I just about give up. Some very personal things happened in the last 24 hours, and I refuse to allow others to tell me when I need to make a decision about my life. After all, it is MY LIFE, not theirs. I never gave up my competency to let them decide anything.
To get to the point, I can't and will never fit into the mold that society in general expects of any woman, and since my physical appearance is just too set and unchangeable at my age, there is little reason now to even consider a transition. In short, screw the doctors, therapists and counselors. They have little knowledge of any one persons true day-to-day experience, the sincere promises made, and what that person honestly holds dear to their heart. What gall they have to tell a person what is right when their total time invested in the process is less than the time they spend watching American Idol. What do 30 year old "professionals" really know about me in a couple hours. Hell, I did drugs as a young kid in the 60's, and they grew up with Little House on the Prairie. Once again Screw Them.
I wish I was younger, had better physical characteristics, and had taken care of myself years back. But that is not the case. I will make a decision to either come out, or live my Twilight Zone life for another 20 years, but it will be on my schedule. June 1.
I also wish it weren't this close a possibility, but it looks like my soul will be cloistered away for another 20 years. And my Kathy will never get a chance to rise.
Kathy you're absolutely right. No one can make decisons for you in your life. What is it that you really want out of life? Don't give up on your dreams.
:)
I've seen some transfolks transitioning much later in life.
I don't think it's ever to late.
I saw this transguy on youtube, and he's transitioning in his 50s(or 60s)
o:
You have to go at your own pace, and do what makes you happy.
Sorry about the rant. I have just had my fill, and very little sleep. I'll be more understanding about some of it tomorrow.
But let me say, that I don't want to give up, and I'm sure there's hope in some fashion, somewhere. It just doesn't look to bright right now.
Kathy - I remember your post, "Dysphoria Help," from a couple of weeks back.
I admire your openness about yourself and your determination. I can appreciate the position you are in, as it is similar to mine.
I am just taking things slow, knowing that hurdles will develop, set backs will block my way, the unforeseen will happen.
I've been on my road for about 40 years, most of it not having any sort of map or understanding where I was headed.
Don't be discouraged.
It's been a real tough two days with other things going on, and it's easy to get discouraged with their treatments (and a little depressed).
I don't like the Pavlovian treatments they sometimes use, and the coercion to accept their methods in order to receive counseling and HRT. I think the biggest problem is that people assume they can tell me what needs to be done with my family to continue on a course. They don't know my family, and they really don't know me.
Well a little Prescribed HRT to resolve my Self Medication is o.k. for now, and I am willing to discuss my issues with the Professional based on my schedule, not theirs. And based on MY FAMILY DYNAMICS, not their assumptions. My God, why can't large medical organizations get their acts together and treat people properly.
Many professionals and younger GID'ers treat us all the same but my 25 yr gender therapist told me (15 yrs ago) we are all different and well at our ages we barely need to listen to them at this point and just follow our ideas because we are too stubborn and set in our ways.. i know i am and i was a DIY'er and am glad i never looked back. Its been 15 yrs for me and i am fine with what i got. There really should be no stereotypical GID'er.. do what makes you happy