im torn. im confused. i have no support. transitioning makes me happy. when people see me as male, it makes me happy. i want to transition with every fiber in my being. to become the real me on the outside. but everyone in my life is against it.
i stopped visiting susans several months back... about 5 or 6 i believe. because my wife had this long discussion with me about how im just trying to avoid being me. truth is, i am trans. i dont need anyone else or anything to tell me that. you just know it. i am a man. and i have the body of a woman. plain and simple.
i dont know what to do. its so hard transitioning when you have to hide it. if i even wear my binder for one day, my wife gets angry with me. :(
what do i do? im at the end of my rope. im so depressed. ive all but given up on myself entirely. im about ready to. my life seems like it's hit a dead end. with no open roads in any direction.
i saw this video on a facebook post today. and almost started crying. :/ am i enough? can i be enough?
TransEnough (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYMtMJrmoWQ#)
Quote from: Todd Landon on January 04, 2012, 06:31:45 PM
im torn. im confused. i have no support. transitioning makes me happy. when people see me as male, it makes me happy. i want to transition with every fiber in my being. to become the real me on the outside. but everyone in my life is against it.
i stopped visiting susans several months back... about 5 or 6 i believe. because my wife had this long discussion with me about how im just trying to avoid being me. truth is, i am trans. i dont need anyone else or anything to tell me that. you just know it. i am a man. and i have the body of a woman. plain and simple.
i dont know what to do. its so hard transitioning when you have to hide it. if i even wear my binder for one day, my wife gets angry with me. :(
I'm not sure how much you've discussed this with your wife, but it can't hurt to sit down with her again and tell her what's going on and how badly it's effecting you. It really does sound like you're at your limit and you've got to start to work things out with her.
You've got to hang in there and keep going because you and your happiness and being true to yourself is worth it.
Welcome back to Susan's, Todd. x3
I can't give advice but I can give virtual hugs.
*hug*
Quote from: Todd Landon on January 04, 2012, 06:31:45 PM
i saw this video on a facebook post today. and almost started crying. :/ am i enough? can i be enough?
TransEnough (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYMtMJrmoWQ#)
Definitely :]
Good job, man.
I really like your video.
:]
You need to take care of yourself and get into a more supportive environment. The best way to do that, imo, is to try to find trans-positive or lgbtq health centre or community centre in your area and pick up a counselor there. I understand that your wife is important to you and everything, but your own happiness should be important to her. You need to sit down and tell her how depressed you are. I'm going to go out on a limb and assume you're wife identifies as a lesbian, and if so she isn't the first to freak out when her partner comes out as a transguy. For her it might also be an issue of visibility within your relationship and worrying about what it will mean for her as a lesbian.
If I were you I'd do my best to find some kind of support group and attend. And after a while of getting support for yourself, try to bring your wife into some kind of counseling or trans/SO support group for the both of you.
Edit, btw, awesome video. Thanks for sharing that.
If transitioning makes you happy then who has that right to take your happiness away? No one. Everyone in your life may be against it but they are not the ones that have to carry your burdens. When you put your head on your pillow to rest none of them gladly offer to take what doesn't make you happy away. You can't live for them and you are certainly not a puppet so don't let people control you with strings. Save the strings for shoe laces. Even you have realized that you are a man. Air your concerns to your wife and tell her that this is you and she needs to accept you for who you are. Prove the quote under your gender that "love conquers all" if she truly want you to be happy. As for the rest of the people, air your concerns again if you wish and give them a set time to accept it and if they can't accept them then cut them out of your life and surround yourself with positive people. If it makes you feel any better I support you :) -hugs-.
Having a partner/spouse who does not want you to be YOU ... to be comfortable ... to do things that might help you live a better life, is no kind of loving partner. They're selfishly trying to control your behavior and actions. That's a bad relationship and while it might seem scary to be alone, that IS an option. Your other option is just to BE YOURSELF - meaning, wear your binder, do what you need to do to be comfortable and tell your wife to take it or leave it. If she really loved you, she'd want you to be happy. She also doesn't know the real you if she thinks by transitioning you're trying to avoid being you. So there's two options right there. Having options doesn't mean they're going to be easy ones, just that you're not at the end of your rope yet.
Leave her. If she's known for this long, and I know she's known for a while because you talked about her knowing when you first came on here, it seems like a lost cause to me. Sorry if that's harsh but it's just how I feel on the subject. I would ditch her.
thanks for the replies guys. :)
and the support. i just needed to vent that out. im just not strong enough to make a decision right now. :/ that's always my problem.
Quote from: Todd Landon on January 04, 2012, 11:35:26 PM
thanks for the replies guys. :)
and the support. i just needed to vent that out. im just not strong enough to make a decision right now. :/ that's always my problem.
It hurts to leave people who love you. I've let people treat me badly in the past just because their caring or their help meant more to me than the misery they brought to the table. There might be circumstances where that's okay, but not many. Look out for yourself. It's rare for a person to know so clearly what makes them happy, and it would be a shame if your partner convinced you to let that go to waste.
I would have broken up with her 5-6 months ago.
There a billions of people in the world. You'll get over her and find someone else.