I am a 27 years old "female", or maybe a 27 years old "creature" because I don't feel like other humans. I have a soul, a male soul, I can speak, act, I can do everything and everything I do is male-oriented. When I was a child, I wanted to be a man and I was thinking, why I have this body? Why I do not have the same thing like my brother? Thn, when started growing, I discovered things I didn't like, I didn't want my female structure, I was ashamed of my female body. I always believed that my female body was something alien, stolen, it was not mine and I started to hate myself. Now, I know that my life is just a fake, an imitation, nothing more. I´m fooling myself and waiting, but till now do not know what I have to do to have a normal life, like other people. All around me are happy, people live their happy life, my friends, my parents and non of them know that I do not have a real life. I´m so tired of this life. I started investigation and discovered that FTM surgery estimated cost is 25-30K and it was a real shock because I don´t know where to get this money. I just wanna live :), feel happy. But I´m tired of fooling myself , I don´t know what to do.
Any advice? :)
Hi just_tired, welcome to Susans! Have you seen a gender therapist? That is the first step. We can be your friends and help you along. Glad you found us and joined our family, hugs, Devlyn
Hi Devlyn :)
QuoteHave you seen a gender therapist?
No, actually all my life i tried to hide this from my parents and friends. It is so hard to live in this way. I don't know what "reaction" they will have. I have a traditional family. Almost all of my friends have already been married and all of them always ask me the same but I can't live in this way, fooling myself that some day my problem will be solved. I realize that this is a serious problem and it must be solved in a professional way.
Hi ya.
This really is the right place to start.
You need to be true to yourself. If you're lucky you'll be walking around for maybe 80 years. Live each day for yourself, the way you want it to be lived. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: just_tired on January 20, 2012, 12:37:43 PM
I am a 27 years old "female", or maybe a 27 years old "creature" because I don't feel like other humans. I have a soul, a male soul, I can speak, act, I can do everything and everything I do is male-oriented. When I was a child, I wanted to be a man and I was thinking, why I have this body? Why I do not have the same thing like my brother? Thn, when started growing, I discovered things I didn't like, I didn't want my female structure, I was ashamed of my female body. I always believed that my female body was something alien, stolen, it was not mine and I started to hate myself. Now, I know that my life is just a fake, an imitation, nothing more. I´m fooling myself and waiting, but till now do not know what I have to do to have a normal life, like other people. All around me are happy, people live their happy life, my friends, my parents and non of them know that I do not have a real life. I´m so tired of this life. I started investigation and discovered that FTM surgery estimated cost is 25-30K and it was a real shock because I don´t know where to get this money. I just wanna live :), feel happy. But I´m tired of fooling myself , I don´t know what to do.
Any advice? :)
I hear you on so many levels! The way I see it for myself is that being male is hard wired in my brain and this body is only the shell for my soul and does not define me. Took me a long time to understand this though. I remember being so overwhelmed with so many thoughts when I was first trying to come to grips with what was right for me. The overall cost can seem daunting. Step by step is the best process.
I had a very tight budget too. there are ways to naturally increase testostrone and decrease estrogen that I've seen from reading these boards.
First thing is to find a trans friendly family doctor or a gender clinic to talk to someone.
The usual stages of transition (I prefer to think of it as corrective treatment) all of which are personal choices consist of
1. talking to a doctor/therapist
2. Real life experience (I saw this as a becoming of self stage where I got to shed the old misconseptions)
3. Hormones
4. Chest surgery
5. bottom surgery
some do all some do some. We are all quite unique :)
I jumped on the hormones as soon as I could but it then took me a few years to save for chest surgery. So for some years I was getting around with boobs and a beard. That was the hardest part of my transition. If I knew I beforehand how hard I would find it I would have done it the other way around. In saying that though, I started transition 20 years ago and from what I remember, had to follow a set bunch of rules. Things are WAY different now.
The mental struggle with what to do about family was crushing to my heart. Mine are very 'traditional'. It was hard for everyone at first and I hated myself for 'putting it on them'. But hey you know what? We don't choose this any more than someone would choose to have any other medical condition. And we need to go through a healing process just the same. In the end, I coundn't choose not to based on the misconseptions of others. I am blessed in that even though they struggled and said lots of crap to start with, they love me and have become wiser and educated themselves for the sake of that love. They were scared for me because it was so unknown to them. When they saw me as someone who wass finally happy and content with myself, they relaxed more and then their minds openned.
I would suggest hanging around on these boards. I've been lurking here for a year after spending years trying to find somewhere to be with like minded people that has a good feeling to it. My first post actually. So welcome to you and welcome to me :)