I wrote in another thread that my mother is ambivalent about being a woman. This got me thinking how do you think you would cope if one of your parents came out as being transgender etc?
I know that there are people here who have experienced this, but I am not at all sure how I would react or how I would cope if my mother came out as an FTM. You would think that given my history I would be 100% supportive and enthusiastic but to be honest I don't think that I would be. It would be really weird and unsettling and I am TG myself, so imagine how cis-gendered people must feel? My mother is not an FTM she is just aware that being female isn't a bed of roses.
Every one of us with children have had to face that issue.
I'd disapprove. If I tell someone I'm trans and then they admit to having transgender feelings, I simply won't take them seriously, I'd feel like I influenced them somehow into having some sort of phase, and that they're not really transsexual.
Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on March 02, 2012, 02:28:49 PM
I'd disapprove. If I tell someone I'm trans and then they admit to having transgender feelings, I simply won't take them seriously, I'd feel like I influenced them somehow into having some sort of phase, and that they're not really transsexual.
LOL seriously? What if they admitted they'd been hiding their feelings for years, possibly since before you were born, out of fear/whatever?
But to the OP, it's be strange and would take adjustment, just like my transition is for them, but I would 100% support them, call them what they preferred, though we would have to work out something because I call my father Daddy and my mother Mama, and wouldn't want to call them both Daddy or both Mama because that would be confusing.
Quote from: Andy8715 on March 02, 2012, 05:19:03 PM
LOL seriously? What if they admitted they'd been hiding their feelings for years, possibly since before you were born, out of fear/whatever?
Yes I'm serious, are you seriously that unreluctant about it? I'd be skeptical of whatever they said, my condition is not common at all so I would take their reasoning very seriously from anyone who just decides to tell me about it after I come out. Deciding to transition is very serious business.
I get what you're saying ~RoadToTrista~ ... it's a hard one to call
It's happened to me a few times where I've come out and people have gone "oh me too!" and asked if I could then help them with the name changing process and whatnot...I really don't know what to think when it happens. My first reaction is always "yeah right" though...I deliberate and research and carefully plan coming out only for you to blurt it out the second after I do it...just seems odd.
The first guy who did it then later admitted he was just trying to "fit in" with me and really didn't want to be a woman xD The others I no longer have contact with so I'm not too sure what happened with them.
As for the original question, it's a hard one for me to answer seeing as I never knew my dad and my mother has passed on...even when she was alive we never really spoke. So I guess if she'd suddenly called me up to say she was becoming a man I'd just be like "ok,cool" ...seeing as it wouldn't have affected my life in any way.
I actually had a similar conversation with my partner not too long ago. If my Dad walked up to me and said he wanted to transistion, it would take some time to switch titles and pronouns, just like it will take him time to do the same for me. I don't really know how I would take it, but I like to think I would be supportive. My father has done so much for me and sacrificed so much for me and his other kids. I want him to be happy. I told him the same thing when he married his current wife, whom I don't like or get along with at all. But, it makes him happy, so who am I to throw a fit over it? I like to think I would offer him the same support that he has offered me throughout my life.
A child has no more right to judge a parent isn't trans than a parent can judge that child isn't trans. Perhaps they had merely kept it hidden for the kid's sake, but once it becomes acceptable for the child why should they have to hold back anymore? Perhaps they have never had the courage and you have inspired them.
We as a community have to seriously stop judging each other and lose the ->-bleeped-<-r than thou attitude.
Quote from: Jeneva on March 03, 2012, 01:47:26 PM
A child has no more right to judge a parent isn't trans than a parent can judge that child isn't trans. Perhaps they had merely kept it hidden for the kid's sake, but once it becomes acceptable for the child why should they have to hold back anymore? Perhaps they have never had the courage and you have inspired them.
All of this.
Quote from: Jeneva on March 03, 2012, 01:47:26 PM
We as a community have to seriously stop judging each other and lose the ->-bleeped-<-r than thou attitude.
That attitude is rampant lately it seems.
I don't have a "->-bleeped-<-r than thou" attitude, I'm just not gonna give all of my support to them right off the bat, that's silly.
Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on March 04, 2012, 03:08:49 PM
I don't have a "->-bleeped-<-r than thou" attitude, I'm just not gonna give all of my support to them right off the bat, that's silly.
Was it silly when they asked you if this wasn't just a phase? Was it silly when they told you that you were not a transsexual?
What steps does someone need to do to prove they are a transsexual to you? Better yet why must they prove ANYTHING?
Because they've considered taking drastically altering hormones? Or even more so, they're considering having a surgery that alters their genitalia?
IMO you shouldn't always blame ignorant parents for being concerned about their child's welfare.
Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on March 04, 2012, 04:34:21 PM
IMO you shouldn't always blame ignorant parents for being concerned about their child's welfare.
+ 1
Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on March 04, 2012, 04:34:21 PM
Because they've considered taking drastically altering hormones? Or even more so, they're considering having a surgery that alters their genitalia?
IMO you shouldn't always blame ignorant parents for being concerned about their child's welfare.
Do you not see that this is the VERY definition of ->-bleeped-<-r than thou? You just said that you are more trans than someone else unless they are considering HRT or SRS/GCS/GRS.
I agree that a parent should always be concerned with their children's welfare. However that should always be shown with unconditional love. Holding back love unless they act a certain way is emotional blackmail. Physical violence unless they act that way is abuse. I will NOT continue that cycle.
Even though my age is in my profile and I've mentioned our children a few times, I should point out that I am not a teenager, but instead coming up on 39. We have two children aged 11 and 8. I have no parents effectively. My biomother passed away 30 years ago. My biofather handed off responsibility for us 25 years ago and passed away 3 years ago. My maternal grandparents eventually adopted us and technically my [grand]father is still around, but my [grand]mother died last year.
So in my case it would be my children coming out and I would NEVER "suspect" their motivation if they did. My first step would be to get them psychological help and then until they told me otherwise I'd use the pronouns and name they preferred.
It is supreme hubris to assume that you know someone better than themselves and to question their self identification.
GID is being diagnosed lots more than it used to be, and more than one trans person in a family is also less rare than it used to be.
Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on March 02, 2012, 05:49:08 PM
Yes I'm serious, are you seriously that unreluctant about it? I'd be skeptical of whatever they said, my condition is not common at all so I would take their reasoning very seriously from anyone who just decides to tell me about it after I come out. Deciding to transition is very serious business.
Actually, it may be more common than you think..
I don't think that it is strange at all to discover that one of one's parents is also transgendered. It took me a very long time to come out to the family and I only did so because my sister had accidentally outed me to our mother. If I found it very difficult to tell my closest family the truth then just think how much more difficult it would be for someone from an older generation? I wonder if our condition runs in the family? I never knew my paternal grandparents as they were both dead when my father was 12 and he never discussed them EVER so maybe it came from my grandfather or his...
Okay I was just gonna drop it Jeneva, but your first sentence irks me.
Quote from: Jeneva on March 04, 2012, 05:36:21 PM
Do you not see that this is the VERY definition of ->-bleeped-<-r than thou? You just said that you are more trans than someone else unless they are considering HRT or SRS/GCS/GRS.
No, I didn't. I didn't say that at all. I said that having SRS is a more drastic step than just being on hormones.
Quote from: Jeneva on March 04, 2012, 05:36:21 PM
I agree that a parent should always be concerned with their children's welfare. However that should always be shown with unconditional love. Holding back love unless they act a certain way is emotional blackmail. Physical violence unless they act that way is abuse. I will NOT continue that cycle.
I'm not "holding back love", you're exaggerating how I would react. I never said I condoned physical violence.
Quote from: Jeneva on March 04, 2012, 05:36:21 PM
So in my case it would be my children coming out and I would NEVER "suspect" their motivation if they did. My first step would be to get them psychological help and then until they told me otherwise I'd use the pronouns and name they preferred.
I would too, but I wouldn't change pronouns until it was decided that they were definitely transitioning.
Quote from: Jeneva on March 04, 2012, 05:36:21 PM
It is supreme hubris to assume that you know someone better than themselves and to question their self identification.
It's supremely irresponsible to let them make unreasonable decisions and have no input.
Quote from: Princess of Hearts on March 05, 2012, 09:51:49 AM
I don't think that it is strange at all to discover that one of one's parents is also transgendered.
I think it's pretty strange. I also hope to God it's not genetic because do intend on having kids. :-\
Quote from: kelly_aus on March 05, 2012, 02:46:34 AM
Actually, it may be more common than you think..
Quote from: Felix on March 05, 2012, 01:40:16 AM
GID is being diagnosed lots more than it used to be, and more than one trans person in a family is also less rare than it used to be.
That just makes me feel like I'm crazy for wanting to do all of this to myself.
I don't wanna fight, I'm just giving my opinion. I realise nobody else agrees so let's just let it go. ;D
Sorry Trista. I tried to be neutral about it.
edit - deleted all the stomach-churny stuff.
I've wondered if my mom is ftm. I've seen small signs, lol. I don't know how I'd feel if she came out. On some level it'd be strange because she feels like my mom, but I'd be a hypocrite if I let that come out.
As a transsexual parent of a transman myself, I would say; accept that your mother is an adult with her own story to tell.
It is really hard for even adult children envisaging their parents doing anything remotely connected to sexuality in any way, but you will just have to get over it and move on.
That sounds a bit harsh, but that is basically what it comes down to.
You will have to deal with a lot of Internalised Transphobic feelings you don't even know you have, but you can do it.
Please spend a lot of time talking to her on a deep and totally honest level, and you will gain a huge amount, and become even closer.
It's probably worthwhile getting here to join here for support too, regardless of what she eventually decides. The first step, as for all of us is to find a good Gender Therapist to help her ask herself the right questions and find answers.
I would be happy to spend time chatting to her anytime.
Karen.