Alright so I've started this new job and I'm basically stealth (only my bosses know) but I plan on starting T within the next few months...I'll be going through such changes with people that know me pre T stealth...awkward? Hitting puberty at 20? I don't know, just nervous/not sure how I'll be viewed/reacted to.
It seems to me that people are always wrapped up in themselves so they probably won't notice too much (providing you keep shaven...suddenly popping out a beard might draw attention). Though there are always people asking questions and generally being busybodies. Just be sarcastic to those.
Not really such a big deal IMO...guys are still going through puberty at 20 so it doesn't seem like it would be a huge problem. Plus, if you see these people almost daily there wouldn't see a massive difference because they're around you all the time vs somebody going on maternity leave.
I started T while I was working full time. I made sure I was clean shaven every day, and after about 6 months when my voice was starting to deepen I was occasionally asked if I had a cold, but that was the only real reaction from coworkers...
There came a point when I did have to let them know what was happening so I put a note in every locker before I went on holidays for 2 weeks. Only 1 guy gave me a hard time, the rest were really cool with it.
That said, when an opportunity to transfer to a depot closer to home came up I took it, and am stealth there. Only the 7 or so guys who transferred over with me know my past. My voice still cracks occasionally, and I've got bad acne and patchy facial hair which I keep shaved (except when I forget) and no-one treats me any different from other guys.
In short: don't worry about it so much, like Nygeel said no-one is going to take much notice.
Quote from: m3lty on June 04, 2012, 05:30:24 PM
I started T while I was working full time. I made sure I was clean shaven every day, and after about 6 months when my voice was starting to deepen I was occasionally asked if I had a cold, but that was the only real reaction from coworkers...
There came a point when I did have to let them know what was happening so I put a note in every locker before I went on holidays for 2 weeks. Only 1 guy gave me a hard time, the rest were really cool with it.
That said, when an opportunity to transfer to a depot closer to home came up I took it, and am stealth there. Only the 7 or so guys who transferred over with me know my past. My voice still cracks occasionally, and I've got bad acne and patchy facial hair which I keep shaved (except when I forget) and no-one treats me any different from other guys.
In short: don't worry about it so much, like Nygeel said no-one is going to take much notice.
1 - Thanks to everyone! Your input is super helpful and greatly appreciated.
2 - m3lty, I'd like to talk to you about this more when the time comes, maybe? If you're cool with that! If not, it's cool too :)
I am going through puberty at 40! I started T in Jan....I haven't officially announced it to anyone at work ...the HR dept knows b/c they had to change all my paperwork when I changed my name...I told some co-workers who I was close too & then HR just started introducing me as he and by my male name when new employee's know. I am very non chalant about it --- if people ask I tell them --- so far only a handful have asked which pronoun I prefer -- others just caught on. So, since starting T in Jan - pretty much everyone treats me as a guy at work & recently at our staff retreat someone complained jokingly that it's wasn't fair that my team had two guys on it (refering to me and this other guy)
I just hate that I look so effing young
Quote from: Brayden on June 05, 2012, 11:37:14 PM
I just hate that I look so effing young
im a manager and all the time i get customers asking me how old i am and i must be the youngest manager, im 21 but i pass at about 16
Since you're already passing, probably nobody will notice. If they do, they will probably just put it down to late onset puberty (which it is, really. ;) ) However, for anyone facing transition at work that involves coming out, I highly recommend Transgender Workplace Diversity (http://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Workplace-Diversity-Communication-Professionals/dp/1419673289/ref=cm_cr-mr-title) by Jillian T Weis as a good starting point. When I transitioned I worked with the HR department to make a plan based on the suggestions in this book (with a few changes that we agreed upon) and it went very smoothly. I have never had any issues at all with my co-workers, despite the fact that I'm the only openly "queer" person on staff. Honestly the reality was almost an anti-climax after all the nervous anticipation. :D
From Jamie-O
"Honestly the reality was almost an anti-climax after all the nervous anticipation. "
Just this.
Ok I'm going the other direction. But I have had my job for many years. I'm very senior and my 'male' self is very well known. Stealth is not even remotely feasible even with a genie's wish bottle.
I'm known as my male self by lots of people that I have to deal with daily on committees, in person, in public..
I'm now out FT. No one has given a damn.
I was was checking my journal this evening and reflecting where I was in 2010. I was a terrified little creature who was praying, yet again to a god it didn't believe in, to be a guy so I could fit in.
Then I walked into work today and a colleague (female) asked, 'Do you change your nail polish to match your outfit?' I said, " No I change my nail polish once a week and buy outfits to match, more fun that way". Ok girl talk, but confidence is the key for all of us.
Meaning of this post? Be yourself. People respect you for being yourself. When you are young you may get some remarks from juvenile toads, but they are just trying to grow up, without much success.
You will get jealousy from being yourself from people who are frightened of your success. Take it as a compliment.
But be yourself.
Hugs my brothers and walk tall
Cindy
Hey Brayden, just shoot me a PM when you want to chat. Hopefully I've made enough posts to be able to reply lol
I'll echo others here and say that it's funny what people DON'T notice when they see you regularly. I went from an androgynous tenor to a full tenor and then to a light baritone while I was regularly attending my men's group, and nobody seemed to notice nothin'. My voice started cracking before the baritone arrived, so I was careful when I spoke. I never got so much as a raised eyebrow. (My best friend says I sound the same, heh.)
I finally decided to let my facial hair grow out, so now I have a flimsyish beard and an even flimsier mustache. A guy joked about it once in the beginning, but nobody else seemed to see anything weird about it. I guess it helps that I am young-looking for my age, blond (dark blond now), and not otherwise hairy. A scraggly beard on a guy like me excites no comment.
I had top surgery a couple of months after starting this group, and (thanks to good binding) nobody seemed to notice, although I went through a sudden and distinct change in the way I carried myself.
You are young enough to be going through a delayed puberty, so I would sit back and enjoy the ride. If anyone comments on the vocal changes, just say something true like, "Yeah, Finally! I was wondering if it would ever happen!!!" Or you can honestly say that you have been diagnosed with a hormone deficiency or something like that. It's true enough. I expect that few people will say anything, but if you are asked, just say the truth in a way that doesn't out you and is comfortable for you.
I think you would have a lot more issues if you were perceived as female and were going through the changes; I think people are more likely to ask. For example, my mother-in-law thought I had a cold, but she knew me as female and didn't know I was transitioning.
Thanks so much for the encouragement and reassurance guys! Umm so I guess a few people at work thought I was a girl and for the most part, I think the majority of my coworkers call me he, but some are saying she (or so I heard from a friend) and I don't know how to deal with this. I mean I honestly don't care as much as I thought I did about being stealth... It's just more so the bullying and harassment dangers I am concerned about with where I live and people not respecting my wishes/needs... Not understanding. I'm not sure how to deal with this situation.
I started T at work.
When my voice started getting deeper I got a few people asking if I was sick. After that I just got.. have you been working out? Did you get a hair cut?
Basically people could see that I looked a little different, but couldn't pin point it. Transgender is so far off most peoples radars.
I'm similar with Norbert.
I'm 3 and a half months on T and I experienced my changes way sooner than expected. I work in an office (that I've been in for almost 2 years) and only 1 of my co-workers (who is also one of my closest friends) knows. For the most part I pass at least 80% of time in public. I've passed to people who have even seen my id (buying alcohol) and continued to use male pronouns. My voice has gotten A LOT deeper and people will come in the office and I'll pass to them in front of my colleagues and I won't correct them. I'll make phone calls and confuse people haha I actually get a kick out of it, I've always liked to f*** with people.
I went for like a month and a half without seeing my boss, changed a lot and she didn't say a thing- no one has said a thing! hahaha and they all know me as female- so at least you're already stealth! If you see people daily, the voice change and everything may be so gradual no one will probably notice.