Well...I'm not sure where to begin....I'm 23....and I go by Jacob. I just recently came out about who I am to my girlfriend, we have been talking about kids and she made a comment on how id be a good "mom" which made me cringe. It was at that moment that I told her that all of my life I've never felt right in this body, about how I've always considered myself one of the guys. That's how I've always carried myself, growing up I watched everything my dad did because I wanted to be just like him. all I ever wanted to be is myself, I want to be the man I was born to be, the man I've always been trapped inside this body. I know without a doubt that jacob is who I am, because for the first time in these last few days of talking to my girlfriend about everything.....I finally feel whole, I finally feel like myself and its the most amazing feeling in the world. But I have no idea how to tell my mom, my family or friends. Growing up my mom would always fuss at me for "acting like a boy" and telling me over and over again that I'm not one. I'm not sure what to do, but I know I'm tired of hiding and being uncomfortable. I am and always will be jacob....
I understand the pain of that completely. I've been told before by my friends that I'd be a good mom -_-
Since coming out as trans, however, one of those friends said she doesn't want to see me with kids 'cause I'd dress my little girl in army clothes and turn her into a boy. Oh my.
I've had the "children talk" with mom, and informed her that she will most likely not have any biological grandchildren from me, because I really don't have any desire to be pregnant.
In coming out to your friends and family....
Are you currently presenting as male? If you aren't, it may come as a bigger shock to them, really. If you are comfortable with it, i'd say maybe start presenting? It all comes with time, so take as many small steps as you can at a pace that feels good for you. I'm sorry I don't have better advice, but I never had much of a problem with this..I have been dressing how I wanted for as long as I can remember, since my mom didn't care too much she had a "tomboy" on her hands my whole life.
Keep posting here, its a great site, with lots wonderful members :) Know you're not alone, we're all behind you
Hey welcome to the boards, looks like we're both kinda new. I understand the feeling of not wanting to be seen as a possible mom, and that relief of being able to let it out and feel you're whole. It is awesome, don't ever let go of it.
Taking it one step at a time seems like a good way to start and it's what I'm doing - I tell the people I'm ready to tell, and dress and act the way I am comfortable with. You can present in the way you want to, and only come out to your family when you feel ready. Like Kyle said, small steps at the pace that is right for you is the best approach you can take. I know it sucks to have family pressuring you and telling you what you are when you know they are wrong. Just keep being the real you and don't let them force you into a role you know you can't be. It's your life and who you are.
You should stick around here and open up and ask for help as much as possible. People here are very nice and experienced.
Hi, Jacob. Joining this forum is a big step forward - there are members here in all stages of transition and the majority of guys here can relate to what you're going through. Good on you for coming out to your gf. A lot of blokes here haven't come out to their families yet either, including me. Don't hesitate to ask questions as there are NO stupid questions.
You have my support, Jacob.
:]
Hey hi Jacob. I came out first to the person I was dating, and then to this forum. The forum's still around, which is neat. I've made a ton of progress and gotten by better than I think I would've without this site.
By which I mean welcome to Susan's. This is a great place and you should stick around. :)
Thank you so much for all of the support :) it feels so good to finally be true to myself and to open up to others. It truely is an amazing feeling and I'm glad I found this forum, I'm definately going to stick around for quite some time. I agree that I should go at a pace that is good for me, in fact I recently told my cousin yesterday and she is extremely supportive. She said that a part of her has always known and she has also volunteered to be there when I tell my mom. For the first time in my life I feel good about myself, it made me feel good that I have a family members support already :). And the fact that I alway have my wonderful gf's support as well who has been doing enough if not more research about transistioning than I have, who says she only wants the best and nothing less. I have never been happier :), and I really appreciate all the comments and suggestions. I'm sure I will post a ton of questions on here lol. In fact I already have one, I'm curious as to what step I should take after I come out to the rest of my family and friends. Because that is my biggest thing, I want them to know ahead of time before starting the T and everything else so they are prepared for it of course.
Sounds like you're taking the right steps telling them first. As for what to do next, I would suggest play detective and research, research, research. Teach yourself as much as you can about T, therapy, the law, surgery, etc. If you can, try finding out what options you have where you live in terms of doctors/clinics. That would be my advice :)
The next step really depends on your priorities. Before doing anything else, I had to confirm for myself that other people like me existed. I had to meet them and read about them, and I had to put my situation in some kind of context.
For some people, picking a name would come next. If you've picked Jacob, then you've got somewhere to start. Maybe getting a binder is next. Anyway, there's not a right way to do it.
This site is very informative and pretty respectable: http://www.ftmguide.org/ (http://www.ftmguide.org/)
I have chosen Jacob as my name, I actually picked it a very long time ago it just seemed to fit me as a person. I am trying to find a binder, but I'm unsure of how much I can afford at the moment :-\. I also want to take in consideration the type of job I have, I'm an automotive techinician and as everyone knows its not the cleanest job out there and I have had oil soak through my clothes. I don't want to wear it for the first time and ruin it, if it is possible to ruin it that way.
Thank you for the website Felix :), I'm going to definately look at it. Again to everyone that have replied with advice, thank you for the support I really am beginning to feel like myself.
Hi Jacob :)
I'm terrible at giving advice but just wanted to say 'hi,' and send you some good thoughts as you progress in your transition. I found saying it out loud to be scary and a little disorientating - it brings about a lot of changes, but hopefully a lot of good changes along with the more difficult ones.
All the best!
Hey Jacob welcome. You have everyone's support here! Congrats to starting the journey into yourself.
Hey there Jacob! Good to hear your GF is supportive. My fiancé and I have taken this journey together he is now 7months on T, 3months post opp and received his new DL and social security card this week. Lean on her when you need to! My advise when telling people is keep it positive. People have a more difficult time being negative to a person who is obviously happy and confident. ;D
Jacob you could apply to the Big Brothers binder program. It's where I got my first one. http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/BBUB.html (http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/BBUB.html)
Also I understand that you don't want to ruin it, as they are expensive and important, but if you do stain it few people will ever notice. Only my family and my sex partners ever see mine. My white one I bleach occasionally, but it's pretty permanently discolored in places. Doesn't interfere with functionality. I wash both with the regular laundry, in hot water, and occasionally I forget to take them out and they even go through the dryer.
I treated the first one like it was made out of spun glass for the first month or so, though. Now I work harder at making sure I don't wear it too much.