I'm a biological female that recently started dating a FTM post op guy. It's been about 2 1/2 years since his surgery. I've tried searching online for some possible answers but haven't come up with much, so I'm hoping you guys can give me some insight or direction as to where I can find valid information.
We've started having sex, but I can never seem to get him off. I'm not sure if part of the issue could be one of the medications he's on, or if he has some sort of mental block or fear because I'm his first. I'm trying my best to satisfy him but can't seem to push him over the edge. He has trouble getting himself off also. I want him to fully enjoy the experience, but I'm running out of ideas as to how to get that to happen.
Thanks for any insight you may have.
Hello, first I would like to say welcome to the board and say that you have came to the right place for answers. There are a lot of great people on here that are more than willing to lend some advice.
Now, I personally would like to know maybe some more information in order to give you advice. Feel free to answer any of these questions or not to if they make you feel uncomfortable. When you have sex with your partner, who you said is post op, do you use your own bodies or do you use any "tools" ? I am FTM who hasn't yet had surgery and sometimes it is hard for me to get off for a variety of reasons, but I must add, it has nothing to do with my girlfriend. She turns me on more than any woman could, and I am very attracted to her. My personal problem is, and this may be one of the reasons your man cannot achieve an orgasm, that sometimes it is hard for me to concentrate or to identify with myself. My woman and I use tools or in better words, an extension of my own body that I was suppose to be born with anyway. She treats me as if I am all natural and does anything I want to and does it all perfect, but I lack feeling and it frustrates me so deeply. I do the best with what I have, but I want it to work like a bio man. I want all the sensations. While I can achieve orgasm, it is often not fulfilling and often times, I think that I can't orgasm but I am lucky enough to be able to push past that. Without knowing the specifics of how your sexual life works together physically, I can't offer any more knowledge. Feel free to share anything else you would like to share and I am sure the other great guys on this board can chime in and offer a great deal of insight also.
Thanks for the reply. He has a penis, so sex has been like any bio male and female couple would have. I've tried to use some toys to help him get off, but thus far have been unsuccessful in accomplishing this. I think the world of him and I want him to truly experience all the pleasure and enjoyment sex brings.
just a question.. can he get himself off? Rare instances of surgery can leave people with the inability to orgasm - depending on the surgery..
If he can get himself off, ask for some pointers.. maybe have him show you how he does it, so you can learn.. could be stage fright as well. Some people just have difficulties orgasming in front of other people til they are comfortable with them.
He can get himself off sometimes, but it takes a lot of effort. But that's a good suggestion. I'll have him show me how he's done it in the past, so then I can do it. :)
I read a good quote once... "it's not the destination that counts, it's the journey getting there".
If you guys are worrying about orgasming, then it won't happen. Sex doesn't have to be about the orgasm, so long as you both enjoy the experience together. Sorry I can't give much specific advice beyond what's already been said (have him show you how he gets off), but I hope you guys find a way to enjoy yourselves without the stress of orgasm.
For what I have heard most transguys who have penis built donot have alot of feeling in them and need attention given to other areas around the penis. You could ask him does he have any area that is more sensitive where you could give some help for him to get off.