Hi,
My name is Stef. I am 20yrs old and am finally coming to terms with the fact that I am transgender. I have been cross dressing since the age of about 8. I have always had the desire to be "one of the girls" and always kind of just expected it to happen one day. All my best memories have been when I was accepted as an "Honorary girl" and felt finally at home. As I grew up I mostly managed to fit in and repress my feelings. Having friends who were mostly girls helped because I really didn't fit in as "one of the lads".
Which kinda brings me to now. I developed Anorexia Nervosa during the second year of University and during treatment for that I have been realising more and more that my eating disorder is linked heavily with my desire to not become a man. I have started growing more facial hair lately which is really scaring me and I can tell my body is trying to put on muscle and be "manly" but I won't let it.
Anyway long rant but thats where I am. I am lucky to have an amazing, supportive girlfriend who is helping me this journey.
Stef x
Hi Stef, welcome to Susans! We're glad you found us. Get busy posting, I'll see you around the site. Hugs, Devlyn
Hi Stef :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :)
Please be sure to review
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)
Hugs
V M
Hi, are you British by any chance?
Hi.
Have a safe voyage, girl!
@Princess
Yes I am from England. Are you?
stef x
I'm from Bonnie Scotland.
Hi stef,
A big Aussie welcome to Susan's. Great family you have joined. Lots of good info and resources you keep you well educated.
Hope you enjoy your journey. It is truly like no other. Embrace it. Hope to hear more from you in the coming months, in the meantime, be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine
Hi, another welcome to susans, from across that little pond on the other side (Dutchie ;D)
Your story of being terrified that your body is becoming manly is very very recognizable, I suffer from it aswell. Especially the last 3 years (I'm 27) have been so straining and intensified my wish to do it now before it's too late. At our age passability and finding a place in society is very important and because most of the time I already feel like an outcast because of how I present myself and feel it seems like this my final chance of feeling at ease. I came out at 18 to a psychologist and a few months later to my mom and went into gender-counseling at 21 for a few years before I took a 'break' ( I thought I could live with androgynous elements)
The last 2 years I contacted them again to talk and discuss further treatment and they've been very positive, sadly each time I look in the mirror I think "This will never work, testosterone is winning :\"
I think for a lot of us your own perception is really starting to get twisted after so many years...I mean I have good self-reflection about how I mentally behave and what things I am good and not good at but when it's about bodily issues or how I present my gender-identity I have some sort of 'anorexic girl' idea: I don't really see the feminity in my body, or I do see things about my body that other people don't
Sigh, I guess you know what I mean, it's good to share it in the end and you are at a good place for that :)
Thank you for your reply YingYanga. I really sympathize with you about looking in the mirror and thinking that testosterone is winning. I am trying to gain weight at the moment and I'm really worried it is all going to be put as muscle. I know logically it won't but the fear is still there. All the best with your transition! I hope you truly find yourself in the process. x