Alright, bear with me as I try to explain the situation.
I went to a youth group for the first time this past sunday, and my brother and sister were with me. I introduced myself with the male version of my name, "Alex". He tried to get me to stop "making people think I'm a guy" and stuff like that.
I've basically blown him off but ever since that Sunday he's been emphasizing the fact that I'm physically female. I've let it slide so far, but I'm about to blow a fuse. He'll say "whats up girl" instead of just a simple "whats up" and will make remarks like"that's what she said, literally!"
So....any advice on how to handle this when I do confront him? (I plan on doing it next time he makes a remark.) also, he thinks that transgender people are essentially delusional.
Thanks guys,
Peter
I would sit your brother down and tell him how you really feel and that his words are very damaging and if he thinks they we are delusional then force him to watch some documentaries on Youtube and if he refuses stop talking to him until he can address you correctly and listen to what you have to say and try to take it to heart.
Is your brother older/younger? A lot of younger siblings can just harrass you about things you're sensitive too because it's in their nature a lot of the time. I didn't get along with my older brother for a really long time and when I identified as gay, he pretty much refused to acknowledge that too.
Sit down and speak to him, just the two of you. Explain how sensitive of an issue it is for you and that you would appreciate his support or understanding or if he could make an effort to ease up on the hurtful things he's saying out of respect for you as his sibling. I know with my brother, it's easy to tell him you're upset, but until he understands WHY something makes you upset, he usually continues to be blind to it. People need to open their eyes to be non-judgmental/more accepting of their own accord, but you can always point them in the right direction.
Ok. I have to admit I've got a lot of the "vindictive, mind-games playing female" still in me. But I have three sisters, so you HAVE to play by that game to get anywhere. If one of my sisters were doing that, I'd stop speaking to her. If she said "whatup girl" to me I'd look at her with the unimpressed raised eyebrow look and walk away. I'd cut all interaction with her period until she realized I didn't think it was funny and wasn't going to put up with it. In the meantime, I'd try to make myself feel exactly how I was reacting-- like it wasn't worth being bothered by and the best solution is to completely ignore it. I don't have any brothers, and of course everyone's different regardless of gender, but with my sisters that would work. They'd start to see it wasn't affecting me and that they weren't going to get the rise they want out of me and that life in our house is much better when I speaking to them, giving them rides places, etc, and they'd quit it. That's me, anyway. Especially since in my family the "sit down and tell them your feelings are hurt" method would probably make it worse because it'd prove they've succeeded in hurting you and they have the upper hand. My family is a bunch of ruthless bitches....
@Morgan He's older.
He's actually leaving for college next fall/late summer. So I'm thinking next time it happens, I'll pull him aside and privately explain to him how it is, and if he doesn't like it or won't respect it, that I'm not going to talk to him while he's here and he can forget about talking to me while he's at college(it'll be out of state.)
how long have you been out? if it's recent he might still be trying to process the change, and reacting to it stubbornly, possibly because he feels it might reflect on how others view him. if you blow up on him, i imagine he'll just get worse. i think you've got the right idea on taking him aside and explaining how you feel in a calm, mature manner. if he can't handle it, then you need to give him space to come to terms with it on his own, and avoid situations where he has the opportunity to say something aggravating.
He sounds too immature to sit down with and talk to. Personally I would just agree with him and laugh. That seems to work for me but I guess it depends if you're able to laugh it off or not.
Honestly, I'd probably end up decking the ->-bleeped-<-er lol But that's my family and I assume yours isn't as insane, heh.
Considering he's going to uni soon, I'd just cut all ties with him if he refuses to change the way he's acting and treating you. No need to keep people like that in your life.
beat him up.
@Logan I think I might do that. I'm okay with getting punched if it means he'll stop eventually.Of course, I'll try to talk to him first.
@schism I've been out for about two monthes. Granted, I didn't really come out at the best time and we were interrupted while we were talking. so that probably didnt help.
Perhaps if the first time you came out, it was interrupted/wasn't a good time, organize a time to sit down with your family/who you'd like to speak to about it and explain things the best you can, only as far as you're comfortable with. It might help things.. but then again, if he is going away soon, if you can last a little longer just ignoring him/trying to reason with him/whatever else you find helps, try your best.
I would just cut ties with him. That is what I'm doing with my own older brother. I haven't said anything about it to him, because I know how he would react. If he's going to be a jerk, there's no need to put yourself through his crap. Just accept that you no longer have a "brother" in the closeness sense, just by blood definition. Live your life, undefined by him.