I have recently come to terms with the idea that I am not a woman in a mans body, but simply a very confused guy. I think the chances that I had a birth defect or something that caused me to have a female mind in a male body... those are really low. More likely, than not, I think I am both jealous of woman and the things they can do and say, and I feel guilty for being a man, seeing as how woman have been oppressed by men since the beginning of civilization. :(
Even so, I cannot shake these thoughts. I cannot shake the desire to be female. Is it possible for me to? I'm going to end up ruining my life and being cast away from my family and friends if I can't.. There has to be some way. :icon_cry2:
Not as far as I know.
But what you're saying seems reasonable to me. Not how everyone choose to deal with it, but if it suits you then fine.
How do you intend to express yourself?
Quote from: spacial on February 08, 2012, 02:09:13 PM
Not as far as I know.
But what you're saying seems reasonable to me. Not how everyone choose to deal with it, but if it suits you then fine.
How do you intend to express yourself?
Express myself? I don't know what you mean.
When you find the answer to this, please let me be one of the first people to know. I would like to be in the front line please
It's perfectly okay to question yourself and your thoughts and to try and consider what the future may hold one way or another.
To answer the question on your subject line "how can I stop being transgender?" ..... honestly, you can't! If you are transgender, then you can somewhat suppress the thoughts and desires to be the opposite gender you were born for awhile (you say you can't shake the thoughts or desire to be female), but the feelings and thoughts will never completely go away and tend to only get stronger and more prevalent as you grow older. If you are simply confused, then the chances are the feelings and thoughts will go away over time. The only way to get a definitive answer and to truely know is to find a certified "gender" psychologist or therapist and go through a few therapy sessions (notice I didn't say just one). You'll need to completely open yourself up and be honest in order to get the right diagonsis.
Being transgender is very difficult and will mostly be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to deal with in your life. Be certain about who you are and what gender you are. If, after proper therapy, you are diagonsed as being transgender, then the eventual coming out is something you'll need to consider and the possible loss of family, friends, and more is a realistic possiblity. However, with proper therapy sessions, a lot of individual research, some well pointed questions and listening to advice given on Susans by many of the valued members, transition is something you can get through and still maintain some assemblance of your family, friends & everything else important to you. It takes a lot of work, planning & preparing, and being very confident in yourself.
the implications of this question bother me. i understand the desire to 'normalise', but being transgender isn't a choice. neither is it a birth defect. it sounds like you're feeling conflicted about making some major life decisions. being stuck between dealing with these kinds of feelings or taking a life-changing step is a difficult place to be. for a long time i didn't think i was going to transition. it took me years to get to the point i realised i had to go forward with it. that choice was based on what i needed to do for me, not how my family would react. it is confusing, but as jennifer said, a therapist can help you decide what is best for you. remember that talking to a gender therapist in no way means you have to commit to a transition; some people do change their mind about taking that path after talking about it or even after a period of RLE.
I really understand your point schism and it was my first reaction. But as JenniferR and Beverly point out, you can't stop being what you are.
I suggested that Trixie finds ways to express who she feels she is.
It's a point that is either obvious or isn't.
How do you express feelings to others, without words?
Do you express yourself to please others or to say to others, this is who I am?
If you feel emotional, do you suppress it to be tough or express it?
For me, personally, being transgender has never been about clothing as such. It's about who and what I am. It's about what makes me unique as all others are. I would dearly have loved to rid myself of the ugly bit, but accept that isn't going to happen so I attempt to live with what I have.
Does that make it any clearer?
A belief is only a thought you keep thinking. For many years you have spent a large part of every day thinking about being a transsexual/transgender person. This has created a huge amount of psychological energy which served further to strengthen and embolden the belief that you were a woman. If you want to stop being a ts/tg then you will have to dis-empower all those thoughts about being female that are currently circling in your subconscious. Every thought you have ever thought still exist in your subconscious mind and every time you think about certain things you strengthen the connection with that thought and others of a similar nature. This makes it easier and easier to recall these thoughts and attract thoughts of a similar nature thus strengthening a belief over time.
To weaken a belief with a view to eventually getting rid of it completely you must become vigilant, committed and disciplined. Every time you become aware that you are thinking thoughts related to gender, gender dysphoria, womens' clothes, having breasts etc you must gently drop those thoughts and move to other thoughts. The word here is 'gently' , you have taken years and years to get to the stage you now are at. So it will take a number of years to disempower ts/tg thoughts.
we're saying the same thing, spacial.
You don't need therapy - don't give your power away to someone whose chief concern is with keeping you paying them money. Taking hormones is adding fuel to the ts/tg fire. I have decided that I get more satisfaction being ts/tg and I wouldn't know who I was if it was all taken away from me. What I was outlining above was a possible course of action for someone who had decided that being ts/tg caused them far more pain than pleasure.
Quote from: Happy Girl! link=topic=115300.msg883594#msg883594What I was outlining above was a possible course of action for someone who had decided that being ts/tg caused them far more pain than pleasure.
Stupid question, but... does said course of action actually work?
Suppressing TG/TS thoughts is what I'd been doing all my life before starting to transition, and it just made them worse. IMHO there's no way to force oneself to stop being trans, just like there's no way to force oneself to
be trans if one is cis. Gender identity is what it is, like it or not.
Don't suppress any thoughts, just gently move away from them whenever you notice them arising in your mind. The mind can only think one thing at a time, so move away to pleasurable thoughts. Don't become angry with these ts/tg thoughts or seek to push them away too vigorously as your attention to them will only empower them and keep them around. Just gently notice 'oh I am thinking ts/tg thoughts again' and let them drift naturally from your mind. This watching and gentle labelling of thoughts will slowly but surely take all the energy from them and they will in time cease to arise in the mind.
However, as most of us having been giving these thoughts extremely close attention daily for many years they are at present very powerful and will probably take a long time to weaken even slightly, but it can be done. The only question you have to ask yourself is ' do I really want to cure myself of being ts/tg?' In my case the answer is no, you may think the same or differently. The choice to follow this course of action is entirely up to you.
Oh, the battle of semantics and need to define onesself rises again :) You are exploring and looking around you... trying to decide which box you live in... so you can follow that boxes list of how you 'should be'.
Personally, I actually consider myself male as well (even though I have been on hrt for over 10 months now).
But, even though that is the "box" i put myself in... I don't think I need to follow a checklist of what guys "should want" or "should be".
Like you, I am also attracted to feminine aesthetics. I have been my entire life (long before I even considered it a masculine vs feminine issue). I wanted to be smaller, softer, without body hair, and even was sexually "female".
I don't know why I want these things for myself (is it because I'm jealous of women? Is it because I was raised a certain way? Is it a result of being exposed to a certain hormone at a certain point in my development?). Really, no one knows the exact reason why we are this way (though, there are tons of guesses... from the devil has taken control of our minds... to the entire hormone in development example).
But, in the end, I think the simplest answer is just that there are a variety of different types of people... and we just happen to be one. Does our wanting or moving ourselves towards these ideals hurt anyone? Nope. No more than "a man" who naturally feels like he wants to work out and become bigger and stronger.
As you get more used to the idea and accept yourself for what you are... you can move onto simply enjoying it. You will gain confidence and be "ok' with being this way. There is nothing "wrong" with it... we are actually pretty great people to be around (and our unique points of view resulting from these feelings and struggles give us some insights that a lot of others don't have).
So, stop trying to figure out a way to fight what you feel ... and just figure out a way to embrace it :) A way to express it...a way to own it and let it make you happier :) Spending the rest of your life trying to irrationally rid yourself of natural feelings because others tell you it isn't right will just make you unhappy :/ As long as you aren't hurting anyone, no one should have the right to tell you there is something wrong with you (that is just their ignorance and closed mindedness).
I'm a guy. Who happens to be feminine. Who runs on estrogen. No problems here :)
Being transgendered has definately caused me more pain than happiness but theres no way i could not transition. Im not saying transition isnt hard, its the second hardest thing ive ever done! But the hardest thing ive ever done is not transition. I know this isnt going to go away and trying to live as a male isnt going to work, its not who i am, im a woman and (im sorry to disagree with you schism) I feel I have a birth defect that means my body doesnt match that.
The one thing im glad about is that i stopped trying not to be trans, it wasnt healthy and ive seen what happens when its done for a long time, you get married, have children and realise your mistake aged 50 and try to transition with much harder circumstances.
Quote from: El on February 08, 2012, 06:00:41 PM
Being transgendered has definately caused me more pain than happiness but theres no way i could not transition. Im not saying transition isnt hard, its the second hardest thing ive ever done! But the hardest thing ive ever done is not transition. I know this isnt going to go away and trying to live as a male isnt going to work, its not who i am, im a woman and (im sorry to disagree with you schism) I feel I have a birth defect that means my body doesnt match that.
The one thing im glad about is that i stopped trying not to be trans, it wasnt healthy and ive seen what happens when its done for a long time, you get married, have children and realise your mistake aged 50 and try to transition with much harder circumstances.
This. I don't think ->-bleeped-<-/transsexualism is a phenomenon that exists solely in thought and can be "gently moved away" until it fades away entirely; I think that gender identity is something hardwired into the brain that stays with a person his/her entire life, and that ignoring it or trying to make it go away is only damaging in the long run-- more damaging than just biting the bullet and transitioning.
Quote from: Trixie on February 08, 2012, 12:27:36 PM
Even so, I cannot shake these thoughts. I cannot shake the desire to be female. Is it possible for me to? I'm going to end up ruining my life and being cast away from my family and friends if I can't.. There has to be some way. :icon_cry2:
I'm coming into this conversation late! My own perspective on this is that Gender Identity Disorder [GID] and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder [PTSD] are two afflictions that never go away but can be managed with counseling. You need a competent counselor who is versed in GID issues. The second point here is that hormones are actually addictive for those with GID, they will cement the issue and become the point of no return. This isn't just my experience, but is common to other folks I have known for years who would agree.
Quote from: schism on February 08, 2012, 04:28:16 PM
we're saying the same thing, spacial.
I think so too.
I noticed that there are a number of perspectives emerging here and rather clumsily sought to bring them together. I rather wish I hadn't now.
The basic issue seems to be one that had affected most of us, at some time at least.
Personally, I think this is a really interesting thread. I hope my little analysis hasn't disturbed the flow.
I think science will prove in our lifetime that this isnt some choice of ours and it IS a birth defect. There is way more to being male or female than XX or XY or some other variation. THis is an INCREDIBLE article with huge implications to understanding what we deal with.
http://www.physorg.com/news/2012-02-sex-specific-behaviors-hormone-controlled-genes-brain.html (http://www.physorg.com/news/2012-02-sex-specific-behaviors-hormone-controlled-genes-brain.html)
Quote from: JessicaH on February 08, 2012, 09:19:26 PM
I think science will prove in our lifetime that this isnt some choice of ours and it IS a birth defect.
I really hope that isn't true...
First they will try to say it is a "birth defect"...and next comes trying to find "the cure"... and soon any boy with feminine aspects will be sent off to be "fixed" :| Ick...
This is a natural part of human diversity. It has been around for a VERY long time... the only thing that really needs to be fixed is societies denial or stigma towards it.
Quote from: Trixie on February 08, 2012, 12:27:36 PM
I have recently come to terms with the idea that I am not a woman in a mans body, but simply a very confused guy. I think the chances that I had a birth defect or something that caused me to have a female mind in a male body... those are really low. More likely, than not, I think I am both jealous of woman and the things they can do and say, and I feel guilty for being a man, seeing as how woman have been oppressed by men since the beginning of civilization. :(
Even so, I cannot shake these thoughts. I cannot shake the desire to be female. Is it possible for me to? I'm going to end up ruining my life and being cast away from my family and friends if I can't.. There has to be some way. :icon_cry2:
Clearly a case of "Stockholm Syndrome." ;)
Quote from: Shantel on February 08, 2012, 06:44:32 PM
I'm coming into this conversation late! My own perspective on this is that Gender Identity Disorder [GID] and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder [PTSD] are two afflictions that never go away but can be managed with counseling. You need a competent counselor who is versed in GID issues. The second point here is that hormones are actually addictive for those with GID, they will cement the issue and become the point of no return. This isn't just my experience, but is common to other folks I have known for years who would agree.
That is a very good observation that is not often discussed.
For those of us with gender dysphoria, the calming effects of HRT can be as addictive as a narcotic.
this question relates to "how can I stop being gay?"
My answer is, you cannot.
I would suggest seeing a therapist to help you.
Quote from: JessicaH on February 08, 2012, 09:19:26 PM
I think science will prove in our lifetime that this isnt some choice of ours and it IS a birth defect.
That would bring about so many problems that I believe the prejudices against us today would pale in comparison.
If this "birth defect" was true then a doctor in the future could "fix the brain" to make your innerself align to your outer self.
Gays would be "fixed" and lesbians would be "fixed." It would be a scientifically glorified fix camp.
If this is the case, I would never be a woman but a man who was "fixed." I would never be able to express myself as this "fix" probably would have happened in my early childhood.
Right now for nearly all birth defects, the "best" medical science can do is per-natal screening and abortion!
Even when something could be considered a "birth defect" most birth defects will never be fixable, especially genetic defects tend to have such a small window of opportunity to intervene it would require abilities way beyond human possibility.
Also, your chromosomes only contain a program to build your body, however a lot of the actual realisation is left to chance and necessity? Not every thing is encoded into the program, environmental influences tend to make a huge difference to our development. In the end, we ended up the way we are: The whole is more then the sum of its parts, more then the plan, it's also the route taken and the many routes not taken. You can't "fix" someone by replacing them with someone else!
Even the God I believe in can't repair the person I became by undoing whatever went "wrong" early on, because that would killing the "me" I have become, the person I am, it would create a whole new person as different from me as a brother or sister would be; Instead my God knows my soul, my identity, and he loves me for who I am right now, who I have became, and on his day he will not want to errase me, he will want to give me a perfect body that matches who I am. So when I see myself in paradise I see a beautiful garden in front of a beautiful house with a veranda and looking out I see a strong, tall, healthy, happy, young lady enjoying all that God has given her.
Quote from: Happy Girl! on February 08, 2012, 03:47:01 PM
To weaken a belief with a view to eventually getting rid of it completely you must become vigilant, committed and disciplined. Every time you become aware that you are thinking thoughts related to gender, gender dysphoria, womens' clothes, having breasts etc you must gently drop those thoughts and move to other thoughts. The word here is 'gently' , you have taken years and years to get to the stage you now are at. So it will take a number of years to disempower ts/tg thoughts.
So by this same logic people who are gay can apply this same techique and become straight? *rolls eyes* ::)
Hate to inform you be being trans doesn't go away. Either deal with it or try to hide from it. You're choice.
Quote from: JessicaH on February 08, 2012, 09:19:26 PM
I think science will prove in our lifetime that this isnt some choice of ours and it IS a birth defect. There is way more to being male or female than XX or XY or some other variation.
I agree other than the word "defect". IMHO this is as much a defect as being born with musical talent or being smart at math etc. Plenty of smart kids are bullied and abused because they are different, doesn't make it a defect.
Quote from: Jamie D on February 08, 2012, 09:48:58 PM
That is a very good observation that is not often discussed.
For those of us with gender dysphoria, the calming effects of HRT can be as addictive as a narcotic.
IMHO they don't increase the amplitude of GID at all. I didn't start HRT until I was 51, I tried for 40+ years to ignore this, not think about it, even got married believing that would solve it. The only thing that has solved it was going full time, HRT just toned DOWN the noise of GID, I really don't think about it much now.
Quote from: Annah on February 08, 2012, 10:02:16 PM
That would bring about so many problems that I believe the prejudices against us today would pale in comparison.
If this "birth defect" was true then a doctor in the future could "fix the brain" to make your innerself align to your outer self.
Gays would be "fixed" and lesbians would be "fixed." It would be a scientifically glorified fix camp.
If this is the case, I would never be a woman but a man who was "fixed." I would never be able to express myself as this "fix" probably would have happened in my early childhood.
The same argument you give here is why it is SOOOOO bad that it is defined as a "mental disorder". The fact that some people can then get free treatment doesn't offset the negative impact this has on ALL trans people.
Quote from: Rabbit on February 08, 2012, 09:36:25 PM
I really hope that isn't true...
First they will try to say it is a "birth defect"...and next comes trying to find "the cure"... and soon any boy with feminine aspects will be sent off to be "fixed" :| Ick...
This is a natural part of human diversity. It has been around for a VERY long time... the only thing that really needs to be fixed is societies denial or stigma towards it.
If there was a real cure i would take it in an instant, im not talking about aversion therapy or anything but if there was a pill that would have made me happy being male I would take it. Im transitioning because i have no other choice. Id rather be happy as either gender than live with the dysphoria burrowing into my chest. Would it make me a different person? Hugely so! But i dont think that would be such a bad thing for some peace of mind, There is no thing that has caused me so much pain and suffering as dysphoria, even when i was close to dying of liver failure as a child the thing that upset me most was that i would never "be a girl". But i was young, i know now its not about being "male" or "female" but about getting to the point I can live my life without this weight on my shoulders. As it stands the only way to do this is transition.
Quote from: Shantel on February 08, 2012, 06:44:32 PM
The second point here is that hormones are actually addictive for those with GID, they will cement the issue and become the point of no return. This isn't just my experience, but is common to other folks I have known for years who would agree.
If I might add something here? (and blame Jamie D ;D)
The term addiction is somewhat emotive. It tend to be classed along with pleasure and undesirable.
.
I recall a discussion I had while still at school on addiction and someone suggested that flavour is an addiction. It is unnecessary, it adds little to the purpose of food, meaning nutrition, few can live without it, the reaction to its absence is typically irrational. It exists for pleasure and given that, in their efforts to reach the flavour enhancing spices of India, Europeans ended up colonising the entire world, including starting some of the most deadly wars in human history, that isn't much of a recommendation.
Would we seriously choose to go cold turkey on flavour?
The point about hormones and all medicine is, are the benefits greater than the problems. That is the essential measure for any medical procedure.
If hormone treatment is indicated to support someone to live a reasonably useful life then being addictive is only important in ensuring supply.
Quote from: El on February 09, 2012, 01:48:49 AM
If there was a real cure i would take it in an instant, im not talking about aversion therapy or anything but if there was a pill that would have made me happy being male I would take it.
If there was a pill that would make me happy as a male, I couldn't take it. For me, it goes so far beyond how I feel as to who I identify as.
I was uncomfortable living as a male because it wasn't who I was. If I took a pill to cure those uncomfortable feelings then it would destroy who I was in the first place.
I just want to be rid of the hurt.
Quote from: Stephe on February 08, 2012, 11:42:26 PM
I agree other than the word "defect". IMHO this is as much a defect as being born with musical talent or being smart at math etc. Plenty of smart kids are bullied and abused because they are different, doesn't make it a defect.
That's a very good observation. I don't like the term "defect" either. Perhaps "variation" or "anomaly" are less charged terms.
"Defect" was obviously the wrong word for me to use as it can be a loaded word with negative canotations. Rather than having a "birth defect" I think science will prove that this is an innate part of who we are, rather than what most people currently think of us. Just like most people can understand a a genetic intersex condition a whole lot better, people would understand transsexualism a whole lot better if there were scientific evidence to explain why we are the way we are.
Some people will never "get it" no matter what evidence is presented but there isn't much we can do about that except legislating rights. As far as "fixing" us, that should be our decision if it can ever be done but I can't imagine that changing our brains will ever be possible, at least in our lifetime.
Quote from: JessicaH on February 09, 2012, 11:10:13 AM
"Defect" was obviously the wrong word for me to use as it can be a loaded word with negative canotations. Rather than having a "birth defect" I think science will prove that this is an innate part of who we are, rather than what most people currently think of us. Just like most people can understand a a genetic intersex condition a whole lot better, people would understand transsexualism a whole lot better if there were scientific evidence to explain why we are the way we are.
Some people will never "get it" no matter what evidence is presented but there isn't much we can do about that except legislating rights. As far as "fixing" us, that should be our decision if it can ever be done but I can't imagine that changing our brains will ever be possible, at least in our lifetime.
I understand why the term "birth defect" is commonly used by and about the transcommunity. But you are right about the negative connotation.
Quote from: spacial on February 09, 2012, 08:02:01 AM
If I might add something here? (and blame Jamie D ;D)
I am always willing to accept the blame ...
if I also get the credit!
Quote from: JessicaH on February 09, 2012, 11:10:13 AM
"Defect" was obviously the wrong word for me to use as it can be a loaded word with negative canotations. Rather than having a "birth defect" I think science will prove that this is an innate part of who we are, rather than what most people currently think of us. Just like most people can understand a a genetic intersex condition a whole lot better, people would understand transsexualism a whole lot better if there were scientific evidence to explain why we are the way we are.
Some people will never "get it" no matter what evidence is presented but there isn't much we can do about that except legislating rights. As far as "fixing" us, that should be our decision if it can ever be done but I can't imagine that changing our brains will ever be possible, at least in our lifetime.
Ok. Let's say that the scientific/medical community had pinpointed several medical issues as signs of transsexualism. Let's say that medicine and procedural work had evolved to the point where a series of tests can confirm you are indeed a transsexual.
Let's say you take this test and all test results come back negative. Medically and scientifically, through lab results and other tests, you were not a transsexual. For example, when tests were more accurate/affordable/and more easily attainable to determine if one is intersex, I remember a BOATLOAD of transgirls trying to convince their doctors to let them take the genetic tests. There was one website that even instruct you on what to say your symptoms were to get your doctor to approve the lab work. A VAST MAJORITY of transwomen ended up burnt in the end. The lab results came back time and time again saying they did not exhibit any physiological signs of any form of intersex. Many girls became severely depressed because they were equating their transsexual feelings as intersex feelings. To this day (matter of fact yesterday), I had a trans friend on FB messaged me out of the blue saying she's trying to convince her doctor to let her take the tests needed to determine intersex. I asked her...Are you wanting these tests because you are suffering co morbid conditions of an intersex person and you wanna try to get to the bottom of this or do you want these tests because you want to confirm a sense of legitimacy to your transsexual condition? Or is it because you would rather be called intersex vs trans? She replied...a little bit of answer B and C. When she takes this tests and it comes back negative, she's going to be upset for awhile.
Sometimes we have to be careful what we wish for. Hoping for one thing may backfire and do more harm than good.
I don't think medical advances into explaining transsexualism is not a horrible thing...but I do not think it's a blessing either.
I ve read many expressions of pain and the opposite firm will of fighting this pain, here in this post. I still don't find anyone with whom agreeing.
For me it s different.
I just want to stop of being a definition. I just want to be me.
Transgender, gay, ethero, lesbo and all these possible combinations mixed. Who you think does really care about it?
I think we do too much fuzz about words, just to prevent us from the real pain of being abandoned, misunderstood, refused. But in doing this don't we suffer even more? A constant pain substitutes an episodic one.
I am kind of overwhelmed by the fear of my desperate unhealthy psicho condition, and i see I am nont the only one, so I thank you all, i feel welcome here. Tough i see fear, desire to accept a weaker label, many true femministic considerations, but hey, we are woman or men or gay or lesbo, much before all these considerations.
So basically I am back to the only consideration that matters, just live your day, guy or girl, just enjoy your time, and try to understand what happens around you, and what you want, day by day, not overthink.
I assure you i am all messed up, I was authistic, bipolar depressed, skizo and other definitions like that in a desperate fight and changing evolution, and just as that I assure you that also if the pain of not being who I am and not feeling what I want to feel is much, there's also joy sometimes that repays the biggest efforts.
So just live, try to deal with your emotions with nice hints of a medical assistant, and build your golden path into this sometimes desolate and different world.
Quote from: Annah on February 09, 2012, 03:19:07 PM
Ok. Let's say that the scientific/medical community had pinpointed several medical issues as signs of transsexualism. Let's say that medicine and procedural work had evolved to the point where a series of tests can confirm you are indeed a transsexual.
Let's say you take this test and all test results come back negative. Medically and scientifically, through lab results and other tests, you were not a transsexual. For example, when tests were more accurate/affordable/and more easily attainable to determine if one is intersex, I remember a BOATLOAD of transgirls trying to convince their doctors to let them take the genetic tests. There was one website that even instruct you on what to say your symptoms were to get your doctor to approve the lab work. A VAST MAJORITY of transwomen ended up burnt in the end. The lab results came back time and time again saying they did not exhibit any physiological signs of any form of intersex. Many girls became severely depressed because they were equating their transsexual feelings as intersex feelings. To this day (matter of fact yesterday), I had a trans friend on FB messaged me out of the blue saying she's trying to convince her doctor to let her take the tests needed to determine intersex. I asked her...Are you wanting these tests because you are suffering co morbid conditions of an intersex person and you wanna try to get to the bottom of this or do you want these tests because you want to confirm a sense of legitimacy to your transsexual condition? Or is it because you would rather be called intersex vs trans? She replied...a little bit of answer B and C. When she takes this tests and it comes back negative, she's going to be upset for awhile.
Sometimes we have to be careful what we wish for. Hoping for one thing may backfire and do more harm than good.
I don't think medical advances into explaining transsexualism is not a horrible thing...but I do not think it's a blessing either.
Interesting, Annah. I wish I had your knowledge base on the subject. I wonder how far along the medical science really is, especially in the area of (prenatal) brain chemistry. There are several posters here who are of the right age to have been exposed in the womb to DES. I am too, but there is no evidence this is a factor for me. Just the same, I think there may be a whole field of study of prenatal issues regarding future sexuality and gender identification.
Quote from: El on February 09, 2012, 09:10:49 AM
I just want to be rid of the hurt.
Long before there were surgical procedures, hormone therapies, psychological analysis, and the like, there were people like us who had what is today called gender dysphoria or intersex conditions. They found ways to cope, whether it was through their cultural mores, mythology, religion, cross dressing, etc.
Of course, had we been Spartans, we would have been tossed over the cliff. How lucky we are to live in this time.
People like us living in aboriginal tribes were sometimes highly revered for being in touch with both genders, they were considered to be in touch with the spirit world, they often became the village witch doctor.
I would like being the male that I was born with. But even with all of the hurt caused by delays, no gos, and non treatments by the professionals I been seeing since the late 1970's, I would like to go back to being male. The HRT I was put on did a lot to quell my GID as well to repairing my prostate which was the primary reason for me to go on it. I am pushing 60 and the prospects of being a proper healthy male in my generation is nil. All of the females in my generation who are single has told me point blank that they are no longer interested in any kind of romance except the occasional hop into bed. I have had an awakening this past year on the HRT that was supposed to happen during puberty, that I wanted to date properly for the first time of my life. I have blossomed in the winter of humankind.
I could go either way, but as I said above, the prospects of being a proper male in my generation is poor. Only one of my siblings has told me that she will pray for me that I would find someone with some of the same interests as I have.
Joelene
Simple answer.....you can't, it's beyond your power.
It's the same with stop being black or white.
It's not something you asked for, it's there, weather you like it or not.
The only thing you can do is making the best of it.
I hope you can manage to have a good life without fighting against yourself, coz that's what it is, a part of you.
Long ago I realized that I could not "beat" being transgender, it is the way I am, so the only real path forward for me is to embrace it. Of course, I only have my own life, same as anyone else, so it isn't like anyone really has lots of experience on what is best to do, we can only make our choices and live with them the best we can.
Quote from: Shantel on February 09, 2012, 04:48:00 PM
People like us living in aboriginal tribes were sometimes highly revered for being in touch with both genders, they were considered to be in touch with the spirit world, they often became the village witch doctor.
I have often wondered how I would look in the toga of a demigod. However, a bone through the nose is might go a little too far. ;D
Back to the OP, I'm afraid there is no was to stop being transgendered so all you can really do make an informed decision to transition or not. Either way it will be a painfull battle and you are the one who has to decide which one is least painful in the longrun.
In most aspects of life, we are rewarded with fighting hard and not giving up. Unfortunately, many of us fight this with everything we have and end up creating a life with spouses, children ,lots of friends and careers careers. Then at some point we hit a wall (age 40 for me) and the GID demands your full attention and will not be ignored. Then if you have a little more strength to fight it, you can get by a little longer but the GID will just increase the to match your will to fight it. It will invade every thought and moment of your life so that you can't deal with anything until you deal with it.
I don't mean to paint such a bleak picture but that's what I experienced and what I have observed from many others. THat's how you end up transitioning at a more advanced stage of your life. You can try to work so hard and stay distracted and all of those other things we do to ignore it but at some point it's not going to work anymore.
I encourage you to find a qualified gender therapist and do some serious soul searching and try to figure this out now. As much as it hurts now, It hurts even more as your life gets more complicated.
I only wish that my parents and friends were the only ones I had to worry about comming out to.
Quote from: JessicaH on February 10, 2012, 07:56:48 AM
Then at some point we hit a wall (age 40 for me) and the GID demands your full attention and will not be ignored.
This is the point when it becomes a disorder. You're life revolves around it and all your thoughts are about it. For me once I transitioned, I rarely think about it anymore.
Hi
it is not really correct that you can or can't stop being transgendered. Hey it is ok to be what ever you want, but it is unlikely that someone "transgendered" can really stop being transgendered.
It is ok with me, if you now say your not transgendered.... M' kay
But lets say your simply confused as you think you are. If your not Transgendered would you like to state what you believe you are? I mean do you align yourself now as straight, Gay or Bi? If your somthing other than straight likely your family will be uncomfortable....
So, be what you want to be it will eventually work out for you as it does for the majority of people.
thank you
Quote from: Guest 1 on February 13, 2012, 12:28:26 AM
Hi
it is not really correct that you can or can't stop being transgendered. Hey it is ok to be what ever you want, but it is unlikely that someone "transgendered" can really stop being transgendered.
It is ok with me, if you now say your not transgendered.... M' kay
But lets say your simply confused as you think you are. If your not Transgendered would you like to state what you believe you are? I mean do you align yourself now as straight, Gay or Bi? If your somthing other than straight likely your family will be uncomfortable....
So, be what you want to be it will eventually work out for you as it does for the majority of people.
thank you
I now consider myself male. I still have these feelings, and I still WANT to be female, but I'm relatively certain there's nothing different about my brain or anything like that and my need to be female is purely psychological. It really hurt to admit that, but I felt I had to. I must be true to myself. I am autistic, and that probably has to do with my confusion.
I am bi, but I don't think sexuality is for me anyway. I don't do well with relationships, and I don't understand them. It doesn't really make a difference, as I don't expect to be with anybody anyway.
I must say that it's really, really tough to start thinking of myself as male again. I liked to think of myself as female, but... yeah, that way of thinking can only lead to bad places for me. I hope I can keep from thinking that way too much. Even today though, I have already faltered and thought of myself as a "she". :(
Quote from: Trixie on February 08, 2012, 12:27:36 PM. . . seeing as how woman have been oppressed by men since the beginning of civilization. :(
Oh is that so ? And WHO is it that told you that? I'm being rhetorical of course because obviously we all already know the answer ! So why on earth would you want to join such an "oppressed" class of people ? Guilt? To atone for being born "a man" (a baby boy actually 'cause they're much more "vulnerable" to ABUSE) you now think ya wanna transition so ? ? ? you can then "get even" with the "evil them" every chance you get ? If it makes you feel any better I assure you there are plenty doing THAT already !
Beg pardon but YOU do sound like a perfect example !
If confused it's quite understandable because your basic premise from the beginning IS WRONG ! Supposedly "innocent until proven guilty" why do you even feel the need to pay for the "past sins" of your alleged male forbearers ? Who made you personally responsible FOR THEM ? Again I think we all know the answer already . . . so yer GUILTY by sheer association eh ? I suggest you SCRAP ALL you've been told and, in forming your own objective thoughts and opinions, work on simply LIKING YOURSELF a 'lil better as somebody has obviously laid one huge mental trip unfairly upon you !
Quote from: Trixie on February 16, 2012, 09:41:59 AMI have already faltered and thought of myself as a "she". :(
I'm no doctor but do know, based on faith if not anything else, that not ALL women are as horrible as you seem to have experienced and think ! Did it ever occur to you that as a "transgendered
woman WHATEVER" you could easily "be" (edit: do is poor choice of word) "a women" much better than THEY ever could ?
Quote from: Kiera on February 16, 2012, 12:03:08 PM
Oh is that so ? And WHO is it that told you that? I'm being rhetorical of course because obviously we all already know the answer ! So why on earth would you want to join such an "oppressed" class of people ? Guilt? To atone for being born "a man" (a baby boy actually 'cause they're much more "vulnerable" to ABUSE) you now think ya wanna transition so ? ? ? you can then "get even" with the "evil them" every chance you get ? If it makes you feel any better I assure you there are plenty doing THAT already !
Beg pardon but YOU do sound like a perfect example !
If confused it's quite understandable because your basic premise from the beginning IS WRONG ! Supposedly "innocent until proven guilty" why do you even feel the need to pay for the "past sins" of your alleged male forbearers ? Who made you personally responsible FOR THEM ? Again I think we all know the answer already . . . so yer GUILTY by sheer association eh ? I suggest you SCRAP ALL you've been told and, in forming your own objective thoughts and opinions, work on simply LIKING YOURSELF a 'lil better as somebody has obviously laid one huge mental trip unfairly upon you !
I'm sorry. I realize that was ignorant and I realize that nor all men are that way. I was just explaining how my reasoning was at the time. Guilt was a part of it.
Quote from: Kiera on February 16, 2012, 12:03:08 PM
I'm no doctor but do know, based on faith if not anything else, that not ALL women are as horrible as you seem to have experienced and think ! Did it ever occur to you that as a "transgendered woman WHATEVER" you could easily do "a women" much better than THEY ever could ?
I don't think woman are horrible. Where did you get that idea?
And I don't know what you mean by me being able to "do a woman" better than "they".
Quote from: Trixie on February 16, 2012, 01:05:47 PM
I don't think woman are horrible. Where did you get that idea?
Because many ARE bitter, hateful, delusional and vindictive. They're generally classified, referred to as "feminists".
QuoteAnd I don't know what you mean by me being able to "do a woman" better than "they".
All i meant by that is lighten up on yourself /already corrected poor wording/ Be Proud of whoever you are as God does NOT arbitrarily make "mistakes" just for the fun of it and, having a specific good purpose for all of us so-called "trans-people" it's only a matter of each of us discovering where we "best fit in". I hate to see anyone so down on themselves -
YOU DO MATTER, probably more than most !
Sorry so
PREACHY sounding ! I'm pissed today 'cause another alleged "trans-friend" RATTED me out and got me BANNED from another site based solely on my "age"! Some people are *very touchy* set themselves up as *final authority* but can't take criticism at all, which is part & parcel of the "territory". I didn't "respond", resolved to just let it go !
Quote from: Trixie on February 16, 2012, 09:41:59 AM
I now consider myself male. I still have these feelings, and I still WANT to be female, but I'm relatively certain there's nothing different about my brain or anything like that and my need to be female is purely psychological. It really hurt to admit that, but I felt I had to. I must be true to myself. I am autistic, and that probably has to do with my confusion.
I am bi, but I don't think sexuality is for me anyway. I don't do well with relationships, and I don't understand them. It doesn't really make a difference, as I don't expect to be with anybody anyway.
I must say that it's really, really tough to start thinking of myself as male again. I liked to think of myself as female, but... yeah, that way of thinking can only lead to bad places for me. I hope I can keep from thinking that way too much. Even today though, I have already faltered and thought of myself as a "she". :(
I had authism too, trixie, for me it s just a way to call a psichological block that arises and developes in people that suffer inside for misunderstood reason ( such as being , feeling different ) so I had to be more easy on myself, and understand that sometimes also the worst things can be worked out, these illnesses are in evolution now.
I feel the same about being woman, i mean my body is horrible, my heart aches everytime i think about a woman, and i wish i could ask to simply be a man! Just i dont think it s a feeling i can eradicate anymore, because more i go to accept it, more i understand this feeling takes my whole person. I wish you good luck with your tries.
Personally, in this modern world, there's usually no reason anyone should hold themselves back from their desired gender just because of a lack of confidence (usually stemming from the feeling that one is too masculine to pass realistically as female.) In this day and age, even conservative facial surgery goes a very long way in bringing the features to a more harmonious, soft point, and it isn't expensive by many folks' means.
However, if someone feels that by all means they'd be better off staying in male mode, that transitioning would never be a realistic option for their life or appearance, the second piece of advice I have is simply to find something else, something huge, that you enjoy. More people than Transfolk have had to "deal with it" in life, getting over the emotions of severe handicaps, disabilities, and diseases, yet if you search out for another purpose your life may have, it may give you emotional positives in areas you never expected to get them from.
While I know how it feels, I don't believe that it's "impossible" in most cases for people to "do something else besides worrying about being a different sex" for awhile, I believe even the most tormented people can find an activity or purpose they enjoy, if they're brave enough to open their minds to it. If being the opposite gender is the only single thing in life that brings one joy, I believe their life will be pretty dull once they accomplish that. You have to care about other things in life too.
Like for me, there's plenty I'm willing to do in male mode right now. I'd love to work at a liquor store, I'm very passionate about alcohol as a artistic product (so much work goes into making it and it's really interesting to taste different products and learn about them). I'm very open to portraying certain roles in film productions as long as the role allows me to wear any sort of mask. If I happen to magically get aholt of tons of money that I was not allowed to spend on transitioning, I'd love to open a homeless shelter for young adults, where I'd also hold group meetings for all sorts of people in need. While I admittingly have a small, strict list, there are other things that interest me very much and really would take my general mind off it awhile.
Let me try to explain...
I want to be a woman. Very badly. But I think that I am not ACTUALLY transgender. Meaning, I am not mentally female. I think I am simply autistic, and I am merely confused, and don't understand genders roles and society, and why I should conform to mine. (IE: My reasons for wanting to be a woman are purely psychological, not physiological)
I want to know how to stop WANTING to be a woman, and accept being a man.
Quote from: Trixie on February 23, 2012, 07:47:42 PM
Let me try to explain...
I want to be a woman. Very badly. But I think that I am not ACTUALLY transgender. Meaning, I am not mentally female. I think I am simply autistic, and I am merely confused, and don't understand genders roles and society, and why I should conform to mine. (IE: My reasons for wanting to be a woman are purely psychological, not physiological)
I want to know how to stop WANTING to be a woman, and accept being a man.
I think you're grasping at straws and semantics. I can't say for certain I am mentally female either. Or that I have a female brain. Some people would argue I don't given I love math and science, like cars and motorcycles etc etc. I am much more of a left brain person and don't let my emotions rule my decisions, never have. I never wanted to play with dolls nor did I ever want a pony etc. I fit into a "guys world" on those fronts OK but I have also always wanted to be a woman very badly. Even now as a woman I can chat with guys about car stuff etc and it's not awkward at all for me but I need to be a woman/seen as female gendered too. I tried to fight this for 40 years of my life and failed. Maybe you can figure out how to do this "stop wanting to be a woman", I wasn't able to and wasn't happy with myself until I became one.
As Beverley has posted, just be you. Every one of the 7 Billion people on this planet is unique, so forget the labels and just be "you". Whether you see yourself as a man, a woman, somewhere in between, or something else entirely is ultimately your own free choice.
We are all responsible for our own actions, but some people find that scary and resort to self-evasion to escape it. Really, those of us here have all considered our situation and asked the decisive existential question, "what is neccessary here? "
We may not have a complete answer, but we are not afraid of it, and are working towards implimenting it.
It sounds like you are on the brink of telling yourself the answer. Approach it with honesty and integrity, and you will come out okay.
Karen.
Quote from: Stephe on February 23, 2012, 09:44:50 PM
I am much more of a left brain person and don't let my emotions rule my decisions, never have. I never wanted to play with dolls nor did I ever want a pony etc. I fit into a "guys world" on those fronts OK but I have also always wanted to be a woman very badly. Even now as a woman I can chat with guys about car stuff etc and it's not awkward at all for me but I need to be a woman/seen as female gendered too.
Ditto that, I'm on the same page as Stephe!
I would recommend buying some feminine clothing , some make-up, most definitely a wig , get all dolled up strut around a little, and see what shakes out.
Given the choice between suffering from male guilt for ~, what, 5000 years of civilization, or dressing up as a woman to find out if your desire is at least partially satisfied is far preferable to living life as an abstraction.
I think if you transition it may dawn on you that women have their fair share of guilt to kvetch over not unlike men.
I... think I am coming to terms with myself. I just... can't repress it, you know? I still don't know if I will ever transition or anything. I have time to decide. I have to go to a therapist, and find out if that's right for me. All I know is that, merely to think of myself as female makes me incredibly happy. I know the one I love is incredibly supportive, and she doesn't care either way. I just... it feels good.
I'll be styling myself more effeminately in the near future, for a start.
I'm not sure how I feel about being considered a birth defect...
But I can understand your pain. I more often then not, have sat looking at myself and thought I must be crazy and should just forget this whole deal.
yet.. in the end, isn't it like forcing yourself not to like your favourite colour? You'll always secretly love it and will be in denial forever.
You can't just remove these thoughts from your mind. You're not a smoker trying to quite - you're a person facing the very core of your soul. Maybe you need to remove yourself just for a little bit, from these people you're so afraid of losing and really look at yourself FOR YOURSELF.
If you decide to stay male for the sake of these people, then make that choice. And accept it in your heart that you're a woman making a great sacrifice for the people you care about. But remember that only you can choose to make that sacrifice. If it's something you can't come to terms with, then it's not a path you really want to take.
My personal experience is more one like a conflict of conscience?
People expect me to (pretend to) be a man? They do not understand that I have to violate my own conscience if I do as they expect from me. And that makes it so hard, I'm stuck in a conflict between the expectations of other people and my own internal sense of right and wrong.
I spent the majority of my life trying to run from being transgender, finally I realized that it was impossible to run from myself. From who I really am. I've come to a place of peace with this journey. I am now not only at peace, but also grateful for this journey.
I wish it was possible for me to stop desiring being female. Such a thing is an impossibility for me, and I really, really can't be doing it. It's just frustrating and upsetting. I wish I were a girl very, very badly.
I have to do my best to get over it. Hopefully I will be able to do that.
Wishing to be cis is... quite the trap.
We can be stronger for our birth defect. Souls of steel, strengthed by their hammers and their fires... that sort of thing. Jenna Talackova said, "It builds character," and while I laughed quite a bit - I see that as a big unerstatement - it's true.
We can be better people for it all. More open, accepting, knowledgable... and we can have the most beautiful hearts in the world. Appearances can be changed these days, and it's not that special... but how can a cis person have the kind of heart and insight that we do?
They can't.
It might be a hundred times easier and better to just be born correctly, but I would not say that being trans is without its blessings.
Keep strong, Trixie... you are a girl, and you have a whole new life and adventure ahead of you. :)
But I'm not a girl. I shouldn't kid myself... I'm not. :'(
I don't think I have a "birth defect" or a physiological problem like I imagine most of you do. It's all psychological for me, I think. Therefore my feminity is invalidated, and I am not a girl. Merely a confused boy.
I'm jealous of people who get to transition, especially those who're accepted by their families and those they know... but I know I'm not like that. There are a lot of reasons I can't, and never will.
I want to get over it. I wish I could just be happy and okay with being a man. I can't though. I feel trapped.
Quote from: Trixie on April 11, 2012, 08:22:27 AM
But I'm not a girl. I shouldn't kid myself... I'm not. :'(
I don't think I have a "birth defect" or a physiological problem like I imagine most of you do. It's all psychological for me, I think. Therefore my feminity is invalidated, and I am not a girl. Merely a confused boy.
I'm jealous of people who get to transition, especially those who're accepted by their families and those they know... but I know I'm not like that. There are a lot of reasons I can't, and never will.
I want to get over it. I wish I could just be happy and okay with being a man. I can't though. I feel trapped.
I'm not a shrink, but I've been around a good long time and this is clearly a case of Gender Identity Disorder [GID] or as its also referred to, Gender Dysphoria. Go see a competent counselor who specializes in gender issues. Otherwise you will be stuck in this ongoing morass forever. Life is short, eat your desert first!
Hi Trixie, I definitely think you should talk this out with a counsellor of some sort. Your series of posts are raising all sorts of issues that are challenging and obviously very difficult. I am sorry if I will be putting words in your mouth, but I can see a very long list of things being raised and I think you would be well served to start creating a list and addressing them one at a time but then also with the help of someone to start to see how you have put them together and how they create tension or alternatively support each other.
So far, I have seen raised--the patriarchical system and guilt, autism, the differences between intersexuality versus psychological conditions (as if there are no biological components to both), the extent to which one can find various means of expressing gender while being male/female/something else altogether, is ->-bleeped-<- biological, etc.
Massive issues and I think you will find all of them are HUGE! What matters is that you find a safe place to explore them and find what is right and comfortable for you whatever the label is ultimately.
Peace to you!
I can't go to a counsellor. I'm on my parents insurance. I have to tell them to go to see a Doctor. I live in America, and health care isn't free here. I have no way of seeing a counsellor or therapist without paying money I don't have.
Quote from: Trixie on April 11, 2012, 08:22:27 AM
There are a lot of reasons I can't, and never will.
I felt this same way and it's why it took so long for me to transition. "Never" is a long time :) Maybe you can't see it happening in the near future but one day it can. Maybe after you get out on your own and get settled you can start dealing with it. Just don't say never!
Quote from: Trixie on April 11, 2012, 10:05:00 AM
I can't go to a counsellor. I'm on my parents insurance. I have to tell them to go to see a Doctor. I live in America, and health care isn't free here. I have no way of seeing a counsellor or therapist without paying money I don't have.
I feel your pain on that one Trixie. Sometimes I wish I could move to another country just so I could have a lot of this covered. :( -hugs-
Quote from: Malachite on April 11, 2012, 01:34:18 PM
I feel your pain on that one Trixie. Sometimes I wish I could move to another country just so I could have a lot of this covered. :( -hugs-
I just realized that I bolded everything lol.
I actually enjoy what/who I am, sure there have been countless major frustrations as I have wandered thru life, but I have learned to take things on with an open mind and to figure out the best route through the situations as they came up.
Sure I would love to be "all girl all the time" but if I have to be in "boy mode" to fit in with family and career as it was dished out to me over the years as a result of having not come out at a much younger age, then so be it ;)
as always though...we are not drones all programmed as carbon copies... so each person in this world has his/hers own personalities and mental "state of mind" to deal with...I wish Trixie the very best!!
I agree with Rabbit society must completely stop judging those whom are different who's self expression is to be who they want to be. Even I struggle everyday with this question and can find no peace with it. My view is no one has a complete full answer to why some feel/need to alter or desire to be the opposite gender. For others to also be of other gender types is not wrong nor should one be forced into being ashamed because of it. The world would be a boring place if we were all the same.
Strange I never actually "want" to be a girl, I just so happened to be one. I didn't care in the least about my wretched body and even though I found myself extremely ugly I never looked at women with envy. Worst thing is I wasn't ugly at all in fact I was a pretty hot guy >.< I never wanted to be them because it was already the case in my head and since I was a lesbian it ended up more confusing than it needed to be and eventually after having kids I had to concede that I just wasn't "becoming" a man any time soon and that maybe I suffered from not "looking" like a woman.
I'm inclined to say that it doesn't really matter just how trans you are, what matters is if transition is right for you or not. Best way to know is to live part time as a woman ASAP.
Quote from: Trixie on April 11, 2012, 10:05:00 AM
I can't go to a counsellor. I'm on my parents insurance. I have to tell them to go to see a Doctor. I live in America, and health care isn't free here. I have no way of seeing a counsellor or therapist without paying money I don't have.
There are options. While it may seem lame there are counselors at your school or perhaps a friendly teacher can help.
Another fantastic resource is PFLAG whose focus is towards LGBT kids and for their parents and friends. The PBS show "In the Life" is airing this month a show on TG kids featuring a Maryland chapter whose folks I've meet and are the most incredible advocates for TG's and for TG rights. It was hard to hold back the tears, during the senates SB212 TG Rights Bill hearing, listening to one womans tale of dealing with her daugher. The show is already posted on their site InTheLifeMedia dot org.
I assume it is done the same way one stops being gay or such. I think that we all fail to frequently fully realize how fortunate we are sweetheart to have been born into this, relatively speaking, highly enlightened and high-tech society. Imagine how difficult things would be for you in another time or place. Time will provide the best answer to your question. Just make sure not to much of your life has passed when you are sure enough that you know the answer; because, yes, life can be way too short.
Quote from: JoanneB on April 13, 2012, 07:41:33 AM
There are options. While it may seem lame there are counselors at your school or perhaps a friendly teacher can help.
Another fantastic resource is PFLAG whose focus is towards LGBT kids and for their parents and friends. The PBS show "In the Life" is airing this month a show on TG kids featuring a Maryland chapter whose folks I've meet and are the most incredible advocates for TG's and for TG rights. It was hard to hold back the tears, during the senates SB212 TG Rights Bill hearing, listening to one womans tale of dealing with her daugher. The show is already posted on their site InTheLifeMedia dot org.
I doubt I'm young enough to contact them or get their help or anything, being 20.
I did watch that documentary... it was quite beautiful, but it also depressed me. I'm such a jealous person... I hate how jealous I can be. Just jealous of those kids who DO have families who support them... I would give nearly anything for that.
I remember being 12 and crying inside because I wanted to be a girl.. I constantly wore dresses when others werent home.. I would make wishes to whatever was out there to turn me into a girl for my happiness.. I still struggle with the feelings.. when I wear suits.. when I had a girlfriend..when i Look in the mirror.. or i see a thin pretty women with long hair.. or another transgender that got to go with it.. but I never wanted it.. I wanted to be a man like my dad. I recall being confused as a young boy, but not am i a girl or am i a boy.. i just didn't have a connection inside to what i was..
I can't describe it..just a lack of a sense of what i was. Im talking 2-3 and make a conscious decision to be a little man.except at that time young girls were gross and young boys were to crazy and aggressive for me. I decided at that time would grow up to be just like my dad. but this world doesn't allow that and its gory expectations of what im supposed to be doesn't match up to a loving, sensitive, feeling, caring, calm and mild non disgusting sexually moral person I want to be. . I'm 30 years old now and those feelings haven't left me. When i wear mens clothes i feel incomplete. I Married my friend and whenever Im with her I just don't feel right.. but I want to be. I do care about her though.
I made the conscious choice to be straight when I was 17-18 and desired to be with a girl named Jaymee.. It didn't happen and because this world forces you to act like you'd rather not I felt forced to fit in so I created this false feeling that i needed to have sex to be a man. We know the struggle between straight and gay..
I never liked men sexually but I had liked other transgender for comforts sake and my desire to conform to what I wanted to do was failing because I wound up with a girl I didn't love..I could have changed my outlook and coped with my feelings had i just stuck to a girl i love but I didn't and it was terrible to for me . It can be done.. but I made the mistake and I had no helper to guide me around life. I can't blame anyone because I never told anyone because I knew it would give me problems and it would hurt people I cared about. This world is crazy and I always fealt something wasn't right.. I came across a girl in school that I just loved..Not romantically but I fealt really good around her.
She was so different from the other people around me..again I do struggle with transgender feelings. and I lock it away. I was never attracted to men. i was never really sexual at all, I only really created the desire for it because everything around you according to the topic says you are crazy if you aren't.. I just really needed to be a girl. It turned out that she was one of Jehovah's Witnesses and I never knew what they were or heard of them but months before I knew this girl was one,i gred to really care about her. and she was so cool and kind and had this completely different freeness about her speach and actions. Evven compared to other girls that are considered quiet or good or nice. She was completely greater in a way i didn't understand.
Long story short, I began struggling with my sexuallity again though i never really wanted either, around 19-20, I had just quit Airforce basic training because Im not that kind of person at all and did it for the sake of my father. kind of the same feeling I get when I wear mens clothing. Anyway, I got back around my friends and the struggles of every youth in an unstable life got the better of me and I finally found out what I was lacking after I had a near death experience or so I thought. I always wanted to learn about jesus and God but evvery church i had been to never worked..I always felt a lacking from what i learned about christ and what god was really like.. hellfire, killing for no reason. taking everyones money and just talking about feel good things and contradict what I heard about what the bible was.. I never read the bible because our family never had one or cared..
I never read it until I was 20. I asked erica, the girl I mentioned earlier, for one after my experience. She gave me another book about christ on earth and when I read it I cryed out and said This is the truth!! I experienced a huge change in my life because I finally got to read what actually had sense in it. I struggled over the next few years to commit to it because of my horrible choices and expectations but I overcame them and finally got involved with Jehovah's witnesses. I read that god doesn't burn people in fire forever and doesn't kill people to get what he wants.
He trys to help us but the devil is complicating things and trying to convince the world that there is no danger and that God doesn't care about us or that he's evil. but I know now we aren't supposed to be like we are and Jesus christs real reason to be reavealed is to break up the works of the devil and make it all better. They call it a new world and I know now from reading it!! that everything we are tought or told about God or armageddon and the so called apocalypse are wrong. I can't answer all of it but a lot of transgender people that want to not be transgender have a feeling that there is something else or don't have words for it but for me I have to say this was it.. I can say I know whats can be done about it all. I got involved with the witnesses and My struggle has been given a promise from the truth that I have read! that the truth of the bible has been misrepresented.. and God as he is has been given the wrong idea given to him. why is it then if not that so many people with a religion are still unhappy..and still can't give a concrete answer to life and every problem.
if it doesn't set you free I'm going to say it must not be the greatest truth there is. Im still fighting with my problems but I know it will be gone from me at sometime near. and its not as overwhelming as it was before i learned these things. At the core of myself i'm free from it all. Im not here to make a fight but to aid other people like me that really want to get rid of these things like I had.. if you want to carry on as you are ok.. but I'd say try and give a prayer a chance to Jehovah in christ's name and try and give witnesses a go. I'm happier for it. I know a pair of twins in the phillipines, and from when they could walk and talk said they were girls and played dress up and had dolls.. they grew up and became popular as ->-bleeped-<-s, they were on tv and were famous for it. they both read with the witneses. had bible studies and learned the same thing I have. One of them really liked the good news and learned the truth of the promised new world free of imperfection and sin and lies.. the other liked it but decided to remain trans.
I really need to lay this down... before I learned these things I really NEEDED to be a girl to gain happiness.. now its not so hard. Im happy to some degree how things worked out because If my parents had known and condoned it me think Iwas ok for me to act this way I probably would have wanted hormone therapy, but to I worked out got muscles and begain looking more like a man..so after a certain point i realized i couldn't be physically as convincing as a girl as I wanted to be and caused me to keep trying to hide. as your mind can sometimes tell you that you have to.. ask you think the world kicks you into.. that fact helped me to go against my feelings. of course at the time I wanted nothing more than to become a girl so it wasn't good for me then..
I still want the pain to go away but deep in me the greater desire to be different overtakes my "external" feelings to be a woman.. I still want to cry from my desire to be a girl but I know it itsn't how its supposed to be because that wasn't how god made us.. We think we are like we are because its how god made man but it isn't. and all the confusing stuff about god out there has shaped our thoughts against what is real. but anyway I want to help whoever can be helped because I know there are others out there like myself that don't want to give into these feelings for whatever reason.. Jehovah's promise to get rid of our pain controls my life to the point that the pain isn't so hard anymore.. When I get tired and weak I fight it but the truth is that it will all be done away with and we can all function like we are supposed to in the right way and free from angry, mean, overly harsh, hurtful people and awkward thoughts and feelings and struggles.
I want to get peace and so can you or your friends. Goodbye I hope you are helped and find the truth. I edited this but I got emo when I went to edit it so it might not be the greatest story ever told. But jehovah is my stronghold and and I get help when I pray to him.. He doesn't hate us.. the whole thing is that the devil has misguided people so that they won't find out that he's actually the one to blame for all of our physical issues.. Men were men, women were women.... While I can't fight the feelings I have at times and the way I think here and there.. because it felt real at the time.. I know now it wasn't supposed to feel like this.. So im going to struggle ahead because of telling God(Jehovah) that I want to do whats good.. he has lessened my pain so that I can keep going and at times I even forget my situation as if I'm already where he wants me.. he wants us to get help but he also doesn't want us to do what we do because it isn't how it was originally intended and to think about it like that explains all the internal conflicts!! I know that he still accepts me as long as I keep trying and loving and liking the good things that he likes.. because its not me.. he wants whats good for everyone. just so many lies around..its truly amazing to find out so many religions leave so much out and make God out to be something that he isn't..especially when things are taken out of the big picture.. It makes me sad to think so many transgender,->-bleeped-<-s, gays, lesbians and so forth have closed their heart to God because of all the false information out there about the bible, God and christ. So sad.. I'm glad I learned the reality and listened to my friend Erica in high school.. yay
I mean look at flowers and cats and puppies... how could a cruel uncaring father make good stuff like that.. this world has stuffed to many lies in our minds and it has caused us to make choices that werent based on truth and reality.!! please consider going to jw.org or talk to a Witness when you can because you may like what they say. tell them you want to hear what they have to say. ok bye. for real.
Agaiin, Im sorry if this was incoherent in any way.. I've never actually expressed this out loud until this post.
GD can, in fact be looked as a birth defect. They are able yo prove our brains are different. But we can't let it define us.
I have Albinism, but I don't let it slow me down.
Even thou we can prove what we are, each of is is different, and can cope in different ways. Some of us go all the way, while other may figure other ways around it.
Ether way, we did choose to be awesome instead we were chosen.
Quote from: coursecorrection on March 15, 2014, 08:00:07 PM
I remember being 12 and crying inside because I wanted to be a girl.. I constantly wore dresses when others werent home.. I would make wishes to whatever was out there to turn me into a girl for my happiness.. I still struggle with the feelings.. when I wear suits.. when I had a girlfriend..when i Look in the mirror.. or i see a thin pretty women with long hair.. or another transgender that got to go with it.. but I never wanted it.. I wanted to be a man like my dad. I recall being confused as a young boy, but not am i a girl or am i a boy.. i just didn't have a connection inside to what i was.. I can't describe it..just a lack of a sense of what i was. Im talking 2-3 and make a conscious decision to be a .........
Paragraphing please. I tried to read it but my eyes hurt :laugh:
Quote from: Trixie on February 08, 2012, 12:27:36 PM
and I feel guilty for being a man, seeing as how woman have been oppressed by men since the beginning of civilization.
Unless you've done any oppressing, its not your fault.
Quote
Even so, I cannot shake these thoughts. I cannot shake the desire to be female. Is it possible for me to? I'm going to end up ruining my life and being cast away from my family and friends if I can't.. There has to be some way. :icon_cry2:
most in that situation scratch that itch by crossdressing.
I tried Cross-dressing, but I still needed to be female. It just didn't feel the same.
I for one redirected my thoughts through hobbies, extreme sports commitments, crazy study loads. If you can do that for the rest of your life - well I suspect you can. Beware though, the quiet times when you are alone because the thoughts only come back. I simply don't want to fight it anymore. In surrendering and beginning transition I'm happier than I've ever been. Is there a risk of huge cost? Yes. Only you can decide if the cost is worth it, and what you must do to redirect your thoughts.