Hey all. I've spent a lot of time thinking about myself and gender identity over the past year, and I've mostly got stuff figured out, but there's an important question I still have that I'd appreciate advice on.
How different is wanting to be a boy actually different from feeling like one?
I've wanted to be a boy ever since I can remember, and the feeling hasn't gone away. I feel comfortable presenting as male online, and once I manage to get a haircut, I know I'd like to try passing in public. However, most of the time I don't actually feel like a boy. Usually, I don't feel like anything, but the feeling of wanting to be a boy persists.
On occasion, though, I will feel like a boy, and those times are the only ones when I actually feel confident in myself. It's ridiculous—I never knew what it was like to really feel happy and confident in who I am until I realized this. I'm able to look at myself, say "I'm a guy," and actually believe it, and it's great. Unfortunately, the majority of the time, I don't feel like this (when it does happen, it's mostly random), though I definitely wish I did.
Has this ever happened to any of you guys? From what I've seen, it seems like most people just know that they're their gender mentally, and the problem comes with physical aspects. Any advice?
Thanks.
Ian
I'm going speak from my own experience so this may not be the truth for everybody. Anyway, I've always felt dysphoric about my gender and always assumed it was because I was really a boy inside. But I've comed to question the reasons behind my dysphoria and I'm fairly convinced today that it's because of the very binary world we live in and especially the very binary upbringing I had. We live in a world where men are supposed to be a certain way and women another totally different way. If you don't follow the rules because they don't feel like you, then you suck. And the majority of people are going to make you feel like you suck at being female. This made me very distressed and I thought from a very young age that I must really be a boy, since a was so terrible at being a girl. And since I'm really a boy, then I should be physically male. This is where my physical dysphoria started. My female body was stopping me from being myself, so i started to hate it. Problem was it didn't stop me from being myself, i just hadn't learned about the butch and tomboy women yet. But by the time I did I had identified as male for so long it took me years to let go of it.
My point is that you should ask yourself weather you would still transition if you could be exactly the same person you feel you are inside but in a female body? And you should ask yourself why you have physical dysphoria, if you have it. Is it because you feel it trappes you in a gender role that is wrong for you?
Of course you could just be trans but it's important to ask yourself this questions before you do something you might regret.
Ps. Ignore that it says ftm in my profile, I identify as tomboyish female now.
Hello Ian,
Speaking only from my personal experience, I never really felt a disconnect about feeling male and being male. Growing up I never felt any sense of problems with my gender identity. I did not identify as female, in elementary I always played with other boys and never thought twice about it. It wasn't until society's expectations and binary gender roles began to creep in did I start feeling different. Then puberty hit and my body simply "betrayed" me, I began to feel confused and it didn't make sense to me because I did not understand, or fully grasp, that my true self was not congruent with my physical body.
I began to evolve and dig deep to understand. I embraced my masculinity and identified as a butch lesbian but still, did not feel right. Because in the end, lesbian is a female. No matter how much I embraced my masculinity I was still identifying as female and it felt so off. But then I met a trans woman and instantly became enthralled with learning about her and her journey. It was like I found a kindred soul. I began to look into this whole new world I knew nothing about... transgender was a word which I never even contemplated. As I began to research it and reach out to trans guys through forums it felt like I had come home.
I always felt male, and never knew I had the option to be physically male. But in my mind it was never a question of "being" male, it was more along the lines of making my body present as the male I am.
But as DB mentioned, a lot of times we may feel pressured to identify as male... simply because the gender norms of female do not "fit" you therefore by default you may think you must be male, etc.
I wish I were physically male, but although I'm female bodied, it doesn't make me feel female. In my dreams I also present as male. :)
Hope this is helpful.
Nico
Quote from: DeadBoy on June 12, 2012, 09:23:36 AM
Ps. Ignore that it says ftm in my profile, I identify as tomboyish female now.
Good points, DeadBoy. Soul searching to see what we can live with and what we can't is always good before transition. Gender roles can be stifling, trans or not.
Would you like the 'FtM' part changed in your profile?
Quote from: Forum Admin on June 12, 2012, 12:00:30 PM
Good points, DeadBoy. Soul searching to see what we can live with and what we can't is always good before transition. Gender roles can be stifling, trans or not.
Would you like the 'FtM' part changed in your profile?
Yes, please :)
Thanks in advance
Hi Ian. I feel similar. There are some times when I feel like a guy and I feel confident and happy. Then there are times when I don't, but I want to. I think (and I'm still searching) that I am genderfluid. The reason I feel so good as a guy is because it feels good to acknowledge that part of myself. I feel whole. I think the reason I want to be a guy is because I want to feel like that all the time. Right now, my main problem is being ok with the fact that I am not always a guy.
That's just my experience though. It might be something different for you.