First let me start by saying I am completely out and I have no desire to be stealth. However I also don't want to be known for TMI. Also keep in mind that I am a lesbian.
Up till now I have had "official" support from pretty much everyone I work with. Even the ones I feared would throw Bibles at me, have been polite and used the proper name and pronouns. They may hate my guts, but as long as I am treated fairly I don't really care.
But we just hired a new person from our current boss's former workplace (our companies has TONS of big chiefs and few little indians) to be an intermediary between development and him. He has been working with us for about four weeks now. I'm almost certain that his friend has already told him I am trans, but I don't know. Like I said it isn't a problem if he did. However I don't always watch my wording if I talk about home. For example a few weeks ago on Friday I had to take Shannon to the doctor's office because she was sick. That meant I left like 30 minutes early. Since I already had in more than 40 for the week I didn't use PTO, but they like for us to tell them if we are going to be gone. When I told him I did use she in reference to Shannon. I didn't say she was my wife, but I've also used she a few other times too. And for that matter maybe once or twice a month on a call someone will accidentally use the wrong name or pronouns.
We all telecommute so he has never met me face to face and generally speaking my phone voice passes. I just wonder if I should go ahead and come out to him so he isn't left wondering what is going on. On the other hand I'm not trying to rub his nose in it and I'm not sure how to mention it in an appropriate manner. Should I just treat him as I treated my co-workers when I came out, or instead just mention it in passing when talking about something else.
Overall I don't care if he knows or not, but I don't want to make him uncomfortable or curious about all the slips.
I wouldn't worry about the use of pronouns for your SO. "She" is appropriate. As far as coming out to this new person, I woulnd't butthen I don't have know the facts. How are you addressed by everyone? Male or female names and pronouns? This should be the deciding factor. But then what do I know, I am not out at work yet myself.
Everyone at work is great, with only a minor slip once a month or so it is ALWAYS my full first name and she/her. At first I offered J so that people that weren't comfortable could use it, but even they have started using Jeneva.
I was just concerned that if he started putting together the she's/her's that I use in my speech he would start wondered if I were gay and maybe go ask someone else for details and they may not really be supportive ;-)
Sort of a pre-emptive strike, but honestly I don't care, I just don't want to make him uncomfortable.
Hopefully things will work out. When I finally came out a great weight was lifted from my shoulders.
I wouldn't worry about it.
If your workplace is like mine, the other employees have already let your boss know about you. Apparently I'm one of the first things that gets brought to the attention of new employees. Yet another reason I want to leave Valeo. :(
Sounds like your colleagues are a better bunch than some of mine.