So tomorrow morning I have a meeting with my wife at the high school with my youngest daughter's teachers. They dont know I'm trans and the last time I was there, I was living as a guy. The last school that I went to was my son's school to pick him up and one of the teachers thought I was my son's Mom. This is going to be interesting... o.O
Oh wow hon tell s how it goes?
I will. Let's see how many stares I can rack up today. Game On! :P
Just take lots of pictures of yourself, preferably signed, then hand them out to anyone staring and say "Here, it will last longer."
As long as they hadn't called it to tell you that your little treasure had tried to burn the place down, I reckoned Teacher/Parent Interviews were bearable! :laugh:
Karen.
So, I'm back. *Sigh* my Daughter is going to really have to focus and knuckle down. Mrs Kyle was great. She offered to change my name on the paperwork that my wife signed, saying ".. But John's not here is he? But once again, my wife decided to not let me make that choice. GRRR
Other than that, things went great. No staring because students were in class.
Your wife seems determined to keep you 'male'. Mine has moved slightly by referring to me as her partner now. Fingers crossed...
It is not clear from your post if you got the paperwork changed, but I hope that you did.
B.
nope, I didn't get my name changed. Angie pointed out that "It's not legally changed yet anyway." So it didnt get done
-_-
You let your wife make a decision based on your transition?
Reason number 6 why i cannot stand women as far as a relationship. Yeah... its pretty high up there.
We had it out afterwards. But I'm done with that crap. next time she wants to do that, I will get up and leave. She can walk her happy butt home. That's just how done with it I really am.
Quote from: Keaira on April 03, 2012, 12:02:36 PM
We had it out afterwards. But I'm done with that crap. next time she wants to do that, I will get up and leave. She can walk her happy butt home. That's just how done with it I really am.
Why is she doing it? Does she imagine that she can persuade you that transitioning is some sort of mistake? Or is it 'catty' revenge?
I wish there was a 'hug' button on the web that would give you a big cuddly hug for occasions like this.
Quote from: Beverley on April 03, 2012, 12:14:16 PM
Why is she doing it?
Because women like to be socially in charge. Run the household... etc. Im sure she feels you may try to take that away from her so she overrode you. She definitely wants to be the female in the relationship...
No, I bet she wants to make sure that she is (as she is) forever The Mother, and to be confused with the sperm donor.
for whatever reason she does that to me, she is really making me mad. She uses male pronouns with me too, calls me by my male name... that stuff hurts! I am going to get my legal name changed one way or another.
What's sad is she has an account on here so she can talk with other S/O's and if she is using it, she can't be listening to what they say.
Well she is straight (im assuming).. what do u expect?
Quote from: Keaira on April 03, 2012, 12:56:44 PM
for whatever reason she does that to me, she is really making me mad. She uses male pronouns with me too, calls me by my male name... that stuff hurts! I am going to get my legal name changed one way or another.
What's sad is she has an account on here so she can talk with other S/O's and if she is using it, she can't be listening to what they say.
In all honesty, what did you expect? She married you, you had children and I'm pretty sure this is not what she expected from the getgo. I understand it hurts you, but imagine what she is going through trying to deal with all this too.
just sayin'
Quote from: Jaime on April 03, 2012, 10:33:40 PM
In all honesty, what did you expect? She married you, you had children and I'm pretty sure this is not what she expected from the getgo. I understand it hurts you, but imagine what she is going through trying to deal with all this too.
just sayin'
Actually, she's know I was trans since before we got married.
Quote from: Keaira on April 03, 2012, 11:37:55 PM
Actually, she's know I was trans since before we got married.
As in that you were planning on transitioning?
she knew it was a possibility.
Maybe seeing you how you really want to be and who you really are makes her question herself inside... and that is threatening to her. Just a possibility. o.o
Quote from: Keaira on April 03, 2012, 11:52:15 PM
she knew it was a possibility.
I'm only asking to get an idea of where you are coming from on it. I know I downplayed it to both of my spouses to the point that I made it seem insignificant. Its easy to do without realizing the later implications of it. Just curious as to how much of a possibility it seemed to her at the time.
Major changes within relationships are often destabilizing and difficult, trans or not. I really hope you and your wife meet somewhere in the middle and find some harmony.
Quote from: Keaira on April 03, 2012, 12:02:36 PM
We had it out afterwards. But I'm done with that crap. next time she wants to do that, I will get up and leave. She can walk her happy butt home. That's just how done with it I really am.
What justification did she give you for treating you like that? How did look you in the eye and say
'What I did was right'. I always like to look at the positive side of things but I am having trouble finding it in this situation.
I am sorry - I really am.
Well, I'm putting my efforts to getting up the cash so I can go get my name changed. I'm just tired of fighting to be myself. Maybe I was hard on her. I don't know. All I know is that As much as I keep trying to lay John David to rest, my wife, along with a bunch of people I work with just won't let him go. My parents seem to have embraced me just fine, why can't the rest of the world fall in line with them?
I wonder why partners prefer to create problems when they really need to consider the ramifications of having to explain to their children why the other partner killed themselves?
Quote from: Keaira on April 04, 2012, 02:40:38 AM
Well, I'm putting my efforts to getting up the cash so I can go get my name changed. I'm just tired of fighting to be myself.
Is it expensive? Over here it costs £35 to have it done officially and you can do it online. I always thought we had insane bureauracy over here but when I see what goes on in other countries the UK starts to look really efficient. It quite shocks me.
Quote from: Keaira on April 04, 2012, 02:40:38 AM
Maybe I was hard on her. I don't know. All I know is that As much as I keep trying to lay John David to rest, my wife, along with a bunch of people I work with just won't let him go. My parents seem to have embraced me just fine, why can't the rest of the world fall in line with them?
I guess some people just refuse to adapt. This sort of thing does make it clear why a lot of trans folk just decide to start all over again. I am not saying that YOU should - just that I am understanding more and more why others do it.
Quote from: Beverley on April 04, 2012, 03:23:58 AM
Is it expensive? Over here it costs £35 to have it done officially and you can do it online. I always thought we had insane bureauracy over here but when I see what goes on in other countries the UK starts to look really efficient. It quite shocks me.
I guess some people just refuse to adapt. This sort of thing does make it clear why a lot of trans folk just decide to start all over again. I am not saying that YOU should - just that I am understanding more and more why others do it.
I had it changed in the UK. However, since I live in the US, I don't think the US Government will accept Deed polls as proof. I was born in Scotland. I took that step so I could get a new birth certificate later on.
As for starting over, I will do that eventually, once my documents have been changed, I will start looking elsewhere. I need to get a job where I can start over as Keaira.
Oh, and when I pass a little better.
Quote from: Keaira on April 04, 2012, 03:31:58 AM
I had it changed in the UK. However, since I live in the US, I don't think the US Government will accept Deed polls as proof. I was born in Scotland. I took that step so I could get a new birth certificate later on.
Well, if you ever plan on returning to this wet, windy and currently sleet-sodden isle the govt is currently scheduling legislation to recognise civil gay marriage and simply the process of getting a Gender Recognition Certificate with allows the Birth Certificate to be changed.
that's wonderful! ^_^
Keaira,
I have been thinking about you and your situation and I have had some unsavoury thoughts.
Do you get visibly upset when they misgender you? I ask because I know that there are people out there who enjoy watching others suffer. The Germans even have a word for it - shadenfreude (sp?). It could be that these people misgender you so you can get visibly annoyed and provide them with 10 seconds of entertainment.
Maybe you simply need to fail to respond to people until they get it right - show no reaction?
Just a thought....
Quote from: Beverley on April 04, 2012, 04:11:32 AM
Keaira,
I have been thinking about you and your situation and I have had some unsavoury thoughts.
Do you get visibly upset when they misgender you? I ask because I know that there are people out there who enjoy watching others suffer. The Germans even have a word for it - shadenfreude (sp?). It could be that these people misgender you so you can get visibly annoyed and provide them with 10 seconds of entertainment.
Maybe you simply need to fail to respond to people until they get it right - show no reaction?
Just a thought....
That does seem to work with some of the worse ones too. After a while, they just give up as they are usually just left looking like idiots when others are around.
That occurred to me a while back. I usually just ignore it. I've done all I can to educate. Some pull the religion card, some I think do it because Keaira is a little hard to remember. Same with being misgendered. And some refuse to just let it go. There are employees that somehow don't forget my name or new gender at all.
My friend, Dana, said she couldn't work there anymore if she hoped to go full time.
I would say its time to move on from that job, and anyone else that you feel cannot see you for who you are.
Quote from: Keaira on April 03, 2012, 08:58:04 AM
She offered to change my name on the paperwork that my wife signed, saying ".. But John's not here is he?
I don't know... if someone said this to me, I would get kind of (really) angry. It just seems so condescending.
I don't know, maybe it fit within the context?
Quote from: Rabbit on April 04, 2012, 02:44:27 PM
I don't know... if someone said this to me, I would get kind of (really) angry. It just seems so condescending.
I don't know, maybe it fit within the context?
I would say it is supportive. Keairas wife is the one in the wrong by saying keaira is not allowed to make a decision in changing the name on the paperwork.
Im sorry but i really do not see things working out between yall because she doesnt sound happy at all with the thought of being married to a female.