I imagine this is nothing new for many of you, my folks are 1000 miles + away (I'd have killed myself if was still stuck there for a number of reasons) so life far from family has mixed blessings. I was brought up in a very Catholic house, there was no gray areas between right and wrong, and prejudice was more than tolerated. I still wonder why - and thank my maker for it, that my thoughts were so different. Growing up with the knowledge since my earliest memories I was born wrong, keeping my secret, keeping my sanity....
That was so long ago it seems. People mellow out with age, or so I would have hoped.
While talking to my father the other day, well he did all the talking (he never could hear me, then or now it seemed) he started to talk about this great priest at his church, and how he has his mind 'right'. He spoke in his sermon how "gays and lesbian should be put in concentration camps, with tall electric fences to keep them apart from each other and from the rest of the world until they all die."
Now I know I should have had been born female, with every fiber of my being, and although I don't identify as gay, and I can only see myself with a man as a woman in my head, those words showed to me I can never come out and tell my folks why my looks have changed, why my breasts are so prominent, even when trying to hide them, why everyone said how good my color was (thanks covergirl), and why I seem so alone.
I can never hurt them so. So I can never tell them. Same with my brothers and sister, for they too would never speak to me again.
And I will always feel stuck as the weird little brother - even at 50....
How do or did you deal with folks that are like this?
I moved 900 miles away!
Mine are quite loving but extremely conservative,, if I told them they would never understand at all and my mother most likely would be more concerned about what her "church friends" would say than how I was doing.
Last I talked to them on mothers day they both said they were extremely proud of me for starting a successful business from scratch after my move....I will just leave it at that for now....distance has its benefits
Yeah it's horrible being in that situation an luckily I at least have an accepting mother but my father is so far down the wrong end of religious lane it scares me to even think of coming out to him, I live about 800 miles away and speak with him on the phone an hes been testing my patience with all the crap about gay people being an abomination to god an I always debate with him on it which lately has had him questioning me an I feel like shouting out what I am but I bite my tongue because not only is he a fanatical christian but so are two of my aunts an I don't need them sending me scripture in the mail an trying to bring me down; I recently even shut down my old 'male' facebook account an accepted being that far away from my family is beneficial to me an my transition an that all of them are disposable an not worth my time.
My mother an sister who live near me know an accept me so that's all that matters, everyone is different though and may have had a deep relationship with their family so this type of decision could be hard for them but in my case I was always the black sheep from the get-go so no big loss.
I really hope everything works out for you an they come around to accepting you eventually if they ever find out.
Yeah, when he said that I said to him "Land of the free and home of the brave, eh Dad?"
I know he didn't hear me, or didn't want to...
Quote from: BillieTex on May 28, 2012, 11:11:37 AM
he started to talk about this great priest at his church, and how he has his mind 'right'. He spoke in his sermon how "gays and lesbian should be put in concentration camps, with tall electric fences to keep them apart from each other and from the rest of the world until they all die."
How do or did you deal with folks that are like this?
Get them totally pissed off by saying you cannot recall anywhere in the New Testament where Jesus or any of his disciples mentioned this little trifle. Then toss out the "Oh by the way. He came to give us a
New Covenant" which basically translates to all the Old-School Leviticus crap goes into the crapper.
Sounds like that priest needs to learn what "Christianity" is about. I woukd never listen to a religious leader of any church that preached ideas like gays and lesbians should be in concentraion camps. If I wasn't a Christian I would throw him into a concentration camp and throw the key away. Since I am though I just say for him to go back and read his Bible before sondemning anyone.
The Priest, like my father, is in his late 70's early 80's, and as my father keeps saying "He has his head on right."
not gonna be able change minds so set in their ways. Why we are more accepting of people than they ever were I dont know but that is life....
I live nearly 3,000 miles away from my family (West Coast vs. East Coast). It has its ups and downs.
I haven't dealt with such a situation, but I think it might not necessarily be bad to tell them. On one hand, they might feel bad/angry/religious/etc. about it. But on the other hand, maybe it will be an occasion for them to understand better your issue and to become better people. Even in rigid religious beliefs, the love of a family is generally hard to shatter. I may be naive, but I think your situation is unlikely to destroy your family bonds. It might be a shock to them in the beginning, but if you can make them understand that you have a medical problem for which treatment is necessary and accompany them on their path to understanding and acceptance, I think you have good chances of maintaining a good relationship.
Plus, I think they might be sort of waiting for it. They noticed things, right? They are probably awaiting an explanation from you in some way. At some point, there are decent chances that you will have to tell them if they come across something undeniable and ask about it. Maybe it would be best to tell them calmly before such a situation arises and you have to tell them under pressure, because then they might feel that you were playing them, lying to them. And if that happens, things might get harder...
PS: Catholicism is supposed to prone acceptance, support, understanding and forgiveness of everyone, even in what they consider wrong and sinful. I think that "great" priest with his concentration camps is seriously straying away from "the love of God" or whatever they call it...
I don't have a family anymore. My parents divorced when I turned 18. My dad lives in Scotland, my mum, in Germany and my brother lives in England. And I live in Indiana.
But, despite the distance, my parents both accept me as their Daughter. And my brother knows that he has a sister. I know it was hard on them. But they knew that it was even harder on me. I've only seen my parents once in 12 years. And I've heard from my brother once or twice. But I do miss them all very much.
My parents, mother, father, and stepfather are all quite conservative. On multiple occasions they have said bad things about every part of the lgbt community. I was sure that when I came out to them they would disown me. To my complete surprise all of them said that they love me and will support me no matter what. My dad even said "no matter what I will always be his...daughter". Hiding who I am has caused me quite a bit of psychological problems. All my parents think that it is great that I came out, and that I am finally going to move on with my life. They showed me that a parent's love can overcome any obstacle.
My love to the families that are accepting of us, my prayers for those who's do not. I know without a doubt what the outcome would be if I ever opened up my heart to them, and it would not end well... I do believe in God, and He or She has love for us, and those less understanding. Times change and in the long run so do people (except in a certain political party that keeps moving in reverse) and maybe our future will be brighter in the long run compared to now...
Love will overcome, even if we can't..... :-*