I was talking with someone a couple days ago and they asked why my personality is overbearing. I thought about the question for a second and came up with the conclusion that my personality is directly affected by being transgendered and specifically being bigendered. My male side makes me is very aggressive with my interactions with others and my female side has a lot to say. Together they wrestle peoples attention over to me and then say what I have to say making my complete personality very dominant. This equates to me being the one that makes the choices and acts as the mediator when my friends and I are trying to do things.
I got to thinking that it would be interesting to hear from others how being transgendered has effected their personality. I would assume some common themes would emerge from the different groups with the TG community. Are you more accepting of other peoples differences, more confident with others, more thoughtful from spending amounts of time pondering yourself, etc..
I look foward to hearing how others have been affected by their journey.
-Us
Honestly, I'm not sure how to answer this one. My personality is somewhat different since I've accepted myself, but most of that is because I've stopped worrying about coming across as feminine. I can certainly describe those changes in my personality. But is my personality due to being Transgendered or is just my personality and I happen to be Transgendered? I mean, I'm more aware of what it means for people to be different but I don't think I accept people's differences because I'm transgendered. I just kind of accept them, you know?
The constant fear of outing myself (people guessing My Big Secret) made me terribly introverted and self-conscious about EVERYthing I do and say.
The constant fear that I WAS outing myself developed an almost supernatural ability to know what other people are feeling and thinking, as I was constantly trying to figure out, "Do they know? Did I slip and do something weird just now?" Or maybe it was just a natural feminine empathic sense, I dunno.
Along those lines, I enjoy putting myself "in other people's shoes," rather than judging them from MY perspective. I LOVE to *understand* them from THEIR context, not mine. Probably because I wish others would extend me that same courtesy. And also because I was always wondering, "how would they react if they knew?"
Knowing something so fundamental that contradicts all physical evidence to the contrary, and not being able to ever, EVER escape that contradiction (until transition), I have a very open-ended view on reality and belief. I know this world isn't quite what it seems to be.
The desperate need to solve this impossible problem forced me to delve into areas few people explore in an attempt to figure out what the heck happened, and to solve it somehow. It's kinda like how a search pattern works - you start in the center, then expand out in ever-increasing circles until you find what you're looking for. Well... my circles became quite wide, lol...
Bad thing is I've become very self-absorbed, as this stupid problem sucked up more and more of my brain power in trying to figure it out over the decades. It became my life, my raison d'etre, which makes relationships with Real People kinda difficult at times.
Etc.
Kate
The effect that I noticed, and which played a major part in my acceptance of being a woman, is the fact that I could never play the macho, shoot from the hip, make them fear me naval officer. I always tried to lead by suggestion, example, and consensus building. Granted, one can't ask for consensus when reacting to "Loss of water level, number two boiler," but it works well in leading teams of design engineers. It does mark one as different and does not help one attain the rank of admiral. <Sigh>
So I never made admiral, but I'm happy as the woman I was intended to be.
Robyn
CDR, USN(Ret)
Um, let's see... Secure fires in number two boiler. Close number two main steam valve. Cross connect main steam. Cross connect auxiliary steam. Light fires in number four boiler...
Mmmm, thats right. OK. I have become or have all ways been very excepting but have very little paitence 4 bullying and bigatry. I stand out and make enimies cus i stick up 4 t indavidual. I say what i likd and offend people quite often, unintensionly. Im sensitive but rairly show outward emotion n hurt, voting 4 the sob at home instead. I have howeva become withdrawn and isolated. Hope that answers that
When trying to live in the wrong gender I did not care much for other people or in the differences in people. I could be a shallow jerk although I did actually try and be friendly every so often. I hated myself and just about everyone else. I used my intelligence to manipulate others in random games I would come up, my fave being human emotional dominoes.
Since I finally accepted myself, it has been quite a journey. I can still be a bit of a jerk but only to those who I really do not like. I am more accepting of others and their differences. It took my journey into the BDSM community to help me become more confident and to explore different aspects of my personality. Whereas I used to be really anti-social, I love getting together with friends and going out.
All in all I am a better and stronger person than before. I have been able to really help out others along the way and it is nice to see them do well.
I see myself in many of the posts here. I was very introverted and avoided doing the guy thing because I never felt like a guy. It hurt me in my career (male dominated IT), as I wouldn't run over others opinions and assert myself. I was outwardly friendly, but was angry and bitter inside.
Like LostInTime, my own entry into the BDSM world led me to accepting more aspects of my self and seeing that there is a wide wonderful world of difference to be lived. I'm now beginning to find my voice and actually assert myself in more situations, a shocker to my SO!
Rhonda
hormones have made the biggest [bitch] ever. ;)
I used to be overbearing, overconfident yet not, kinda anoying, very self centered, and totaly boring... all Id talk about was work or my band... that was it... and I was overbearing and anoying about it LoL also I suffered from frequent anxiety atacks which made getting and keeping jobs very hard... <specialy when I was being overbearing and falsely overconfident>
Now I find myself at ease in most situations. Im very calm and soft spoken for the most part. Im still confident, but not more than I should be >:D . Im not as selfcentered, I like to listen to people more than talk, and gods, there are thousands of better things to talk about other than work and my band :) And the best thing..... My anxiety attacks are mostly gone... I still have the rare one but even then there nowhere near as severe.
My personality has generally remained constant. What has changed is my lack of anger at my family. Before I accept what I am, I was literally the most hateful, vicious person to my own parents for a long time. When I was able to think things through and try to go ahead with what I am, then I got more or less relaxed in my personality. I'm still the biggest geek ever, but I'm also more confident now. :3
-- Bridget
Being a TG in denial almost killed me. Accepting myself and being myself was life changing. I don't know how much that changed me from the view of others, but inside I went from prison to freedom.
But being TG all my life caused me to withdraw from life a lot. However, when I participated in life I usually took the bull by the horns.
What does this all mean? Go ask a psychiatrist. The only thing that matters to me is I'm happy now.
Julie
Let see. For years I having really felt anything but fear.
Not love, not hate, not joy, not even pain. I call that life as a zombie. I was or though I was controlling myself and being what I had to be. I was mostly a quite person and would rarely say what I was thinking. Never like to be around other except for family.
Now that I have realized and accepted that I am TG everything is changing.
First I found out what joy and pain actually feel like. Joy of being fee to be me. Wear female clothing, makeup, shoes, going out as a woman and being treated as such and shopping.
I almost couldn't take the pain of rejection by family and of what I could never be for them. How I would disgrace them by what I am and I became suicidal for awhile.
But through all of this I have found a peace in just being myself. I now like to be around others and have become a person who enjoys expressing my thoughts wither they are funny or serious.
Now I have actually have compassion for others I now actually feel it.
It is like I have finally awoke from a very long dream. Call me Ms Ripvanwinkle if you would. ;D
I am alive and glad of it.
:)
Jillieann
Yes i think so but i do not even know if i could explain it in words that would even make sense to me.
In some ways good..
in some ways profoundly...
In some ways violently...
In some ways lovingly...
In some ways sadly....
I live with regrets
Ricki
Quote from: Kate on March 20, 2007, 10:52:27 AM
The constant fear of outing myself (people guessing My Big Secret) made me terribly introverted and self-conscious about EVERYthing I do and say.
The constant fear that I WAS outing myself developed an almost supernatural ability to know what other people are feeling and thinking, as I was constantly trying to figure out, "Do they know? Did I slip and do something weird just now?" Or maybe it was just a natural feminine empathic sense, I dunno.
Along those lines, I enjoy putting myself "in other people's shoes," rather than judging them from MY perspective. I LOVE to *understand* them from THEIR context, not mine. Probably because I wish others would extend me that same courtesy. And also because I was always wondering, "how would they react if they knew?"
Knowing something so fundamental that contradicts all physical evidence to the contrary, and not being able to ever, EVER escape that contradiction (until transition), I have a very open-ended view on reality and belief. I know this world isn't quite what it seems to be.
The desperate need to solve this impossible problem forced me to delve into areas few people explore in an attempt to figure out what the heck happened, and to solve it somehow. It's kinda like how a search pattern works - you start in the center, then expand out in ever-increasing circles until you find what you're looking for. Well... my circles became quite wide, lol...
Bad thing is I've become very self-absorbed, as this stupid problem sucked up more and more of my brain power in trying to figure it out over the decades. It became my life, my raison d'etre, which makes relationships with Real People kinda difficult at times.
Etc.
Kate
same here except I fell into depression and "rebuilt" my outside personality just to make me appear to have a male personality. Right now I'm struggling against myself to get Amrasa out.
I'm more paranoid. That's about it.
I think being TG has greatly improved my personality. Before the whole HRT thing..Everyone always said I was unbearable to live with. Now everyone loves me and wants me in there life.
So I think being TG has greatly made me into a better person with a wonderful personality. ;D
Quote from: Kate on March 20, 2007, 10:52:27 AM
The constant fear of outing myself (people guessing My Big Secret) made me terribly introverted and self-conscious about EVERYthing I do and say.
The constant fear that I WAS outing myself developed an almost supernatural ability to know what other people are feeling and thinking, as I was constantly trying to figure out, "Do they know? Did I slip and do something weird just now?" Or maybe it was just a natural feminine empathic sense, I dunno.
Along those lines, I enjoy putting myself "in other people's shoes," rather than judging them from MY perspective. I LOVE to *understand* them from THEIR context, not mine. Probably because I wish others would extend me that same courtesy. And also because I was always wondering, "how would they react if they knew?"
Knowing something so fundamental that contradicts all physical evidence to the contrary, and not being able to ever, EVER escape that contradiction (until transition), I have a very open-ended view on reality and belief. I know this world isn't quite what it seems to be.
The desperate need to solve this impossible problem forced me to delve into areas few people explore in an attempt to figure out what the heck happened, and to solve it somehow. It's kinda like how a search pattern works - you start in the center, then expand out in ever-increasing circles until you find what you're looking for. Well... my circles became quite wide, lol...
Bad thing is I've become very self-absorbed, as this stupid problem sucked up more and more of my brain power in trying to figure it out over the decades. It became my life, my raison d'etre, which makes relationships with Real People kinda difficult at times.
Etc.
Kate
Gosh Kate. Everytime I read your posts, I can so relate to you.
I think its too early to see much change. I've always identified and affirmed what I considered my more feminine personality traits. Where I might have just affirmed those traits before, now I tend to embrace them.
Debbie
Not much actually. Although it has been necessary for my evolution it really hasn't changed me that much. Far FAR more drastic has been waking up. *shrug* Tis all the same I suppose, just different contexts. Heh.
Before transition I was very much the grump though, I mussent forget that. I am considerably more mellow now, but a lot of that was no longer stressed and proper hormones, I think. Not so much personality. Heh, poor façade never really did know how to act :P
Blessed Be.
I'm basically the same person that I've always been, however I think that coming to terms with being transgendered has helped me make sense of certain personality issues. For example, I've always been a loner with only a few close friends, I think hiding who I was for so many years is a factor in that.
zythyra
well only because the question was posed openly without stating YOU had to be the TG person to have been affected...I shall respond to this...
Having Brooke in my life has definitely changed my personality in some ways. I am much more in tune with conversations around me. Like in a room full of people chatting in groups etc. I can pick up on bits and pieces, if they are themed to TG, that I may have not paid much attention to in the past. I am now involved in many more conversations about TG issues, TS in particular - not just here at Susan's, and I have become quite educated on the issues.
Because of Brooke I talk more about hair, clothes and make up now then I have snce I was a teenager and she makes me giggle a lot more than I have in a long time. I think she has given me reasons to smile when I may not have otherwise. My one remaning at home daughter made fun of me over a pair of jeans I bought the other day and called them my "childs pants" LMAO because they were young and cute looking. I doubt I would have bought that particular pair had it not been for Brookes influence on me. They have butterflies on them and reminded me of her and buying and wearing them made me feel closer than the 3200 mi between us - silly I know :P
My personality has also gone a bit more techie with the pc stuff. I have a renewed interest in learning more. In part because I know how much Brooke likes it ;)
And vehicles...I see her damn vehicle everywhere I go :rofl:
TG has made me more aware and open. More accepting and definitely a lot more fun.
Want an instant face lift? Fall in love with a TS woman.
Yes.
I am frustrated all the time because:
I compare myself to women all the time.
I am jealous of other women.
I am jealous of other people because they can be who they are and I can't.
I actually feel completed and liberated. Gennee has broght balance and inner contentment.
Gennee
:)
Quote from: Jessica on April 16, 2007, 11:47:46 AM
Yes.
I am frustrated all the time because:
I compare myself to women all the time.
I am jealous of other women.
I am jealous of other people because they can be who they are and I can't.
Oh my!!! Jessica, you speak my mind.
I was wandering in Lowes Home Improvement yesterday. One of society's symbol of maleness and all I could see were other women and wishing I could be like them. I thought I could get a testosterone boost being around all those power tools. lol It didn't work.
Thank you for your honesty here and allowing me to own my feelings from yesterday.
Debbie
TS specifically made my life an existence in my very own private hell for pretty much all of it. I could say I am more understanding of others, which I am up to a point but then I am also less tolerant of the words "I can't" and the people who use that phrase as an excuse. "I can't" say I wouldn't wish transexualism on my enemies cause I can and do wish it on them, heehee. So being TS has made me a harder person overall (being prior military, law enforcement, and working for the criminal justice system didn't help that at all any). Going full time, transitioning, and having SRS has made me a better person though. More open, loving, and able to show affection and my craving for such.
Rashelle
Being on HRT for a year now I am told that I am more passive that I was. I've become a very good listener and tend not to have a comment ready before I've finished hearing what the other person is saying. I'm also more patient in other ways too. One that I noticed before my friends pointed it out is that I don't get upset as much with stupid drivers or slow decision maker drivers.
In other ways though I get a little depressed. One thing is my size - I'm slim but very, very tall. I'm nearly 6'6" with size 14 feet and a 16.5" neck, 37 inch sleeves and 35" inseams. My facial features are far too male to ever pass without extensive FFS (which is schedlued already). Luckily I have the waist and hips that will be advantageous but my legs are far too muscular, having raced bicycles for over 20 years. I've embarked on a massive aerobic/cardio program with no muscle building of any kind in the hopes of cutting muscle mass at least in half.
Once all is done then I'll present as I present. One comfort is that I'm so tall that people will second guess their own first impression, possibly convincing themselves that I am natal female for fear of insulting me. We'll see how that rational works in the very near future.