Basically the title says it all. What kind of things do you guys do to cope with this ->-bleeped-<-ty condition and keep yourself from going psychotic or blowing your brains out? It is becoming debilitating for me, so I need ways to keep it at bay. Suggestions; what works for you?
Writing, particularly roleplaying yaoi. That is my main way of dealing with dysphoria. I also will drink a ton of soda if I start feeling dysphoric because it gives me something to do. Those ways don't seem like they'd work, but they work well for me.
my homones, and surgery do alot of work for me, (thanks god)
but beside that I guess I deal with it in a way of my mind and knowlegde way of thinking.
I belive gender is fluent, its difficult to explain but I belive ever guy has some kind of female inside and every girl has some male inside.
In that way I dont feel that much diffrent from usually cis-guys. what I do feel diffrence is my knowlegde and awareness of that.
so even if a guy is ignorant and tells me "your a girl" or whatever, then I just fell shame for the man, that he dont know better, whats makes us men and women.
--
I dont know if that made sense.
when I was not that pass able I also hang out with my friends who just take me as a guy, it also gave less phobia for sure, insteed of meeting strangers who would doubt you.
it still is.
I have learned how to not hate my body basically. This is my body. I will help it become more how I feel on the inside once I start T. But honestly, I just see it as a reality. I used to think that it was the worst curse on the planet and really dramatic stuff like that. But pretty soon I will be going to a therapist and hopefully soon after that, I will start T. It's a slow process and you gotta be willing to take it a step at a time. Sometimes it's terrible. Sometimes it isn't. I really don't look at my body anywhere from the neck down. So just knowing that one day things will change helps
Living with it for 28 years consciously, it's evolved from raging, depression, withdrawing or lashing out to completely dissociating. I guess my mind deals with it by shutting down in a way - there are few distractions I can do to ease it, especially being stuck at home 24/7.
Quote from: poptart on June 03, 2012, 05:36:16 PM
Suggestions; what works for you?
I try to get out there, do other things, make goals that may be separate from your transition goals - even if they are by myself, getting out there and doing something else that requires focus is enough to temporarily take my mind out of a harrowing depression.
I know how you feel and that's why I see time & waiting as the worst enemy to my dysphoria - I wish I could wake up tomorrow with the body I want, but right now I'm forced to wait. As I do, I'm just hoping my mind doesn't slip and I fall into another dysphoric episode while in the process of waiting. Like I said here, distraction may be key - sure, your feelings for yourself aren't going to dissipate, but burying them may not a bad thing as you're already well on your way to being much happier with yourself.
Also, if you ever need to vent, you're more than welcome to message me.
Might not be great to the non-religious, but I pray :'P. I just pray for the strength to get through this one day at a time. It's that or I start getting high again XP.
Something usually sparks it off and then for the whole evening I'm ruined so lately I've figured out how to recognize it fast and distract with something like watching tv shows online and then reading.
I work, and that's pretty much it. The money goes towards what I need to help fix this messed up shell I live in, so I focus on that.
I put more time in visiting this site and I play video games to try and deal with it. I also put myself in an anime fantasy land or pretend that I am a famous MMA fighter etc. I need to exercise to help cope with it. It would help a lot more and actually get my body prepared for when I do transition.
I also think about the future and my life in steps. If I am upset at someone I will keep repeating to myself, "Step 7: Freedom".
I just suck it up and do whatever I have to that day.
Dwelling on it just makes it worse.
Since being on T, my dysphoria has decreased greatly, however I try to to keep myself busy, mostly with school, to cope with the little dysphoria I do have. I also focus on the things about my body that I like and have become comfortable with my nether regions. Really, my only issue is my chest.
Quote from: Natkat on June 03, 2012, 05:56:23 PM
my homones, and surgery do alot of work for me, (thanks god)
Yeah, getting surgery would be the most effective way, since it eliminates the source of the dysphoria rather than just masking it. Problem is that I have no clue when I can get surgery, but I know it'll be over a year at least. >:(
Quote from: Kreuzfidel on June 03, 2012, 06:33:08 PM
Living with it for 28 years consciously, it's evolved from raging, depression, withdrawing or lashing out to completely dissociating. I guess my mind deals with it by shutting down in a way - there are few distractions I can do to ease it, especially being stuck at home 24/7.
Pretty much same here, dissociation. But still there are times when I'm hit so hard by reality -- I get so dysphoric I can't even get out of bed, or I have to get really drunk/high so I don't self-destruct. What I'm saying is that one can't dissociate
forever.
Unrelated: This is why I have such an intense aversion to people who see being trans as a positive thing, like the ones on Tumblr. It's appalling when they parade around like being trans is fun, cool, trendy or a source of pride when it is actually a source of suffering. So, if I ever come off as too opinionated on these people, that's why.
Quote from: JasonRX on June 03, 2012, 06:40:54 PMAlso, if you ever need to vent, you're more than welcome to message me.
Having somewhere to rant is always good. Lol. Thanks dude.
And to everyone else. I can't respond to everyone since it'd be a text wall, but I do appreciate everyone's input.
@ Poptart, Unrelated and unnecessary. Shame on you for having an intense aversion to people who can have a positive outlook on life. As far as being trans equals suffering, you forgot to say "for me" Not everyone sees things the same. Please state opinions as opinions, not fact. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 07, 2012, 07:59:34 PM
@ Poptart, Unrelated and unnecessary. Shame on you for having an intense aversion to people who can have a positive outlook on life. As far as being trans equals suffering, you forgot to say "for me" Not everyone sees things the same. Please state opinions as opinions, not fact. Hugs, Devlyn
I think that it would be fair to say that, when reading peoples' posts, you can generally assume that this-or-that is always one's opinion unless there are sources or citations to back a statement up. I don't believe that poptart intended for everything he said to be taken as universal truth.
And as for those people on tumblr... it's not a longshot to understand why he might feel annoyed at them. This applies especially to those tumblr kids who claim they are trans, FtM, or whatever, and are really just occasional gender-benders (cis) that treat it as some sort of fad. People tend to get irritated when something that is serious to them is made light of, and treated like a joke, as they feel betrayed by how it is misprepresented.
At least, that's what I think.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 07, 2012, 07:59:34 PM
@ Poptart, Unrelated and unnecessary. Shame on you for having an intense aversion to people who can have a positive outlook on life. As far as being trans equals suffering, you forgot to say "for me" Not everyone sees things the same. Please state opinions as opinions, not fact. Hugs, Devlyn
For most people, it's a lot of suffering.
I think he's more than entitled to feeling annoyed that some people treat something like being trapped in the wrong body as if it's a trend.
Personally, I think his feelings are justified and actually totally related to his dysphoria.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 07, 2012, 07:59:34 PM
@ Poptart, Unrelated and unnecessary. Shame on you for having an intense aversion to people who can have a positive outlook on life. As far as being trans equals suffering, you forgot to say "for me" Not everyone sees things the same. Please state opinions as opinions, not fact. Hugs, Devlyn
Lol. I'm not referring to positive outlooks on life itself, but to their outlook on a debilitating medical condition. How can it possibly be considered a positive thing? That's like being proud of having cancer. I don't mean being proud of overcoming it; that is understandable, but suffering from it in the first place.
BTW the text above your pic says "MTF crossdresser" so I'm going to assume you're transgender rather than someone with transsexualism (correct if wrong). I don't know why you care, since I'm not even talking about something that affects you. Also, Kelly J. P. has it exactly right when she says:
Quote"People tend to get irritated when something that is serious to them is made light of, and treated like a joke, as they feel betrayed by how it is misprepresented."
Perhaps we should review Susans definition of Transgender. "Anyone who transcends their birth gender for any reason." Those Tumblr kids are part of our community. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 07, 2012, 08:28:34 PM
Perhaps we should review Susans definition of Transgender. "Anyone who transcends their birth gender for any reason." Those Tumblr kids are part of our community. Hugs, Devlyn
Again, most people on tumblr treat trans as if it's cool, like it's a trend.
I know I'd be pretty ticked off if I was gay and someone treated being gay like it was a fad as well.
I see where you are coming from, but what if you felt like someone was mocking a problem or condition that you have?
Wouldn't you at least feel a little hurt?
I don't think he is trying to be offensive.
My hatred for weakness is stronger. Depression and self destructive tendencies are weak. I'm not entirely sure I'm not psychotic, but I've been told I'm not, logically I'm not, and so I decided to stop worrying about it as much. I love life. There is no freaking way I'm going to let anyone (myself included) mess that up for me. Being debilitated is not an option for me.
Dysphoria used to contribute greatly to my depression. I stopped letting it. I'm not quite sure how yet. Maybe it really is just that my hatred for weakness is stronger. I also came to accept that it wasn't going away. Not to mention, I wouldn't be able to be here without a body and I like being here.
On another note, as someone who does suffer from a formerly debilitating medical condition, I am pretty glad I suffered it in the first place. I wouldn't have learned a lot of the things I know now if it weren't for that. That's why I have positive outlook on my medical condition. That may just me though.
I am also hurt when people treat things as fads.
Bashing of people searching for or struggling with their gender is not going to be tolerated here, see Rule #10.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 07, 2012, 08:43:02 PM
Bashing of people searching for or struggling with their gender is not going to be tolerated here, see Rule #10.
If you believe that we are bashing the "tumblr crew", then perhaps you are reacting with more sensitivity than is due. Quote perceived bashing, and it may be addressed.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 07, 2012, 08:28:34 PM
Perhaps we should review Susans definition of Transgender. "Anyone who transcends their birth gender for any reason." Those Tumblr kids are part of our community. Hugs, Devlyn
Yeah, I'm not talking about the entire transgender community. I'm referring ONLY to transsexual people who have symptoms that would constitute the diagnosis of GID. I couldn't care less what non-TS transgendered people do because they're completely irrelevant to this discussion and to my life.
Please point out exactly where I have bashed anyone.
Poptart, this is not the first time the percieved Tumblr problem has come up with you.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 07, 2012, 09:06:12 PM
Poptart, this is not the first time the percieved Tumblr problem has come up with you.
Your point?
And I still don't know who I'm supposedly "bashing". If you do, then by all means, tell me, but don't just purport that I am and keep quiet.
I don't know that all those "tumblr kids" are actually transsexual. I think there are plenty cis kids who play with gender and young genderqueer kids. I don't think the former "gender play" is actually anywhere on the trans* spectrum. It might even be considered a normal part of growing up these days. I think particularly of "bois" and the like. (Though some bois are actually androgyne.) I believe that genderf** and so on might be typical of certain kids now. They aren't trying to upset you, but perhaps society in general and society norms. It is a variation of let's get on our parent's nerves.
Though I find finding out that I am an androgyne to much more unsettling and frustrating than I see these kids presenting things (I'm speaking of the gq kids now.) I see also that my struggles are not to the depth of some of the people on this particular forum.
BTW, I have found pretty serious folks on tumblr so, I think that it all depends what you actually find there. But I don't personally spend much time there.
--Jay Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on June 07, 2012, 10:16:32 PM
I don't know that all those "tumblr kids" are actually transsexual.
Yup, and that's completely fine for the people who aren't. What I have a problem with are the ones who pretend they are, and that it's a positive thing.
But this thread isn't about them. What I said was only posted to explain WHY that issue came up in the past, not to start another discussion on it.
Poptart I hope this helps but when I am feeling particularly dysphoric I tend to go out of my way to be more outgoing even if i dont really feel like it. Last week was really bad and I felt horrible about myself but I forced myself to attempt to be social and even talk to people i dont really know and ended up talking to this girl who saw me as male and asked where my sons mother was. So if i didn't go out of my way to talk and be more outgoing I would have probably stayed in that state longer. I also draw little short story comics and paint to express myself or distract myself. Hope this gets it back on topic to help you.
For me it is mostly finding good things in the bad. Facing the fact that there are some things that I cannot change and try to either ignore them to the best of my ability, or learn to deal with them. And looking forward to the things that I know will change one day.
also, dissociation, dissociation, dissociation. I kinda adapted that.
I know this is a la Barney Stenson, but I just think about how awesome I am. Hahaha.
I'm going 4 months on T and I can't believe how much that has helped, too. I honestly thought it would actually make it a little worse- but finally having the physical features come that I have wanted for so long (beard, deepened voice, larger muscles, broader back/shoulders/chest) has given me an incredible amount of clarity.
Lately I get more socially dysphoric- like my dysphoria is about the fact that my name isn't changed, or gender on my ID- because I am strongly passing (passing as being six years younger than I actually am...but passing, haha). I get pissed off that I can't join the military, that we don't have as many civil rights as other groups, and that we have to go through all this stuff to change all of that but it's whatever- you can't stew in it.
The main times I have bottom dysphoria is mainly for sex reasons because I wish I could just use a urinal (I don't mess with an STP right now- too messy- especially since my anatomy's changed). My girlfriend and I finally got a penis from a sex store that did wonders for me as far as sex, and we recently purchased a VERY realistic one that did even more wonders for me. It feels more natural than the first one and makes me a lot happy- so that's helped a lot.
Top dysphoria is a lot stronger- lately it's been bothering me because it's already freaking over 100 degrees daily and I HATE having to wear a binder so I'm always reminded. I also hate that I can't swim without wearing something on top- I can't wait for top surgery. Pools are really popular in Vegas and I'm always getting access to them. What really sucks is I'm already stealth to some of my girlfriend's friends, and she always goes to the pool with them but I don't go because it will out me or they'll think it's weird if I wear a shirt. But I think that'll change with working out and surgery.
I get sad thinking about it, but I just don't think about it and focus on the positives- like passing and all the awesome changes I have and that will come and far I've come in just one year.
So short answer: focusing on the changes that have happened, savoring the cool moments like when you pass, sex toys and working out helps a TON.
I crush it with my mind vice.
the proud trans kids may be those kids who said "hey this is who i am. im proud to say it. even though i wasnt born physically how i feel inside, im proud i acknowledge who i am. im proud to identify as me. ive overcome self hatred, peer hatred, etc." thats how i view the rest of our trans community. were all brave for being who we are outloud. look at those of us who were raped, beaten, even killed. our pride is not only for ourselves but those who cant pride themselves. thats my input. ( sorry for typos. my phone hates me)
So uhhh, this may be a little awkward but I am one of those Tumblr kids (I say kid, I'm almost 21, so big kid :D ). So I just want to say I take no offence whatever to what poptart said. I'm proud of who I am, I don't flaunt it but I am proud, sure. I'm someone who has to find the funny and light hearted side of things in life otherwise I would cry, so laughter is better then crying, I do that on my blog also.
I've turned it around into a positive thing for the most part, as I've had to. I get excited about each new part of my transition as it's a new goal I've reached. I damn well parade when I do manage to get something and find it better as it improves my life and gets me to being ... well, me. So I will have a parade of rainbows and puppies if I want.
But I can also understand those that don't feel that way and I think everyone has a right to say what they feel and not be instantly pushed into the "bashing" category for voicing their opinion. It's theres to have, as is mine and anyones. Even if it contrary to yours. It's just how people feel and they shouldn't be put down for having a different mind then someone else.
But lets get this thread back on corse! I've already said the way I cope with things really, I laugh about them. I make jokes and turn things around to see the funny side. I also read, write and do art when I can be motivated to do so. I also draw on a fake beard, cus beards are cool. :icon_cool:
Generally I find some way to dissociate.
Sometimes I deal with it by not just listening to music, but letting it wash over me and letting myself just dive into it until it seems that the sounds are the only things around me, almost as though I can feel them.
Sometimes I do the same with books. I read until my mind is inside it and the story is a part of me.
Sometimes I break down and almost-cry for a while (for some reason, my body just won't actually cry). When that happens, I have to just curl up until the moment is past. Then I go and watch stupid videos on Youtube or check up on various webcomics.
Sometimes I just go hang out with people who see me as the incredibly fabulous guy I am no matter what.
Sometimes I find something to cook or bake which requires lots of precision. Or at least chopping and slicing.
Sometimes I play with my dogs.
Every now and then when I'm home along I dig out some loud makeup and put it on in a clumsy, melodramatic way and look in the mirror and laugh at how I am definitely a guy.