns out to be the case.
Chances are BOTH will have to find new place to go so helpful diplomacy is best. Best case scenario is she seeks help on her own and decides to get away from him by herself. There's a million temp shelters for women but for men? Only JAIL . . .
I doubt I have anything to add other than to agree with Kiera. Confronting him would probably be a bad idea. It might even be possible that approaching her could be risky, too, so tread lightly there.
But violence in that apartment could spread to yours and others. If it sounds violent, you probably should call the police.
Take care.
I was careful to try not to make it obvious who was calling. I think I'm the main suspect if they were to take a guess, as I'm next door and currently the only one in the building with a kid.
It didn't occur to me to speak to her alone, mainly because I present as male, and if I'm passing it could get her in a lot of trouble to hang out by herself with a guy who isn't her boyfriend.
And he's a pretty scary dude (short, stocky, works out, dresses like a jock, always looks pissed off), so I am trying to be careful and diplomatic. My glaring at him is probably too confrontational. If my daughter notices the noise that comes from his house (it's only been late at night so far), though, it'll frighten her. And I don't know how to proceed from there.
I tend not to complain to management on anybody because of the housing issue you mention, Kiera. If I cause the guy to get evicted, how does that affect their lives?
How often does this happen? I mean, it's never acceptable that it happens, but if it's constant abuse and it seems to be escalating (at least from what you can tell), the girl's life could be in danger...of course, this is the worst case scenario, but it's better to have the guy arrested for being abusive than manslaughter or murder. Also, it's somehow more likely for your daughter to find out about someone dying from what is going on your apartment than a neighbor she doesn't know getting evicted for acting out inappropriately. I wouldn't question this guy about what he's doing, but if it sounds bad, you should call the police and they will investigate from there. Like others have said, if you get involved and the problem doesn't get fixed soon enough, you could put yourself in danger. Also, if he's paranoid, he could think his wife/girlfriend has been confiding in the neighbors and he could become more aggressive towards her. If you call the police, you could even make a noise complaint or tell them that they should say its just a "noise complaint" to keep the girl safe, but confide in them as what you think is going on and that they should look into it.; you can also say that you are concerned for your daughter's safety and the police will likely sympathize with you.
I've been around a number of abusive people and I definitely wouldn't confront him. Oftentimes abuse is about control, a desperate need to cling to it in any form, and if you appear to be the person taking that away or challenging it, I can see him completely flying off the handle. Calling the police when you hear banging, yelling, fighting, seems to be appropriate as he won't know who called (and it could be a number of people doing it). And if she doesn't seem to be getting out, and you see her on her own, maybe discreetly mentioning it and some resources.
Sadly, she probably won't leave on her own. One of my classmates works at a domestic violence centre as a counsellor, and she says 9 out of 10 times the girl either goes back to the guy who hurt her or finds someone just like him. I'd still call the police if I were in your position because as (I think) Jason said, it's better for him to be arrested for abuse than murder.
I wouldn't talk to him or her. There's nothing you can do to persuade her she's in danger or to leave him. And as was mentioned above, you could actually make things worse for her if you were to speak to either one of them. I wouldn't glare at him either. You may need to call the police at some point and it's probably better they don't know who did it.
Jason, they just moved in like a week ago, and it seems like they fight every night. And my daughter probably wouldn't find out about either eviction or murder unless she was awake and listening or watching while the drama was going down. What I'm worried about with her is that she'll wake up and hear the arguing. Conflict freaks her out. The furniture throwing and thumping probably wouldn't bother her, because people often move in and out in the night here, but if she heard it in connection with screaming that would be different.
I did speak to the police the other day, and just described what I heard. They were very nice and they also told me not to speak to these people. I had to go downstairs and let them in the building, and they let me get back to my own apartment before coming up, which was nice. So I wasn't seen, and they really were making enough noise that lots of neighbors heard it and could've been the ones who called.
Incidentally, I gave the cops my chosen first name and legal last name, and it was fine.
One thing that creeps me out is that I've never actually seen the girl's face. The guy swaggers around like he runs the whole building, and the girl rarely comes out of the apartment, and keeps her head down when she does. I guess that's not creepy, really. Just sad.
Hi Felix,
I am sorry that this is happening to you!
I would talk to the building management and see what they say regarding the "noise disturbance".
There are two different things going on in my opinion. One is the noise and the other is violence.
It they had a party and just had a bit louder music your sense would be different than when you hear someone screaming for help and you clearly hear physical abuse.
And that scream can be not as loud as a noisy party but it is more disturbing than 20 people singing next door.
I would also talk to the cops in regards to what can or shall you do regarding both, the noise and the violence.
I have a feeling you are fairly tolerant when it comes to a bit noisy or crazy neighborhood so any time you feel disturbed for what feels to you like a bit too long or too much I'd call the cops and/or building management. It is possible that the management would talk to them instead of the cops at times. Also if the management gets involved you have another official representation in front of the cops.
You have a daughter and you have absolute right to demand physical and emotional safety for her!
If you get apprehended by the guy for calling the cops in the future I'd simply say "I mind my own business and you mind yours" and move on. You don't have to justify anything to him in order to be honest or stand up to him or something. If he gets into your face I'd call the cops again without waiting. The sooner he gets as many cop calls as possible the sooner he'll be gone if he is heading that route.
I hope this gets resolved soon for you!
Quote from: envie on December 31, 2011, 06:18:50 PM
Hi Felix,
I am sorry that this is happening to you!
I would talk to the building management and see what they say regarding the "noise disturbance".
There are two different things going on in my opinion. One is the noise and the other is violence.
It they had a party and just had a bit louder music your sense would be different than when you hear someone screaming for help and you clearly hear physical abuse.
And that scream can be not as loud as a noisy party but it is more disturbing than 20 people singing next door.
I would also talk to the cops in regards to what can or shall you do regarding both, the noise and the violence.
I have a feeling you are fairly tolerant when it comes to a bit noisy or crazy neighborhood so any time you feel disturbed for what feels to you like a bit too long or too much I'd call the cops and/or building management. It is possible that the management would talk to them instead of the cops at times. Also if the management gets involved you have another official representation in front of the cops.
You have a daughter and you have absolute right to demand physical and emotional safety for her!
If you get apprehended by the guy for calling the cops in the future I'd simply say "I mind my own business and you mind yours" and move on. You don't have to justify anything to him in order to be honest or stand up to him or something. If he gets into your face I'd call the cops again without waiting. The sooner he gets as many cop calls as possible the sooner he'll be gone if he is heading that route.
I hope this gets resolved soon for you!
Thank you. No I don't really care about nonviolent noise. Life is life. If it affects my daughter's sleep I start to care, but it rarely does. Silence would probably be more likely to wake her up.
Incidentally, we have no management at the moment. The building is owned by a construction company, and the manager they subcontracted just quit a few days ago. I will start keeping my phone in my pocket even when I leave the house to pee, so if I have any runins I have a better weapon than a knife.
Off topic, but you leave the house to pee? ???
Quote from: Forum Admin on December 31, 2011, 07:18:33 PM
Off topic, but you leave the house to pee? ???
Lolya. I live in a converted hotel that was built for a World's Fair, in a time before indoor plumbing, and not meant to last more than a few months. If you've ever seen The Shining, my building looks like that, but smaller and shabbier. There are some communal bathrooms in each wing.
And I just noticed my overuse of the word "incidentally." :D
Just vote against immigration. Then the wages will slowly go up and housing will slowly become more affordable. Then there's less reason them fighting so often and so hard or even having to stay together(because they could more easily afford individual places). Treat the cause not the symptom. People are only people after all :)
Quote from: fionabell on December 31, 2011, 07:30:05 PM
Just vote against immigration. Then the wages will slowly go up and housing will slowly become more affordable. Then there's less reason them fighting so often and so hard or even having to stay together(because they could more easily afford individual places). Treat the cause not the symptom. People are only people after all :)
Lolwow you just abstracted the heck out of it, didn't you?
Wages in Portland are already pretty high. The housing situation didn't get so weird (from my perspective) until the real estate bubble burst, and honestly most people in my building aren't incredibly functional no matter what the economy is like.
I'm very pro-immigration, not because i think it's good for the country (I've lived in mexican ghettos, and I see the problems), but because I know what it's like to want a better life, and to need to do unpopular things to get it. And because I've known immigrants, both legal and illegal, and they were almost all more sincere, hardworking, and honest than I am. And I'm those things more than most people I know. I don't think reducing immigration will have a lot of effect on how much this fratboy beats his girlfriend.
An immigrant following this thread!
Thanks fionabell.
Oh, actually i'm white may be you didn't aim at me after all.
Quote from: envie on December 31, 2011, 08:36:22 PM
An immigrant following this thread!
Thanks fionabell.
Oh, actually i'm white may be you didn't aim at me after all.
So I'm racist because I'm aware of the poverty and hardship immigration is causing in an already overpopulated country? ::)
Your Jedi mind tricks won't work on me. ;D
Quote from: Felix on December 31, 2011, 07:42:51 PM
Lolwow you just abstracted the heck out of it, didn't you?
Wages in Portland are already pretty high. The housing situation didn't get so weird (from my perspective) until the real estate bubble burst, and honestly most people in my building aren't incredibly functional no matter what the economy is like.
I'm very pro-immigration, not because i think it's good for the country (I've lived in mexican ghettos, and I see the problems), but because I know what it's like to want a better life, and to need to do unpopular things to get it. And because I've known immigrants, both legal and illegal, and they were almost all more sincere, hardworking, and honest than I am. And I'm those things more than most people I know. I don't think reducing immigration will have a lot of effect on how much this fratboy beats his girlfriend.
Wow . That's a pretty negligent attitude for someone with a child, having to share a bathroom with a whole lot of wife beaters. But fair enough it was definitely a side track on my behalf. As always I'm just looking for excuses to promote common sense.
Quote from: fionabell on January 01, 2012, 06:26:05 AM
Wow . That's a pretty negligent attitude for someone with a child, having to share a bathroom with a whole lot of wife beaters. But fair enough it was definitely a side track on my behalf. As always I'm just looking for excuses to promote common sense.
I think Felix is just trying to raise his Daughter in difficult circumstances. Times are hard and you have to do what you can to feed, house and protect your family. Unfortunately, the abuse going on in that place is definitely too much. If Felix can hear all that going on, so can his child. And that, is never a good thing.
I think calling the police next time would be a good idea. However, do you know if they will take the husband away automatically? or does the spouse need to press charges? Here in Indiana, they will take the accused away to jail without the spouse pressing charges. They did that to one of my brother-in-law's last year.
And just let the poor girl know that there is someone trying to lookout for her. she may take comfort in that. Also, perhaps have the address and phone number to the nearest women's shelter handy.
Good luck. ^_^
Quote from: fionabell on January 01, 2012, 06:20:40 AM
So I'm racist because I'm aware of the poverty and hardship immigration is causing in an already overpopulated country? ::)
Your Jedi mind tricks won't work on me. ;D
Oh by the way, I'm an immigrant. I've been here for 11 years now. Don't blame immigrants for this countries failings. You might want to look to those morons in washington you elected. They are Americans and it was you who helped get them into office, not some illegal immigrant. :P
And if Team America, World Police would quit trying to be Billy Badass and just stop to sweep it's own back porch then just maybe they could solve many of these issues that really need dealt with.
Now then, back to our regular broadcast....
Quote from: Keaira on January 01, 2012, 06:42:14 AM
Good luck. ^_^Oh by the way, I'm an immigrant. I've been here for 11 years now.
I won't be bullied. I stand by my anti-immigration view.
QuoteDon't blame immigrants for this countries failings.
I don't
QuoteYou might want to look to those morons in washington you elected.
I do. I also look to people like you and Felix that defend their tyranny.
QuoteThey are Americans and it was you who helped get them into office, not some illegal immigrant. :P
I didn't mention "illegal" .
And I would never vote for a major political party.
Quote
And if Team America, World Police would quit trying to be Billy Badass and just stop to sweep it's own back porch then just maybe they could solve many of these issues that really need dealt with.
I agree and
that's precisely what I'm doing right now. We need to halt immigration, not attack other countries.
I apologize to Felix for making judgments and assumptions on him. It's was horrible of me but He's got to look after himself and his child now, not try to fix the world by destroying his own country. Felix, I hope you can forgive me. Contrary to what your masters have told you I'm not the bad guy(and no, thought police, I'm not referring to myself in the masculine).
I think immigration (legal and otherwise) in the US is largely different from Australia, both politically as well as culturally.
Though I'm sure the Aborigines wish your relatives had all taken that anti-immigrant deal more seriously a few generations ago.
fionabell,
You have the right to express your views. And I am in no way bullying you. I have my issues with this country that I wont go into here, because it's not a political thread. But you know, if you don't like it here in the US, you can move out. there's a whole world of places you can go to. Or you can run for office yourself. Or you could send your issues to your representative so they know you don't like the way this country is run and that you demand changes be made to fix everything that's broken. Until you actually take action, quit complaining. posting your political issues to a forum wont get noticed by a senator. Especially on this forum.
So, Can we please get back to the topic at hand?
Quote from: Keaira on January 01, 2012, 11:36:53 PM
So, Can we please get back to the topic at hand?
but please without judgment and unnecessary offense.
Fionabell, I don't understand at all where you are coming from. Geographically and ideologically.
I am a war refugee and sexual minority. I come here to find a little comfort, give some support and not to take some more beating and insults.
So please if you have nothing to say in support of Felix' situation then start your own anti-immigration thread and then like minded people can join in.
Keaira I did call the police last time it was clearly bad bad stuff going down over there. The night I made the thread I was hearing them fight, but I wasn't sure if it was bad enough to intervene, or if I was just hyperaware of it from the previous incident. I know, too, that I can be a twitchy guy (from my own scary experiences) so I'm kinda extra careful to try to monitor whether how riled up I am actually correlates reasonably with what is happening.
When the cops showed up the other day, the neighbors went silent and pretended not to be home. So their door got pretty much kicked in. It made me uncomfortable to hear, so I tried to tune it out and go to sleep (it was like 3am), and so I'm not positive he wasn't arrested. But he was definitely home the next day, and I don't think the girl spent any time away at all.
Quote from: Keaira on January 01, 2012, 11:36:53 PM
fionabell,
You have the right to express your views. And I am in no way bullying you. I have my issues with this country that I wont go into here, because it's not a political thread. But you know, if you don't like it here in the US, you can move out. there's a whole world of places you can go to. Or you can run for office yourself. Or you could send your issues to your representative so they know you don't like the way this country is run and that you demand changes be made to fix everything that's broken. Until you actually take action, quit complaining. posting your political issues to a forum wont get noticed by a senator. Especially on this forum.
So, Can we please get back to the topic at hand?
It got political. I didn't mean it to. All I was saying that the housing in a country should be affordable for the people already in it before they import more for the purpose of making the ultra rich, richer.
I apologize to Felix once again for insulting him and also for hijacking his thread but I meant to do neither.
I'll make a thread about it in the political forum and I'll use Tekla to get my point across as the 1% use her to get richer at all our expense.
Felix, call the cops.
Quote from: fionabell on January 02, 2012, 01:16:23 AM
It got political. I didn't mean it to. All I was saying that the housing in a country should be affordable for the people already in it before they import more for the purpose of making the ultra rich, richer.
Now that, is something I totally agree with you 200% on ^_^
1% use her to get richer at all our expense.
I hate to derail this, but I'm dying to know how Jerry Garcia or Bob Dylan, or Mick Jagger got rich at your expense. Those millions they made, are you saying they should have been yours? Is David Gilmore living in a mansion he kicked you out of? And yeah, there is a Sir Paul McCartney or Rodger Waters or a Metallica in the mix from time to time, but most of the people I work with do OK, but 1%? That's $380K a year in the US, (to be in the top 1% in the world it only takes $34K, and if you are making more than $1,225 a year, you're doing better than 1/2 the people in the world.)
But last time I checked no-one was ever forced by evil powers (their friends however may be a different story) to go to a Dead concert, or buy a copy of American Beauty, or Exile on Main Street. No one is forced to buy a ticket. You don't have laws that compel people to buy tie-dye shirts with skulls and roses on them so they can walk around looking like a rainbow threw up on them - nah, they do it all on their own.
And I don't think I'm being 'used' (or it sure doesn't feel like it). I take those gigs because I choose to do that, as opposed to other things I could do. Has my worked helped them 'get rich' - sort of, but not really. What I do helps expand the range of people they can 'service', and Sir Paul is not playing to 50K people without a sound system. But drop all that, and guess what? He can still play and sing, and write and entertain. So it's just a question of scale, not intent or inception.
And, just out of general interest, there is more abandoned houses in the US then there are homeless persons here.
Quote from: tekla on January 02, 2012, 01:55:33 AM
1% use her to get richer at all our expense.
I hate to derail this, but I'm dying to know how Jerry Garcia or Bob Dylan, or Mick Jagger got rich at your expense. Those millions they made, are you saying they should have been yours? Is David Gilmore living in a mansion he kicked you out of? And yeah, there is a Sir Paul McCartney or Rodger Waters or a Metallica in the mix from time to time, but most of the people I work with do OK, but 1%? That's $380K a year in the US, (to be in the top 1% in the world it only takes $34K, and if you are making more than $1,225 a year, you're doing better than 1/2 the people in the world.)
But last time I checked no-one was ever forced by evil powers (their friends however may be a different story) to go to a Dead concert, or buy a copy of American Beauty, or Exile on Main Street. No one is forced to buy a ticket. You don't have laws that compel people to buy tie-dye shirts with skulls and roses on them so they can walk around looking like a rainbow threw up on them - nah, they do it all on their own.
And I don't think I'm being 'used' (or it sure doesn't feel like it). I take those gigs because I choose to do that, as opposed to other things I could do. Has my worked helped them 'get rich' - sort of, but not really. What I do helps expand the range of people they can 'service', and Sir Paul is not playing to 50K people without a sound system. But drop all that, and guess what? He can still play and sing, and write and entertain. So it's just a question of scale, not intent or inception.
What is it that you do?
QuoteAnd, just out of general interest, there is more abandoned houses in the US then there are homeless persons here.
I did not know that. Out of all those, how many do the banks own the property to? and how many were abandoned because of unsafe conditions? just curious. ^_^
Lots are just in places that are undesirable to live in. Lots in rural areas as smaller farms consolidated. More in places where the business/factories/mines - whatever - shut down. So there are very few per capita in LA, or NYC - but lots in North Dakota.
Hell, entire sections of Detroit are abandoned. You used to be able (and I think still can) buy a house for only a couple of bucks if you promise to move in and fix it up. But, then again, you'd be moving to Detroit and if you lived to look for work, you'd have a hard time finding any.
I'm the senior tech/crew chief at a big rock club in SF, and occasionally at a smaller one that's a lot more famous. I do other shows too. I'm a carpenter, electrician, computer idiot, video idiot, and also sometimes plumber, maintenance man and janitor too. I do lights, sound, backline (the actual instruments), set decoration and all that kind of theater/band stuff, and quite a bit of general theater operation work. But mostly I stand around making wise cracks, critiquing the news and insulting people and I yell at people for working unsafely because I hate filling out accident reports.
I also do research and writing work on the side for business-types and lawyers.
Wow Tekla, you certainly seem to stay busy. ^_^
Both of my Sisters are in Detroit. Funnily enough, one is doing real estate and the other is setting up her new spirituality store online. :)
My GFs family is from around that area too, sad what's happened to the industrial base. But all that downturn creates opportunity, so I understand some neighborhoods are getting the hipster treatment. Kind of like Reno, which used to be a cowboy/gambling mecca (it was always a dump, but it was a prosperous dump for a while) but really fell on hard times about 10 years ago. But the combination of lots of space really cheap, and a stripped down police force (who didn't care all that much in the good times) has given it an explosion of art, particular electronic music.
Quote from: Felix on January 02, 2012, 12:58:02 AM
Keaira I did call the police last time it was clearly bad bad stuff going down over there. The night I made the thread I was hearing them fight, but I wasn't sure if it was bad enough to intervene, or if I was just hyperaware of it from the previous incident. I know, too, that I can be a twitchy guy (from my own scary experiences) so I'm kinda extra careful to try to monitor whether how riled up I am actually correlates reasonably with what is happening.
When the cops showed up the other day, the neighbors went silent and pretended not to be home. So their door got pretty much kicked in. It made me uncomfortable to hear, so I tried to tune it out and go to sleep (it was like 3am), and so I'm not positive he wasn't arrested. But he was definitely home the next day, and I don't think the girl spent any time away at all.
Felix this is serious. There are only few options seems like. Either they leave or you leave or they stop fighting as the situation like this is unbearable for lengthy period.
It's good that the cops broke in and got involved. Now the neighbors are on the record and if it happens again the likelihood of the police taking actions is greater.
If the cops find enough evidence of domestic violence or public disturbance they can press charges without the girl being involved.
Keep us posted here if it helps you to processing the situation!
Quote from: envie on January 02, 2012, 10:40:55 AM
Felix this is serious. There are only few options seems like. Either they leave or you leave or they stop fighting as the situation like this is unbearable for lengthy period.
It's good that the cops broke in and got involved. Now the neighbors are on the record and if it happens again the likelihood of the police taking actions is greater.
If the cops find enough evidence of domestic violence or public disturbance they can press charges without the girl being involved.
Keep us posted here if it helps you to processing the situation!
I've been in the building for four years and they've been here for a week. If they make my life unbearable I can get them gone, but my comfort isn't really what I'm worried about so far. I'm worried about them, and of course about my kid.
My daughter is on blood pressure medicine and antipsychotics, so she sleeps hard. She hasn't been woken by the violence yet. If that happens, or even if she just finds out about it and it upsets her, I'll probably go to the building owners and raise hell.
They were mostly quiet last night and the night before. There were some ambiguous noises that might have just been loud sex or high-spirited discussion. It can be hard for me to track because they don't seem to even be home until after 2am half the time.
It does help to post here and to talk about it.
Also hey fiona you're fine, no problem. We all have stuff we believe in and care about.
And re abandoned buildings, they were for years my primary residences. I wandered a lot in my teenage years, and if I'm outside in the weather and there's an empty building sitting there, I figured it was as much mine as the actual landowner's. I was always careful to be either invisible to or friendly with the neighbors.
Quote from: Felix on January 02, 2012, 10:02:15 PM
They were mostly quiet last night and the night before. There were some ambiguous noises that might have just been loud sex or high-spirited discussion.
at least some change in the pattern!
@Felix,
I hope you can find better accommodation soon. Seeing you have a young child, can't you apply for community housing? The stress and strain isn't worth going through each day wondering what will happen next, even if your child were lucky enough never to witness these violent incidents, the toll would be great on yourself.
Quote from: tekla on January 01, 2012, 10:04:11 PM
I think immigration (legal and otherwise) in the US is largely different from Australia, both politically as well as culturally.
Though I'm sure the Aborigines wish your relatives had all taken that anti-immigrant deal more seriously a few generations ago.
So true. If our ancestors didn't kill them off with bullets, bringing in diseases pretty much finished most of them off. Then, to add insult to injury, we forced the remaining few from their nomadic, primitive existence, with which they were happy, into the Englishman's 19th century Christian standards in 5 minutes flat, with disastrous results.
I was only born in Australia because my parents were immigrants. Where do we draw the line where immigration is concerned, how far back was it okay and suddenly, once we've made a mess of things that we concern ourselves with stopping immigration?
(Just a rhetorical question, not expecting an answer)
Felix, are you prepared to testify in open court about this?
Quote from: Hermione01 on January 03, 2012, 08:27:57 PM
@Felix,
I hope you can find better accommodation soon. Seeing you have a young child, can't you apply for community housing? The stress and strain isn't worth going through each day wondering what will happen next, even if your child were lucky enough never to witness these violent incidents, the toll would be great on yourself.
Section 8 waitlists never open up, and project housing waitlists also almost never open up, but there are some other options. We just got on a roughly year-long waitlist for a rent-controlled complex that only accepts elderly and disabled people. They won't count my daughter's disability, so I just self-declared. They said that's fine and I don't have to prove anything. The 3 sites we are eligible for are in all honesty just as skeezy and scary as the place I live now, but my rent would be capped at 30% of my income, which would change our lives dramatically. There are also occasionally openings at individual for-profit sites that get government grants to provide a certain amount of rent-controlled apartments, but those places are dropping out of the program in droves as gentrification sets in.
I've looked into a roommate situation, which has worked really well for us in the past, but that's problematic. People don't want to live with children, and they especially don't want to live with disruptively strange children. My transition and lack of a career also raise red flags. The people who want to enter into a joint housing thing with us are usually people who are too dysfunctional for me to risk trying to live with.
But that's all kind of a digression. We have stable housing, which is better than some of her peers have. It kinda just is what it is right now.
Quote from: tekla on January 03, 2012, 08:33:06 PM
Felix, are you prepared to testify in open court about this?
Yep yep. I'm not sure I'd be prepared to let Leah do so, but she hasn't heard or seen anything yet anyhow.
Quote from: Felix on January 02, 2012, 10:02:15 PM
I've been in the building for four years and they've been here for a week. If they make my life unbearable I can get them gone . . .
Felix, if approaching her is not an option
TALK TO YOUR OTHER NEIGHBORS in the building about the noise and see if you can garner some "popular consensus, additional support" with the police ?
Your child does not deserve this it is these idiots, not you, that needs to be moving on! I am a freely-professed "trans-parent" (12 & 14) and assure you
Our Kids Will Be Considered First! Worst case ?
Find a lawyer who consults for a small up-front fee and see what they and building management has to say then ?
Just the suggestion of possible "fees and damages" can often work
WONDERS !
Quote from: Kiera on January 23, 2012, 09:32:55 AM
Felix, if approaching her is not an option TALK TO YOUR OTHER NEIGHBORS in the building about the noise and see if you can garner some "popular consensus, additional support" with the police ?
Your child does not deserve this it is these idiots, not you, that needs to be moving on! I am a freely-professed "trans-parent" (12 & 14) and assure you Our Kids Will Be Considered First! Worst case ? Find a lawyer who consults for a small up-front fee and see what they and building management has to say then ?
Just the suggestion of possible "fees and damages" can often work WONDERS !
Building management does tend to be on my side, their problems with my daughter's noise notwithstanding. I'm good at documenting things, and they are quite willing to work with me once the slightest whiff of legality or liability comes up. Some of my neighbors are aware and on board, but the other direct neighbor of these people is a paranoid stoner, and he's no help.
It just hurts me that they fight. I want them to stop fighting.