Hello everyone! This is going to be a somewhat of a long post so hope you're ready to read! For a while now I have been feeling really confused about my gender and identity and I was wondering if anyone out there could offer any advice or help? Here we go!
For about two years now I have been feeling very confused. I feel the same way I did before I came out as gay. Confused, puzzled, anxious, stressed. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I wish I was a women. I wish I had long hair, a womens body and features, beautiful skin, pretty makeup, you know a womens appearance. Whenever I do drag I love how I look I don't want to take off my makeup, wig, or outfit. I just love how I look as a girl. It's not a fetish thing or anything, more like me feeling "at home" with myself. I always touch my chest and act like I have boobs, I sometimes fantasize (in a nonsexual way) about having a vagina.
Whenever I'm around a group of only men I feel so out of place! Sometimes I even try to act masculine myself but I'm not comfortable at all! I love acting feminine and I see myself as the only girl in the group lol. I'm not attracted to gay men at all, only straight men. I don't know if it has anything to do with my problem but just thought I'd put it out there.
Also sometimes I think to myself maybe I am transsexual but stop myself from thinking it because of many problems I could face. For example financial issues, family stops supporting me, all the legal work etc. My mom kind of paranoid me when I came out because she said she accepts me for who I am but she won't accept me being a women. I have been looking up TS info for months now and I can say that it has caught my attention and I feel like that's what I am but still can't find a way to come to terms with it. I would really like to read some thoughts and info, and if you have any questions feel free to message me! Thank you all for your time! Oh by the way I am 22 years old and a male hehe
If you are questioning, the best advice I can give you is to go see a therapist who specialises in gender issues, they won't give you the answer - but they will help you find the answer for yourself.
With that said, your story sounds similar enough to my own for me to make the comment, stop wasting time and get on with it.. As far as the family thing goes, it might not happen. My family have been 100% supportive, as have my friends.. And as for legal work, what legal work? A name change isn't all that difficult, nor is updating details after it's done.. I think you already know who you are, you are just making excuses and hurdles for yourself..
Hi Aniya
Well you have put your deepest toughts on paper and I must admit it sounds very transsexual to me.
I do recognize it from long time ago, my family wasn't supporting also but, after some time they noticed there was nothing they could do about it and came to terms with the new reality.
I think Kelly is right, look for a gender therapist to make things clear, it's a waist of time living in confusion.
BTW Kelly, you look prettier in every new avatar, hrt does good work for you.
Annette
Hi. You have come out as at least "Questioning" to the most important person. You. If any family or friends reject you after you have reached a conclusion as to who you really are, then they were never such to begin with. Sometimes simply saying you are trying to find yourself will be sufficient answer for a lot of them.
Seeing a reputable Gender Therapist is the best step to take next, as they can help you ask yourself the right questions regarding your core identity. As you are young, you have plenty of time to work out each step of your journey, and Hormone Therapy, should you choose it, will work much better and faster than on us oldies.
Hope to hear more from you here.
Karen.
Thank so much ladies! Appreciate the advice and will be looking for a gender therapist :)