This question is in absolutely no way meant to be inflammatory or even judgemental, but I'm just genuinely curious because it was never a consideration of mine.
I knew from an early age what I was going to do, kinda how I was going to do it, and marriage to another woman was never part of the plan... and for a long time, because I wasn't really engaged in any form of community or peer groups, I assumed that is how it was for most people.
However, since my tentative dabblings in various online TS communities, including Susan's, I'm finding instead that I may be in a minority if visibility is anything to go by. So...
If you knew or felt that you were transexual beforehand, why did you get married?
And I guess the supplemental question would be: Do you regret that decision?
I'm aware that this may be a raw question for some, or open some wounds for others, but thanks in advance for any insights that can shed some light.
Quote from: Kiera on April 01, 2007, 07:04:11 AM
So, tell us once again why you are bringing this up? :icon_bunch:
Seriously? Curiosity or just plain old nosiness. ;D
Honestly? I couldn't have imagined doing it myself, being more physically interested in men than women. However, I also had my ways of dealing with doubts and difficulties, and they involved some serious drug habits. But I'm whole now.
Stormy,
I got married for three reasons:
1, I fell in love with her
2, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, and,
3, That's what men do when they feel that way.
I believed I had successfully integrated my male and female selves and that, while it would be difficult, I would spend the rest of my life as a female soul in a male incarnation. It just didn't work out the way I predicted, something my wife is still angry at me for. The coping mechanisms failed and I had to begin transition.
hugs & smiles
helen
Quote from: HelenW on April 01, 2007, 09:51:30 AM
Stormy,
I got married for three reasons:
1, I fell in love with her
2, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her
Yes, Helen, ditto here. Strangely, at this point, this has not changed. I would also add my #3: DENIAL. I really did not know what was going on, and it is only when I look back after many years that it becomes so clear. But I realize that, in a strange way, the physical side of our relationship is so important to me because by it I completely participate in the physical female. OK, so I am really wierd for saying that, but it has been a realization to me lately.
You didn't ask "SHOULD" and that is a very different question for another time...
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
Quote from: HelenW on April 01, 2007, 09:51:30 AM
It just didn't work out the way I predicted, something my wife is still angry at me for. The coping mechanisms failed and I had to begin transition.
Life's got a habit of getting in the way of the best-laid plans. Thanks for your candidness, Helen. :)
To awnser your question with a question, should anyone regret fallìng in love? But heres my story. As a child yes i knew i was different and only at the age of 15 did i know what that was, i decided to egnor it and live my life, i had many failed relationships cus i wouldnt commit. I never ever felt love as a child from my parents or as an adult until i met my wife. After meeting her the GID got easier and i truley belevied i could live as a man. Now the GID is bak with avengance. I dont regret a thing.
I knew exactly what I was, and what I desperately wanted to do since I was a small child.
BUT.
I was young, there was no internet to learn from, and at the time it didn't seem there was anything I COULD do about it. All I knew was that some people "got a sex change," which simply meant they had some sort of genital surgery and started crossdressing after that.
I also desperately craaaaaaaaaved being around women. So, when I met a girl who seemed to enjoy being around me too, it seemed to make sense to get married. We enjoyed each other's company, we had great times together, sooooooo...
It was only AFTER we got married that it started to become obvious that we were best girlfriends more than intimate, heterosexual lovers. Don't get me wrong, we had some great intimate times, but overall... the TS thing dragged and dragged at our intimate relationship from our wedding night on.
Do I regret it? I regret not realizing earlier that I really did have options to fix this. I regret that even when I DID realize I had options, I still continued to TRY and avoid transitioning then, simply to avoid destroying my wife's life and breaking the promises I had made.
But I don't regret meeting and marrying my wife, when viewed apart from the pain I'm causing her. She truly is the most incredible, magical, kind and beautiful person I've ever met in my life.
Kate
I was very young, 19. She thought that I was who she was looking for, and seemingly loved me. It is very alluring to be loved, something I wasn't at all used to. I was in denial, on most levels, about my identity, and had gotten seemingly good at suppressing and fooling myself. Then there are the general psychological issues. Looking back, I see where she was a good partner for someone with transgender issues, as she required so much maintenance, that I could focus on her stuff, and would be distracted from my own. She was so good at manipulating my emotions, and I let her, that it "worked" for years, but at a cost of much misery.
Yes, I regret marrying her. But I didn't see that there really were other options. I feared and loathed my TG self, and did everything I could to suppress and deny.
Blessings, Tara
Well for me, first off some of you will think this is weird, I got married for the first time when I was 31(and was still a virgin!!). Because I guess deep inside me because of mt gender issues, I didn't care for sex at all.
Well the reasone I did get married was because my family asked me to just give it a shot. Well I met a woman who would become my first wife. She and I lived in the same complex.
We dated for 6 months, and then got married. What was that old saying about not really knowing someone before you live with them? Well, that rang very clear for me. She had way to many problems. (bipolar, manic Deperession,and borderline sitzophrenia (spelling?)) And she would drink from morning till she past out at night. Well after 5 yrs, it killed her ( beer mixxed with her meds).
Well I decided to make another try, because I really couldn't count that as a marriage.I met my persent wife, 6 yrs ago, and we dated for 8 months and did the deed. It hasn't been easy, her dealing with the TS thing. But, for now shes handleing it, even goes out and buys me clothes,on a whim.
I do feel bad making her have to deal with me and myTS,it just aint far to her.
AS far as regrets, very much so, knowing that I've hurt her because of my
GID. Ihad always told myself, that I wasnt going to get married, or get close to anyone,and then cause them pain or hurt them because of the way I am.
But it didnt work out that way. So, I do the best I can.
I didn't get married until I was 30 and there were many times I thought that was too early. I was and still am physically attracted to women and almost all women want to get married. There's lot of things you do that you don't even think about. Society does a pretty good job programming us and I suppose I had bought into the whole grow up and get married idea but there's no doubt something in the back of my mind was telling me marriage wasn't the answer.
Why did I get married? Why did I wait until after I was 50 to begin transition? The answer to both lies somewhere in the fact I believed I could never transition. Sex change was something other people did, not me. I totally believed that. It just seemed too good to be true so I settled for the guy life. Even now, there are still times when I'm in disbelief I really am doing it.
Denial, programming, brainwashing, there's a lot of reasons. But what really matters is that the pain will soon be over and I will enjoy at least part of my life living as the real me.
Julie
Bacause I loved her dearly, and I thought she did too....
Because she asked ME to be HER wife.... that totaly floored me...
because this was the one person I cared about enough to stop being a slacker and actualy try to make a life... not just for myself but for the both of us....
Because we were liveing together and made the mistake of gettng joint accounts and fileing our taxes together before the actual wedding....
She is my ex fience, but technicaly we were married <commonlaw> and still need a divorse..... *sigh*
I loved and still love my wife very very much. Yes I knew I was transgendered before we were married but I deluded myself into thinking I could keep my transgendered self bottled up. And I did it, pretty well for 23 years. I regret putting her through the last three weeks, that's for sure. I often wish I hadn't told anyone and could get back into my bottle. But I have to believe that we will come out of this with an even stronger marriage or at the very least an amazing friendship. I do not know if I will ever transition and if I do I do not know that she will stay with me.
Like Kiera, I have two wonderful children and I know my wife agrees that all we are going through right now is nothing compared to the joy (and challenges) that they bring us. So, no, I wouldn't change a thing if it would mean that those two wouldn't have been a part of my life.
Debbie
Quote from: Lucy on April 01, 2007, 10:51:56 AM
To awnser your question with a question, should anyone regret fallìng in love?
I don't know; it's been a long long time since genuine love was in my life. These days it's sublimated through a passion for my work and close relationships with friends. Yet, at heart, there is loneliness and sometimes sadness too.
People don't always marry those they love, people sometimes marry those they don't really love... as was the case with my parents.
My GID as personally experienced was such an overwhelming drive that taking that into any relationship without placing it at centre stage would have been anathema to me, which may give an indication of why I'm still single. Transitioning can be such a self-centred process; there's often little room for others.
Thanks for all replies. It makes for interesting and also thought-provoking reading.
I didn't know. I knew I had a lingerie fetish, but it evolved during my second marriage to something more.
Now I have a husband. We're old and our passion is all tied up in just loving each other (that IS old). We're happy, both postop, financially comfortable (well, there is never quite enough), and trying to enjoy a part time retirement and potential move to Maui in a year or two.
Robyn
Quote from: Julie Marie on April 01, 2007, 01:43:21 PM
Denial, programming, brainwashing, there's a lot of reasons......
Julie[/color][/font][/size]
I too, have always been attracted only to women. At a very young age, I had this pervasive idea though, that I was a girl, but when the testosterone kicked in later, those thoughts faded in a haze of testosterone dominance, denial, etc.
So, as a teenager, I was a male. Only once in a while did I fanticise about being a girl. Then, in my twenties, I was a man's man. Outdoorsman, outdoor career. White water, wilderness, etc......with.....an occasional stray thought here and there of being a woman. But like Julie said....that was something other people did, not me. I was married, head over heels in love, and 2 kids. Not me.
Gradually, as I reached my 50's, and the testosterone subsided some, the thoughts came back more and more, then fast and furious. It became intolerable to reside within my own skin at some point. I thought 'maybe I could feminize a little bit'....phytoestrogens, large doses of saw palmetto. What a joke. Then, I thought of altering my own physiology by overloading my liver, raising my estrogen levels..............
It was at THAT point, I knew I had to do something rational. I had to do it the right way.
I'm feeling w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l ...... now.
Bev
For me this is a very complicated story. I went into excruciating detail in my book. The short version is that my church leaders counseled me to get married after I discussed my problem with them. And there was this wonderful girl who loved me and I loved her.
I would not have married knowing what I know now. But I also have two wonderful children that were a result of that union. They would not be here had I not married. Even though my daughter has cut me off, I'm so happy that she is in this world. My son and I still have contact.
And yes, I was a virgin when I got married the first time.
After my transition, I married a wonderful guy. We've been together for 15 years now and I consider myself the luckiest woman in the world. We still love each other dearly. We never have an argument. We trust each other implicitly. I can tell him everything (and I do).
There is hope kids. Really. Life is beautiful. Just stand up and face it head on.
Chin up!
Cindi
Because I fell so deeply in Love with my very best friend and lover, and I had never experienced anything even remotely resembling this before in my life.
I had been in love several times in my life - all with other girls only - but this was something different, unique, completely special. Legends can, should, and probably will be written about this woman's love, giving, patience, and especially her strength in loving me, and staying the course for all these years - and often with incredible hardships between us.
We have had our share of real, honest to goodness "Barn Burners" over the years, and now been married still for almost 12 years. We became best friends, and then best lovers for 2 years prior to that.
Somehow, we've always managed to get thru it - and keep loving one another - no matter how bad it's been.
It was truly a "deeply mystical" sort of experience - for both of us - the day when literally,
it finally happened. I had never been so dead sure to the core of my whole being on anything like that - EVER before in all my life.
I awoke to my realization one day after a deeply moving and very positive personal experience between us had occurred the day before.
I discovered right then, that next morning in all my heart and mind, that i did in fact, already KNOW that i had a very full plate, so to speak - and better than anything i had ever known before. Why keep looking.
And that was that. I was on the kitchen floor, on one knee proposing - 2 hours later ( i woke up early that day) as she drank her morning coffee. It was winter - we'd just had a big snowstorm the day before.
We had been living together against huge family opposition from all sides for about 6 months.
Everything was beautiful and scary, and full of both conflict, and new magic for hope in our lives at that time.
She accepted my proposal that morning, and We were married 2 months later. Still think it was one of the very best things to ever happen in my/our lives. It was supposed to be.
She is still my best friend, forever soulmate and life connection, and we are still surviving somehow as we struggle through this. - she could have left - many times - and will if she ever feels that is what she wants, but we are best friends - truly - always will be - and we would still be completely miserable without one another in a lot of ways.
Time will tell, I can only hope and strive to be a better mate than ever before in the hope and dream that it can and will (maybe)(possibly), somehow last. Neither of us is ready to quit yet, either.
Thanks for asking,
Sincerely,
Annagirl
Quote from: Cindi Jones on April 03, 2007, 02:02:55 AM
.....yes, we were virgins when we got married the first time.
......(we) love each other dearly. We never have an argument. We trust each other implicitly. I can tell him everything (and I do).
There is hope kids. Really. Life is beautiful. Just stand up and face it head on.
Chin up!
Cindi
Cindi.......
These same things are a mirror of what we have also. We were both virgins, love each other dearly. We never have an argument. We trust each other implicitly, and we DO face life head on. It's the only way.
Thanks for sharing your lovely story.
Bev
The first time I was young we had loads of fun together, she new Cindy, we shopped hug out did stuff girls do etc. etc. then she realized she wanted a complete man and left me. Cindy did not now the internet computer nada until many years later so I remarried this time I tried to introduce Cindy and was rejected after so long I left. The next time I will be in the dress :)
I didn't marry. And in many ways, I've always envied those who have, even if the transgender thing caused eventual problems. Still, my basic, inner gender duality doubtless contributed greatly to the lack of sexual self-confidence that has kept me single for the these decades. I never dated until I was 21. Through most of my 20's I had a habit of latching onto strong women and, in many ways playing the feminine role in the relationship. Then, after a breakup, I decided I was going cold turkey on dating until I got my life (and self-esteem) together. That was probably a bad idea, in retrospect, for even a relationship with challenges is probably better than none at all. Once you stop doing something, it's not easy to start again-- especially when you realize you have gender issues.
I can't imagine the pain of having to tell a woman you love that there's another woman in your life-- inside yourself. I suppose it might be easier to confess this to a someone you've just met. I know that most spouses of transgendered males tend to feel a bit left out-- if not partially replaced-- by a husband's femininity. Still, there have to be many women, perhaps with bisexual tendencies, who are attracted to the idea of such a mate. Perhaps it's time I looked for one.
My first wife was like that, she just adored Cindy wanted to spend most of her time with her, which BTW was cool with me at the time I took every opportunity be the real me, Cindy. So there are some out there good luck.
I got married because I was determined to suppress my feelings for the rest of my life and try my hardest to live as male. Obviously that failed. I do not regret getting married because I have children and overall I improved as a person during that time.
Melissa
Because we were in love. we had so much passions in common, mutual respect and a very special astral bond, (I was able to tell her when each of our tree children were concieved). In all my relationship I have always introduced Maebh to my potential partners so there was never any lies: "this is part of who I am and if you can accept me as I am then we can be clear and have a real loving relationship based on truth, trust, acceptance, mutual support and respect". So everything was ok. She always said that what attracted her to me was that difference, I seemed more attuned than other blokes. We were lover and best friends, we had the best of both words.
25 years ago, with myself and 3 others she was one of the co-founders of Friends of Eon: the first Irish support organisation for TGs, their SOs and families. We went on national television and radio, gave talks to counselors and other professionals. We were happy for 26 years and have 3 wonderful children who know about my TGism. The eldest, my son, who lives with me is totally cool about it and has introduced Maebh to his girlfriends. My youngest daughter even share tips and clothes with me. The middle daughter prefers me in my male mode, I respect her wish and when she come to visit I am Yves.
5 years ago, after a lot of tragedies in her family of origin, my wife realised she gone out of love and wanted her freedom to spread her wings.
For the past 3 years I am now in a new relationship with a wonderfull woman. She and her children know Maebh and are ok with her. Two of her daughters pass me on some of their clothes, an other one always do my hair. From time to time we have girlies nights in or go out in shopping expeditions. I am so lucky to be surronded by so many wonderful GGs who appreciate my TGism as a bonus and a compliment to the value of the feminine.
LL&R
Maebh
Maebh... you must be an incredible person to have so much good karma! Good for you!
Cindi
Quote from: Cindi Jones on April 05, 2007, 01:58:27 AM
Maebh... you must be an incredible person to have so much good karma! Good for you!
Cindi
Go raibh maith agatI dunno. I had a very unauspicious start: my mother tried to abort me, then when it didn't work and I was born premature the sight of me used to drive her demented and she'd beat me up senseless. Eventually the nuns in the local convent took my brother and me for a year. That was the only happy time in my childhood. They bestowed on us all their maternal instinct, and their deep christian care, gentleness and love. Then when I was 4 my grandmother, (my mothers's mother) took me in and at at 5 years old prostituted me to American Servicemen in Marseilles. When my mother got married with my stepfather, my brothers and myself used to be whipped every day. Until when I was fourteen I tried to kill him and ran away. I was totally wild and mad with anger. I kept getting into fights and any troubles possible. I deserted from the French Army and was tortured for 72 hours twice by the British Army, then jailed in Northern Ireland and in France.
I was lucky in primary school a teacher took me under her wing and got me grants for education. I used to escape in studies and in nature. Eventually on my release from jail (where I read a lot) I hooked up with a wonderfull Corsican singer, an ex-prostitute with a past similar to mine. We moved back to Corsica living in a van in the eucalyptus forest between the sea and the marshes at the foot of the mountains. There, for three years, in nature and away from eveything we lived of the sea and the land, helping each other to heal and learn to trust again. Together we moved from the survival mode to the living one. Eventually, ready to be master of our own destinity, we moved back into society, working and studying at the same time. I think all of this and my ->-bleeped-<- gave me great strengh, and a strong affinity with the under-dogs. Then having the responsibility for the well being of my own familly and due to the unconditional love for and from my children and my wife I started to mellow a lot.
So there you are, and yes you are right, looking back I can see it is a great Karma. I learned a lot, I know that I always had in me something precious that refused to be destroyed. In hell's fire I was inured and I know that
I am blessed with an undomptable free spirit, a keen sense of justice and empathy, a wicked sense of humour and a deep routed connection to the life forces of the universe. I am so proud to have passed these gifts to my own children without having ever raised my hand to any of them.
Love, Light and Respect.
Maebh
I got married because my wife was my best friend and I enjoyed her company.
I knew I was different and figured I could handle it. I did not really understand the term transexual.
Marrying my wife was a great decision. It would be nice if I can come to terms with gender issues.
W
I think i had asked a question similiar to this in an older post and got similiar answers and they were acceptable!
Ours or mine is not to judge anyone just absorb the info me thinks!
Ricki
I wanted to have kids. Because I was afraid of the fact that during or after transition I may not have a chance to have my own kids anymore. I told my wife a few months from our civil wedding about my little secret but she didn't mind because I was also very loyal to her. But when I started taking hormones and the changes began to show, our arguments became frequent. She kept talking about what the kids might feel and react to this situation when they grow up. Currently, I'm forced to dress as a man when Im at home and whenever I'm together with my family. Other than that, it's practically ok with her to dress as a girl anywhere else but home. I also did not like the notion of breaking up with her, because I love my family and I wanted to stay together as a family. but currently things are getting a bit complicated... I just hope I will still have my family in the coming future.
Quote from: Wendy on April 05, 2007, 08:47:35 PM
I got married because my wife was my best friend and I enjoyed her company.
Yea, ya know, the other day I was actually trying to reassure my wife that I DID enjoy what I considered SOME "male" ways of beign around her. I told her that I DO adore her, that I did enjoy feeling stronger, a protector sometimes, her being "my little girl" and holding her, stroking her hair, finding her so pretty...
And she got mad, interrupted me, saying,
"I do NOT want to be adored. I do NOT want to be a little girl. I want to be lusted after, I want a man to WANT me, as a man."And I realized that even all these things I used to think were "male" feelings towards her really weren't so much... more like a parent, a friend...
Yikes.
Kate
QuoteAnd I realized that even all these things I used to think were "male" feelings towards her really weren't so much... more like a parent, a friend...
Yikes.
Kate,
Before I shared my "little" secret with my wife we had settled into "old married couple" mode (perhaps prematurely at 49 and 46 years old). Now that I feel more free to be myself, we are holding hands more, cuddling more, talking more, and all that "friend/parent" stuff has brought back some of our earlier feelings for each other. At least
I'm feeling it. I can't speak for her - but she has been more responsive than the recent past. But then again, maybe she wasn't as responsive because I wasn't able to be my true self, I wasn't giving her what she needed to be able to respond to me.
Our relationships with our significant others are changing aren't they? But then - a vital, growing relationship is always changing into something new.
Debbie
Maebh,
I admire you.
Cindi
Quote from: Cindi Jones on April 08, 2007, 11:30:12 PM
Maebh,
I admire you.
Cindi
:embarrassed: Cindy and Kimberly, please will you stop; You got me to go all scarlet now :embarrassed:
Go raibh mile maith agat Thanks a :icon_bunch:
And if I may return the compliment, I admire you two so much as well... and everyone here at Susan's who, like you, has grappled with the nettles of their lives and came through without bitterness but rather with a burning desire to help others in similar situations. :eusa_clap:
Oh Yes! I am Soooo Proud to count myself as one of youse.*
LLL&R
Maebh
Jaysus! I suppose I'll need bigger hats and boots now! O0
Maebh your life was unbelievable harsh. Thank you for having the courage to share.
Quote from: Maebh on April 05, 2007, 05:25:23 PM
I think all of this and my ->-bleeped-<- gave me great strengh, and a strong affinity with the under-dogs. Then having the responsibility for the well being of my own familly and due to the unconditional love for and from my children and my wife I started to mellow a lot.
Many with a harsh life become very bitter and vengeful but a few learn to have great empathy towards fellow humans. Maebh, I am humbled by your strength and love.
................................................
Quote from: Kate on April 08, 2007, 11:29:52 AM
I told her that I DO adore her, that I did enjoy feeling stronger, a protector sometimes, her being "my little girl" and holding her, stroking her hair, finding her so pretty...
And she got mad, interrupted me, saying, "I do NOT want to be adored. I do NOT want to be a little girl. I want to be lusted after, I want a man to WANT me, as a man."
And I realized that even all these things I used to think were "male" feelings towards her really weren't so much... more like a parent, a friend...
Yikes.
Kate
Kate a higher state above being a male or female is the fact we are humans. Your actions with your wife are genuine affection which transcends gender. You love your wife which is good. In fact you did good!
Debbie you also did good!
I am glad many shared their stories.
W
Maebh,
All I can say is Damn Dang girl!!!!!!!!
Why did I get married? Because I met the ONE person for me. I was 19, in the military, Dee was 17 and had just moved to Jacksonville. When we met, something just clicked and after we had dated for about a month, it was just assumed by both of us that we would get married. No one ever asked the other to marry, we just started talking about it and come June it will be 37 years. I did tell her about the TG thing before we were married and for a few years, it was a struggle because she wanted me to quit and I DID try. But we know how that goes. Over the years we have adapted and learned where each others boundaries are. One of the most beautiful moments though was just a few years ago. We were watching TV and she turned to me and said not just I love you but "I love you, Beverly." I stared at her for a couple of seconds and burst into tears of happiness. She just had no idea how important that was to me until she said it.
Beverly
Awe shucks Beverly,
You made me cry
Debbie
Quote from: BeverlyAnn on April 09, 2007, 11:39:18 AM
"I love you, Beverly."
That's amazing. Thanks for sharing that!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
Quote from: BeverlyAnn on April 09, 2007, 11:39:18 AM
Maebh,
All I can say is Damn Dang girl!!!!!!!!
Why did I get married? Because I met the ONE person for me. I was 19, in the military, Dee was 17 and had just moved to Jacksonville. When we met, something just clicked and after we had dated for about a month, it was just assumed by both of us that we would get married. No one ever asked the other to marry, we just started talking about it and come June it will be 37 years. I did tell her about the TG thing before we were married and for a few years, it was a struggle because she wanted me to quit and I DID try. But we know how that goes. Over the years we have adapted and learned where each others boundaries are. One of the most beautiful moments though was just a few years ago. We were watching TV and she turned to me and said not just I love you but "I love you, Beverly." I stared at her for a couple of seconds and burst into tears of happiness. She just had no idea how important that was to me until she said it.
Beverly
Congrats Beverly I am so happy for you. :eusa_dance:
Would I be far from the mark if I said: You were
honest with her from the start.
Because you loved her you tried hard, but as you say, we knows how it goes. So because you loved each other
you worked at it and with compromise from both sides came to respect each other bondaries without cohersion or black-mail. I think that eventually, because
she loves you and can appreciates the way Beverly tried so hard to accomodate her, she can now feel and say what she said. I'm sure
it wasn't easy but you did it. WELL DONE! :eusa_clap:
You are both really such a shining example of what can be achieved by a loving, caring, commited,respectful and appreciative relationship. May you be an inspiration for others strugling with the same dilema.
Bail ó Dhia ort God bless you.
Go n-éirí do bhóthar leat The best of luck.
Light, Love & Respect
Maebh
An ex was outing me and I was running away from myself. It did not last even a year.
I got married because I was trying to deny my true self. And I was lonely and I figured this was the thing to do. It was the early 80s and without the Internet I had no idea I could do this though I was living in the most liberal city in Canada, Vancouver. If I had to do it over, I would not have married. I would have gone down to the West End and found my true self.
Yes, I love my now 19 year old daughter very much and she loves her ->-bleeped-<- dad just as much, I would not have regretted not having her. Because she has been through absolute hell for six years with reproductive troubles that hopefully now have just been fixed by a total hysterectomy. Until you go through it, you don't know the hell some women go through with reproductive troubles. And the indifference the medical systems gives to female troubles, even from women doctors.
Now I have been single since 1999, living in LA the last six years and on hormones now for almost a year.
Danielle
I have been married three times, my first wife did not have to deal with the crossderssing issue at all....we just got married too young. My 2nd wife is the one that brought out the crossdressing >:D. She was bi and enjoyed seeing me in lingerie and it was a lot of fun. We never got past the lingerie and were married for 10 years. We parted friends and life went on.
My present wife is ok with the lingerie but dose not car to have me dress up all the way. She knows I have women's clothes and let me buy a complete maids outfit from LD Fashion....they do real nice work.
we have different work schedules so I have time during the day to dress to my hearts content. I have been wearing panties 24x7 for the past 17 years and she even buys me some just to be nice.
So why did I marry my wife........she's my best friend, lover and loves me for whom I am :angel:, what ever I wear. I couldn't ask for more. Belive me I know a bad marriage...I had 2 before this one.
Getting married was the only way, in my mind, to have children. My daughter is getting married next spring. Life goes by when you blink! Next thing you know I'll be changing diapers on my grand-babies. :)
Karen Lyn
Because it was expected of me.
I was raised on the Swarthmore College Campus - very Quaker and outwardly very liberal but inwardly very critical and full of heavy handed expectations of what a proper, well mannered and well educated person should do and not do. The societies method was to profess consent, tolerance, understanding and support but then privately underline it all with the "but realize" the difficulties, the prejudices and near impossibility of being successful (ie: financially secure). I understood this all to well by pointing out those who were gay, bisexual and trans which was rather difficult at first - being the early 70's, hence no computers, internet, etc.
I was already different having started college courses in 6th grade and attending Swartmore College for 10th through 12th grades. In some ways it was good because I could be different and be accepted because of my differences. But not that different. So I dated girls, lots of girls, mostly college students starting in 8th grade. In those times too it wasn't so much dating as it was just fun and very open. So for about 12 years I was dating, hanging out with mostly girls and all the while pretty much tripping 24/7. These were the days of acid and mescoline and I was into it.
After that I pretty much mellowed out, started working and was kind of a loner, taking months off at a time to travel. When I decided to go back to college - to actually get a degree instead of taking what the pupeteers wanted me to take - I stopped virtually all partying and got serious. Shunning the control of Swarthmore I switched to Temple and without even thinking about it went right back to the gender conformity instead of embracing the times and independence and transitioning then.
I met my wife in my senior year and three years later we were married. In a way it was the biggest mistake I ever made but it was also the best thing I've ever done - because of my kids. I have three - one is 20 and in his second year of college, one is 17 and graduating high school this year and one is 10 in 5th grade.
So, with the advantage of hindsight, Why did I get married? Expectations, heavily inbred conformity, fear of not being accepted, fear of not succeeding in life. It was easier to do what was the norm than to fight. Being raised Quaker and being taught almost from birth on how to an effective activist and how to fight the long battle for what is right should have prepared me well to make the decision to be true to myself and transition at Temple, but it didn't.
PS
Off the point a bit, but important. Fast forward to today.
In the slow and methodical process of seperating, eventually divorcing but only after making sure that the family is secure, college bills can be paid now and in the future, houses paid for, etc. etc. etc. My wife thinks it very strange and is less than accepting and will be even less agreeable as I start to present as female.
My son, the oldest, highly intelligent having skipped three years of college and got early acceptance to Medical School is surprisingly the least accepting. He doesn't hate me, but hates what I've done and calls me a 22 year liar. I have to concede that point to him. My daughter - the senior in high school grapples with it sometimes but is far more accepting of the situation. My youngest, well she is still confused and has mixed feelings.
As much as they think they are prepared for when I start to present - I know it will be a tidal shock-wave sweeping through and won't subside for sometime. I take comfort in that being another year off though.