These days, I'm having difficulty taking refuge in the sangha because my ex-wife is part of the sangha that I sit zazen with.
Zazen was very difficult this evening. I could not clear or still my mind, and I almost left the zendo in tears. I held it together during the sitting and walking meditations. But, damn, it was really tough.
I don't want to find another sangha. I like this one. I guess that's attachment to preference, and I will be taking with my teacher in practice discussion about this. But, I don't know when that will happen yet and I just wanted to get this off my chest.
The purpose of life is to be happy. The relationship with your ex-wife is causing you suffering.
It seems to me you could changes associations, but until you reconcile the cause(s) of your suffering, you will not find the peace you desire.
Thanks, Jamie.
I figured that the reconciliation process will be an ongoing thing, and I don't expect it to be resolved soon.
It was good just to get this post out there. Thanks again for reading.