What would you say has been the best thing to happen to you thus far in your transition? Likewise, what have been your disappointments? For me, the best has been passing nearly 100% of the time - the worst, frustration at the pace of my progress.
Quote from: Kreuzfidel on January 04, 2012, 12:46:02 AM
What would you say has been the best thing to happen to you thus far in your transition? Likewise, what have been your disappointments? For me, the best has been passing nearly 100% of the time - the worst, frustration at the pace of my progress.
The best: having others view me as male.
The biggest disappointment: my mom's lack of support, though I wasn't expecting her to offer it anyway.
Worst: The acne.
My skin is so awful right now.
Best:
Pretty much everything else, especially cessation of my "penguin" and how much muscle mass I have gained.
I also seem to be more receptive to testosterone than most transguys for some reason.
The lack of acne.
My skin is so beautiful right now.
[Sorry Jason, I couldn't resist. I had acne for so long, this has been one of the best things for me. So I do feel for you.]
No morning wood, freedom to express emotions, feeling more than 1 emotion at a time, growing breasts.. the list of good things goes on.
About the worst it's been for me is the pain from laser hair removal.
Cliche maybe, but the best - getting my GID diagnosis, finally understanding who I was and feeling more like myself that ever.
The worst, well the acne sucks, but worse for me would be socialising myself as male - although fun at times, I just never know if I go too far or not far enough in situations, like not that I was ever girly but I fear sometimes my feminine socialisation shines through.. For example - especially when approaching and chatting to woman I take a shine to ;)
The best is definitely being happier and healthier. After being depressed and suicidal for years, this is an amazing change and I'm so thankful for it.
The worst is the loss of some friends and the ability to reconnect with people I went to school with or knew "before". I still live in the same small town at the moment, and I have to avoid certain places at certain times so that I won't be seen. Fortunately, I'm now at the point where I'm almost unrecognizable to most people. I've had run-ins where I thought they knew me, but there was absolutely no recognition from them. No comment, no eyes "lighting up", no strange questions or looks. So in a way, it's a positive, but it's rather bittersweet.
The best: the feeling I had right after being told the clinic would be able to help me obtain hormones.
The worst....well, I talk about all that bad stuff enough. I know it might seem like a weird "best" but I was incredibly happy from that, and I don't think anything else with my transition could compare to that moment.
The best - The feeling of euphoria right after my first shot, increased muscle mass, change in fat distribution, being happy after years of being suicidal.
The worst - not passing enough, family negative reactions
Troy
The best - being a lot more honest about what I want and who I am.
Worst - stupidity, nothing new but dealt with in an entirely different form now.
I won't offer my best or worst right now (cuz it's 4:30am for me and I have oatmeal for brains), but I'll chime in on acne. I love the bad skin that T is giving me. I want to look rough and ugly. It helps me pass, and it helps me stop getting challenged so much by people who think I'm an easy target because I look so delicate. :)
the best thing have been to have things as I wanted it,
have a name I Choose, a gender proounce I want, being able to walk with the clothes I like, and have people viewing me as male, having my body to look more of what I wanted it to be. alll thise things..
the worst thing have been puberty, where everybody thought I should change, and where I had very few people I could trust.
sending me too doctors and had all kinds of adult talking like I been some sorta experiment about all stuff from, if I been raped as a child, or if I just had a hard time growing up to be a women.
it where first when I turned 17 I found people too talk too, in a way of threatment who actually seamed to be more usefull than a pain to me.
Best so far is my voice starting to drop. Also the blonde face hairs are starting to thicken. I know it will be awhile before its a beard but still makes me happy.
Worst would be the anxiety before I do my shot.
Quote from: Wesley_33 on January 04, 2012, 07:00:32 AM
Best so far is my voice starting to drop. Also the blonde face hairs are starting to thicken. I know it will be awhile before its a beard but still makes me happy.
Worst would be the anxiety before I do my shot.
Why do you have anxiety before you do you shot, may I ask?
Well I'm still pre-T
But for the best thing so far is how happy I am and how hopeful I am for my future for once.
The worse thing would be how alone I feel and alone I realized I am since my family is not so on board with it all.
I'll speak from another perspective as I'm walking beside my fiancé as he transitions
BEST:He is passing %100 and this make things much easier for him. Watching him meet new people is comforting because he can just be himself with no explanations.
WORST: Pronouns, people have the hardest time with pronouns. The name change was relatively simple, but they throw out a "her" or "she" and the looks start flying from people that don't know him.
@ JohnAlex I'm still getting used to giving myself the shot. Never been a fan of shots either. Yes I have tattoos but thats not the same.
Best: Worries of future masculinization have been stopped, I finally don't have breakdowns anymore that I'm going to have a "disfigured" face as I get older.(more manly)
Worst: Pronouns/wrong name being called and loss of friends.
best-beter interpersonal relationships, feeling better about myself,
worst- getting in fights with my mom about T, my doctor, finding out people my age are even bigger asses then i thought, feeling at a complete standstill in my transition.
The best thing for me is finally feeling like I can breathe. I can relax. I used to watch girls so closely and try to be like them, and people were always pointing out how weirdly masculine I did everything, and I was trying so hard to just be normal. I failed really hard but kept on trying. For my whole life, even though I was pretty outgoing and aggressive for a "girl" there was this veneer of awkwardness and burden of anxiety. I didn't know what I was doing. I was really bad at being a girl, and I hated myself for it. It looked so easy for everyone else. I hated them too, for casually knowing how to act, and for not being humiliated and disgusted by dresses and impractical shoes. I hated gay boys for shutting me out. I hated everybody who told me I should be pretty.
I didn't feel like I had hate in me at all, couldn't admit how I felt even to myself. It was exhausting living that way. The best thing about transition for me is finally letting go and feeling calm and authentic.
The worst, well, other people I guess. People can be unkind. I was surprised to learn how strongly some people can feel about another person's gender. I'm having to develop a thicker skin.
best- the moment i figured out what i felt had a name for it and i wasnt the only one in the world.
worst- just that i didnt know there was anything i could do sooner.
The Best: not having to pretend to be a man anymore. To all you guys here, you have my highest respect. It's tough being a guy.
The Worst: Yea, definitely the ignorance you deal with and the stigma that comes from transitioning on the job. I thought I could find something worse, but so far, I haven't.
GAY MEN DON'T KNOW I EXIST ANYMORE. LOL
Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on January 06, 2012, 01:26:42 AM
GAY MEN DON'T KNOW I EXIST ANYMORE. LOL
Mahsa, this is sad. Gay men are only beginning to notice I exist, and it's the best thing ever, even if they do sometimes clock me or otherwise find out and then think I'm icky.
What's your best of it?
Best: There are so many things I want to put here. I'm comfortable with myself and happy. I want to be alive, it's a simple thing but not something I felt often before coming out and being treated as male. My facial hair.
Worst: My dad disowning me after coming out, he sent me an xmas card this year with some nice words in so I think he's changed his mind now. The time transition takes, it felt for so long that my life was on hold. Spots, I have loads of them.
Best: Finally understanding why I always felt different; feeling comfortable with myself; losing most of that 'awkwardness' that has always been associated with me; passing 100% of the time; gaining guy friends that treat me as a guy; getting comments like "You're not pretty, you're handsome" from my friends; having the support of most of my family; beginning to actually look my age; being truly happy for once in my life.
Worst: Not being able to pass at school because everyone knows me as [obviously female name]; girl friends treating me like any other girl; being told by my grandmother that I'm too short to be a man; my little sister proclaiming that she'll never call me her brother and that I'll always be her sister; other comments from the female side of my family that make me feel like an idiot for even saying anything; shark week depression worsening with each month.
Worst: The cost.
Pre-t, but.....
Best: Coming out and shining as my true self. Being a source of strength for other transfolk, acceptance from friends :) And I am more confident and assertive
Worst: Anxiety about bathrooms (not passing 100% quite yet), Having to be assertive to people who disrespect my gender identity. May take a while longer than I thought to be able to move and start seeing a doctor for T.
Best: Some of the great people I've met.
Worst: Telling my family. Also, some of the not-so-great people I've met.
Once I can actually move forward with transition, I'm sure I'll be able to add more.
Best: My dysphoria is so low right now, I can't believe that after 4 years of intense, hellish dysphoria, it took one year for it to practically disappear - at least on an average day. That is the best of the best. But also - when I started passing 98% of the time. When I realised that even if the occasional person mistook me for a girl, I'd gotten to the point where I was okay with it and it didn't batter my self-esteem. Getting a passport with the right name and gender - and getting mail with my name on it, for that matter. :D This last Christmas - because everything had the right name on it, everyone was getting pronouns right (except for the occasional slip-up by my grandma), and it was the first big family event that wasn't incredibly uncomfortable for me. Even my far-far-far-right wing fundamentalist Christian relatives, who I haven't even been in touch with for long, called me Nick and everything without hesitation. o.o I think they might be glad I'm not a lesbian, because they seemed nicer than last time I saw them......
Worst: The first few months after coming out to my parents were horrible, mom was having a serious depressive episode... That it took me over 5 months after coming out to even start passing at all. The overlap between those that had me at the breaking point more than once. That was the worst. That was lower than I had been before I came out and started transitioning, because I at least could imagine myself passing if I tried, back then. Honourable mentions: muscular contraction and cramp during injection once, holy **** that hurt. Being really really afraid of what would happen if I ran into people I knew before transition, during transition, and being outed by them or simply gawked at - which was a real danger, considering how rural the area is. Still having some bathroom anxiety. Binder starting to take its toll. And most recent winner: having 5 out of 6 professors, all of whom I was on excellent terms with pre-transition, many of whom had offered (without being asked) to help me with references for my transfer to a 4-year college, mysteriously failing to so much as respond to my emails asking if they'd be willing to serve as a reference for my college apps, in which I coincidentally mentioned my name change, as it appears on my college record and is already filled out on the electronic Common App reference forms. At this point I'm wishing I had asked for the reference first and explained only after getting a response. I could deal with a "sorry, no." Completely ignoring me? More irritating. I'm still hoping there's a more reasonable explanation, but it's not looking good. :(
Quote from: Keaira on January 06, 2012, 01:15:24 AM
The Best: not having to pretend to be a man anymore. To all you guys here, you have my highest respect. It's tough being a guy.
Same to you. It's tough being a girl. :)
The best thing is having the outside finally match the inside....the worst is in relationships still finding it hard to be accepted as a 'guy'
Best: Emotional changes from testosterone. I feel SO much more like myself now. And facial hair! I freaking love it!! ;D
Worst: Getting fired from my job. And during the early stages where people would look at my chest, then my face, then back at my chest, etc trying to figure out whether I'm a guy or a girl... I felt like telling them "I charge $10 for every second someone looks at me like that. Pay up, you owe me $50."
Hey Felix. My post probably seemed really negative, but I'm not allowed to go back to the doc's because I've been having too much trouble paying my bills. I don't think I'll be able to renew my T prescription when it runs out, either. What I've got now will probably last me till mid-May, so I'm trying not to stress about it too much--maybe I'll be in a more stable financial position by then. But man, I still owe over $4.5k just from all the hospital visits and procedures leading up to getting my scrip. I asked multiple times if they would consider letting me pay less each month, or to reduce my overall bill, since I don't have insurance, but they wouldn't help me.
But there are plenty of positives. I feel "right" for the very first time in my life. I was one of those kids in high school that just sat in the background and never said a word. I couldn't see a future for myself, and never even bothered to try. The instant I found out medical transition was possible was one of the highest points in my life. Now that I've been on T for 6 months, I am, for the most part, very happy. I no longer have issues talking on the phone, or to strangers, or showing my face in public, or anything. I'm starting to take pride in my appearance. Basically... I just feel alive. I feel like a human being.
I've got a long road ahead of me, and I get down on myself as often as not. But I've already been at my worst. I could literally never hit that point again. I'm finally me. And I am looking forward to a future that I can finally envision and take steps toward attaining.
Thank you tvc. I wasn't trying to downplay your troubles, I promise. I'm still paying in installments for a surgery I had 3 years ago, so I understand the difficulty of bashing up against the wall of medical expenses. I've lots of times just not gotten healthcare because it's cheaper not to.
I'm really glad you feel good on T. I do too. :)