I hope this is the right place to post, this is more sad than it is really angry. I feel so depressed, i sometimes feel like just killing myself and getting my life over and done with than other times i feel the opposite. Today i just feel so mentally broken down and tired, i hate everything and everyone. I feel like everyone hates me and eventhough majority of the people here say i pass, i feel like the most ugly, most unwanted, unloved person in the world. I've became almost a hermit, rarely to never going out...not wanting to be looked at funny just can't care, the people where i live (singapore) the men are 5'8 and that is considered quite tall while i'm just under 6'0 tall. I need some help, but i don't know what to say or what to do, i feel like everybody wants to make fun of me, anyway that's it for the rambling. I hope i did nothing wrong, just getting some steam off hope i didn't come off as crazy lol.
I've gone through similar and I'm sure many others have as well. I dreaded even having to go to the grocery or even the post office to check my mail. The cure for me was to take risks and put myself out there, regardless of how I felt. I got a job locally that put me in front of a lot of people, many knew I was trans, plenty had issues with that too. But over the last year, things have gone well despite the few problems with some and those have pretty much faded now. Withdrawing is the worst thing you can do as you just sit there and feed your own fears with your imagination and often that is quite far from reality.
I've been there, too, and still have my share of bad days. Three weeks ago I attempted suicide and well... being in a hole prompted me to seek help. What has been helping me is putting myself out there and finding supportive members in the community. I am a part of a local FTM group and we're working hard to give it more momentum. I know it's scary to go out and face the anxiety, but it really feels wonderful to be around people who share common experience. If you can find a similar support group and put some of your time in it, you might feel better and even make friends.
You're not crazy Donna. It gets hard. This is a good place to admit that.