Last summer I went camping with my family, and my little cousin was with us. I'm still closeted about this entire FtM issue, and I don't dress stereotypically "masculine" to set radars off, but throughout the entire trip, my cousin, who is six years old, kept calling me with male pronouns.
My mother and aunt kept "correcting" him, but he would always say things such as "Can't you see that he's a boy? I don't get it". I honestly don't know how he came to this conclusion, but it delighted me a bit, even though it was probably just some sort of coincidence. We talked to him and his mother through Skype about a month ago, and he still considers me a male.
People act as if children are clueless, but do you think that somehow they can pick up on these things not only within themselves, but other people due to a lack of bias that adults tend to carry?
Years ago, back when I was in high school, one of my younger cousins insisted I was the "same thing as him" - and I had known this at the time, but was incidentally embarrassed when he said this because I hadn't come out to anyone yet. I think I might've been fourteen at the time and even though I presented pretty androgynously, I did have things like colored hair and piercings that children wouldn't usually associate as a particularly "masculine" thing. I think my hair may have been blue at the time and I had nose stud and three piercings in each ear (no plugs yet). His mom ended up explaining that I wasn't a boy to him, and unlike your situation, he accepted it and I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what to think now that I can no longer pass as female & sound like a guy. He's probably pretty confused and seems to avoid interacting with me the past couple of times I've seen him.
Those are interesting stories. In my experience, kids (around 5-8 years old) seem to be simply confused by my existence. My younger cousins never cease to mention how I 'looked like a girl before' (this was before I understood I was trans), and how I 'look like a dude now'. Then they proceed to pester for a short while about why I wear guys' clothes, then drop it because I'm older than them and therefore cooler. 8) :P
So relatives, no. But I've had some random kids refer to me as male, and that's really cool. I think they do have some type of perception that must deteriorate over time. They understand things like that without needing to be told, and they're stubborn, so they hold onto the idea too.
I've been referred to as both male and female by different children, both before and after my transition.
Kids haven't built up as many filters and biases and other mental complications as adults have, so their viewpoints can be worth paying attention to.
Twice now, I have been hugged by mentally disabled children who's parents always say to me "Oh they wont ever go near a male." This was way before HRT.
Children know. They really do. ^_^
On that note, what about the elderly? In my case, I'm talking about my grandmother with whom I lived for my adult life. I was never out to my family and when my grandmother got Alzheimer's, she started calling me by male pronouns and referred to me as "that boy". Interesting.
I think kids are more perceptive than most adults give them credit for.. And as Felix pointed out, they don't have the filters that people seem to develop as they grow up.. Kids gender me correctly 100% of the time, adults are a little less forgiving..
Children and drunked adults see things clear
I do have to say that children do seem to see past the outside to the inner self WAY more often than adults do. I've had several girls come up to me and tell me that I'm pretty or could see me as a girl.. sans the beard of course. I think the younger the age, the more open the mind is.. at least until society has forced them to close down and accept "reality" or rather outward appearances of others.
:angel:
I do agree that children seem to be able to pick up on things... I work in retail and was stocking the cooler aisle at the store I'm in.. and a father and his very young daughter came to get something nearby. I guess they couldn't find what they wanted and the father led her away, but she kept telling her father to ask the lady (me). He looked horrified and then apologetic to me as he tried to explain to her that I was a boy.. but she didn't seem convinced as they left in a hurry. I didn't mind, made me feel good actually. :)
Children just notice things more than the adults, they are just learning about this world. We learn to block certain things automatically as we age. As one who does public outreach for my astronomy club, I and others noticed that the kids ask the better questions about astronomy and science than their parents do. These questions are simple with a complicated answer in the same category as "Why is the sky blue?".
Joelene
It certainly is possible. My nephew at 3 years old kept referring me as "he" or "him" and my sister would correct him even though I totally didn't mind. It was like a subconcious thing or him to call me "he" or "him". At one point he even asked me if I was a boy or girl. I wanted to say boy but then my family would raise their pitchforks and get their rope out so I just evaded the question by saying "I'm a broom." Children do pick up on little things though.
People sometimes use male pronounces when talking to me subconsciously,especially lately.
a) I really doubt that entire 'sense/see' thing.
b) I have zero doubt, and can say with absolute certainty that kids will say things that adults will not.
Quote from: tekla on March 11, 2012, 12:14:52 PM
a) I really doubt that entire 'sense/see' thing.
b) I have zero doubt, and can say with absolute certainty that kids will say things that adults will not.
Bingo
I was camping with my grandfather once, and I had pink hair at the time, which made me look a little girly to some people. I sat on top of this jungle gym in the park center and little kids would run around me laughing. When I got down to play on the merry-go-round with them, there was a mini-debate over my gender, which I promised two dollars to whoever got correct. Most of them guessed male, though a few said female. One little girl, about seven, just asked, "Are you a girl?" "No." "Were you born a girl?"
That just sort of stopped me in my tracks, and I think the deer-in-the-headlights look gave me away, because she walked away with two dollars. No one else asked because I had already said I was male, but I really hope that kid was helped in some way, because that was the most magnificently jolting experience ever.
Most kids accept me as male even after told I'm a girl by adults. My sister even asked me and told her mother to hush when she tried to answer for me. After that she corrected her mother every single time the woman misgendered me. "You mean to say 'he'. 'Cause he's a boy. Gosh."
I think kids are just more perceptive.
This is looking at it from the wrong side.
Everyone is capable of percieving more than they do. Or rather more than they admit to. That's the key.
As we grow, we develop ways to rationalise everything, ways to tell ourselves we don't actually know what we think we know. People become jaded and cynical by the world, they develop baggage and emotional hangups. Ways to pass everything around them through their own internal filters. The older we get, the more we're told what's what, and what isn't what. And the less we actually rely on our own intuition and perceptions.
That is what children haven't yet been subjected to. It's not that they're more perceptive or intuitive than anyone else, it's just that they haven't yet been conditioned to ignore it.
Children, of pure heart and emotions are awesome! :)
As far as I remember, I've never been recognized as a girl - by small kiddos. :)
Once, about 3-4 years ago I was taking a walk. I wore women's clothes (okay, plain & unisex clothes, not those extreme kinds)... My hair reached my shoulders, waxed "female moustache" before: nothing masculine at all.
A little maybe-4-years-old girl shouted by suprise, holding her mother's hand - when I was walking away next to them. "What a cute boy!"
I didn't even talk back with my semi-deep voice, I thought it was because of my walking style..? But how could it be..?! Then the mother corrected her quickly: "Don't watch that weirdo/freak!"*
(*Male-female pronouns don't exist in my language.)
After all, when I was under 18, while waiting for the pediatrist, all toddlers described and referred me as a boy and said hello to me like this. I never wore boys' clothes at all. :)
Kids used to recognize me as male. Overall though, they're always really shy and quiet....
I must be a man. A very beautiful, petite, and cute man.
My ex-girlfriend-and-now-friend's little boy has started calling me she/her, but that's partly because his mum does. But he doesn't seem to have a problem with it, and sometimes calls me mummy before he corrects himself :). Very cute.
Quote from: Padma on March 14, 2012, 05:34:49 AM
My ex-girlfriend-and-now-friend's little boy has started calling me she/her, but that's partly because his mum does. But he doesn't seem to have a problem with it, and sometimes calls me mummy before he corrects himself :). Very cute.
omg this is so cool.
All I know is that kids never clock me so I guess I look cis ^.^+
My twin niece and nephew used to ask me everytime I saw them 'are you a boy or a girl' someone would tell them and one of them (or sometimes both) would reply with 'I don't think you are I think your a boy'
Also when my great grandma got alzhemeirs she started saying to me 'oh aren't you a lovely looking boy, face like an angel' and then turning to whoever was with us and saying 'aw isn't he lovely' . That was when I was 13 and not out. I didn't even have boys clothes, I was too scared to ask for them. Oh and I had long hair lol.
I think its because kids take people at face value (with genderqueer/androgynous they may take a look at bigger body language signals to determine). They are new to the gendered world we live in, and do not know the main physical "tells" that adults do. They take you as you present yourself. Be great if everyone could do that. Sadly, these children will likely be brainwashed by gendernormative society as they grow up.
On that note, I've also had children see me as male. One little girl vehemantly argued with her grandmother about it in front of me...I didn't know what to say.