(Incase college is different in the US/other countries, I'm refering to it meaning somewhere where you do a specific practical course post-16 for, in my case, two years, and live at home.)
I'm almost certainly going to college next year, where there will only be one guy (if he gets in) from my old school, so practically no one will know me there. That guy's pretty much got me worked out anyway, I had a facebook account under the name that I used to go by and he asked me if I was him, which I denied because I'm not out to anyone really at school, but I don't think I was that convincing a liar. Anyway, I'll be going to do an engineering course there for two years, and I'm 99% sure that it's going to be all male there.
About half a year ago I told my parents that I felt more male than female, and they took me to talk to my GP a few times about it, but that just ended up in slagging off my shrink and the school convincing my parents that I was having issues with my sexuality, not through any harm, but just lack of knowledge and information on trans* people. After I told my dad that I wasn't going to go to LGB meetings because I don't have an issue with my sexuality, which I think he took to mean that I'm not trans, nothing's been mentioned. So although I could come out to them and try and go to college as male without it going too badly, I don't think they'd be too receptive of it, they never got hold of the fact that if I transition it's not because I want to be a boy, it's because I identify as one.
One other thing that is holding me back from going as male is the woman I love. I don't know how to convey how much she means to me, and that it's not that she means more to me, or that she's holding me back from being myself. She doesn't know this side of me at all, although I act as myself around her, so I don't feel like I'm hiding anything, just letting her use female pronouns/name. Before I met her I'd been suffering with depression for years, and attempted suicide more times than I could count. She's been the only thing that's been able to allow me to see the good side of life, and that's not something that I can just throw away, especially as it's impossible at 16 to medically transition in the UK. And since being around her and knowing that she appreciates my body, and doesn't care that I dress, and pass, full out male most of the time, my dysphoria's not been as bad as it was either.
I think what I'm trying to ask for is advice for what to do/say when I go to college next year. It would be potentially damaging to my mental health to come out, at the risk of confrontation with my parents - which would send me back to the shrink, who enjoyed making me angry and depressed in his meetings - and losing the only person who's been able to make me happy in years. But at the same time I don't know how to deal with being the only "female" on this course and being the butt of a lot of bullying and jokes probably, constantly reminding me that I'm not male.
At the moment the best thing I could think of would be to come up with a gender neutral nickname and allow people to make their own assumptions as to what I am, and to try and deal with bathrooms later. I just guess I need some input, and maybe advice on how to come up with a nickname which people are going to latch on to, and how to tell them I prefer that.
I'm truly sorry you are going through so much. It really sucks but at least you have someone there. Your girlfriend. However, if she means that much to you, let her in. Don't hide the fact that you are FTM from her because from what I get, that's what you're doing. Forgive me if I misunderstood though! You cannot say how she is going to react before you ask her.
As for school, why would your parents find out? At what age are you a legal adult in the UK? Either way, you can talk to your professors and tell them you'd like to be called a certain name. Explain to them your situation and see. I am sorry if your parents aren't as accepting as you'd like but you're 16. Hopefully soon you can start your own path and do things on your own. Your username is Alec. Why not just use that? I personally think it is a badass name and if you like it, use it! Just be yourself at school. Generally people in this generation are a lot more tolerant of differences than they used to be.