I am in the second day post op.Up until now my friggin net has been down,angered me greatly I could not let anyone know how it was going. But I'm back now.
And I am now male chested.Got 2 drains with bulb things in there, drains I have to dump out every few hours kinda gross, but not horrible. sick thing is it reminds me of the meat juice you get leftover in a pack of ground beef when you have taken out the beef that's about the color of it(feel free to go eeewww) ,and I am all bandaged and bound up.
Today I didn't need to take any painkillers. It really just does not hurt that much to even need them .All I feel is slightly uncomfortable.I can tell you from experience my throat surgery (UPPP and Tonsillectomy) was ALOT more painful than this chest reconstruction surgery is. The drains are a pain in the butt tho.I have to be extra careful pulling up my pants the tubes get in the waistband because they are rather long. LOL .When I went in to the doctors office today, to get checked out,get a bandage change done.. I saw my chest unwrapped ,and it looks really good. I was surprised to see I had such decent pectoral development.Doctor Fischer said she was surprised too when she went in there and saw my pecs were not small at all. I apparently have nice muscles already there.. I thought my chest looked really good too.Despite the cuts and all. my nipples were small so she did not have to trim them alot.Dr Fischer told me she thinks my chest will turn out to be one of the best she has done and she is very pleased how it is turning out.She thinks that my scarring will be very minimal because of my skin type too.Yeah!
Coming out of anesthesia yesterday,the first thing I noticed waking up was the ease of my breathing.No more 12 pounds of useless udders were weighing against my chest. The burdens that were there 24 hours 7 days a week all the time weren't there anymore breathing is well, effortless even with a binder on.
Than as I woke up more I realized I had to hit the bathroom and that's when it hit me full force when I was alone,I reached forward for soap,and my inner arms brushed against NOTHING..I looked up and ,I saw the flat contours of my chest under my shirt and tears welled up as I washed my hands standing in the mirror in Dr. Fischer's bathroom. I was not repulsed by what I saw for the first time in YEARS.I didn't have to stare down at the sink to avoid my own reflection again.Well I kinda dabbed my eyes dry and walked back to my mom and sister and hugged them gently..
I noticed another nice change tonight right before I got on line,when I was walking downstairs.. Seems my body's center of gravity has moved, it is no longer troublesome to me. I used to always feel off balance so I was paranoid of stairs. I always felt unsure of my feet going down stairs. It felt off balance so I kinda hobbled downstairs like a granny. Today I just coasted down the stairs a fingertip on the railing walking down here like it was nothing,blabbing to my roomate my center of gravity was no longer off I think is why.. I feel so free to breathe ,move and it's wonderful. The feeling of peace and comfort I feel inside myself is beyond words y'all.
I don't have this deep gnawing faceless frustration driving me up a wall inside anymore. Yeah I'm a bit cranky when I feel sore, get itchy or have to finagle my butt out of a chair without using my arms to push up, but in my mind I feel this peace. My chest is how it should have been years ago.And for the first time in years I WANT to exercise.I feel unashamed and unhindered by the body I have.My muscles are thirsty for moving. My arms swing free, when I walk.No back pain whatsoever. I sit up straighter.But for now I have to take it easy..still I am antsy,but hey it's been years since I felt even remotely like being inside this body. It's really like I have been given chance to live the life biology denied me at birth.It's like a war in my spirit has just ended.forever.
One funny side note DR fischer told me the day I came in for surgery my voice sounded deeper. LOL.I didn't even notice it had changed..
Congrats UP :)
This is wonderful news, Panther, I can really feel your joy through your writing. Congratulations!
(gentle) hugs & smiles
helen