Um, not sure on that wording there... but I've been debating surgery and being trans for the longest time... purely over how I look as a female.
All through out high school, I felt like I'd be happier as a guy, but... I kinda missed my chance to grow? I'm 4'10" with a round face and a soft, upturned nose... I'm far from masculine... and it scares me from wanting to try for T or top surgery or anything because.. what if I don't look like I expected? What if I stay this feminine looking forever?
I don't know if this seems like a silly or dumb thing to worry about.... but I just want to be happy, and I'm beginning to doubt my ability to be.
You are pretty short, but that just makes it more difficult, not impossible. I have a giant pelvis and a loud kid. Discouraging stuff. There will always be something that stands in the way. You have to figure out how to be happy.
Quote from: Felix on February 15, 2012, 11:41:34 PM
You are pretty short, but that just makes it more difficult, not impossible. I have a giant pelvis and a loud kid. Discouraging stuff. There will always be something that stands in the way. You have to figure out how to be happy.
Yeah, it just makes me nervous.. because I do pass for male sometimes... just... not the age I wanna be. It's usually associated with "and would the young man like some crayons?"
Not the most encouraging thing to hear.
You can get elevator shoes that are as tall as 5 inches. They look like regular boots but have lifts build in. If you're seen as male sometimes noe without hormones it's unlikely thar you would need facial masculization surgery after hormones. I do know a guy who had surgery because the results from T were not enough.
Quote from: Apollo on February 15, 2012, 11:46:12 PM
Yeah, it just makes me nervous.. because I do pass for male sometimes... just... not the age I wanna be. It's usually associated with "and would the young man like some crayons?"
Not the most encouraging thing to hear.
That is a problem. I think most transguys face this and there aren't really any magic bullets. I was paying for something last week and got asked if I had permission to use my mom's visa card. I started to argue and then just said yeah she knows I have it. ::) I'm 30 and I've been looking out for myself since I was 14. Transition has changed the social rules a lot. The people downtown who collect signatures for ballot initiatives don't believe I'm old enough to vote. I'm always my daughter's brother to random strangers.
Lol that's not very uplifting, is it? You get used to it, and it gets funny. There are worse problems to have. I got "snuck in" to a bar the other day to see my friend's band. They refused to look at my ID because they thought it was fake. Whatever. As long as I have a sitter I don't mind being a teenage boy once in awhile. You find ways to live with this kind of stuff.
When I was out with my grandparents pre-T, people would ask them if their little grandson wanted a lollipop lol As Felix said, there's always something. I used to think my shapely eyebrows and tiny nose would stop me from passing, but they don't. I regularly see cisguys around 5' so it does happen! Also T can do wonders for even the most "feminine" face.
Your height might work against you in the beginning, but if you do start hormones and you masculinize as much as most guys do, people will simply see you as a short guy. Just be prepared to wait a little longer.
Every once in a while when I was young, my mother would praise my cheekbones (a little high) and especially my "perfect" nose. They don't seem to be a liability at all now.
It does help that I'm 5'6", but I know a really short guy (around your height) who has no problems whatsoever. He started T a long time ago...maybe eight or ten years now. He's just a guy.
Most of us obsess at first about how much we're masculinizing and how other people read us. But we started T because it was right for us, not because we thought we already had masculine features. I like to say that if you do start T, do it for your own reasons, and just give it time to work. Teenage boys don't masculinize overnight--adolescence is a fairly lengthy stage.
Thank you all for such encouraging words. I really am glad I found this place, it's helping make this so much easier.
How you carry yourself can also be a big factor too.
How you look has nothing to do with being trans. Being masculine in any way doesn't make you trans. Looking like a female did not discourage me in anyway because being trans isn't a choice I made. So it's not something I could be discouraged from. I'm not transitioning because I think I would have a happier, funner, easier, whatever, life as a man than a woman. I am transitioning because I am a man and I want my body to match my mind as close as possible. You will pretty much go through a second puberty with T. I hate being short, but it doesn't mean I'm not a man. I bet my height would still bother me if I was cis. There are millions of short guys. For me transitioning is necessary and nothing will stop me. Transitioning isn't a race either. You don't need to push yourself. You have the rest of your life to figure out what you need to do to be happy and comfortable with yourself. There are trans men who never transition.
Looks like everyone has already said most of the things I wanted to bring up. I'll just add that I had a lot more worries about my semi-girly face before I saw a picture of my dad at 18. Let's just say it made me look like Sylvester Stallone. He looks about 3/4 viking now, so I figure screw it, I'll wait and see what happens. It seems like life fixes a lot of things eventually.
Quote from: Lee on February 16, 2012, 01:12:19 AM
Looks like everyone has already said most of the things I wanted to bring up. I'll just add that I had a lot more worries about my semi-girly face before I saw a picture of my dad at 18. Let's just say it made me look like Sylvester Stallone. He looks about 3/4 viking now, so I figure screw it, I'll wait and see what happens. It seems like life fixes a lot of things eventually.
This made me lol.
My dad is cis and he looks like a pasty hairless monkey. He's as small as I am, muscular but not visibly, got all his hair but it's been entirely white since he was in his early thirties, and really just in general doesn't look like any kind of manly man. But when I was growing up he would do pushups every morning with my sister and I on his back. He was a fighter jet mechanic and engineered bombs for the navy. According to freedom of information act records he was a test subject for pcp and it didn't break him. He was a crazy badass. A little tiny effeminate crazy badass. :D
yeah, i think there's this idealism or generalisation about how men look and act that really doesn't translate into reality. we get hung up on stereotypical details because we think that by not possessing certain male attributes we're discounted from the world of MEN... yknow, the lumberjacks and the lager louts and the body builders who sweat testosterone and never cry...
take a look at some male models. most of them are incredibly feminine and skinnier than any girl i know. height isn't a factor; when someone sees a short man they don't associate it with femininity.
Hey Apollo. I know looking young can have it's downside but it also has it's good points. I'm 40 and look like I'm 28. When I was in my 20's I would:
Travel for free on public transport as a student. Would walk on with my backpack and no-one ever questioned me.
Haggle by saying, "How much?, oh mum only gave me $X, I need to talk to her. Go back 10 minutes later and say "Mum couldn't give me any more sorry." Then get whatever with my original $X.
Tell the people knocking on the door looking for me to sign the Electoral role that mum and dad weren't home at the moment.
Cheap entry to movies, Royal Shows the Zoo...lots of things
etc, etc
I know these things might not suit everyone's situation so it's more to encourage people to get creative.
If you've got it use it I say. Balance out those downers :)
Quote from: Felix on February 15, 2012, 11:56:22 PM
That is a problem. I think most transguys face this and there aren't really any magic bullets. I was paying for something last week and got asked if I had permission to use my mom's visa card. I started to argue and then just said yeah she knows I have it. ::) I'm 30 and I've been looking out for myself since I was 14. Transition has changed the social rules a lot. The people downtown who collect signatures for ballot initiatives don't believe I'm old enough to vote. I'm always my daughter's brother to random strangers.
Lol that's not very uplifting, is it? You get used to it, and it gets funny. There are worse problems to have. I got "snuck in" to a bar the other day to see my friend's band. They refused to look at my ID because they thought it was fake. Whatever. As long as I have a sitter I don't mind being a teenage boy once in awhile. You find ways to live with this kind of stuff.
Yesterday I got a package in the mail of herbal dip (American oral tobacco, but this stuff is tobacco-free because I don't want to get hooked or put my health at risk, but I find it enjoyable). It wasn't very discreetly marked so when the guy at the post office scanned it he looked at me and said "you chew?" and I told him it's not real and he looked happy with that and when I was leaving I caught him saying to the other worker "just a baby" even though I'm pretty sure I'm a few years older than him (I'm turning 25 on Sunday).
Sometimes it's nice to be thought really young, especially when I see a number like 25 and think I'm getting old. Other times I've got to be careful because I don't want to get yelled at for browsing the alcohol section or anything like that. When my friends all went to the liquor store the other day I sat in the car because I knew the cop out front was gonna stop me and didn't want to have to out myself with my ID. In fact, I've become effectively sober the past few months because I know I look so young and don't want to hand the guy my female ID and out myself or have it questioned. I can't wait to get my name and picture changed this summer. Even if I still have an F, I doubt most people will notice it.
Height won't stop you passing, just will make it more difficult. I'm around 5'0ft and although I'm young and still look really young too I do pass for a guy my age, I have a cis male friend even shorter than me too. I see a lot of men not much taller than me and they still look masculine.
I know exactly how you feel.
I was so self-conscious about myself that I thought I would never pass because of my small wrists and hands. And trust me, they are small. But I've never had any one comment or even poke fun about them. No one really cares or sees the things we worry about.
When I was like 15 or 16 I was considering transitioning. A few things scared me so much though. My height, and pictures I saw online of trans guys. To me they looked like butch lesbians. Thank god for YouTube. But anyway, now I am turning 20 and I still feel the same in terms of being trans. I need this. I have been noticing some VERY short guys lately. And you know what? They rock it! And usually they have girls around them. So they are obviously doing something right. Don't let a few things discourage you!
My looks discourage me sometimes, because if I never pass now, how much will I change on T? Seems most guys pass at least sometimes before T.
But, as I see it, it's taking my best shot and you never know. My brother has a high voice, people often mistake him for a woman on the phone. And he has many of the same features I do. He's always seen as male now that he has some facial hair.
T can do a lot...there is a before and after thread in the just for us section that once you have 15 posts you can join and check out...some guys started out very femme looking and now look extremely masculine, T does wonders, I have even heard that some people grow an inch or two...people dont see a short guy and go oh that must be a girl, they think oh that is a shorter guy ...but nothing wrong with being short :)
Quote from: Apollo on February 15, 2012, 11:24:56 PM
Um, not sure on that wording there... but I've been debating surgery and being trans for the longest time... purely over how I look as a female.
All through out high school, I felt like I'd be happier as a guy, but... I kinda missed my chance to grow? I'm 4'10" with a round face and a soft, upturned nose... I'm far from masculine... and it scares me from wanting to try for T or top surgery or anything because.. what if I don't look like I expected? What if I stay this feminine looking forever?
I don't know if this seems like a silly or dumb thing to worry about.... but I just want to be happy, and I'm beginning to doubt my ability to be.
Were the same height. Like arch said, height can work against you but not forever. I'm wondering if that is why I'm getting mis-gendered so much when I'm not wearing a hat...? Still not sure of the reason, but that could be a possibility.
I've seen guys who look like girls and then they take T and a few months to a year later they look totally male.
I just wanted to again thank you guys for the words of encouragement! I have to admit, this post was mostly due to an off day, but it's really going to help keep off days from happening, I feel!
And Dominick, I've noticed that you've been complaining about being mis-gendered a lot... which I don't understand if I'm right that your picture is one of you? I would've never guessed, you're very handsome so it seems odd that you'd be mis-gendered so often.
Quote from: Apollo on February 16, 2012, 12:42:07 PM
And Dominick, I've noticed that you've been complaining about being mis-gendered a lot... which I don't understand if I'm right that your picture is one of you? I would've never guessed, you're very handsome so it seems odd that you'd be mis-gendered so often.
I don't think that's a picture of him, but he has posted face pics in other threads. In stills, he looks exactly like a teenage boy. He has great features. So it has to be something else or a combination of other little factors that just add up and obscure the truth. I think it's just a matter of time before the misgendering goes away.
Apollo, do you have access to a trans support group or anything like that? Some guys don't like them, but it can be a lifesaver to have one place you can go where they call you by the right name and pronoun, no matter how you look at the moment.
Quote from: Arch on February 16, 2012, 12:54:02 PM
I don't think that's a picture of him, but he has posted face pics in other threads. In stills, he looks exactly like a teenage boy. He has great features. So it has to be something else or a combination of other little factors that just add up and obscure the truth. I think it's just a matter of time before the misgendering goes away.
Apollo, do you have access to a trans support group or anything like that? Some guys don't like them, but it can be a lifesaver to have one place you can go where they call you by the right name and pronoun, no matter how you look at the moment.
All right, I'm taking word for it. I've lurked a bit and seen people baffled by his being mis-gendered, for some reason I can't really see posted pictures. Not sure why that is. Possibly because of my post count? Or because my computer is silly.
And I don't really. I wouldn't mind checking some out, but I haven't really seen anything about any being in the area.
@Apollo: Yeah, sadly the avatar pic is not me. It's Ashton Kutcher. Though I wish it was me, I'd have no problem getting girls if I looked like him.
I've taken my pics down. I don't like to keep them up for very long, I get paranoid.
Quote from: Arch on February 16, 2012, 12:54:02 PM
I don't think that's a picture of him, but he has posted face pics in other threads. In stills, he looks exactly like a teenage boy. He has great features. So it has to be something else or a combination of other little factors that just add up and obscure the truth. I think it's just a matter of time before the misgendering goes away.
Thanks arch. I hope the mis-gendering goes away soon.
I know it's been said before by people, but in pics you can make yourself look a certain way, but in real life people don't look the same as they do in their pictures. Pictures are so deceiving.