Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello all,
I am still very early in the process of coming out (even to myself). I am 19 going on 20 and I am (gulp) 6'6" tall, and I have known for a long time that I have wanted to be female. Growing up, my mother would tell me horror stories about how my father was going to beat my ass when he got home from work, and this quickly made me fear my father. I am the youngest of 6 kids in my family, and my dad was what my mom called a 'workaholic', but now I know that he HAD to work that much because my mom didn't have a job, and there was... 6 of us kids to take care of.

I remember being really young (5-6 years old), and going to the mall with my mother and being in the female clothing section when my mom told me something that I remember word for word, she said, "Do you ever wish you were born as a girl? You could wear all of these pretty clothes and makeup and just feel pretty. I though you were going to be a girl before you were born, we had a girl name picked out for you, and even had girl clothing, but when you were born, you were a boy. We didn't have a boy name picked out for you, and your first baby picture was taken in a pink onesie because that is all we had."

Recently I found out that my mother is very manipulative (still love her to death), and tried to make me fear my dad so I would always go to her and not him. I live with my dad while I am going to college. He is very loving, very compassionate, very endearing. He is my safest bet right now to come out to as far as family goes, for I have come out to two of my most trusted female best friends.

I have tried to study up on as much information I can, but I still can not find anything on why trans people are trans. I once thought, when I was more naive, that being trans was from being raised a certain way, then I thought it was caused while you were in the womb. Right now, I don't care why I am a female in a male body, all I care about is being the gender I was supposed to be.

I was scared of my dad up until the first time I saw him cry, when I was 13. When I was 13, one of my brothers had committed suicide. He was my closest sibling, and we did everything together.

My brother was around the age I am now when he died, and he became a vegetarian and lost a lot of weight and stopped working out about 2 months before he died. My brother never said anything about why he was depressed, and I know all of the women that he has been with personally. My brother was very very good looking and almost as tall as I am now (6'3").

He lost so much weight so fast that it scared my parents, but it was too late to help him by the time they acted. I don't know why my brother did what he did, but if being trans is something that COULD come from genetics, then there might be a chance that he was trans and didn't know how he could come out.

I suffer from depression (I thought it was stemmed from the loss of my brother, but have found out that I suffered from depression before he died), and I really want to come out to my family, but I do not want to pull the, "If I don't do this, I will die. Would you rather have me, your brother/son, dead because you didn't support him, or would you prefer having your sister/daughter live and be happy because you believed in her." Although I do not want to pull that card, it is true. there has been several times I have tried to commit suicide, and my father is the only one in my family that knows this except for my oldest brother and my best friend.

I say this because I also have been losing a lot of weight, running every day, slimming workouts, and am on a strict diet. Threw out all of my soda and junk foods, and I am strongly considering becoming a vegetarian to try to get to my desired weight.

I am tall, 6'6" as I stated before, and have been over weight since my brother died (food was one of the ways of dealing with his death). I am not obese, and when I bring up to my co-workers that I am fat, they just laugh at me... But I hate my gut and I am tired of being over weight.

I know I am tall, But I am hoping that once I slim down to my desired weight now (flat tummy, smaller thighs, less face fat), before I start hormones, I can see my bone structure better then make the decision them. My only hopes now is that my shoulders won't be too broad, and maybe I can pull off the model look, though I would enjoy being able to wear heels... but the more and more I think about it, the more and more I think it will not be a good decision at all.

I have not started taking pictures yet, but I feel once I start seeing the results myself, then I will be more confident in coming out or even going through. I don't see a point of transitioning from a depressed male to a depressed female (if I can't pass as a female). I know some tall women, almost as tall as me... and man... are they drop... dead... gorgeous...

I would like to get to know all of you because I think know you will be able to help me through out my transition.

I really would like to have kids, so naturally becoming sterile makes me very concerned. though there is always the option of having some of my sperm frozen and have it artificially inseminated in someone I trust. But I hear that can become quite expensive.

I am not ready to have a kid now... But I am ready to transition now, so this poses a problem to me.

Becoming sterile is my one and only concern to transitioning, besides not being able to pass as a female.

I am a physics major in college, but during my soul search I found out that I might be more happy if I switched my major to art, (big jump eh? I have always been very artistic and imaginative).

I would like to start posting pictures of my journey, pre-hormone.
I hope I can get skinny enough to pass as a legitimate female.  :-\

I have lost a lot of weight, was 276 lbs before I started my diet and workouts, and I am now at 242 lbs and still shrinking. I have never been able to stick with a work out regimen or a diet before in my life, but this is something I truly want, and my best friend told me that having a picture of your end result and putting it in an area that you will see every day will motivate you to work out and lose weight, and put down the fork!
He has a picture of George Clooney in his fridge, where I have pictures of (gulp), Scarlett Johansson, all over my room and computer, and my dad never asks questions other than, "You must really think she is beautiful, huh?" ;D
I am not gay, and my parents do not think that I am gay... I just hope I tell them I wish to transition before they find all of my moisturizers :D...

Also, if any of you have tips on workouts I can do (on top of running, and some feminizing workouts I learned from my female friends, i.e. inverted push ups, dead lift squat, cough bridge, and lateral step ups.) it would be most appreciated.

Please ask me questions, to not only boost my confidence, but to help me convince myself that I can make it. It will make it easier for me if you ask questions, and maybe I will get confident enough to post pictures of my journey.
I am also hoping that once I get to my desired weight before I start the transition, it will be easier to convince my family this is what I need.

Welcome to the site, hon. :) It's good to meet you.

If you want a picture of an end result for your diet and excersising regime, how about Alyssa DeHaan? She's 6'9", and very pretty. :)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcmsimg.lansingstatejournal.com%2Fapps%2Fpbcsi.dll%2Fbilde%3FNewTbl%3D1%26amp%3BAvis%3DA3%26amp%3BDato%3D20110520%26amp%3BKategori%3DGLW%26amp%3BLopenr%3D105200802%26amp%3BRef%3DPH%26amp%3BItem%3D24%26amp%3BMaxw%3D600%26amp%3BMaxh%3D500&hash=70226beea5e5610b123b05ee82003a2bb6e36aa7)

I think that if you own your height and carry yourself as though it's perfectly natural, then height becomes very much a non-issue in terms of passing. If you've got it, flaunt it, as it were. ;)

I very much agree with your philosophy about being trans. You can drive yourself mad trying to figure out the hows and why's of it all. Sometimes it's better just to get on with being.

As for having kids, if you decide that having your sperm frozen isn't appropriate for you then you could always adopt later on maybe? Is that something you would consider?

The only other thing I would say is that if you're sure that you're female, if it's what your heart tells you, then you already are legitimate, so with regard to passing, you can't fail. *hug*

I thank you for your response, and as I was reading I actually started crying. Recently all of my thoughts on my transition have been negative, and I never thought I would even want to continue. I love that you went out of your way to find something that would comfort a complete stranger you have never met. You may have saved my life, and I do not wish to say that prematurely.

As I was typing my 'life story', I was considering giving up on my wishes, and either living my life as a depressed male or not being alive at all.

Adoption would be a possibility, but my one hiccup on adoption is that it wont be genetically my child, but in the long run, do I really want to continue my genetic line? :D

I want a son, a genetic son, one that I can honor my brothers life and what he meant to me while I was growing up, but I would not form his life to by my brothers life. I want to name him after my brother, and I think that would bring a lot of closure to me.

Once I get my genetic son, then I would be very proud to adopt. But beggars can't be choosers, eh?

Like I stated in the original post, I know several females that are around my height that are angelically beautiful, but I think all females are beautiful. Could that be jealousy? I don't know.

I love being tall... as a male. I am just not so sure about being this tall as a female... up until I got some encouragement!  ;D !!! Thank you!

I also want to thank you on your comment about passing as a legitimate female. I am happy that you made me look at it from a different angle.

I am going this to correct the injustice that has plagued me for nearly 20 years.

Well, if you feel strongly enough about having a child of your own flesh and blood, hon, then... reading how you feel with regard to your brother, maybe the expense is worth it.

I had a look online for you, and found something that may interest you.

http://www.spermbankcalifornia.com/sperm-cryopreservation.html (http://www.spermbankcalifornia.com/sperm-cryopreservation.html)

The costs don't seem that astronomical, and they say that it can stay viable for years, so maybe that's something worth looking into?

Never give up on your dreams, hon. If you don't have those, you don't have anything. I believe in you, even though I've never met you. That you've shown the courage to question who you are and how you want to be... that shows the potential within you to realise your hopes. *extra hug* Go for it.

Welcome, TallGirl, from sunny southern California.

I am, reading between the lines, but it seems you are already in, or have been in, some sort of therapy related to the regrettable passing of your brother. and other issues.

That's a good start.  Have you discussed your gender issues with your therapist?

I don't think anybody has a good handle on what "causes" GID or, as I prefer, ->-bleeped-<-.  I suspect it has several inter-related causes.  I think, in the future, we will find out much of it had to do with fetal brain development.

Anyway, Sephirah is spot on.

And I want you to know that you are not alone in your feelings and questions.  We have a number of posters here who are in the late-teens and early-20s.  Stick around, read, discuss, ask questions, participate.  You will learn a lot.  Susan's is in many ways a support group in itself.

There is a word for us statuesque girls, Glamazon!  I think if you have it flaunt it. I am 6'2" myself.
Just don't overdo the weight loss, as it is what gives us our curves.  Once you start HRT the fat starts to settle in more appropriate places.  :)

Karen.

Thank you for posting,
Yes, Jamie, I have had some therapy to deal with the loss of my brother. I have not moved on and never will for I do not seek to move on, I do still love him with all my heart and all. But I have accepted he is gone, and I can go several weeks without holding his portrait in my arms and fall asleep. I am at a comfortable place with the loss of my brother, I can look back and remember all of the goods (and bads), I also know that he IS in a better place, and if anyone says otherwise... I have a lot of force behind a punch, being as tall as I am... just saying...

I love that I can finally, openly, talk about my feelings, and needs, and wishes... All without being judged. My friends I have come out to were surprised, because I do not act feminine, and have had several girl friends. I mainly so not act feminine, because I do not want my family to think I am gay, (not that there is anything wrong with being gay, which there isn't, it would just make my life easier if they didn't think that.)

My only fears right now are coming out, and being able to feel comfortable in my tall body... But I am super jealous of shorter women that can wear heels and get away with it.

We are all human. 'Nuff said  ;)

I am not currently seeing a therapist, and I have not mentioned any gender issues I have had with any of my therapists.
I wish I could start therapy, but do not wish to drive the 5 hours to Denver every time I want to talk to a therapist that is experienced in this situation. I live in Western Colorado. I love it here, but there is a lack of gender identity therapists here.
I am not saying that I would not be willing to make the trek if I had the chance, but as of right now, money is a problem.

Thank you for your concern Karen,
I am not looking for the bony look by any means. Being as tall as I am, I have a lot of weight from not being too fatty. My gut is still an issue for me, that and my thighs. I keep looking at my face, and I do not think I have too terribly strong masculine features, and I know that the face changes a lot with hormone treatment. I want to be able to look at my body and say, "I can pull of skin tight clothes, and feel comfortable." before I start hormones.

I agree (at a mere 6'3") - we Amazonians need to walk proud! Every day I see young women who are as tall as me, each generation gets taller (must be all the growth hormones in the burgers).

I remember from being a teenager what it's like being taller than everyone else (I was this height at 12) and how tempting it is to round your shoulders and try to hide. Don't do it. Body and mind are intertwined - if your posture reflects your inner confidence, it'll also reinforce it, and vice versa.

Hi Tall Girl,

Welcome honey, I'll just post a copy of the rules links and then have a chat if I may.


Hi, and welcome to Susan's! We have people come to visit us from all over the world, expressing different points of view, and you are likely to find someone to help you along your way   

Here are some important links and things to ponder as you begin your journey here.


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Our mission is to be a support site for gender dysmorphic people of any situation, so feel at home and feel comfortable. You are now family.


You have had a really rough time and that will impact on everything. To be honest I think you are a remarkable woman to keep it all together so well. Yes a therapist will def help but obviously travel and money is an issue.

You have identified a few 'body issue' problems, work on them, a good healthy diet will work wonders and loose weight and bring your skin up to a better place. Moisturiser, cleanser, you can get from the local store. Start to pamper and enjoy yourself, look for positive not negatives.  You are 6' 6" beautiful. Guys go apes**t over tall leggy woman. With heels you can dominate a room, all you need is a smile and there will be guys drooling and woman jealous as Hell.

There is nothing wrong with your sexuality, if you like woman fine, if you like guys fine, if you like neither fine. We can lock ourselves into little boxes that mean nothing. We as individuals are just that, individuals.

I think, and this is just my opinion, is that you do need to start to move forward. The loss of your brother would have been devastating. I know, my younger sister killed herself. I carried my grief for ever, until I realised that I loved her, it released me. I love her every day and all ways will. But I live my life and she has her death and both of us have to accept that. Love is being strong and taking on the hard stuff, anyone who says love is the wishy washy romance crap, has never loved. Love is hard work. Maybe that is also reflected in your parents relationships.

Your brother would want you to move forward.

Hugs, welcome  and Love

Cindy

Thank you all for your support, each and every one of you has helped a lot just in this short period of time.

The way I look at it, accepting and moving on are different things for me. When I say I don't want to move on, what I mean is that I don't want to forget his voice, or his sense of humor, or any intangible characteristic I can no longer experience. When I say that I have accepted him leaving, I am not saying that I am happy that he is gone. What I mean is that I am happy he is not suffering anymore. Right after his death, all I could think about was getting in a time machine to go back in time to save my brother, but I know now that it would not have helped, because I am who I am, he is who he is, and trying to change anything from the past is not good.

I love him, and know that he is in a better place, and the times that I really do have to hold his picture tight is not because I am grieving, I am just trying to stay close to him in my own ways. I have dreams where I would hug my brother and never let him go.

I know he would want me to do anything to make me happy, especially if it takes me away from taking myself out of 'lifes equation'.

My high school physics teacher, and my college physics professors say that I have one of the strongest grasps of science they have seen in any other person before. I love physics, and I would never keep myself from achieving 'What could be."

I love art as well, and love to draw... a lot...
I may not be very good, but I like to think I am making progress.

Nothing would make me happier in the world right now if I could get my family behind me in my transition.
I want to feel 'pretty' rather than 'handsome' :D

Honey,

I hope I didn't trigger bad thoughts, I certainly didn't mean too.


The fun thing about science is that it is asexual. It is a great career for TG people because no one really cares. I have been totally accepted and I am a career scientist.

Oh I'm 5'9'' I always wear 4" heels, I do not give s**t what people think. It is their problem, not mine. After all its what is between your legs and not between your ears that is important to men. Whoops had my hair dyed today, having a blonde moment. Just a joke. :laugh: :laugh:

Cindy

Cindy, you did nothing to trigger any bad thoughts in my mind. I was just clarifying because I misunderstood what you wrote and thought you told me that I still have to move on. That, I still get touchy about, but after going back and reading what you wrote carefully makes me feel better.

I love physics, and I hope to get my degree, but most recently (around the time I really decided to follow my dreams), I have been more and more interested in Art... More than ever actually.

I already love it here, for it has given me more confidence in one night than I have gathered in years on this topic.
I already feel more comfortable, and one step closer to coming out to my family.

Earlier, when I had stated that I was not gay, what I meant was that the thought my myself and another man would not have been what I wanted, and it stopped there.
Now that I have been trying to think more like a girl, and I know once I start hormones, there is a great change that my sexuality will change. I read stories and accounts where strait people transition, and when they were in their desired role, you would expect most of them to be 'gay or lesbian', but after the transition was finished or at a comfortable position, their sexuality changed and they are strait.
After reading many stories where this is the case, and accepting truly who I am, and am starting to think more like a female, I wouldn't say no to a male partner.

Honey

Your sexual preference is yours alone.  There is nothing wrong with any option. I happen to like guys, boring useless ->-bleeped-<-s that most of then are. Karen, who I know well, likes woman,  she is a lesbian and very happy. I have many female friends, having sex with a female is not for me. having sex with a guy excites me, sorry l I'll leave it at that.

There are no rules. I love Karen, she is a close friend, she is a very close female friend.

There has been no change in our sexuality, She likes woman and I like guys. I have to admit that  I don't feel Gay. I feel totally heterosexual., I'm a woman who likes men. She is a woman who likes women. Not really one of the biggest problems in the Universe.

Where do you want to go?

There is one thing I know.
There is never anyway of going back.

You can destroy your computer, you can erase what you want from different drives.

You will still remember me and others on the site.

There is never anyway of going back.

  We go forward, only way to go.

But we do make the descions, and the timing.

Hugs
Cindy

The first day I went to work as Cindy, what happened.?

There was no way of undoing the Genie.


Go to work the next day in boy clothes and say it was a joke? Not a chance.

I don't keep trying to put myself in that situation, and as always I just dig myself deeper and deeper into this hole about this conversation.
Basically what I am saying is, I am not worried about a damned thing. I just want to be me.

I have been doing some looking around for a therapist that has experience with gender correction, and the closest one to me that I can find is in Colorado Springs, and that is a 4 and a half hour drive from here. I have plenty or free time when I am not in class or at work, and I tend to be on the computer.

The more and more I read what you all write, the more and more I just want to walk up to my dad and say, "Dad, I need to talk to you, ~" but that is as far as I can get in my head... I don't know where to go from there.

My dad is helping me go to school and letting me stay at his house so I can focus on my studies, and I think he would look at this as an excuse to take advantage of letting me stay with me.

I wish I was self dependent, because it would be easier for me to come out if I was not living with him. I don't I could find another job right now that allows me to go to school full time like I am, let alone one that will work with a work schedule.

Right now I am trying to focus on getting to my goal weight so I can get some confidence and say, "I can do this!"

Quote from: ThatTallGirl on May 03, 2012, 05:58:44 AM
Right now I am trying to focus on getting to my goal weight so I can get some confidence and say, "I can do this!"

That sounds like a good idea. Take it one step at a time. There's no rush or time limit. The important thing is to have a goal. Something to work towards. Everything is part of the bigger picture, just... make that bigger picture into a slide show instead. :)

I really need to take pictures don't I? I really wish I had more than a crappy phone camera. My dad has several cameras, but I do not want to risk him picking one up and looking through the pictures the day I forget to clear them off and onto my computer.

Sometimes I wish he would just catch me in the act some time because I always find it easier to confess to something on the spot, but I am not sure how he, or I, would react in a situation like this.

I have been moisturizing every morning after my shower and every night after my second shower (yes... I am a 2-a-day shower taker), and it is something I have never done past my hands or up my arms. I have noticed a huge change in the softness in my skin, and with the little weight I have lost so far, my legs are starting to get a good feminine look to them from the running.

I am a huge Star Wars fan, that will never change. I have a tattoo of a Jawa on the side of my left calf. I love it, and I don't have any regrets on getting it. I will, however, be a little more self conscious about my legs if I ever want to show them off.

I have been working really hard because I truly have never wanted anything more in my life before.
I am new to a lot of the feminine concepts, like the do's and donts of exfoliation on the face, and on the backs of my arms (to help with red spots)
I do not have any acne scars on my face, but I am scared about of other places of my body, like my shoulders and my back...

I also want to get rid of my freckles! I have way too many. I like some, but woah! I sure do have a lot of those buggers.  ;D
I am also hoping, that when I start hormones, that my feet will become softer and less masculine looking, and I am not afraid of my hands so much because I never did hard labor like my father or my brothers. They are all nice and soft and a little smaller than most people around my size. Just the fingers are a little chubby.

I don't have a very visible Adam's Apple, nothing compared to some of the people I know, and I think with a lot of my face chubbiness gone, I can very easily have a feminine face.

Thinking back on my childhood now, I always hated getting haircuts and sometimes my hair would go down to my shoulders. And genetically when mine and my brothers hair gets to a certain length, (i.e. 4-5 inches) it start to get large curls. And with a full head of well kept soft hair, I think that genetic will play in my favor.

I really need to start working on my voice and maybe a walk or some other things. I also want to work on my lips a little, because... I LOVE lips... I always would fall in love with my girl friends. They would have beautiful bodies, curves and features... But it was their lips that made me go crazy. And when I would take them dancing, they would put on a little lip gloss or lip stick and I wouldn't let them go the whole time we were out.

I had a knee injury a few years back (freak physics accident) and ever since then, my knee and ankle pop every time I take a step. That is something I would will go away, hopefully when I lose more weight.

I played a lot of basketball and baseball in high school, so I tended to workout out my shoulders a little more than the rest of my body so I could throw further, shoot a three pointer, swing the bat, etc etc etc...

It is hardly noticeable now... with my shirt on. If I don't have my shirt on, I can really tell that I still have some shoulder/neck muscle.

I need to buy sunscreen and I need to start applying it every day and maybe getting a little sun, because I am a bit of a computer nerd. (Just built my newest PC 2 weeks ago! WOOHOO!) and I do not get out into the sun that much.

I know that sunscreen is very important and should be applied 365 days a year, but I never gave it much thought. Now all I want to do is protect my face, and start exfoliating, moisturizing, and sun blocking; and heck, if I get a little tan on the way, then its just a bonus!  ;D

I can probably deal with a little amount of freckles on the face, but the tops of my shoulders are COVERED in those little rascals.

Cindy summed things up pretty well, as always.  ;)  It sounds like you are doing pretty well actually, with what you have had to cope with.  The fact that you are still here typing shows that you are tough, a warrior woman.

We are who we are, and if the rest of the world doesn't want to know, that's their look out.

Sunblock is good.  I use it a lot here, due to the ozone layer hole over the Antarctic, Tasmania has higher UV exposure than the rest of the country, even though it is a lot cooler.  Which will bring out all the Tasmanian jokes from the rest of the Aussies here, as usual. Won't it Cindy! :laugh:

Is it possible to get consultations via Skype or even the phone where you are?  There are quite a few psych's using Skype here apparently.  That could be a way to go.

Karen.

That would be wonderful for me in so many ways. I know hormones can get expensive (for a college student that is) and I would like to start saving up immediately, and also start saving money for electrolysis.

Quote from: ThatTallGirl on May 03, 2012, 03:49:29 AM
I am not currently seeing a therapist, and I have not mentioned any gender issues I have had with any of my therapists.
I wish I could start therapy, but do not wish to drive the 5 hours to Denver every time I want to talk to a therapist that is experienced in this situation. I live in Western Colorado. I love it here, but there is a lack of gender identity therapists here.
I am not saying that I would not be willing to make the trek if I had the chance, but as of right now, money is a problem.

Thank you for your concern Karen,
I am not looking for the bony look by any means. Being as tall as I am, I have a lot of weight from not being too fatty. My gut is still an issue for me, that and my thighs. I keep looking at my face, and I do not think I have too terribly strong masculine features, and I know that the face changes a lot with hormone treatment. I want to be able to look at my body and say, "I can pull of skin tight clothes, and feel comfortable." before I start hormones.

You can use the Psychology Today therapist search utility to try to find a psychologist or psychiatrist who has GLBT experience.

Here is where to start: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/state/Colorado.html (http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/state/Colorado.html)

Find you county or city, and look under "sexuality/gender."

Also, hrt may be covered under a student health policy.

Kinda seems to good to be true when I found 4 specialists in my county with that site, where all the other sites I went to showed the closest specialists 4-5 hours away.

I have been self conscious about my shoulders today. Not sure what makes them categorized as broad shoulders, but I am afraid my bone structure might be too masculine. But it is too early to tell, still losing weight fast. Up on the next notch on the belt I use for work :D

I went to town today to get in touch with some of my good friends, but I couldn't get a hold of any of them, maybe it is a good thing too because I do not think I would have been ready to tell them.

I am very shy, and have a tendency to over analyse everything. I thought that maybe I am trying to make my life better, I might try and come out to my friends as fast as comfortably possible.

There must be something in the water here because now that I am sure of my decision, I have been noticing a lot more taller women around town. VA VA VA VOOM. All I can say is W O W. If I can look half as good as them, then I would be a happy camper, but maybe that is because I am taller and find taller people more attractive.

I hear a lot of people say, "If she is taller than me, then it is a no go." But I would kill to have a woman taller than me. I am already a rare oddity to behold, and I really enjoy legs that go on for miles and miles.

But anywho, this isn't about them.

Went to my college to look at some classes for the summer, and I am getting less and less interested in the courses I need to stay on track for my physics degree.

I remember in high school, when everyone was looking for a college to go to, one really piqued my interest, but was too expensive. It is in Denver (Would make it easier for me to get a good therapist, I could transition at my comfort and come out to my family when needed, I would be in a city FILLED with weird people, so maybe some of the attention would go elsewhere until I was ready)

Any of you heard of RMCAD? (Rocky Mountain College of Art and Design)
I enjoy having help going to school, but somehow it feels like I would be taking advantage of my dad if I started the transition while I was staying with him.

If RMCAD wasn't so expensive, I would be there quicker than two shakes of a cows tail (as my grammy would have said it).

I am still not discouraged, and plan on talking to one of my friends tomorrow after I get off of work... Not sure what will come out of the conversation, but we will see.

If HRT was covered under a student health policy, that would make it even easier for me to try to go out and be independent at a college away from home.

Thank you all for listening to me again  :-* ;)

Hello ThatTallGirl,

Tall is awesome!  Tall models are sought after.  Airline hostesses need to be a certain height to be accepted.  And many athletic women who have done a lot of training have wide shoulders.  So it sounds like you will look like a very attractive lady :-)

You wondered why people are transgendered.  Have you seen this article in "New Scientist"?

Differences in the brain's white matter that clash with a person's genetic sex may hold the key to identifying transsexual people before puberty. Doctors could use this information to make a case for delaying puberty to improve the success of a sex change later.

Medics are keen to find concrete physical evidence to help those children who feel they are trapped in the body of the opposite sex. One key brain region involved is the BSTc, an area of grey matter. But the region is too small to scan in a living person so differences have only been picked up at post-mortem.

Antonio Guillamon's team at the National University of Distance Education in Madrid, Spain, think they have found a better way to spot a transsexual brain. In a study due to be published next month, the team ran MRI scans on the brains of 18 female-to-male transsexual people who'd had no treatment and compared them with those of 24 males and 19 females.

They found significant differences between male and female brains in four regions of white matter – and the female-to-male transsexual people had white matter in these regions that resembled a male brain (Journal of Psychiatric Research, DOI: 10.1016/j.jpsychires.2010.05.006). "It's the first time it has been shown that the brains of female-to-male transsexual people are masculinised," Guillamon says.

In a separate study, the team used the same technique to compare white matter in 18 male-to-female transsexual people with that in 19 males and 19 females. Surprisingly, in each transsexual person's brain the structure of the white matter in the four regions was halfway between that of the males and females (Journal of Psychiatric Research, DOI: 10.1016/j.jpsychires.2010.11.007). "Their brains are not completely masculinised and not completely feminised, but they still feel female," says Guillamon.

Guillamon isn't sure whether the four regions are at all associated with notions of gender, but Ivanka Savic-Berglund at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden, thinks they might be. One of the four regions – the superior longitudinal fascicle – is particularly interesting, she says. "It connects the parietal lobe [involved in sensory processing] and frontal lobe [involved in planning movement] and may have implications in body perception."

A 2010 study of 121 transgender people found that 38 per cent realised they had gender variance by age 5. White matter differences could provide independent confirmation that such children might benefit from treatment to delay puberty.

A study by Sean Deoni's team at King's College London suggests it may soon be possible to look for these differences in such children. Deoni's team adapted an MRI scanner to be as quiet as possible so it could be used to monitor the development of white matter in sleeping infants. Using new image analysis software they could track when and where myelin – the neuron covering that makes white matter white – was laid down (Journal of Neuroscience, vol 31, p 784). Although the sample was too small to identify any gender differences in development, Deoni expects to see differences developing in the brain "by 2 or 3 years of age".

Guillamon thinks such scans may not help in all cases. "Research has shown that white matter matures during the first 20 to 30 years of life," he says. "People may experience early or late onset of transsexuality and we don't know what causes this difference."

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn20032-transsexual-differences-caught-on-brain-scan.html (http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn20032-transsexual-differences-caught-on-brain-scan.html)

I would like to blaze this article across the skies of this world so that everyone could see it - and hopefully that may help to dispel some of the prejudice and misunderstanding.

All the best in your exciting journey as you transition back to the real you:-)

Hugs, Phoenix

Thank you, Phoenix <3, I needed that.

I was looking around too see what it would cost to go to school at RMCAD this Fall. I am shaking and dusted off my old art equipment, oh boy am I behind on my portfolio.

^^It doesn't cost much more than the school I was going to last Semester. I am literally shaking, and if my family is behind me and my dreams, then maybe I can convince them to let me take some student loans. My financial AID will cover about 2/3s the cost per term.

The price went down for admission since the last time I checked (3 years ago), and I am quite pleased!

Never really lived in a big city, so I am feeling a little scared that this would be a possibility. I am also a bit teary because this could be the answers to my prayers.

I love physics, I love science... But art was always my passion. Drawing, creating, sculpting, painting... all from scratch!
All the males in my family are in construction and woodwork. I guess this would be the female version of that part of that gene? hehe

If I can pull this off, get a new portfolio set up. Talk to an experienced therapist of 17 years in a town not 45 minutes away, or even over Skype! :D . Talk to my family, let them know who I am. Move to Denver and make my own way. Gather some debt whilst following my dreams.

Kind of having a hard time typing because I am so excited.

I wish I wouldn't over analyze everything and scare myself before stuff even happens.
These past couple of weeks (of knowing 100% I am Trans) have been a very drastic change for me, and it seems to be happening a little past, in my mind that is.

God knows how much more relieved it makes me feel that there is actually science that backs up the different chemical makeups in the brain. I am so relieved. NOT that it would have made any difference.

I plan on using pretty fragrances on my body, grow out my hair longer, work my ass off and lose weight (took a picture and saw my face :YUCK:), and if my dad asks why these things are happening, I will tell him the truth

I will not stop until my life is perfect!

From a glance at my photo, along with knowledge that I am about a foot shorter and much older than you, and one would think that we have little in common.  Yet, we actually have had, and have, more than a few quite similar circumstances in our lives.

Let me start with the fact that, although I'm only slightly over five feet six, I'm hardly the ideal type from a physical standpoint for a MtF transition either: a broad-shouldered wide body.  In your case, totally agreeing with Cindy, the situation definitely can be turned to an advantage  ;)--especially at this point in time and place.  You could form a vision and let that guide you.

I too, had less (in my case, far less) than the best best parenting.  Not that I had the absolutely worst and truly horrific parenting.  I didn't.  Let's just say that when it came to nurturing, support, and at least a couple of other parenting requirements they were totally clueless, especially at probably the absolute most fundamental part of my childhood and life.  I think you have fared a great deal better than I did here.  I didn't need my mother to make me fear my step-father.  Your father sounds like a very decent sort.

Like you, I also, unfortunately found suicide to an acceptable choice at pretty much the same point in my life as in yours.  Of course it never EVER is.  I think when one comes to certain point in his/her maturity one realizes that suicide is the worst possible choice.  I think that you will get there much earlier than I did; it appears that you already have.  :)  For me, it is noteworthy, even with your brothers life ending that way, that you feel that your parents care enough about you that threatening to do this would be a workable ploy.

I, too, have no desire to complete the transition at my current weight--or even the weight I was at when I started my hormone regiment.  Beware the fact that taking hormones makes the battle of the bulge more difficult for many (most?) of us.  I have FINALLY(!) reached the point where my weight is headed downward.  My advice: Eat several smaller meals rather than a couple of larger ones.  At least limit late night eating  Don't be afraid of weight training.  Count me among those that see nothing unfeminine about toned lean muscles.  You won't bulk up unless you have big muscle genes.

Finally, I shall say that I found your initial post for this thread very moving.  You come here seeking support; yet you inspire and motivate me.  I think that you are quite brave.  Although it likely will not be entirely easy for you I know you'll get there.  Continue to take care. 

I have been speaking with some of my closest friends all day, and I came out to them, and they all gladly stand by me, and that makes me very happy.

My family still does not know, but I have emailed a couple of therapists and set up an appointment for the near future. I hope to start the journey soon. ;D

Patstar, I am trying to be very strong because even though I have not lived a long life, I want to show everyone, that even though the odds are stacked against me, I can over come anything.

Like I said before. I made it a point to come out to some of my most supportive friends and I was reluctant to do so. When I finally did come out, each and every one of the replied, "Any one that knows your story, and knows what you have been through, and they do not accept it, those are the people you do not want in your life."

One of my friends kinda knew, not because I acted feminine, but because of the way I treated her when she moved out here from Maryland. She told me that even though I was younger than her, and a male, I acted very 'fatherly' towards her.

This is all new for me, and it is going to get quite interesting in the near future if I cannot continue to run every day (sprained ankle, not my first one, elevated, iced, hopefully healed enough to run before I go to work tomorrow.)

I told me friends that I came out to (all female) and they are all happy to help me with anything I need, because they know that this is MY TURN to be happy, and it brings a tear to my eyes that my best friends are still this close to me.

I fear that my male best friends will not be as accepting. I know my family will accept me, but I wish to hear back from the therapist before I come out to them. This is all coming together so nicely. My only regret was not coming out sooner.

I always thought that I was going to do something when I was younger, then my brother died, and I put up an emotional wall and prevented myself of coming out for fear that I would be hurt even more than I was then. I kick myself every time I think of it because I knew I wanted to be a girl before then. It would have made the transition so much easier for me.

I love you all, and I hope I can continue this streak of acceptance from my friends. There are only a handful I care to keep, and the others I could not care less if they accepted me or not, because I am who I am.

I was talking to one of my best friends boyfriend today, and he has ALWAYS been an awesome friend. He actually guessed I was gay and treated me the same way he did before, and when I told him that I was actually transgendered, he gave me a hug and told me that I can do anything.

He also suggested, that since I love computers, that I get a degree in programming (it is what he does and he loves it, and we like the same stuff). He makes bank, and he told me that I could have fun at my job while I get enough for any surgeries I need. (I do NOT plan on getting breast augmentation, for it is not what I am doing this for. I also hear that if you actually wait several years before augmentation, it works better or something)

Anywho, I am happy right now, other than my ankle.  ;D

Sprained ankle

R.I.C.E.

Rest
Ice
Compression
Elevation

Don't try to run on it! Off your feet for a few days.

I'm glad things are falling into place, and you have only been here for a few days :laugh: That is what family is for.

Hugs
Cindy

Great to hear, sometimes things are nowhere near as bad as we fear they will be. 

I just saw this thread today, and i would like to touch on the adoption angle.

My wife and i had trouble starting a family about 20 years ago and we went to doctors and paid for several rounds of in-vitro, and got nothing. Seems as if *I* was a big part of the issue, and then 15 years later i found out that I am most likely a DES son (DES can cause some issues with male reproduction, and there also is some thought that it may be a factor in the ->-bleeped-<- of males too - hmmmmm.....).

So, we chose to adopt, and we adopted two beautiful daughters. One daughter is off at college now and the younger one is going in the fall.

They have brought great joy into our life, and when you are rocking one gently at 2am when the house is dark and quiet, or you are changing a dirty diaper, or you are taking them to school on the first day, or you are tending to a skinned knee - you find that the fact that they are adopted is irrelevant. You sit up and worry when they are out late, and you hurt when they fail to achieve something that they want, and you rejoice when they succeed at something - you are their parents, and there is no more important job in the world. I rarely even think about the fact that that they are adopted anymore.

My girls know that they are adopted (we told them about it as soon as they were able to understand) and it is no big deal to them either. They arrived in our family in a slightly different way, that's all. We had open adoptions and are still in touch with one set of birthparents - the other set of birthparents chose to move on and we've lost contact with them unfortunately.

Adoption is the path less traveled, but the journey is just as sweet.

I know that starting a family is just one of the issues that you are thinking about right now, and I am glad to read that you are starting to work through some of the issues that are confronting you. This is a tough journey that we are on.

I lost 3 inches in the first yr transitioning. I think it was due to getting testes removed at 3months HRT and not lifting anything but a cup of coffee (with two hands) propped up on a table so as not to exercise my muscles.. Yes atrophy can shrink you a lot.. it sure did me.. my corset cincher helped me to keep a smaller than usual waist and i only wore it at night time after i slept and had 3 hours to digest all foods. I then would awake around 3am and unloosen it and go back to sleep. I never wore it during the day time.. It sure changed my hip to waist ratio.. a cincher is a 4 button tiny corset with strings in rear to tighten slowly over time.. it fits between the hip bone and ribs.. nothing elaborate just strong and tiny with just 4 snaps.. anything wider will hrt your body and i used a pillow between corset and bed each night to fill in the space i made as a slept on my side.. 

hugs Danielle

I am currently at work right now, on my phone (a lot of downtime here   :-\ )
I appreciate all of your feedback, and although I have my heart set on a genetic son, I am not closed minded about adoption.

My ankle feels a lot better and should be back to running tomorrow

My co workers commented that I have been losing weight, and it feels good   ;D

Just wondering, Danielle, where can I get a good corset waist cincher. It is too early right now to do anything, but I would like to know where I can get one for when I am at my desired weight. I have looked around trying to find one, but it seems the only ones I can find are the ones that just make you look slimmer.

Thank you  :)

Custom made waist cinchers and corsets can get to be very expensive.

A poster here has privately endorsed Enchanted Custom Corsets.

Do you want to do waist training, or are are you more interested in immediate esthetics?

Hey welcome to the site! I have an aunt whose 6'5" and was smokin' back in her day so i doubt your height will have anything to do with it. Just be confident in who you are and you can make all of those structural parts work for you. As for coming out, well just ask them on some political issues about how they view LGBTs and what they think about them and kind of get a feel for how they would react and just play it by ear from there. As for a gut issue, if recently heard about a flexbelt and was recommend it by a friend though i don't know if it will work or not...you could check that out. its some toning thing approved by the FDA for your abdominal region but i haven't tried it yet so i can't tell you if its just a gimic. Anyways, best of luck to you and welcome to Susans!

If it is just about temporarily holding back a gut, then the poster can try something like a Squeem.

Quote from: Jamie D on May 06, 2012, 04:32:17 PM
If it is just about temporarily holding back a gut, then the poster can try something like a Squeem.

No this is a mechanical device that gives you an abdominal workout by causing your muscles to do the contractions. i myself am a little hesitant but its FDA approved and my friend recommend it so when i scrap together enough cash i plan to get one and try it out just to see if it actually works.

Actually, I never thought in my life I would stick to anything like a diet or a workout regimen, but when I wake up in the morning, the only thing I want to do is eat a bowl of fruit and go running. I really really enjoy the exercise, and I really have had a lot more energy, and I have noticed that I have lost some weight, even from looking in the mirror, I see the changes happening right in front of me.

I am not looking for a temporary fix, I do not plan on stopping until I am happy and comfortable in my own skin. I am tired of looking at myself and feeling disgusted but not having the motivating to getting in shape.

It also feels good that just a couple weeks ago, I could barely run a quarter mile at a time. Now I am running a mile at a time before I stop to take a quick rest.

It is the first time in my life I actually look in our pantry, see all these fatty foods, and don't have a desire to eat them (That's right, I am off those evil BBQ Lays chips)

I am very interested in waist training once I start my transition. I want to show everyone (and myself) that I can be happy. I want to feel pretty, I want to be pampered, but I don't want to look like a man in the process.

I went to my Uncles house last night because my fathers step mom was visiting from Oklahoma, and when I got there my Aunt was flipping out because I lost so much weight (hasn't seen me in 3 weeks) and she immediately started to fill me a plate with all of these meats and potatoes. I didn't know what to do, I told her I was on a diet and don't think I could eat all of it, but she just told me that she was going to get the ice cream out so she could get some meat on my bones.

I am not skinny by any means, I am still over weight, but now I see why I was always over weight, why all of this food was getting crammed down my throat. I couldn't say anything because the whole family was there, I couldn't make a scene. I know if you do it right you can eat anything you want on a diet and make it work, but I just didn't feel like I should be eating everything she made me.

I should be talking to a therapist here within the next couple of days, and I am excited to start my journey.

Quote from: ThatTallGirl on May 04, 2012, 09:22:21 PM
Just wondering, Danielle, where can I get a good corset waist cincher. It is too early right now to do anything, but I would like to know where I can get one for when I am at my desired weight. I have looked around trying to find one, but it seems the only ones I can find are the ones that just make you look slimmer.

Thank you  :)

oh sorry i just found your question.. here is the type that worked for me http://www.absolutecorsets.com/underbust-corsets/leather/a-c310.htm (http://www.absolutecorsets.com/underbust-corsets/leather/a-c310.htm)

HERE IS ONE FOR 54.00

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Renaissance-Pirate-Corset-Cincher-Medieval-Gothic-Black-/140517773146 (http://www.ebay.com/itm/Renaissance-Pirate-Corset-Cincher-Medieval-Gothic-Black-/140517773146)


here is one listed for training which might be stronger at 64.00
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Goth-Top-Corset-PVC-Steel-Boned-Waist-Training-Cincher-/260768359829 (http://www.ebay.com/itm/Goth-Top-Corset-PVC-Steel-Boned-Waist-Training-Cincher-/260768359829)

@ThatTallGirl damn I'm sorry your family won't support your diet but they might just be afraid because of your brother. maybe they'll need you to sit down and explain to them that you are on a healthy diet to loose weight and not because you're depressed. at least you'll be able to discuss things with a therapist soon which will be good and most therapists are schooled in all manner of things so that'll be good. i'm excited for you too in starting your journey and if you ever need to talk, just drop a line!

best of luck, jayden

Thanks Jayden, I didn't look at it from that point of view.

My Aunt and Uncle are very loving, and it seems they were just worried about me being depressed.

On more than several occasions I have talked with my dad about needing some help. I told him I was depressed and told him that there were several times where I tried to kill myself because of the loss of my brother. His response every time is, "I am depressed to, no one wants to lose a child or a brother, or a hero for that matter. But the way I see it is instead of paying to have someone listen to you, you can talk to me or anyone else in the family, and we can get through this together."

There were times where my mother would find me a therapist because she would see how depressed I was, but none of them ever worked for me. I was open and went to the appointments, but they didn't seem at all interested in my problems or why I was there, they just tried to blame my depression on my brother, even when I didn't even mention him (heard it from my mother).

I know he means the best, and I know that it was the way he was brought up that he thinks people don't need to see therapists. He isn't closed minded, he would just rather not be the person who has to pay for it, and I understand that. I wouldn't want to pay for something I didn't believe in either.

Even as I was typing this, my dad walked in and told me not to let my aunt and uncle get to me, and that he is proud I am finally losing weight, and he wants to get me all the fruit I want. He now just got in his truck and went to town, this feels awesome.

Thank you all for understanding, and voicing your opinion  ;D

fruit is good but remember its caloric intake. meaning you should only consume about 2000 calories a day.. try to count them up and plan a day of eating with that in mind plus exercise like walking. but yes fruit is so much better than so many other processed foods..  ;)

Quote from: JayKyle on May 06, 2012, 04:45:58 PM
No this is a mechanical device that gives you an abdominal workout by causing your muscles to do the contractions. i myself am a little hesitant but its FDA approved and my friend recommend it so when i scrap together enough cash i plan to get one and try it out just to see if it actually works.

It sounds like a torture device from the 1960s called the "Relaxacisor."

Look it up!

Quote from: Jamie D on May 06, 2012, 11:44:07 PM
It sounds like a torture device from the 1960s called the "Relaxacisor."

Look it up!

hahahahaha lol maybe thats what inspired it  :laugh:

It looks a little scary for my taste, haha.

hi,

I'm also tall (although not quite as tall as you) and it stopped me from transitioning at 20.  I thought there was no way in hell I could ever pass.  6 years later I couldn't stand the dysphoria anymore so I figured I had nothing to lose and decided to transition.  I now pass quite well, to the point that I often get unwanted attention from guys (especially in bars!).  Height alone isn't a barrier to passing at all.  You're still young and haven't finished growing, if you decide to transition start hormones sooner rather than later!

Quote from: Raneth on May 07, 2012, 02:57:30 PM
hi,

I'm also tall (although not quite as tall as you) and it stopped me from transitioning at 20.  I thought there was no way in hell I could ever pass.  6 years later I couldn't stand the dysphoria anymore so I figured I had nothing to lose and decided to transition.  I now pass quite well, to the point that I often get unwanted attention from guys (especially in bars!).  Height alone isn't a barrier to passing at all.  You're still young and haven't finished growing, if you decide to transition start hormones sooner rather than later!

I am also hoping that my body will experience some sort of atrophy and my muscles and tendons will shrink enough where I lose a couple inches.

But over all I am not letting my height stop me, I need to be who I really am.

The more I look at your picture, the more I see a resemblance to Kristanna Loken. I can't really put my finger on what it is, maybe the shape of your mouth, among other things. It's definitely there, though.

Sephirah, every time I see a post from you, I get so excited because you always make me feel so much better.

Everyone is always so nice, and you all are always so comforting to talk to. Thank you!

Hi there! It's nice to meet you! You're a tall glass of water as my stepdad would say! Nothing wrong with some height. (says the short girl) See you around, hugs, Devlyn

So, I am currently looking for a new place in town so I can be on my own again, be myself, and be happy.

I was at dinner with my father, his brother and my aunt tonight, and we were having a great time. My parents have been divorced for 6 years (shortly after my brother died) and I was living back and forth up until I moved out to go to college.

I moved back in with my dad because I ran out of money and needed to come back home to be with my family. I am going back to school in my hometown and my dad said I could stay with him while I am going to school.

Well, as we were enjoying our meal, my uncle says something about my cousin, and how he is about to have a kid. And my dad starts talking about how none of his sons have kids yet. The sons he is referring to are 33 and 28 years old. My dad then continued to state how each of us are super smart and that we could all be geniuses, but we eff'ed it up and our lives are useless. Keep in mind that I am the youngest of 6 kids, and my two oldest siblings (my sisters) are VERY successful.

I started to get a little irritated at that statement. He then went off and told my uncle that if he had a chance to do it all over again, he would not have married my mother and just kept running away. That's right, my father, the strongest person I know almost ran from my mother the day of their wedding and went back only because his father would disown him. I had no knowledge of this before tonight.

He said that he wonders what his life would be life if he didn't marry my mom. And then he said that given the chance to do it all over, he wouldn't have married her and none of us would have been born...

Did he forget I was sitting right next to him? I was very offended and had a hard time keeping it in. When he got up to go to the bathroom, my uncle put his hand on my arm and looked into my eyes and said, "I am very proud of who you are, I love you so much. You turned out to be an outstanding young man, don't go changing okay?"

I started to cry and looked away, I guess mostly because I was hurt with my dad, but also because he called me a young man and told me not to change.

I know my dad loves me, but what he said really got to me, and my heart is literally aching. I think it is time that I moved out, so I get out of his hair.

He once said, "I was never in love with your mother, but I will always love her because she is the mother of my children." (My parents were arranged to be married very young)

It seems like tonight he said the exact opposite... and I am really hurt. I may have found a place that is relatively cheap, but I need to find a roommate. Someone who will accept me and not run and leave me with the rent alone.

My dad then continued to state how each of us are super smart and that we could all be geniuses, but we eff'ed it up and our lives are useless.

The response: "The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?"

Your dad was sharing that in front of you in hopes you didn't get married too out of some feeling that you have too. Your dad is definately a rough person and not very emotional. He does want to help you so he does love you. Many of us have suffered much worse from our dads. Don't get too emotional about this it just shows you how many men think which lets you know your not one. Hugs Danielle

Quote from: Amazon D on May 08, 2012, 06:39:55 AM
Your dad was sharing that in front of you in hopes you didn't get married too out of some feeling that you have too. Your dad is definately a rough person and not very emotional. He does want to help you so he does love you. Many of us have suffered much worse from our dads. Don't get too emotional about this it just shows you how many men think which lets you know your not one. Hugs Danielle

I understand that, but it never stopped him before to just tell me that I need to be IN love before I get married. He has never said that he wishes he never married my mom, he always said that he loves my mom because he got me and my brothers and sisters. But now it just sounds like we are a problem for him.

I have been talking with my best friend in the whole world (he is married and looking for a place), and he said it would be awesome if we all lived together, and we are looking for a place.

Thank you

Quote from: ThatTallGirl on May 07, 2012, 10:59:59 PM
So, I am currently looking for a new place in town so I can be on my own again, be myself, and be happy.

I may have found a place that is relatively cheap, but I need to find a roommate. Someone who will accept me and not run and leave me with the rent alone.

When I was in a similar predicament I found that the local hippy/greenie community groups were a good place to find accepting people.  Their idealistic politics annoyed me a little but in general they were accepting and knew lots of other accepting people

Hon, some parents try to live their lives through their kids. And when someone is frustrated, if they feel like people aren't doing exactly what they think they should be doing, they can say things which are totally out of character, or designed to illicit a very specific effect. Maybe it was his way of... I don't know, kinda saying what he wished was happening but not actually saying it. This seems to be especially true with fathers and their sons (or percieved sons).

In all honesty, I think it was a deeper reflection on his own feelings of inadequacy than any sort of reflection on you.

In a couple of hours I will be on my way to one of my best friends house to tell her in person who I am, and I can not say that I am not nervous.

Quote from: Raneth on May 08, 2012, 10:26:59 AM

When I was in a similar predicament I found that the local hippy/greenie community groups were a good place to find accepting people.  Their idealistic politics annoyed me a little but in general they were accepting and knew lots of other accepting people

good advice

Quote from: Sephirah on May 08, 2012, 11:20:17 AM
Hon, some parents try to live their lives through their kids. And when someone is frustrated, if they feel like people aren't doing exactly what they think they should be doing, they can say things which are totally out of character, or designed to illicit a very specific effect. Maybe it was his way of... I don't know, kinda saying what he wished was happening but not actually saying it. This seems to be especially true with fathers and their sons (or percieved sons).

In all honesty, I think it was a deeper reflection on his own feelings of inadequacy than any sort of reflection on you.

Very intuitive and possible..

Quote from: ThatTallGirl on May 09, 2012, 03:03:12 PM
In a couple of hours I will be on my way to one of my best friends house to tell her in person who I am, and I can not say that I am not nervous.

Wishing you good luck

I just got back from my talk with my friend.

I was scared, and it was a little rough, and took a while to get it out. We just sat there watching T.V. for about an hour before she asked me what was wrong.

When I finally told her what was going on, she just looked at me and gave me a huge hug, and told me that she is 100% behind me, and she told me that her and her fiance have an extra room if I ever need a place to stay.

I feel so good right now ;D

Quote from: ThatTallGirl on May 09, 2012, 08:01:00 PM
I just got back from my talk with my friend.

I was scared, and it was a little rough, and took a while to get it out. We just sat there watching T.V. for about an hour before she asked me what was wrong.

When I finally told her what was going on, she just looked at me and gave me a huge hug, and told me that she is 100% behind me, and she told me that her and her fiance have an extra room if I ever need a place to stay.

I feel so good right now ;D

Yay! I'm glad it went over well and that she is understanding and accepting of you and your decisions! You are very blessed and fortunate :)

Great to see you getting some of the support you deserve. 

 :eusa_dance:

Quote from: Phoenix on May 03, 2012, 02:38:21 PM

Guillamon thinks such scans may not help in all cases. "Research has shown that white matter matures during the first 20 to 30 years of life," he says. "People may experience early or late onset of transsexuality and we don't know what causes this difference."

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn20032-transsexual-differences-caught-on-brain-scan.html (http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn20032-transsexual-differences-caught-on-brain-scan.html)

Thank you for posting this.
I haven't read the whole thread yet (sorry! I'll read the rest when I get home), but I just wanted to say that tall girls are hot. Is that you in your avatar? You are very pretty.
Also, take care of yourself and make sure that you're losing a healthy amount of weight and getting enough to eat. You probably already know that. Sorry. (Yay awkward shyness.) *big bear hug*

Yeah, that is me before I got my last hair cut. I do not know what happened that made that photo look so good because I do not do that picture any justice. I was even wearing my old work uniform when I took it. I got home from work, sat in my chair, got bored, and took some pictures.

I am being careful and eating healthy foods, and making sure I am not hungry. the results I am seeing so far just make me smile :D

Quote from: ThatTallGirl on May 10, 2012, 09:14:13 AM
Yeah, that is me before I got my last hair cut. I do not know what happened that made that photo look so good because I do not do that picture any justice. I was even wearing my old work uniform when I took it. I got home from work, sat in my chair, got bored, and took some pictures.

I am being careful and eating healthy foods, and making sure I am not hungry. the results I am seeing so far just make me smile :D

aw I bet your just saying that about the pictures. that or they have something to do with that thread posted by "peky" about the shadow of a smile in us. Now that your in the process of coming out and transitioning, you probably feel a lot better about yourself and i bet it shows ~.^

Ok finished reading the whole thing. Told you I would.  ;D
This probably sounds weird coming from a stranger, but I am very proud of you. I always like hearing stories of people overcoming adversity and being stronger and happier. Thank you for sharing that. I am really glad that you have so much support.
Your dad was wrong.

I've been reading along as this thread has grown over the past week, and I must say that I am really impressed by how you present yourself, TheTallGirl.  You seem to have a really solid head on your shoulders.  Can't say I could have said the same for myself at your age (I'm a couple years older than you).

I'm just as new to this as you—still trying to sort things out myself and find a gender therapist.  It's a heck of a beast to wrangle, but I guess that's our lot in life.  I'm really happy to see how well things are working out for you thus far, especially when it comes to support.

I look forward to seeing more you around the forums in the coming months.

Thank you all for being so supportive of me, and I want to add that none of this transition was easy, but I can not get any happier right now (until I start HRT).

I never thought I would enjoy a run in the morning, but I feel wrong when I don't get to run in the morning. Never thought I would be snacking on fruits instead of junk food, and now when I eat junk food, I feel sick. I never though I would have substituted soda with water, and I have not looked back since!

I still need to trim some stuff out of my diet, (baby steps) but I feel great!

Can't wait to move in with my best friend, I hope we find a place soon. I am also thinking about getting a dog (Border Collies have always been my favorite dog) for when we find a good place to move in to.

Quote from: ThatTallGirl on May 11, 2012, 10:15:00 AM
Thank you all for being so supportive of me, and I want to add that none of this transition was easy, but I can not get any happier right now (until I start HRT).

....

Hmm...not to sound like a jerk but something in that statement bugs me. "You cannot get any happier right now" just seems so...restricting, like your putting a limit on yourself for know real reason. Perhaps i'm reading into this wrong but it seems like you are saying "I'm not happy with how I am now but I can be happy with myself if I look a certain way in the future..."

In truth that will lead to a whole set of problems and some depression because you will always pick some flaw out with yourself. "My hair is not curly enough" "My voice is too low" "My shoulders are too broad." Etc. I know this is a difficult process and even I am working on the advice I'm about to give but we need to learn to love ourselves AS we progress not AFTER otherwise we will never be 100% satisfied with the way we are. Does that mean we have to be happy about the fact we got our orders switched at birth? No, but that doesn't mean we can't be happy and love life and ourselves because of it.

Okay I'm not sure if that made any sense or if I TOTALY misinterperted that little exerpt but yeah, theres my two cents.

When I said that I could not get any happier right now is that I am overcoming my obstacles and that I am actually improving myself to be happier. I feel like I am on top of the world because even though I am having some trouble with some of the small stuff, I am improving the big picture. I am painting over the canvas of my life with bright new vibrant colors.

I am happy right now because it is the first time in my life that I actually feel like I am doing the right thing, that I am no longer confused, that I can accomplish anything. I didn't mean that I was not happy with myself now, it was just a figure of speech. What I basically meant is that I don't remember the last time I was this happy.

Quote from: ThatTallGirl on May 11, 2012, 10:33:37 AM
When I said that I could not get any happier right now is that I am overcoming my obstacles and that I am actually improving myself to be happier. I feel like I am on top of the world because even though I am having some trouble with some of the small stuff, I am improving the big picture. I am painting over the canvas of my life with bright new vibrant colors.

I am happy right now because it is the first time in my life that I actually feel like I am doing the right thing, that I am no longer confused, that I can accomplish anything. I didn't mean that I was not happy with myself now, it was just a figure of speech. What I basically meant is that I don't remember the last time I was this happy.

Oh, oops ^^' Well I'm glad that you are happy and feel that you are painting with "bright new vibrant colours" (love your diction!). It is a great feeling to feel like you are finally dropping the heavy load of hiding from your shoulders and are stretching your wings, ready to take flight.

And now I have a strong urge to paint lol....might have to go wander off for a spell or two.

You seem like a very bright person, so I will be totally honest.  You do not have to visualize yourself so much, but to be TS is mostly in your "self".  It is not how tall or short you are, but in your being.  It is not something you make yourself, but what you are inside.  I know very tall pre and post ops, and it is more of a confidence issue.  Hold your head up and keep your shoulders back.  It is the main thing people will notice ( your posture).  Holding your head down with shoulders hunched forward makes one look timid, and not compelling visually.  I know you have probably done this, but ask yourself what is it that makes you TS.?  Then post it.  Most other TS will not judge you, but give you constructive advice, if you are willing to listen.  I used to be a bodybuilder..weighed 210lbs and had a low body fat, but I trained very hard, which in your case will help you very much, as you are younger than I,  but it will not be until you have taken estrogen for awhile before you will see secondary female traits.  It would be nice to hear what your weight is in proportion to your height, as you dont want to be too thin, but working out before you start hormones will dramatically help later.  I know of pre ops that think that just taking hormones will help them get secondary female traits without working out and just are lazy, then they wonder why they are not getting the sexy curves or the changes they are seeking.  I do know genetics play a role, but staying healthy and keeping in top form is what it takes if you are going to want to look really good later.  I wish you all the best.

Thank you Michelle,

As of 3 hours ago I am 6'6" and 240 lbs (before mothers day dinner). I do not look over weight when wearing certain shirts, but I am tired of feeling over weight. I know the fat redistributes over the body once one takes estrogen, but I would rather feel comfortable in my own body before I go changing it.

Quote from: ThatTallGirl on May 13, 2012, 09:54:31 PM
Thank you Michelle,

As of 3 hours ago I am 6'6" and 240 lbs (before mothers day dinner). I do not look over weight when wearing certain shirts, but I am tired of feeling over weight. I know the fat redistributes over the body once one takes estrogen, but I would rather feel comfortable in my own body before I go changing it.

If you have a little extra money, it might be good to get into an exercise program in your area simply because working out with other people is a good motivator in general. Working out by yourself can be depressing and often people find themselves critizing their flaws as they are doing it. Also, some gyms might offer programs that will help you set up fitness goals to help schedule out things so you can help plan out your future and not leave things to float like leaves in the wind. I personally like to have a kind of strict regiment so I feel like I am actually getting somewhere and that its all worth something and that my efforts are not being wasted. Most gyms also usually offer personal trainers but those can get expensive so its whatever is in your budget. But you can always sit down with your roomie and plan out a routine for yourself and have him check up on you to make sure your following through with it. And push yourself, don't over do it, but don't do something easy just to say you exercised that day....you won't go anywhere with that.

I would also bring up your concerns with your therapist if you have not already. They'll have some proffessional insight that'll help you for sure ~.^

I took today off from running because my ankle was giving me problems this morning. But my morning routine is to get up, get some breakfast, then get a bottle of water and head outside. My father owns 40 acres on top of a cliff, so we have a quarter mile long driveway that climbs the side of the cliff. I walk down the driveway and start jogging. I go about a mile before I take a rest and drink some of my water before I turn around and head back. When I get back to the driveway, I power walk up in a steady pace without stopping until I get to the front door. I usually get back to my room dripping in sweat and really out of breath. I feel great once I slow my heart rate, and I have noticed that my thighs are getting smaller, and my legs over all are becoming more muscular.

I have only been running this rigorously for about 3 weeks, and plan on doing for a long time.

Walking is actually very good for losing weight. It doesn't have to be very strenuous.

I used to have a brisk walk for about 6 miles per day, mostly uphill, 5 days a week, and swim a couple of miles at the weekend. Through that and cutting my calorie intake by about a third, eating more healthy food, plenty of fruit and vegetables, drinking a lot more water... I lost about 70 lbs in around 3-4 months. And it didn't really seem like a big effort.

The only slight thing you may find is that the less you have to lose, the harder it gets. Because you're effectively not carrying around natural weights, so maybe as you lose it, think about getting weights to put in a backpack to make up the difference, so you're still putting in the same effort.

It also has the added benefit of making your legs very shapely without being overly muscular. :)

You'll get there, hon. *hug*

More than anything, I am just happy that I will finally be able to be who I really am. I don't want to hide anymore, I just want to be me. Exercising (jogging and walking uphill) has been very good for my health I can tell already.

Sounds like progress.  I have cut out any sort of snack between meals, or if I am really hungry, just a couple of dry cracker without anything else.  I have started to concentrate on textures in food as it adds interest, so eat  a lot more raw or unprocessed things too.

Karen.

I am at a very weird stage in my exercising and my diet where I know I am eating right, and I still exercise, but it FEELS like I am getting heavier, but I cannot tell just by looking. Very hard to explain this weird feeling, I just can't wait to be my goal weight.

Just wish I could close my eyes and make a wish that my gut and love handles would just go away, but if I had the power to grant one wish, I wouldn't be wishing to be more fit. Like many (if not all) members on here, I would just wish to be the desired gender.

After waiting for a couple weeks for some therapists to contact me (no phone calls or e-mails from any of them) I decided to give some of them a call today. I was really nervous to make the call because I have always had a problem talking to strangers over the phone, but alas, none of them were available. It seems as if I am living in a world where therapists don't exist, because before I was searching for a gender therapist, I was finding and talking to many many therapists left and right for many years. Now I can't find one to save my life.

I have my fingers crossed for one therapist that has an office less than 45 minutes away from here, and hope she will be a good fit (if I ever get a hold of her)

Hmm...maybe its the muscle mass your feeling vs. the fatty tissue? You're probably just in the ackward stage right now but no worries you'll get there :D

I'm sorry to hear they're busy. Hopefully they get an opening soon. I'd just keep asking because you never know, they might have someone drop an appointment soon and you can seize that gap :)

Yeah, I hope so, because I don't know if I can wait any longer. Quite literally have ants in my pants, I can't wait...

Decided to check my weight today to see what the problem was. I was surprised to see that I have lost 8 lbs since mothers day.

I am quite confused because I truly do FEEL like I am getting bigger... I don't know, the numbers don't lie so I don't have anything to worry about.