So, you remember my height dysphoria? (Of course, how can you all forget :P) Well, we went out clubbing a few nights ago for my best friend's birthday party. I still present as female, so I got invited to the "after partying tradition at McDonald's". My sister and our other friend were talking about all the guys my sister was "getting". And here's how it went":
Sister: lol i know how you feel (friend's name) a lot of the guys who are into me are short and it's like "hello down there!" They're hot but honestly can you just grow some more?
I wanted to yell at her and say "IT'S NOT LIKE WE WOULDN'T GROW IF WE COULD!!" but not being out yet that would turn a few heads and cause a ton of drama. So me being quiet and all, I decided to speak up.
Me: I don't mind dating a guy my height (ps I'm 5'4).
*Both turn and stare at me like I grew two heads*.
Friend: But if you wear heels then you'll be taller than him.
Me: *looks down and they keep talking about the other "hot tall guys"*
So this just messed me up again. What really shocked me was my friend, who is 5'4 herself. My sister is 5'6 so she might want a little bit of a taller guy but even so it really hurt me to hear them talk like that. My friend is the sweetest girl, quiet, beautiful, understanding, accepting (well.) It shocked me to hear her turn down guys because of their height, and made me feel so bad all I thought about was going cliff diving the next day (and not for fun). If SHE won't even date a guy like me, I feel so screwed. Can someone please help. I'm already aware of the ->-bleeped-<- Yeah Short Guys site. It was starting to boost my confidence, but I couldn't help but break down that night. I am the shortest one in my family and it kills me.
I'm about your height and I'm had my fair share of girlfriends. And no, I don't settle for anything I can get because I feel I have to, but I date people who I find both charming and attractive.
If people are picking on you because of something as non-important as your height, it's likely because they have insecurities of their own anyway.
People that reject you for your height are probably not ideal partners anyway. Your sister and your friend are not the voices of all women in the world, and are not reliable sources imo. No single person can speak for a majority. Some people prefer taller dudes, and whatever works for them. Others are more than happy to date someone on the shorter side of things. It really depends on the individual's preferences.
I'm the same height as you and it does get me down occasionally when I'm feeling particularly disphoric, but I've just learned to accept it. It irks me too when girls talk about how they wouldn't date a short guy, but you know what? If they're so shallow as to make something that superficial a deal-breaker, then they aren't worth my time. I can do better than them. And so can you. There are actually quite a few guys my height where I live, and they manage to get in relationships just fine. Don't let people's comments bring you down. You're worth it, no matter what your height is.
Also, I think some girls say that just because it is the overwhelming stereotype, and they don't want to be outed as unusual by saying anything different as their own preference. For instance, look how they singled you out for making that "bold" statement. It's pathetic what people will do just to be accepted by the crowd. I'm sure if one of those girls met a shorter guy that they adored the personality of, the guy's height wouldn't stop them from getting into a relationship. People say things without really thinking through them sometimes. That is probably one of those times.
Don't feel bad Cody. Everyone has a preference. Some people prefer a certain race, religion, sexual orientation, education, career, net worth, people who share the same hobbies etc while others prefer a certain height. There are way more females in the world than just your sister and friend. You cannot control what others want in a person and you should not have to. There are plenty of shorter guys in relationships. You don't have to feel bad or apologetic for anything. You couldn't help how tall you grew. You could be shorter. There are plenty of girls that prefer short guys. You should be with someone because they want you for you and not your height. If you feel that you have to conform then the girl probably isn't worth your time anyway.
I was beat up for years over being 5'4. I wanted to be as tall as the biological men around me. I wanted to dunk a basketball goal. Being sad over something you don't have much control over such as height isn't going to help Cody. Realize yourself worth and once you do that will make you appear taller as you gain confidence.
Thanks again for the support everyone.
@Malachite ya I noticed when I looked in the mirror sometimes when I stand up straight I almost appear 5'5. I didn't know if I just see it in my head because I'm so desperate to be an inch taller or what. Or maybe it was my confidence.
I'm a tall one. Cisfemale, my ex husband was 5 8 and I am 5 11. I remember years ago falling head over heels for this guy (excuse the pun) and him flat out telling me that I was too tall for him to date. He is about 5 10.5 and so I was devastated. So hey guess what, we've been married for 12 years now.
You can't change your height. Yes it is a disadvantage and it sucks. My uncle was 5 4 and was married twice. So it's not impossible. You won't always be able to "get the one you want." But you will find away. People always do. Hugs!
"Tall guys" (and all that implies) is just a chick fetish (guys have a tall chick fetish too but it's different) - that's so widespread/common/prevalent that people don't think of it as being a fetish at all. But it is. And you ain't never going to change anyone's fetishes. People want what they want.
My grandfather was 5'2. My best friend in the world was 5'3. Both got their share of women. I wouldn't worry about it.
Hey man, don't let it get you down. I am 5'5 and my girlfriend is 5'7 1/2. We were friends first and she would always say how she liked her men taller. But now we are together and honestly those few inches are hardly noticable. So aslong as you have a charming personality like myself, you will be fine!
Probably one of the more extreme ones here - I'm 5'1" and my girlfriend is 5'7". She couldn't care less. I'm also extremely skinny and she's built like a viking. No problems.
I'm 4'11, and I had a thing with a 5'10 girl before. Sadly, she was the only one to look past my height (aside from the side comment: "I have to bend down, 'ol man") I'm hoping that I will find another like her.
I'm short as well (5'3" with shoes on ;) )
When I actually started paying attention, I started noticing that there's actually a LOT of short guys out there in the world. There are plenty of guys who don't make the "average" (5'8") cut.
Besides getting shoe lifts, it's not really something you can change either. And if someone is going to base their attractions and relationships on something as superficial as height, then it's probably not someone who's going to be great to be with in the long term anyway.
Just gonna chime in here. 5'0" and I dated a 5'8" girl who was bonkers about me. Someday you'll find a cool gal who'll like you for who you are.
I'm 5'6". I prefer a guy who is close to my height, but my first boyfriend was 6'1". I kind of didn't like that he towered over me. It made me feel like the little wifey or something. But I loved him anyway.
I once had a really hot forty-something professor who taught computer science in a huge lecture hall. He was probably around 5'4"--definitely shorter than I. One day, we were all waiting for him to arrive, and the girl next to me remarked, "Professor X is so handsome--too bad he's so short." Without thinking, I said, "Why on earth would that be a problem?'
She didn't have a good answer. :laugh:
Quote from: insideontheoutside on February 28, 2012, 08:37:53 PM
When I actually started paying attention, I started noticing that there's actually a LOT of short guys out there in the world. There are plenty of guys who don't make the "average" (5'8") cut.
Besides getting shoe lifts, it's not really something you can change either. And if someone is going to base their attractions and relationships on something as superficial as height, then it's probably not someone who's going to be great to be with in the long term anyway.
Great points. I notice so many more short men now that I pay attention.
If I'm around a bunch of taller guys (I'm 5'4") sure I get kinda down, but I am worrying about something I certainly can't change unless I have bone lengthening surgery and that's 40 grand and you can only get a few more inches from it.
I actually saw a guy on TV who had two of the surgeries. He went from 5'6" to 5'11" but he wasn't satisfied so he had another surgery and went to 6'2". It's a long painful process, you have to have months of painful therapy and twist knobs that are in the leg to pull the two bones (they break your legs) apart so the bone can grow some more to fill the gap.
You don't have to worry about your height that much.I'm not very short though but I'm shorter then all the guys from my class and 90% of all guys my age.It used to make me sad but now I'm fine with it.
When I'm attracted to guys (I'm starting to find myself attracted to females more than guys, but I'll still be attracted to guys sometimes. Not that it matters, I have no desire for a relationship) I'm always attracted to tall guys. I don't know why. My dad is shorter than my mom. Not by a whole bunch, though. He's my height at 5'7'' and my mom is like 5'9''. So I grew up seeing that there's nothing weird about the woman being taller. But I'm still more attracted to tall, generally muscular men.