Kia Ora,
::) Just out of interest [and no doubt it will be of interest to other in the closet trans-people with Deeply Religious Parents]...If you have already come out to your DRPs, do they accepted and support you in your decision to transition ?
::) We quite often hear horror stories of DRPs disowning their trans-child, but this is not always the case, some DRP from what I gather have after the initial shock had a change of heart and become fully supportive of their trans-child...
::) So how was it for you ?
Metta Zenda :)
My parents are very serious Christians, my parents are also the most awesome parents on the planet. There was a time when my dad was a big time homophobe and so that led me to believe that he would totally freak out about transsexual's, but that was an assumption on my part. After 37 years of projecting over the top masculinity I finally lost it and started self medicating. Four months later when my body was starting to change I told my parents that I was TS. A year later I told them that I was going to sell my house so I could get SRS, they told me to keep the house and they gave me the money for SRS. No horror stories here, just really loving christian parents who I will desperately miss when they are gone.
When I told my DRP about my genetics and gender they where not particularity happy?
My mother just plain doesn't understand? To be honest, I think she doesn't even want to understand? It's not in her own self interest to understand it because she is convinced that she needs me to be a man? Not a man, no she is fine with the very caring and not masculine person that I am, but that doesn't mean anything to her.
She told me she would never use another name or female pronouns. She would never accept me a a woman...
Any evidence that I might use to support that I'm female are usually ignored, but after a while she tries to make it go away? Any argument that I make which involves something tangible? A little time later it suddenly "disappears" and then she "forgets" it even ever existed...
I think she may have convinced herself that I can be cured if I would just feel more "manly"? So she praises me on how "manly" I am when I do this of do that, pretty much regardless of the activity or the context? Totally oblivious to the pain her comments cause me or the frequent absurdity of her praises.
My father is much easier, he really wants to understand me? He does think about the implication of what I told him, and he supports my quest for answers. I don't think he would be happy if I would transition, but perhaps more because of his fear for my mothers reaction then his own feelings?
My father passed away in 2003 but yes, my family who are deeply religious and spiritual people has accepted me.
It's a shame that all parents can't respond more like Gretchen's folks. Unfortunately some parents are unable to live out what they as "religious" people profess to believe. There is a point where the rubber meets the road and the religious teachings about love and forbearance have to take root or they have just been wasting their time and have been playing church. Real faith requires action at some point and it's suppose to be about love, so when the child comes out with a life shattering revelation like I'm gay, or I'm TS, the parents should be constrained by the love for their child coupled with their love of God to refrain from throwing out the baby with the bath water.
Some parents, especially mothers take it as a personal failure and bathe themselves in guilt. This being the case, it's they who need counseling to be assured that what has happened is not their fault, that it's their child's decision and they need to come to the place where they can acknowledge their love for that child and make a resolution to make every effort to be supportive regardless.
I grew up in church and my dad used to be a pastor. I was scared to let anyone know about my trans-issues because I was afraid of how my dad would take it and I thought he'd have the other men pray with me and "cast the demons out of me" for wanting to be a girl.
I recently asked my dad about this and if it would have happened. He said yes. Wow, that would have traumatized me as a kid!
Anyways, things have changed since then. My parents recently accepted me. Mostly my mom. Shes been great. Dad accepts me but isnt ready to see the real me yet. He'll come around.
Wow! That could have been a really bad situation for you. Thank god, literally that they have come around and are beginning to embrace you for who you are.
i know! im actually glad i kept quiet young. that coulda been a horrible emotional scar!