Hi guys! im a 20 yo gay boy and for the last year (maybe 2 i dont remember) i started fantasising about being a girl. (im gay)
The reason for this is because I'm a feminine gay man and i mostly like girly things, i would like to have long hair, pretty clothes etc... but the biggest reason why I want to be a girl is because I HATE BEING GAY AND I CANT IMAGINE MYSELF BEING HAPPY IN RELATIONSHIP WITH A GAY GUY! :(
That's because im so girly and I WANT TO be treated by my future boyfriend as if i was a girl... i mean i want someone dominant who would be caring and accept me being feminine... I hate when gay men expect me to be manly or say "your so manly" it pisses me off becuase i dont feel like it! id rather be called pretty than handsome. And also as a gay person i will always have to look at what areas are tolerant and what are not and if i was agirl then i wouldnt have to care about this...
But the problem is... i do not have any gender dysphoria! I like my penis and playing with it (i dont want to use it on a man or get it sucked but i want to keep it and play with it myself) I also do not mind being a guy when it comes to having friends etc, i feel ok around people when they call me "he" etc as long as they know that im gay and accept my girly personality.
I dont know what to do :( i feel like if i was a girl then i could wear makeup, have nice hair and a straight boyfriend that will not expect me to be manly... and as a gay guy i cant do that :( If i wore makeup and dress i would look like a drag queen or something and most impoertantly people will make nasty comments ;(
just to make it clear i dont think i want SRS... i feel ok with having penis and vaginas look a bit repulsive to me ;(
So i just dont know what to do... i will never be happy ;/
I feel similarly, actually, though I'm bi. I think I might have experienced a small amount of dysphoria, but I think my problem is an overwhelming WANT to be female, though I doubt my actual transness...
If you ever find a solution, or ways to cope, tell me too. I'm all ears.
Remember, most men do not wish they were female.
Have you ever thought your lack of dysphoria may stem from your sexual desires towards men and the ability to play with yourself mirrors the way you would would want to play with others...or something of the sorts?
Gender is a spectrum and it could be that you're on the feminine side of male, in a manner of speaking. There ARE guys who prefer your type (like me, if you were closer to my age). They may not be easy to find. I would start by being really honest about what you are and what you want when you're meeting people. There are even guys who like trans women who haven't had bottom surgery.
I would be leery about pursuing transitioning as an escape from being persecuted by bigots, though. If anything, trans people have it worse than gays & lesbians in that regard. It's changing for the better but it's taking time and work and sometimes is a 3 steps forward, 2 steps back process. For that, I would suggest making friends in the LGBT world and getting support.
It wouldn't hurt to see a gender therapist or some kind of therapist if you can manage it and start by telling exactly what you told us.
I dont know jason... all i know is that my penis has NEVER ever bothered me and i like touching it and stuff.
being gay just doesnt appeal to me, i dont know if its my self acceptance problem or what.
It's like, i do not mind being a boy now but i wish i just was born a girl... HOWEVER i wouldnt want to be a lesbian girl... if i was into girls i would rather stay male or feminine male (especially that i accept my genitalia)
like i just dont know what and who i am anymore! sometimes i feel like i can stay a guy with long hair and be happy and be a boy to the rest of my life and sometimes id rather be a girl because of relationships and because of being able to express my femininty and not people wpuld also treat me normal and not as a "gay person"
Do you want to be a girl because you feel like a girl? Or do you want to be a girl so you can be treated "normally?"
You want me to be honest? I think it's all social stigma. Being gay doesn't appeal to you because our society treats it like a taboo. You want to be a girl but only because girls are suppose to like guys, you have no bad feelings about your body, and you think being girly makes you transsexual. We don't do this just because we're too feminine or too masculine, or because we like guys or girls. We most certainly don't just one day go "Oh, I guess I must be a transsexual. Time for sex change! :D" If I sound rude I don't mean to. If this is really bothering you then I reccomend you see a therapist.
Hormones are no joke, they will feminize your body, weaken your sex drive A LOT, and will make you infertile. A lot of that is irreversable. Never take them unless you know full well what you want to do.
Could it be that you are scared that being gay is going to lead you to unhappiness or being alone (Due to how other people see you) and wishing you were a girl is an escape from that because it simplifies everything in your life. The best thing you can do is remember that the right guy who will sweep you off your feet will come.
Hmm, You could take more minor steps to actively seem more like a feminine person that way any future date will understand straight off what you expect your role in a relationship to be.
Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on April 30, 2012, 06:17:50 PM
You want me to be honest? I think it's all social stigma. Being gay doesn't appeal to you because our society treats it like a taboo. You want to be a girl but only because girls are suppose to like guys, you have no bad feelings about your body, and you think being girly makes you transsexual. We don't do this just because we're too feminine or too masculine, or because we like guys or girls. We most certainly don't just one day go "Oh, I guess I must be a transsexual. Time for sex change! :D" If I sound rude I don't mean to. If this is really bothering you then I reccomend you see a therapist.
Hormones are no joke, they will feminize your body, weaken your sex drive A LOT, and will make you infertile. A lot of that is irreversable. Never take them unless you know full well what you want to do.
no you dont sound rude :) I'm just really confused lately.. i mean i dont know any other normal gay guys that used to fantasise about being a girl, being pregnant and wearing a dress.... It is very confusing for me.
I would say my ideal look is like Britney spears a little bit but i would still want to keep my genitalia =/
So whats wrong with me? why would i rather look like a barbie doll than a masculine guy?
ahh in all honesty i wish i was just born a girl and i wouldnt have to deal with all this now :( There is a lot of social pressure that affects my way of thinking and im aware of that.
When i imagine myself being a girl with a penis and having sex with a man it just seems wrong... i think i would feel weird....
gosh i just dont know what to think. im overthinking everything!
the worst thing is that i imagine myself having long hair and makeup almost everyday no matter what im doing, im a weirdo :(
You can want to keep your genitalia and still be trans.
Honestly Im like in between on that subject. I really wish I was born with female organs. I don't really like what I have but I'm not exactly enthused about a surgery either. But if you look at statistics less have the surgery than those that do.
It kind of sounds like maybe you're just into cross dressing.. Personally? I don't want to be trans, I just want to be (and am) a girl.
There's a fundamental difference between the most effeminate of gay man and a woman... They're not women, they're gay men... Just like the most butch of dikes is not a man.
Quote from: Confusedguy55 on May 01, 2012, 06:57:14 PM
the worst thing is that i imagine myself having long hair and makeup almost everyday no matter what im doing, im a weirdo :(
Can you think of any possible "fit" that you would be totally comfortable living with, let alone happy with? (Sorry, sarcasm is honestly not my intent.) How would feel about being exactly who you are in a different, completely tolerant to start with, society? For me the fact that you wish to be a girl, but like your penis, yet don't want to be a girl with a penis leaves almost nowhere for you to go. Within these forums, in the relatively short time that I have been here, I have seen quite a few individuals who have labeled themselves confused; but who I felt, deep down at least, knew who they were and what they wanted. You, however, definitely appear to be the real deal--no offense intended please. It's usually one of the last things that I, personally, would suggest, but you might consider a professional therapist.
Quote from: patstar on May 02, 2012, 12:37:46 AM
Can you think of any possible "fit" that you would be totally comfortable living with, let alone happy with? (Sorry, sarcasm is honestly not my intent.) How would feel about being exactly who you are in a different, completely tolerant to start with, society? For me the fact that you wish to be a girl, but like your penis, yet don't want to be a girl with a penis leaves almost nowhere for you to go. Within these forums, in the relatively short time that I have been here, I have seen quite a few individuals who have labeled themselves confused; but who I felt, deep down at least, knew who they were and what they wanted. You, however, definitely appear to be the real deal--no offense intended please. It's usually one of the last things that I, personally, would suggest, but you might consider a professional therapist.
Well to be honest i wish i was BORN a girl so that i would be used to having a vagina, could get pregnant (ahh my big dream haha) and be just happy! but as i was born a male and i accept my penis as it is it's obviously different and difficult.
hmm who could i be? Well is the society was normal and accepting to absolutely any self expression then i would leave my male body but would have feminine long hair, wear makeup and dresses but I would also want to be seen as a girl by males... But then i'm thinking i cant be seen as a girl by a guy if i will have this penis" lol yeah im the real deal and confused 100%.
Well sometimes i feel like i can be happy being a feminine gay guy and there are days where i do find gay sex attractive BUT sometimes when i imagine having sex with a guy and realize that im also a guy the attraction is not as strong... because for some reason i think of gay guys as not being the "real men" ;/
may i add i always have been feminine even before i knew i was gay. as a child i would always pick female characters in games, i would secretely play dressing up games for girls and when i was little i wanted to have girly accesories such as hair band etc :P but even as i child i never had any dysphoria with my actual penis.
Thank you for your post Phoenix and for all these nice words!
Well to answer your question... I would leave my body as it is (but i wouldnt want to workout to have muscles etc) ... but i would still have feminine hair, clothes and i would act feminine, but i wouldnt do anything to my body if there was no one left on earth ;)
heh its still not excatly clear to me... because when it comes to interracting with men and having sex with men id rather have a female body.... :( uhh
but the thing is.. i will not feel comfortable wearing makeup and all that stuff as a guy because of other people and my face would probably look too masculine :P haha
For what its worth, my dysphoria didnt pickup till I started trying to realize my dream of being a woman and picturing my male self as a girl. That'll do it.
Ok guys this video I love my dick! ;) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MHPKm_w6qM&feature=related#) got me really confused... Is she really a transsexual? Because everyone on this forums is constatntly telling me that i need to have gender dysphoria etc... and this girl obviously doesnt! i dont know what to think
Gender dysphoria doesn't mean "I hate my penis with a passion". Girls who don't have genital dysphoria are focused on other parts of their bodies. Also, I haven't known any non-ops on here besides Mahsa who are 100% content with their equipment.
Gender dysphoria can manifest itself in many ways.. Some people, like myself, have fairly mild dysphoria.. Others have it quite intensely.. And there others who fall somewhere in between.. I don't hate my genitals, I don't use them as intended though, and I do wish that they were correct.. That doesn't make me any more or less trans, or any more or less of a woman, than any one else..
I used to be a gay guy.. Well, I used it as a 'cover' at any rate.. Why did I do it? Simple, it enabled me to almost the real me.. But it was a lie and eventually I could live that lie no more, which is when I went and got myself a therapist and started my transition..
i wish figuring myself out was easier... this whole thing is confusing, especially when you dont know where the border between very feminine gay guy and trans is.
There is no border. Being trans doesn't mean you're more feminine than a feminine gay guy.
Quote from: Confusedguy55 on May 09, 2012, 07:39:57 PM
i wish figuring myself out was easier... this whole thing is confusing, especially when you dont know where the border between very feminine gay guy and trans is.
Wishing you were a woman during sex, as well as some of the other things you have said, is an indicator.. No gay guy I ever met would think that way.. I think it's time you sought out some professional help from a gender therapist..
Quote from: kelly_aus on May 09, 2012, 07:47:14 PM
Wishing you were a woman during sex, as well as some of the other things you have said, is an indicator.. No gay guy I ever met would think that way.. I think it's time you sought out some professional help from a gender therapist..
i definitely will go to therapist this summer, but i cant now because of where i live =/
hmm... about the sex thing it depends! when i know that the guy is gay and i feel attracted to him then i imagine myself as the real me with hard penis and everything :P and when i imagine myself as a girl during sex i tend to only imagine the feminine face, because id rather not have a vagina :)
Quote from: kelly_aus on May 09, 2012, 07:47:14 PM
Wishing you were a woman during sex, as well as some of the other things you have said, is an indicator.. No gay guy I ever met would think that way.. I think it's time you sought out some professional help from a gender therapist..
I'm not gay in the male mode, but I've pretty much ONLY wished I was a woman when thinking about sex. The only sex fantasies I've really had were being penetrated vaginally or having lesbian sex. I don't like my ***** but I don't hate it all the time, and my want for a vagina is stronger than my distaste for my *****.
Adding to the discussion here, I've doubted myself at times because at times my dysphoria isn't bad, and I'm ok for a while being male-like, making me wonder if I am really transgender. That and my want to have a female partner that I love (and unsureness about the lesbian community in finding a partner) as well as my unsureness of how I could fit in with other women (unless I hanged around with lesbians all of the time, since straight women have high regards and attraction for guys, and I don't like guys and I don't trust them) has been why I haven't been able to put 100% into taking the plunge into transitioning (however I'm still working on taking steps to make it happen.)
Quote from: Katelyn on May 10, 2012, 05:26:27 PM
I'm not gay in the male mode, but I've pretty much ONLY wished I was a woman when thinking about sex. The only sex fantasies I've really had were being penetrated vaginally or having lesbian sex. I don't like my ***** but I don't hate it all the time, and my want for a vagina is stronger than my distaste for my *****.
Adding to the discussion here, I've doubted myself at times because at times my dysphoria isn't bad, and I'm ok for a while being male-like, making me wonder if I am really transgender. That and my want to have a female partner that I love (and unsureness about the lesbian community in finding a partner) as well as my unsureness of how I could fit in with other women (unless I hanged around with lesbians all of the time, since straight women have high regards and attraction for guys, and I don't like guys and I don't trust them) has been why I haven't been able to put 100% into taking the plunge into transitioning (however I'm still working on taking steps to make it happen.)
well i dont imagine being penetrated vaiginally at all ;/ and i dont think i would want to have vagina... i mean i would feel weird if my penis wasnt there anymore :(
Personally I think you need to treat them as separate issues. Really as I see it there are three issues:
Sexuality: You are attracted to men
Gender: You need to work this out. It could be male, female, androgynous or somewhere in between (non-binary)
Sex: You are currently happy with male sex organs.
Seeing a therapist about your gender seems like it would be very important. Also I have found that in the process of exploring my gender I have gotten worse and worse dysphoria, partly I guess because of suppressing it during childhood.
Best of luck!! Xx
i dont know.. i guess im just a weirdo
Quote from: Confusedguy55 on May 19, 2012, 05:26:01 PM
i dont know.. i guess im just a weirdo
*huggles* You aren't a weirdo x3 I'm sure you'll find your answers and figure out what you want to do/be overtime <3
Confusedguy55, I pretty much have same problem :( But still I think I would love to have vagina too. It's hard to figure out now which was the earlier - desire to be a girl, or attraction to guys. All I want in this life is to be a pretty girl, with long hair and make-up, and be involved in straight romantic relationship with a guy. But I never wanted to have any surgery! So just being gay is maybe the only option. However, when I try to meet some gay guys even online (didn't meet anyone in real life yet, and yes I'm virgin in my 23), I feel that I'm not into that gay culture. All this questions like "top or Bottom" or "oh ->-bleeped-<- you don't look masculine enough" just drives me crazy and makes me depressed.
I feel absolutely unhappy and have no idea how this all gonna end :(
Quote from: Seyranna on May 01, 2012, 10:00:23 PM
There's a fundamental difference between the most effeminate of gay man and a woman... They're not women, they're gay men... Just like the most butch of dikes is not a man.
QFT !
OP, is effeminate, not "feminine". Huge difference really.
First off, you are not weird. You are just confused. Being a woman is more than having a vagina. It is a state of mind. There are plenty of women out there with a penis. I personally would love to have a vagina. But, if I were to have a partner that loves me as the woman I am supposed to be, but wants me to keep my penis, I will. I do not hate the thing. I just prefer not to have it. Also, I do not like being with men as a man. I want to be with a man as a woman. To feel like a woman, and be treated as such. As someone else stated, there are guys out there that will want to be with you as a woman, and they don't care that you have a penis...or they prefer you do. You came to a good spot to help find yourself. I really hope you find what you are looking for, and receive the help you need.
Another thing to consider is this:
I have had plenty of battles over myself about transition into woman, and yet even in all my life i still liked to play with myself and experience an orgasm and sexual release which feels good. I can't think of many people who don't enjoy an orgasm, I think that its important to remember also that transwomen have said repeatably they can orgasm and I am sure they also touch themselves still after srs.
At the same time I often want my privates to be removed. There are some who choose not to have an operation and are comfortable with this. There are some born inter sexed and stay the way they are. You have to dig deep and talk with a therapist and keep reading and posting here examining all the variations.
you dont have to be physically female to wear makeup and dresses / heels etc every day of your life . dont change your body for fashion that would be crazy and you would regret it
thank you for responses guys! Well I've been thinking about it a lot lately and I definitely know that I do feel comfortable with having a penis, using it, and I never in my life wanted it to be gone. I just feel this weird thing inside me telling me that I would be happier as a girl, looking as one and being treated as one, it would make me happier because society would treat me different and men would treat me different... but at the same time I would not want to take hormones and stuff because it will change my sex drive and my penis will not work as it used to, which i dont want :|
Omg this is sick, maybe i have OCD because im obsessing over it again and again, maybe im bi gender... I remember dreaming that I would magically becaome a girl and live like that for a week, and then go back to my real life and live as a guy for a week...
My penis functions just as well as it always has, it has not shrunk, and my sex drive is just as high if not higher...
... After a year and a half on hormones.
While it is possible that hormones will inhibit your function, it may not be the case. I have a feeling that this has to do with one's desire - I certainly have more control over my sex drive, but I imagine that it stays because I like having it.
Hormones may be worth a trial. After all, you can always stop... and unless you try for a long time, the changes are reversible.
Hi
Be who you want to be. If you want to be a girl with a penis, who likes guys, that is who you are. Being content with yourself is the first step. Forget what society thinks. It is not easy to be transsexual, so you are not going to escape it any way. Self acceptance is underrated, but that is what you need. And there are lot of people out there who will accept you for exactly what you are, don't worry about that. I like to feminine all the time, I don't really have a problem with my penis, but I like girls. You have actually more clarity about what you want in my opinion. Also it might be a good idea to talk to a gender psychologist.
Giggles,
-Anita
hmm i think maybe i should try to be somthing like gregory Gorgeus or Miles Jai from youtube, beause i will not take hormones as they will affect my penis sooner or later, and i do not want it, and i also like the idea of 2 guys having sex... And when I imagine myself in 40 years time i see a grey old man, not a granny and I would like to be a guy when old, when relationships and fashion doesnt matter and i would just feel fine with myself.
I think transitioning in my case would be pointless as I would not feel like a real woman but pretending to be one and dating would probably be even harder than it is not... but I dont know im still thinking.
I often feel like " i love my body, not having boobs, having penis etc" then why the f am i worrying so much. I remember that all my dreams about being a female that i had were when i was a closeted gay guy, who could never imagine myself being "gay" so the only way I imagined myself with boys was as a girl. But now I feel a bit different as im out and being a bit more true to myself. Im still feminine and always will be but I dont see anything wrong with my body, however this thoughts when I feel good about myself like "but would i feel even better about myself if I was a girl hmmmm" are driving me crazy.
I would want to be a girl so that the feminie clothes would look good on me, straight men would say to me "hey sexy or sweet, and not "sup bro" and thats it really.. Its hard to define what makes someone transexual because everyone is saying something different :| and also whenever i used to imagine myself as a girl i was creating something like a "super woman" in my head, that wouldnt ever get fat, would wake up with makeup already, would always have perfect clothes etc" lol
So at this point i can imagine myself being happy as a feminine gay boy but I always ask myself in the back of my head... would i be happer as a ts girl? hmmm
i wonder what would happen if you just dressed as a girl without really changing anything else
find a girl who likes to dress up people as well as dolls, and see if you can be a girl for a day or two. maybe all you really want is to crossdress once in a while to give your feminine side an outlet
i'm possibly a little bit too open minded, so i don't see any problem with a person being a girl in public and a guy at home, or the opposite.
try figuring out whether you are a girl, or would love the opportunity to pretend you are one. there's a really big difference between the two. do you ever pretend to be a guy? or do you just pretend to be "manlier" than you really are?
i for my part often feel like i'm pretending to be a girl (born female). some of it is a result of social programming, like the totally fake sweet smile and voice. i use them because it gives privilege, people are so much more willing to help, and usually return the smile. but it's still just me pretending, or acting out of old habit, except for the few times when i really do feel like a girl. but those moments are rare (i'm not really a binary person, can't be labelled exclusively "man" or "woman")
did i confuse you more?
Wow, for someone that never knows for sure what I am, I seem far different than Confusedguy55.
- I don't hate my body, but I already have some breasts and would like them bigger, and I REALLY WANT a vagina, and I certainly want a far more feminine bodyshape.
- I SSSOOOO love and miss the "feminine world" of clothing, hair, makeup, scents, looking pretty, beautiful, and lovely, etc...
- I have this feeling deep inside that I want to be a woman and identify with other women.
Experiences like confusedguy help me better understand my own gender issues.
Katelyn, you are clearly trans, no gay men would REALLY WANT a vagina hehe so you shouldnt be confused :)
I want to speak to a gender therapist soon so he can help me whethe i am trans or not so i can just forget it hopefully and not worry about it anymore :|
Quote from: Confusedguy55 on May 02, 2012, 10:49:57 AM
Well to be honest i wish i was BORN a girl so that i would be used to having a vagina, could get pregnant (ahh my big dream haha) and be just happy! but as i was born a male and i accept my penis as it is it's obviously different and difficult.
hmm who could i be? Well is the society was normal and accepting to absolutely any self expression then i would leave my male body but would have feminine long hair, wear makeup and dresses but I would also want to be seen as a girl by males... But then i'm thinking i cant be seen as a girl by a guy if i will have this penis" lol yeah im the real deal and confused 100%.
Well sometimes i feel like i can be happy being a feminine gay guy and there are days where i do find gay sex attractive BUT sometimes when i imagine having sex with a guy and realize that im also a guy the attraction is not as strong... because for some reason i think of gay guys as not being the "real men" ;/
Part of this applies to me. "Well to be honest i wish i was BORN a girl so that i would be used to having a vagina, could get pregnant (ahh my big dream haha) and be just happy!" I remember praying for God to let me become a female so I could finally feel more like myself. I started noticing guys and girls early on, and always wanted to hang with the girls. Very rarely did I have any desire to be with or near guys, because...get ready for it....I was attracted to them and simultaneously repulsed by my feelings. I even impersonated females early on. People thought it was always just a stage, but I always knew better. I was never a "manly man" and always repulsed by the whole alpha type while also strongly feeling my fem side all the time. As I got older, I realized how much I liked the gay guys and the lesbian women more than the straight guys. Know what's weird? I always felt just fine around the straight women, but not the straight guys.
This has probably been already said but you can't be happy being a gay boy but not want to be with other boys as a boy but then yet want to be a girl.
You either are or aren't what you are. You have to know it inside yourself. Saying 'I want to be a girl' while at the same time saying 'I am a gay boy who likes make-up' and thinking you should be a girl but saying you are not gender dysphoric is just crazy.
There is likely nothing wrong with you are you're just stressing over nothing. Take a chill pill, go for a long walk on a beach and find out what you are by listening to yourself. You can be a gay boy who likes make-up and other girly things. But I have never heard of a gay boy who doesn't like other boys..... :-\
We can't tell you want to you or help you decide but what I can say is that if you say 'I want to be a girl' then well you aren't. Trans women are women regardless of how they present to the outside world. A trans woman says 'I want to be preceived as a woman by others because I am a woman' not 'I want to be a woman'.
Niamh its not like that. I dont mind men calling me "he" i just dislike when they say stuff like "sup dude" etc But when a guy says hey beautiful or you're such a cute boy then it makes me happy :D
as for boys... I loove men <3 And when thinking about sex im 100% happy with being a boy, and letting the other guy touch my male genitalia, its great!
Over the past few weeks i have been better... But sometimes i get this thoughts... would it be better if i transitioned? The answer is probobably no because I wouldnt be happy with vagina, and if i kept my male genitalia it wouldnt be working as it should which would be a nightmare :(
But i do want to look pretty I have days in which i want to look more masculine and in others completely feminine and when those days happen i freak out a little.
So i think I am trangender to some degree... but Im not transexual, so basically just a feminine boy. I noticed that once i came out and started being honest to myself I no longer have the urge to dream of becoming a female, althought it does happen ocassionally whe i see a straight guy and know i cant ever have him, but you dont get a sex change to be with someone so its a different thing ;)
I guess im slowly starting to realize who i am (i think) I will try to become a more feminine boy in apperance, find a partner and see how it goes, if i will be happy then great if not then we'll see!
CG55,
I don't know if this will help because I don't have any advice other than see a counselor which is what just about everyone else has said.
But in case it helps, I'll talk about myself. I don't have any desire to get rid of my male organs. I'd rather have been born a female, but given where I am now, I don't want to give up what they let me do. I don't feel like I'm a female (but I'd like to be one) and spend a lot of time wondering what it would feel like to dress pretty and be seen by the world as a woman. I am thinking about whether transition is right for me, but I think that I will not ever have SRS (true of a lot of MtF transsexuals, though I'm not sure that's exactly what I am).
You may be confused, but you're not alone. I'm confused too. Keep posting.
Quote from: mandw on July 14, 2012, 04:58:39 PM
Almost the same ... I'm not a transexual but I'm going to change my body...
You want to be a ->-bleeped-<- :o
i dont want to be a ->-bleeped-<-... just a more feminine boy. I dont think i need breats to be happy or anything like that. I thik i may try dressing up from tiem to time as a girl but thats it... Theres also too many good things about being a guy that i dont want to give up hehe
and also when older (over 40) i dont think its that important what gender id be and i could happily be a man.
Well if i was to choose i would still choose to be born with a penis but i would want society to be completely different
Hi confusedguy :) have you ever considered that you may be genderqueer? It certainly sounds like it to me. I'm the mum of a genderqueer teen and we have done lots of research on it. Gender is indeed a spectrum but the choices are not just limited to gender normative and trans. Look into it. Hope this helps.
Quote from: Confusedguy55 on July 16, 2012, 01:39:20 PM
i dont want to be a ->-bleeped-<-... just a more feminine boy. I dont think i need breats to be happy or anything like that. I thik i may try dressing up from tiem to time as a girl but thats it... Theres also too many good things about being a guy that i dont want to give up hehe
and also when older (over 40) i dont think its that important what gender id be and i could happily be a man.
Well if i was to choose i would still choose to be born with a penis but i would want society to be completely different
So effectively, you're unhappy with the gender expectations of being a man, though (by the sounds of it) don't consider yourself fully to be anything else.
That's fair enough, all things considered. But there's no reason you can't, say, do feminine things while still living as a guy. Frankly, I'm distrustful of any man who isn't critical of masculinity...
But yeah, from what you say here, it definitely doesn't sound like transition will help you. It's really only something you should undergo as an absolute last resort.
Confusedguy,
It seems to me that you're taking too broad of an approach to this. "Am I trans?" is a very vague statement. Even starting this conversation pretty much puts you in the trans category, to me.
Try smaller questions:
- Do you like having facial hair?
- Have you tried shaving your legs?
- How do you feel about having breasts?
- Have you tried tucking?
- Do you want your gender presentation to be static or dynamic?
- Boy, girl, either, neither, both?
Take a break from the top-down approach and try the bottom up one. Even if it doesn't get you the answer you're looking for, it could be a refreshing change of pace.
Late to this discussion but just want to say that I, like confusedguy, happily identified as a gay man and never really had any desire to change biologically but was always super-girly, mistaken for a woman, etc. What started me off on transition was deciding to spend time as a woman out in the world, and realizing that I preferred that. It was only after HRT that I started feeling like I wanted to have bottom surgery.
So as people have said, I would suggest spending time as a woman out in the world. That can clarify whether you like it or not.
For me, I found that being gay was a type of halfway house to getting what I needed, but it's no longer where I want to be. Where I live, being gay is pretty much normal, but being trans takes more guts and is a kind-of weird for many people. From my early 20s I have been attraced to men and also wanted to be a girl, but was just too scared to do it. Once I was divorced from my wife I was able to properly deal with the attraction to men. It was when I had boyfriend #3 that I realised that I couldn't pretend that gay was my stopping point. I WANT to be a woman, and hope to be with a decent man at some point who sees me that way. Also, since I am now in my early 40s I have a much more robust sense of who I am, so I do not have to deal with the crushing need for social acceptance we have when we're young, which makes transitioning much easier. Anyhow, my friends are not terribly surprised. But sometimes the voyage of discovery takes time...
I don't have gender dysphoria either. I would much rather have and innie than an outie though. You can do all the femme things, I have long curly hair, wear two earrings , no facial hair, shave legs and underarms and have a hairless chest, and due to nature two itty bitty ones. I don't mind my outie and use it as it should be intended with women and I am bi but sexually bottom with guys. I am even mostly passable if I do dress up and go out, away from where I live though. I can be either/or or both at the same time. But the key is that if you see yourself as a man in old age, you may not want to go the transition route. I don't really plan on reaching too old of an age but of course I've said that since I was 21. :) But seriously, see a gender therapist to work through these questions, but in the meantime like someone else mentioned feminize a little, shave, grow your hair, peirce your ears, pluck your eyebrows, wear makeup, dress more femme or androgenous and see if that feels comfortable or normal and take it from there.