After I came out on facebook a cousin of mine came out to me that he was gay. He talked to me like he cared about me. Even called me by my name Jainie. I got very comfertable with him. I told him how I feel about who I am. He said that he had a lot of the same feeling that I have about being a woman Or he wishes he were "a woman". He was also dealing with his religious back ground just as i was. He stop practizing homosexuality over it and is trying to live how other want him to.
He tried to talk me out of transitioning given my religious back ground. He was very subtle about it gaining my confidence and used our conection that we have. It hurt me to hear what he was saying to me. I won't go into what was said. My only regret was getting confidence from him instead of myself because he took it back from me just days later. I just so happen to be hormonally sad when all of this took place. It has put a scar in me that will take sometime to get over. H*ll, I may never get over it. :(
I am sorry that happened to you Jainie. It is horrible that he used you like that. That he misled and deceived you. I hope you do not let this horrible situation close your heart. I hope you are able to still trust others. Thank you for sharing your story with us. And, I hope you heal soon.
Quote from: Brooke777 on June 03, 2012, 03:33:17 PM
I am sorry that happened to you Jainie. It is horrible that he used you like that. That he misled and deceived you. I hope you do not let this horrible situation close your heart. I hope you are able to still trust others. Thank you for sharing your story with us. And, I hope you heal soon.
perfect answer wow .. ditto Brooke
Im not going to let it stop me from trusting others just going to be more cautious about who I trust that's all.
I'm not so sure it's as cut and shut as him deceiving you or misleading you, sweetie.
I get the feeling that this was a test, a projection of his own feelings about himself onto you, to see how you deal with it. You say that he expressed a lot of the same feelings you do, only he's in a place where he isn't taking the steps you are. Maybe there's a possibility that he was attempting to see how one who is open and proactive in becoming themselves would handle the sort of persuasion that he affected on you. Maybe he's actually coming to terms with his own feelings and trying to work out in his own mind whether, if someone he feels comfortable with can still move forward, in spite of objections and attempts to be talked out of it, that maybe it's something he himself will be able to do at some point.
Perhaps what he was actually doing was placing you in a position of how he believes he would be, in your place. Maybe he was trying to see how much value one places on freedom because it is something he cannot yet do for himself.
Don't be so quick to dismiss it purely as an attempt to curtail you, hon. People's motivations aren't always so clear cut. :) Maybe give it some time and see what happens.
My sister is a lesbian and she was angry that I did not come out as trans to support her.
If you could hide trans then do it!
She told me she prayed to God she could get a job because she is lesbian.
I did not tell her that people do not know if you are lesbian when you go for a job.
Either gender it would be difficult for me to hide. I look trans in either gender.
Whatever.
My family prefers me to "suck it up" and be a man. I am such a good man indeed!
Few cis-gender people will understand let alone embrace.
Cis-gender people project their feelings onto us whether gay or not.
If a person that is gay desires people of opposite sex then they are bisexual and not gay.
Far more people are bisexual than gay and how do you "know" if a person is gay?
Quote from: Sephirah on June 03, 2012, 06:37:12 PM
I'm not so sure it's as cut and shut as him deceiving you or misleading you, sweetie.
I get the feeling that this was a test, a projection of his own feelings about himself onto you, to see how you deal with it. You say that he expressed a lot of the same feelings you do, only he's in a place where he isn't taking the steps you are. Maybe there's a possibility that he was attempting to see how one who is open and proactive in becoming themselves would handle the sort of persuasion that he affected on you. Maybe he's actually coming to terms with his own feelings and trying to work out in his own mind whether, if someone he feels comfortable with can still move forward, in spite of objections and attempts to be talked out of it, that maybe it's something he himself will be able to do at some point.
Perhaps what he was actually doing was placing you in a position of how he believes he would be, in your place. Maybe he was trying to see how much value one places on freedom because it is something he cannot yet do for himself.
Don't be so quick to dismiss it purely as an attempt to curtail you, hon. People's motivations aren't always so clear cut. :) Maybe give it some time and see what happens.
I forgot something. my reason for coming out in the first place. seeking others like myself. I have talked more with him since that last post. I think you are right. I think she needs my streanth more than I needed his trust. She is hiding in him and she knows it. Our common ground got bigger just in a few minutes. I know most don't see themselves as eunuchs but I relate to eunuchs for religious reasons and so does she. she said,"I think I am a eunuch". to us it is the same as a woman in a man's body.
Quote from: jainie marlena on June 04, 2012, 12:02:00 AM
I forgot something. my reason for coming out in the first place. seeking others like myself. I have talked more with him since that last post. I think you are right. I think she needs my streanth more than I needed his trust. She is hiding in him and she knows it. Our common ground got bigger just in a few minutes. I know most don't see themselves as eunuchs but I relate to eunuchs for religious reasons and so does she. she said,"I think I am a eunuch". to us it is the same as a woman in a man's body.
I also believe eunuchs can serve God but testicles are removed to be eunuch.
eunuch (Urban dictionary)
1) a male whose testicles have been removed, either for government service (such as in ancient Africa and Rome) or, if the castration takes place before puburty, to prevent the voice from breaking (Italian opera's male sopranos of the 17th thru 19th centuries). In the present day, this sort of eunuch may result from testicular cancer.
2) a male whose entire genitalia is removed. Done as punishment in Ancient Rome, and to qualify for royal government service in China as recently as the 20th century. Also, the hijdra, a caste of Indian transexuals, practice this complete castration.
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Do you believe eunuchs keep testicles?
I know mine are coming off in the future. How about you?
Quote from: jainie marlena on June 04, 2012, 10:38:02 AM
I know mine are coming off in the future. How about you?
In 2010 after 5 years HRT I had them removed which required one letter. It was correct decision for me. I continued to present "guy" but I do not feel "guy".
In 2011 I had my face feminized and chest enhanced. Doctor did what doctor wanted and not what I requested. I remain on fence for things that were different than what I requested. Do well when away from people I know or with community. When return to family I become totally confused again. I now dress as FTM for cis-gender family and MTF for community. I think my autism is causing more problems than gender issues.
I believe I can convince mental institution I am insane. I am what I am and that is not what my family wants.
I don't know what to say. It sounds like you have been through alot. :embarrassed:
Quote from: jainie marlena on June 04, 2012, 10:35:12 PM
I don't know what to say. It sounds like you have been through alot.
Probably less than most on site.
It takes a mentally strong woman to transition.
We have images of women being weak but to transition is humbling.
People that know you fill you with self doubt.
How did people find strength to transition decades ago?
In twenty years we will be accepted.
Probably helps to have several friends that have been down that path.
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Jainie, I liked your u-tube video but it made me cry.
I know on my part I would not have been able to transition without this site. I have gottin so much help form here.
We are entitled to do what makes us happy. If transitioning makes you happy, then you are entitled to do so, and those who stand in your way don't really matter. I am learning with each day to stop factoring other peoples' opinions into my decisions and happiness.
... I'm not at the point where I can ignore negativity satisfactorally, but what skill I have at it is useful so far.
Im not at that point either. It still hurts to hear it from people. I was at work the other day and they were hiring new people. Everyone at work has accepted this is me but when new people come in it is like going through the coming out process all over again. I was nerves and was checking people for looks. Looking for laughing. I had to leave for a minute and collect myself.
at least the stone cast in the water made an impact and the ripples are getting ferther away from it.
Quote from: jainie marlena on June 06, 2012, 07:39:15 AM
Im not at that point either. It still hurts to hear it from people. I was at work the other day and they were hiring new people. Everyone at work has accepted this is me but when new people come in it is like going through the coming out process all over again. I was nerves and was checking people for looks. Looking for laughing. I had to leave for a minute and collect myself.
at least the stone cast in the water made an impact and the ripples are getting ferther away from it.
Jainie do you do technical work?
I've had people stare and laugh at me which hurt my feelings.
My only best friend has rejected me and that hurts more and it matters to me.
No, I work as a laborer but maneged to work my way up a little. I use my mind more and laboer less which helps. I'm on two commities and we are looking to change the work culture and make things better for those doing the labor. I spend alot of time coming up with new ideas. It feels great to have a voice that people listen to and actually do what you say to make the changes.
Quote from: jainie marlena on June 06, 2012, 11:07:39 AM
I spend alot of time coming up with new ideas. It feels great to have a voice that people listen to and actually do what you say to make the changes.
Wow Jainie! You are growing and blooming by being yourself! That is beautiful! Thanks for sharing that note.
It is strange to me that I am way more out going then i was before I started transitioning. I have my moments of stand offishness but I am very open person way more positive. Thanks for pointing that out I kind of did not see it until you wowed me. :)
idk if ur gonna wanna do wat i tell u but this is wat i would do. Just tell ur ->-bleeped-<- of a cousin to go F.U.C.K himself. excuse my language but thats how i would tell someone if they tried to change me or talk me out of something
Quote from: jainie marlena on June 03, 2012, 03:27:24 PM
He was also dealing with his religious back ground just as i was. He stop practizing homosexuality over it and is trying to live how other want him to.
I think he wasn't strong enough to be anything but a conformist. He probably didn't have anyone accept him for who he is. So, don't be too hard on him. You're just a stronger person. I don't however agree with his actions.
@Keaira, I know right where he is I have been there myself. It not a fun place to be. being hard on him is the last thing he needs from me. sometimes being a comfert to someone hurts you but i would rather be in the thorn bush with him. He going to come out ok, I did so will he. he is strong he just do not know it yet. just as I did not know at the time I was going throught it.
@Angelique1994, I understand what you are saying. This was my first thought but then I remembered how I felt when I was in his shoes in my early 20's and was acting the same way as him. I wanted to be myself but did not know how to and thinking I had to conform to fit in with those around me. when you are young and are trying to put the puzzle together and they all look the same to you. you try to put that one piece in many places just to realize it does not go in any of them. evenually he will put it down and try something new because he will see that what he is doing does not work.
The funny thing is that piece that you had so much truoble with is the last one to go in and becomes the easyist one to place because it was so hard to begin with you leave it alone until the end.
Quote from: jainie marlena on June 08, 2012, 06:30:01 AM
The funny thing is that piece that you had so much truoble with is the last one to go in and becomes the easyist one to place because it was so hard to begin with you leave it alone until the end.
I love above comment! Last piece is easiest because you completed puzzle.
Jainie your thoughts are showing great maturity.