I lost my job on Tuesday. Up until a couple months ago, the relationship with my ex employer was going well. Then for whatever reason, he stuck me doing a bunch of manly junk that he knows I hate doing.
Fast forward to the day after I was let go.
I had trouble passing as a guy. I'd been seen as female by many people without even trying (I had facial hair for gods sake!) As I was explaining this to my sister later on in the night, it hit me... maybe a customer called in to my boss some time recently and referred to me as a girl, not knowing any better.
My boss is a very closed minded person who has expressed disgust towards transgendered people. One day a couple months back, I thought I was looking pretty girly one day and when I went to the Monday morning meeting, I could tell he was kinda staring daggers at me. A few weeks later, I told him that my hormone levels were way off and doctors did not know why.
Now I don't think he caught on that I'm trans. He's so naive, that he didn't even know men had estrogen. But I do think he was grossed out that I was looking more and more female, and maybe it reached a point where a customer thought I was female and he simply fired me because he was weirded out by my looks. Also, I'm pretty openly effeminate, and he's a baptist who thinks gay people should all go to hell.
But... he did give me a few reasons why he fired me:
-I don't like doing manly stuff (even though I did it when I could physically do it, and when he hired me he promised it would've been kept to a minimum)
-I kept having to go back on site to fix things I should've fixed before (which is common in the whack-a-mole kind of stuff we do)
-I'm going to school and planning on leaving him when I graduate (which I told him I was possibly going to do when he hired me)
-The "final straw" came when I left the door on my work truck unlocked at home and somebody stole a $1200 laptop. I offered to pay him back $200 a pay period ($400 a month) and he didn't want to do that. Instead, he promised me a final pay period ($1000 after taxes). Yeah... makes sense.
He went on to say he would recommend me to any future employer and help me however he could. Guilty feeling maybe?
Anybody understand where I'm coming from or can relate in some way?
Sounds shady but with the laptop situation you'll never be able to prove it was b/c you were suspected of being trans..
I've got a similar pitfall at my job. Trans is protected in the employee handbook. I'm a great employee in good standing but I've got a problem with being 2-3 min late everyday. This is something that there no clear cut rules for discipline on , so I could literally be fired on the spot if i were to become someone no one wanted around (IE openly trans).
What do you mean by 'doing manly things'?
Gezz Alaina, that kinda sucks
but then again maybe you'll be alot happier working in an environment that you feel you can grow in.
Obviously you have his blessing for references, so off you go girl-- and get that Job!!
Love and best wishes
Jen
OXOXOXOXOX
BTW doing manly things = lifting heavy objects, getting into ceilings / attics. I'm really glad I got fired in a way because summers are brutal here and getting into a 150 degree attic ... may have killed me since my doctor didn't wanna write a note saying I'm at higher risk for blood clots / dehydration.
I wasn't looking to sue, though I may file unemployment when my last check clears. I wouldn't have a chance at that, and I know it. I guess I'm just asking if anybody has had anything similar happen. I just wanted to share it with ppl that may relate :)
I'm just gonna move on in my life. I'm not hurting really in any way. I have a few months in savings and a financial aid stipend coming my way so I'm in no hurry to find a job and unemployment isn't really make or break for me. In fact I just started laser yesterday and I'm looking to change my name :)
I am not sure what company you work for, but there is usually a HR department that you may talk to and they might be able to help you.
As to the waiting for your last check before filling for unemployment- DO IT ASAP!!! Sometimes unemployment can take 3-4 weeks to get started and you actually get money. The sooner the better when it comes to that. Did your ex-boss even give a reason for firing? Usually alot of places will try to have a "paper trail" to cover everything on their end, it all depends on the state and state law(I live in a right to work state =( )
Edit: Former Store Manager-If the company gave no reason at all as to the firing they will have almost no grounds to contest against you getting unemployment. IF they have a "trail" they may try to fight you.
Quote from: Claire25 on May 03, 2012, 11:44:06 AM
I am not sure what company you work for, but there is usually a HR department that you may talk to and they might be able to help you.
This is a company with like 5 employees, so no HR dept :(
Quote from: Claire25 on May 03, 2012, 11:44:06 AM
As to the waiting for your last check before filling for unemployment- DO IT ASAP!!! Sometimes unemployment can take 3-4 weeks to get started and you actually get money. The sooner the better when it comes to that. Did your ex-boss even give a reason for firing? Usually alot of places will try to have a "paper trail" to cover everything on their end, it all depends on the state and state law(I live in a right to work state =( )
I want to get the check in the bank first. I don't want him to find out I'm filing and then he stop payment on the check. He direct deposits on the 15th, so that's when it will probably be in there. Also, yes, see above. Multiple reasons which I can argue, and tried to with him, but he didn't care.
Ahh I see the laptop thing. Missed it on the first read through...the only thing he can do is depending on company policy is dock the amount out of your final check(which he might do regardless of saying differently) but he cannot withhold your check from you.
Edit: As long as you are not under the table
BUT on the off note I am sorry to hear all the trouble. I know what it can be like with bosses and getting randomly canned. I lost my job as an Assistant store manager and due to the way the owner of the company I worked for filed for bankruptcy I still have not received my final check(800ish) and this was in 2009. The amount is still in court and we have to wait for the banks and other debtors to get paid before the final employees.
Oh wow, that's a giant PITA! Bankruptcy is such a hassle. I'd forget about that money, but I'm sure you already have.
Well.. technically I'm only entitled to 1 days pay anyways. That's why I'm waiting to see if that check goes into my account on the 15th for the full pay period, instead of just 1 day. When I know all of that, I may start the unemployment stuff, which I'm sure he'll try to fight.
I need to find out the stipend amount I'm getting from FASFA. If it's a few grand, I'm set for a while. I may just pay off my car with it (or pay down a few months to a year) if I can and then I'll only have about $900 a month in expenses including HRT and doctors visits.
When I know all that, I may just not mess with unemployment so I can keep him as a reference. Plus I could get my name changed, pay for the rest of my laser package, transition full time, and get a part time job and be okay until I finish school.
Again this is subject to state..I live in VA..Technically it is illegal for me to give a "bad reference" all I am allowed to say as a manager is "Yes or No they worked here" and if they are elligable for re-hire. If you do decide to file for unemployment you have to look for (in most states) 2 jobs a week AND if you do get a job and it doesn't pay as much to the amount you are receiving they will also give you some every week.
Sorry to ask a weird question..But how do you not get paid for the total amount and possibly only 1 day...commission?
I was fired after working 1 full day into the pay period.
I felt I was. I had been working 2 jobs for about 2 years in that time I started to transition more and more I would get called maam. my immediate manager knew of my tranistion and it didnt seem to bother her, but the owner I felt grew more and more uncomfortable until he heard some customers call me maam or when they would comment on how nice the lady who worked last night was (me).I worked at a hotel at the front desk as my second job, anyway day one day they call me in the office and let me know they were letting me go due to budget cuts. Really?! I worked parttime there and only 3 days a week. I almost filed discrimination complaint against but I let it go, which still bothers me to this day.
When I came out the closet, I was humiliated and mocked at in front of 200 people in my company. As I entered in the morning, ALL keyboards STOPPED typing, a string of hysteric/hilarious and humiliating laughters.
3 days later, I got a letter of dismissal letter due to 'lateness' and 'bad performance' when I was late only for 5 mins only once when others are late everyday and still there and always get high performance. They couldn't tell me they are firing me for being trans cos they might be sued for discrimination so they used other ways. Immediately after that, I fell into prostitution, lived the worst phase of nightmares of my entire life...Fortunately after a few months I climbed up again by getting another decent job that accepted me as I am.
I worked at an inner city black school as a high school math teacher. My first year was tough as rest of new teachers. I taught Calculus at 18 in high school because math teacher (who was an excellent teacher) did not know Calculus. I took third year Calculus for Math majors in my Sophomore year of college at party school of South. I passed state exams to teach Calculus 30 years after college. Taught many courses to adults at major corporate level.
I got my masters in finance and am well educated. I worked as a senior manager at a major firm and got a deal in my old age. I passed all high school state exams and went to teach high school students from business world.
Passed all courses at alternative program and white retired lady principal approved me to be "renewable" certified with condition of need of black school Principal's signature. Principal would not sign and said to me, "You will never get another job as a teacher unless you resign." I just cried and resigned.
Student's wrote on board "Good bye Ms. L". My students surpassed corrupt city in passing state exam by 8% points. I worked every day after school to help my students do well.
I took hormones, removed my beard and never took off my jacket in class.
I heard black lady vice principal that evaluated me say to another black male vice principal. "Is he taking hormones?"
Who knows?
The one job I was fired from was because I was too slow (and sometimes even late) and couldn't take on the heavy duty work she implicitly expected me to do, not really related to my appearance... But, well, that was about two years ago, when my hair wasn't really growing and I still hadn't decided to transition.
But when looking for a job, if I forget the lack of self-confidence, whereas specialists have taught me and certified I was doing everything right, I have an incredibly low rate of being called back or hired after an interview. Much less than 1 % I'd say, and I strongly believe that my effeminate character is part of that. People expect men when they call men on an interview, I guess. It sort of sucks, but I guess I should be okay once I actually transition.
Quote from: wendy on May 03, 2012, 04:56:43 PM
I worked at an inner city black school as a high school math teacher. My first year was tough as rest of new teachers. I taught Calculus at 18 in high school because math teacher (who was an excellent teacher) did not know Calculus. I took third year Calculus for Math majors in my Sophomore year of college at party school of South. I passed state exams to teach Calculus 30 years after college. Taught many courses to adults at major corporate level.
I got my masters in finance and am well educated. I worked as a senior manager at a major firm and got a deal in my old age. I passed all high school state exams and went to teach high school students from business world.
Passed all courses at alternative program and white retired lady principal approved me to be "renewable" certified with condition of need of black school Principal's signature. Principal would not sign and said to me, "You will never get another job as a teacher unless you resign." I just cried and resigned.
Student's wrote on board "Good bye Ms. L". My students surpassed corrupt city in passing state exam by 8% points. I worked every day after school to help my students do well.
I took hormones, removed my beard and never took off my jacket in class.
I heard black lady vice principal that evaluated me say to another black male vice principal. "Is he taking hormones?"
Who knows?
Baby that sounds like a movie with a bad ending :(
Quote from: A on May 03, 2012, 06:00:59 PM
The one job I was fired from was because I was too slow (and sometimes even late) and couldn't take on the heavy duty work she implicitly expected me to do, not really related to my appearance... But, well, that was about two years ago, when my hair wasn't really growing and I still hadn't decided to transition.
But when looking for a job, if I forget the lack of self-confidence, whereas specialists have taught me and certified I was doing everything right, I have an incredibly low rate of being called back or hired after an interview. Much less than 1 % I'd say, and I strongly believe that my effeminate character is part of that. People expect men when they call men on an interview, I guess. It sort of sucks, but I guess I should be okay once I actually transition.
That really... really sucks. I have always had an easy time finding a job as a guy, but I'm bracing myself for the worst as a female.
I was let go from a hospital contract position not long ago here in the States (yes of all places youd think they were "open minded" in a modern hospital). I was gender neutral at that time, and I'd been on hormones a few months. No oneseemed to notice, though I do believe people thought I may be gay.
Anyway one day I was walking into the nurse station as a doctor was coming out, and we passed very close by one another. I think she saw some light makeup on me,or gosh I don't even know because it was so light, but I specifically noticed this look of disgust on her face. I even thought, " what on Earth was that look?!"
Well that was the hardest I had ever worked that day. I covered for someone who didn't come in even though it was not my job. I informed the company I contracted with that so and so hadn't come in, and that I'd cover for her.... I went above for that damn company on that day.
So later that evening I receive a call from the area manager and I'm just like "Hey how ya goin Joe? I know you and you know me, so what's up?" He says " I am sorry to have to do this...but we have to let you go." Omg I could not believe my ears. I was thinking it was a joke!! He insisted, and I eventually thought back to the Doctor and that look. He confirmed that a doctor had called and complained about me, and my appearance, and that they had to let me go because we are contracted and it is their discretion if we don't fit the environment. They also said I was just under 90 days, so this was a non-negotiable decision.
I asked if it was because I was trans, and he refused to elaborate. I said "It was doctor so and so wasn't it?!" He just stayed quiet. They never even asked for my badge back.
Now about my appearance....well I wore scrubs so that wasn't the issue. I shaved every day, and I am a clean person.. I had some makeup now and again was that why? I hardly put on anything noticeable...I mean it was an ER....it was more for myself. I just don't know what they meant by appearance other than perhaps somehow it came out that I was trans. I just don't know...but I was SPECIFICALLY FIRED FOR MY APPEARANCE :(
I am so sorry something like thay happened to you...it was REALLY tough on me at the time. You'll be okay, and sometimes things really work out hetter in the end because of the lessons we learn. :)
Mia: how frustrating. I just can't wrap my head around it. I wanna say it happened to me on this incident ... but it's still like... why fire somebody because of their looks? I'm sure you didn't look unprofessional, did you?
I mean it's 1 thing if they wear trashy clothes or wear their hair nasty, but as you can see, my hair for example is very healthy, well kept... no reason to see unprofessionalism. My boss even mentioned "You pull it off well, I wish I could have long hair, I would!"
Quote from: MiaOhMya! on May 03, 2012, 10:50:22 PM
Now about my appearance....well I wore scrubs so that wasn't the issue. I shaved every day, and I am a clean person.. I had some makeup now and again was that why? I hardly put on anything noticeable...I mean it was an ER....it was more for myself. I just don't know what they meant by appearance other than perhaps somehow it came out that I was trans. I just don't know...but I was SPECIFICALLY FIRED FOR MY APPEARANCE :(
That is really horrible :(
Did you go down to the hospital after and call for a meeting and ask to speak with management?
I would have raised hell ... first tried to speak out the differences with the doctors boss... and if that failed, tried to sort things out with the doctors boss's boss.
If that failed... I would have collected every persons contact information that worked in the hospital and sent out a letter detailing what type of place they were working for... who had done what... and why (along with my attempts to resolve it).
That is of course if trans wasn't protected in that state legally... in which case I would have been bringing a suit against them (after i spoke with management and got all their responses documented).
Don't just take abuse... if some bigot decides he dislikes that he THINKS you are gay or trans... well... that is when you cry bloody murder lol.
Alainaluvsu, I don't think looking for a job as female is the problem... Rather, looking for one as an effeminate man. Really, it should be easier afterwards.
Quote from: A on May 04, 2012, 12:11:20 AM
Alainaluvsu, I don't think looking for a job as female is the problem... Rather, looking for one as an effeminate man. Really, it should be easier afterwards.
Well, unless they see the M on the ID, and see the features and go.... huh... interesting
Hm, I've never had to show an ID for a job, though.
Pardon the long post in your thread, but this was something that really affected my decision to finally just go full-time!
There are a few reasons I didn't fight. One, I was a contractor and did not work directly for the hospital. All outward appearances said I was with the hospital, but I was actually with a medical staffing company. This is actually very common in US healthcare, and elsewhere too...way more than you may think!
Second, after running it by others the advice I hated to hear was that I was just under 90 days, so they can remove employees simply due to the "probationary" period and do not need justificaton. (This is the same back home so it took me at no surprise really).
Finally, I had to find work! I lost that position at a critical point, having been on hormones just 4 months. It was a huge blow. Now I did meet with the company president and explained to her just what had happened. I also held my employer accountable for money they owed me, and she even gave my Christmas bonus three weeks ahead (which is EXACTLY what that bit about your boss feeling guilty reminded me of...I could taste the guilt!!). I truly understood her dilemma as the issue was not with me, but that the hospital have a right to say "we do not want that person." What went on behind the scenes is easy to speculate, but its impossible to prove. In short, even though my boss knew what it was all really about, the reasons cited by the doctor were left open to interpretation. Interpretation, as they say, is half of the law and In the end I also needed a good reference from someone local...so I dared not ruin it!
I do agree that working as an effeminate man was more difficult than being a full time trans woman. People seemed offed by their inability to figure out exactly what to do about me...they were confused. Now a few people do know I'm trans, and I have inevitably encountered some wankers who have nothing better than to harass someone who is different...but I find those dim-wittes types tend inherently to have very visible flaws, and I make fast work of them. 8)
Alaina, The saying goes "one door closes and another opens". This is a new beginning for you. Welcome it, embrace it. Start planning now about your new job and the rest of your life as a lady!
Quote from: MiaOhMya! on May 04, 2012, 04:35:32 AM
Pardon the long post in your thread, but this was something that really affected my decision to finally just go full-time!
There are a few reasons I didn't fight. One, I was a contractor and did not work directly for the hospital. All outward appearances said I was with the hospital, but I was actually with a medical staffing company. This is actually very common in US healthcare, and elsewhere too...way more than you may think!
Second, after running it by others the advice I hated to hear was that I was just under 90 days, so they can remove employees simply due to the "probationary" period and do not need justificaton. (This is the same back home so it took me at no surprise really).
Finally, I had to find work! I lost that position at a critical point, having been on hormones just 4 months. It was a huge blow. Now I did meet with the company president and explained to her just what had happened. I also held my employer accountable for money they owed me, and she even gave my Christmas bonus three weeks ahead (which is EXACTLY what that bit about your boss feeling guilty reminded me of...I could taste the guilt!!). I truly understood her dilemma as the issue was not with me, but that the hospital have a right to say "we do not want that person." What went on behind the scenes is easy to speculate, but its impossible to prove. In short, even though my boss knew what it was all really about, the reasons cited by the doctor were left open to interpretation. Interpretation, as they say, is half of the law and In the end I also needed a good reference from someone local...so I dared not ruin it!
I do agree that working as an effeminate man was more difficult than being a full time trans woman. People seemed offed by their inability to figure out exactly what to do about me...they were confused. Now a few people do know I'm trans, and I have inevitably encountered some wankers who have nothing better than to harass someone who is different...but I find those dim-wittes types tend inherently to have very visible flaws, and I make fast work of them. 8)
Kind of confused on who to be mad at then, huh? As far as my boss, I kinda know to be leery of him because he was just especially unforgiving towards me. I can't explain it, he just seemed to stack stuff on me I hated and he KNEW I hated, as if he was trying to run me off. And if I made the smallest mistake or did something a way he wouldn't have done, he "corrected" me in a way I felt was just ... idk like he was talking to me like a teenager.
Quote from: Dale on May 04, 2012, 07:19:52 AM
Alaina, The saying goes "one door closes and another opens". This is a new beginning for you. Welcome it, embrace it. Start planning now about your new job and the rest of your life as a lady!
I am, I can't wait! I hope things go wonderfully with me :) I really hope my financial aid will be enough to pay down on my car enough to get a part time job instead of a full time job. 70 hours of school + work a week is exhausting!!!
And thanks for both of your input. They're both encouraging :)
This is something that i admit worries.me quite a bit. I work in a male dominated field (driving 18 wheelers) and the company has no lgbt discrimination polices and is based out of a state that lacks them too. Being "right to work" rules basically they can fire anyonw for any reason. One example of this was a person with several years with this company parked in front of an adult store (many have truck parking) and this was considered immoral and they were fired.
I am not very far along in my transition but, I have been really trying to figure out what I can do to get wome sort of legal protections with my unfortunate skillset. I really don't want to deal with being an independent contractor or have to find a local company in a state with some better laws...
Alaina, do not look back. If what you do feels right then keep moving forward. If you look back you will be caught in a loop. Not sure how to handle in-between mode. Some people will accept you and you need to spend time with them. Others will end their friendship because of how you feel. Not easy.
Quote from: wendy on May 05, 2012, 06:14:46 PM
Alaina, do not look back. If what you do feels right then keep moving forward. If you look back you will be caught in a loop. Not sure how to handle in-between mode. Some people will accept you and you need to spend time with them. Others will end their friendship because of how you feel. Not easy.
I love the advice. This is an opportunity for me, as i see it. Im gonna make the best of it. Im sooo over he whole "I hope people dont look at me funny" stage... well it effects me, but only that if they clock me, it just stirs up the whole "WHY CANT I BE PRETTIER"" thoughs. Inbetween mode isnt killing me yet. Everybody important has been super great about it.