Hey all,
I'm sort of confused whether what I've done is the right thing. I've been on HRT for months, and I'm out to everyone at home. However I've not transitioned and I'm not going to yet, till I finish my training; hopefully in December.
However, I'm working on cruise ships, the senior management both ship and shore side know, as do a few of the girls and a few gay guys as well. But I work in the engineering department, and I love the job, but it is full purely with guys who are all determined to be very masculine. Well a few days ago when I was around some people who didn't know I freaked out and got fed up with living a lie anymore. So I have asked for everyone to be told, and I'm get compassionately disembarked for 2 weeks while HR tells and prepares the whole ship's company, then I'm of back for 2 weeks to finish my contract. Mainly to allow people a chance to ask me questions and steady myself for my next contract which would be for another full 3months.
I'm just concerned that just telling them I'm going to transition, but not actually doing it will confuse people a little. Should I wait and tell them and transition at the same time, or let them know and get use to the idea? I personally feel I can't let them keep judging me as just a slightly effeminate gay guy!( I'm pretty sure they think I'm gay!) I feel that I must let them know who I am, so I can stop trying to put on a failing persona, which is a heterosexual male. Then I can let them judge me for who I really am, rather than feeling resentful that I'm been labelled wrong.
Just a side thought because I've been discussing it with them as well. I'm sharing a cabin with a guy at the moment; it makes me feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable, but I'm bearing it as I didn't originally want anyone to know, and I was waiting till I qualify and get my own cabin. But now with everyone knowing (or about too), and as I am on hormones do you think I should press for my own space? I'm also thinking about the guy as it can't be nice to know that this is happening to someone you have to share a space with. I think this has really accelerated me wishing to come out onboard as I don't have anywhere to relax, and just be myself, as such I've been getting increasingly suppressed and that is why I exploded.
I've still got a few days left before I have to decide if I disembark and let the whole world know. Is it a good idea? Is there anything I can do better to improve the situation?
If you are transitioning or not is just a matter of perspective. Once you come out to yourself and start moving toward a final goal then you are transition in a sense. Especially if you are already on HRT.
I don't know what your situation will be so YMMV, but when I came out to EVERYONE I immediately found a HUGE release of anxiety and stress. I also didn't have the terrible responses that I expected. It wasn't without consequence, but they were SO much smaller than I imagined.
The closer you become to your inner self, the harder it is to hide and the bigger cost to your mind and body.
Depending on your work environment word get around, though it may not be true for you. I think once you feel safe, as in, have support from your company, there is no problem letting everyone know, it will be a release for certain.