Is it weird I'm feminine, bi, and a transman? My friends ask why bother if I'm just going to act like a girl, why not just stay a girl...
But I don't act like a girl, I'm just light hearted and sensitive and attracted to men and women
Please don't tell me I'm the only one
You are far from tbeing the only transman on here who is bi or gay and feminine. I know many IRL too.
I just randomly checked my Facebook and I guess it's called hate mail, hate inbox but woah it mean I was like omg
I just don't get how people can be so mean
I mean I hardly ever even slightly raise my voice just so I won't seem mean or rude
I may be perverted and morbidly humorous but I don't understand hateful, mean things and words
Tigger!
Okay, so really you're not the only one.
http://femmeftm.tumblr.com/ (http://femmeftm.tumblr.com/)
Boom. Enjoy.
It's about who you are, hon. Not how you are. You can't stay a girl if you're not a girl. Because it just isn't who you are. It's like asking a tiger shark to be a swordfish just because it swims in the ocean.
People who hate in this way often feel threatened. Something about the way you express yourself makes them question themselves and have to re-examine things they thought they knew about who they are as people. They need a target to take this out on, and who better than that which shakes up their comfortable status quo.
Putting aside the trans prefix for a moment. There are many men who are both feminine in the way they express themselves, and bisexual. It doesn't make them any less a man, and any less comfortable with being a man. It's just the way they interact with the world. And it's not wrong because they're men. It just is how it is. Some guys are machismo personified, and some guys are more sensitive, in touch with their emotions. That's one of the beauties of this world - that everyone isn't the same. And rather than hated, it should be celebrated.
Don't let it get to you, hon. There are those who link the physical body with the mental 'everything else' and make assumptions because they just don't know any better. That isn't your fault. *hug*
Thank you everyone. ^-^ I just get riled up easy sometimes
I'm too nice and sweet for my own good, so says my brother
Quote from: -JR- on June 20, 2012, 09:09:06 AMWhy does my body dysphoria not matter? This body I'm living is wrong.
I think the issue is that body image and social role are different things. If you transition, people expect you to fit more in the new social role than the old one, not just have the new body.
If you tell people that you only want to transition because you don't like your body, then you make it sound like it's just a purely cosmetic preference. And cosmetic choices are not that high on the list of society's respected things. If that's all transition meant, you could say that some people have successfully transitioned to lizards and cheetahs. :P It doesn't fit their behavior or the essence of who they are though.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.exposix.com%2Ffiles%2Fans_attachments%2F96264_lizardman.jpg%3Fw%3D380%26amp%3Bh%3D556&hash=aa01092f295cdbd0c87bbbd148226505bed9bfcd)
Still a mammal. The changes are cosmetic only, nobody would think of this man as an actual lizard. There is too obvious of a difference in who and what they are, in terms of their behavior. (I'm just using that to show a more obvious example of this idea)
And just for reference I am not trying to deny your transition or something... I'm just saying, this is what normal people think when they hear the words "femme FTM." It sounds like an oxymoron because femininity is used to generalize and describe what
females are like. Like it or not, it is hard to convince people that a cosmetic change is really a legitimate reason to let people into new bathrooms, new social groups, new legal status, etc. :-X
No, it's not at all uncommon, if that's what you mean. Weird, well I haven't fit the social standards for normality my whole life and I am not about to try now. But there is a huge range in the trans community. It's called "trans" gender (means beyond, thru, across, etc.).
For myself, I identify as genderqueer but have dysphoria not just for my chest but downstairs as well (though I don't seem to have as much dysphoria, if you can rank it, as some people here). I am trying to present more masculine. I don't think I am either a guy or gal. This is just as trans as someone who was born a gal and believes himself to be a guy.
Complex stuff this is. You might enjoy reading the androgyne board, though you don't actually sound androgyne. But yeah there are femme guys.
Welcome to the rainbow!
--Jay Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on June 20, 2012, 12:00:10 PM
No, it's not at all uncommon, if that's what you mean. Weird, well I haven't fit the social standards for normality my whole life and I am not about to try now. But there is a huge range in the trans community. It's called "trans" gender (means beyond, thru, across, etc.).
For myself, I identify as genderqueer but have dysphoria not just for my chest but downstairs as well (though I don't seem to have as much dysphoria, if you can rank it, as some people here). I am trying to present more masculine. I don't think I am either a guy or gal. This is just as trans as someone who was born a gal and believes himself to be a guy.
Complex stuff this is. You might enjoy reading the androgyne board, though you don't actually sound androgyne. But yeah there are femme guys.
Welcome to the rainbow!
--Jay Jay
I tried reading what you wrote but .. The kitty distracted me lol
But I'm not sure what androgyne is.
An androgyne is someone who does not relate to the binary definition of gender. There are a lot of different possibilities (there are other terms like gender variant, genderqueer, non-binary, bigender, agender, gender bender, gender fluid, etc.). People might feel that they are somewhere between being male or female; that they don't know what gender means in some deep way; that they feel one gender one day and another another day, etc etc.
From susans' gender wiki:
An androgyne is a person who does not fit cleanly into the typical masculine and feminine gender roles of their society. Much in the same way as androgyny, androgyne can be used in two related ways: on the one hand, to refer to someone whose gender role or presentation is not typically masculine or feminine, and on the other hand to someone who claims a gender identity outside male and female.
Susan's has as really nice wiki that you can look stuff like that up. It's a great resource.
There is an Androgyne subforum where people discuss such stuff. Some people participating do see themselves ftm or mtf but find aspects of the discussion relevant to their situation.
--Jay Jay
Your not alone, I am and meet alot of femmenine ftm's.
in my world I just try to ignore the genderoles,
What is maculine and femenine depends on your culture.
You can live somewhere and then travel somewhere ells, and everything would be turned up side down for how men and woman are suposed to look and act.
To be honest I wont say I am that femenine, its something I got put on because, of the prejugdes of how a guy should act,
as a girl I would be decribed boyish" but not as a guy.. No NO.. you need to be macho..
Even when passing I'm mistaken for a girl
I've once wrapped two or three ace bandages (meant for ankles and wrists; I had many on hand, I got in fights so often, if something wasn't broken, it was sprained lol) and I'd use a sock to pack
But I have such long eyelashes and big blue eyes, everyone would call me miss
I'd feel so embarrassed and I'd giggle and whimper at the same time kinda
I just posted that in the wrong thread, damn iPad ...
My friends call me flamboyant and sweet.. Not kind sweet but lollipop sweet? My gay friends confuse me... I mean I love them but damn those boys are so confusing. I'm very feminine. Lol
well somethimes whats makes us pass or not is a mysterium. I havent pack for a long time and somethimes im wearing tight jeans and still been passing for a guy, even when its like totally clear I dont have anything downstairs..
--
Got pretty much same problem, those big "pretty" eyes.
its a pain to be "pretty"
its harder to pass because you look so girly innocent and sweet,
and when guys talk to me, they think im like a young innocent twink and then they call me "cute"
I HATE being called cute.. -__-
---
I never got called flamboyant (I dont think so?(translate the word in head*) but pretty much everyone belive me to be gay at first sign, and one of my friend have called me a "walking-rainbow- flag*" should say something
in my female body at present, i'm strictly lesbian. but i am attracted to men as a man. so as i get further along with my transitioning, i shall be a bi male. but i'm not feminine at all. so yeah. lol. i mostly empathize. :)
I am not overly feminine myself but i have some cis male friends who are super feminine so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Some people just see things as black and white male and female and don't realize they are missing out on 95 percent of the world. Though i did have a harder time with people being dumb back in high school it gets better. good luck with everything.
A lot of people have a lot of ideas about how things should be, but many of them come from mental places that they find personally relevant. It takes a certain maturity to accept those differences as valid, and even more to celebrate them as one of the wonderful enriching parts of society. Some people are ignorant, but feel free to be who you are and what you want to be. It's your life, after all. People have also chided me about transitioning when I've always liked boys but relationships as a "girl" weren't personally fulfilling to me. It wasn't until later that I realised that gender identity and sexual orientation were two different concepts. I don't act overly effeminate because I'm not, but I read fanfiction and I run around crossdressing to play a film character once a month.
Being trans has introduced me (or further immersed me) in the idea that there isn't always a simple black and white and that the same things are interpreted differently by people because we're different.
You are not the only one. I squeal in the most manly fashion at adorable baby animals and I giggle like a rabid school girl sometimes. Ask my husband. I am sooo not manly. I even coo at our baby ball python, and I am totally okay with this. Its like saying a lady can't be interested in cars without being a lesbian. I know plenty of straight ladies who love cars. Like my childhood friend - she nerds all over 1970s mustangs and reads about engine mechanics for fun. I also don't buy into the idea that someone can't be into "girly" or "manly" things if they are transitioning. Hobbies and enjoyments are not gendered IMHO.
That being said, it is about what makes you happy. Don't worry about fitting into a box or a label, just be you. The rest will follow naturally.
Quote from: jasper3 on June 20, 2012, 02:41:17 PM
Even when passing I'm mistaken for a girl
Contradiction of the day.
Quote from: jasper3 on June 20, 2012, 08:41:13 AM
Is it weird I'm feminine, bi, and a transman? My friends ask why bother if I'm just going to act like a girl, why not just stay a girl...
But I don't act like a girl, I'm just light hearted and sensitive and attracted to men and women
Please don't tell me I'm the only one
As a girl I'm actually into a particular guy at the moment precisely because he's sensitive and thinks so much like a girl, so he understands me so very well. (He's just a straight cis guy by the way)
I much rather prefer sensitive guys over macho guys, and I think so do many others.
Now if only more guys were sensitive and understanding...
Quote from: Ayden on June 20, 2012, 10:30:08 PM
You are not the only one. I squeal in the most manly fashion at adorable baby animals and I giggle like a rabid school girl sometimes. Ask my husband. I am sooo not manly. I even coo at our baby ball python, and I am totally okay with this. Its like saying a lady can't be interested in cars without being a lesbian. I know plenty of straight ladies who love cars. Like my childhood friend - she nerds all over 1970s mustangs and reads about engine mechanics for fun. I also don't buy into the idea that someone can't be into "girly" or "manly" things if they are transitioning. Hobbies and enjoyments are not gendered IMHO.
That being said, it is about what makes you happy. Don't worry about fitting into a box or a label, just be you. The rest will follow naturally.
I love cars, I helped one of my step dads build a 1950 Chevy Pickup and helped him remove the engine to his Classic Chevrolet Cadillac
But I also would like to dye my hair black and get a single streak of pinkish red or purplish blue and I love cosplaying as C.C. From code geass cuz she's so badass (my next might be Dante from dmc4)
And I love pandas and moe anime
But I'm still as much of a guy as any other cismale who loves the same things I do me and my best friend Farrell fanboy over yaoi and pandas
Quote from: Natkat on June 20, 2012, 04:46:33 PM
well somethimes whats makes us pass or not is a mysterium. I havent pack for a long time and somethimes im wearing tight jeans and still been passing for a guy, even when its like totally clear I dont have anything downstairs..
--
Got pretty much same problem, those big "pretty" eyes.
its a pain to be "pretty"
its harder to pass because you look so girly innocent and sweet,
and when guys talk to me, they think im like a young innocent twink and then they call me "cute"
I HATE being called cute.. -__-
---
I never got called flamboyant (I dont think so?(translate the word in head*) but pretty much everyone belive me to be gay at first sign, and one of my friend have called me a "walking-rainbow- flag*" should say something
I get macho gay guys hitting on me when I would try passing with two ace bandages and a sock and I'm called a twink...
I don't mind being called "cute" I just don't like girly nicknames or cutesy stuff like getting a pink toy I'd rather a guy flirt with me with a video game in hand lol but anyway I think flamboyant means.. "Outrageous or brightly coloured and attracting lots of attention"
Quote from: jasper3 on June 21, 2012, 02:23:11 AM
I get macho gay guys hitting on me when I would try passing with two ace bandages and a sock and I'm called a twink...
I don't mind being called "cute" I just don't like girly nicknames or cutesy stuff like getting a pink toy I'd rather a guy flirt with me with a video game in hand lol but anyway I think flamboyant means.. "Outrageous or brightly coloured and attracting lots of attention"
Well Dante is at least NOT anything girly XD his pretty badass.
--
yeah, I just didnt know how I should translate flamboyant into my languarge, to know if I ever got called that word.
Im not from an english speaking country, so when I say people call me "cute" they usunally dont call me "cute" but they call me something who in english would be translated to "cute"
To be honest I dont think we got a word who is all simular to "flamboyant"... the closest would probably be "dramaqueen or gay-acting" but I got called a walking-rainbow-flag that much be a pretty good translation to flamboyant XD LOL
I wear neon colours and dye my hair at least 3 times a year if not more and I wear pretty coordinated outfits lol not like other guys who just "throw something on"
To hell with 'em, man. I had a lot of people ask the same question to me initially, some people just aren't going to get it regardless unfortunately.
I wear makeup often enough to be notable, spend excess money on ->-bleeped-<- for my hair (including synth hair extensions and stuff of that sort), watch Golden Girls way more than anyone ever should and occasionally help my mom pick out outfits.
And that's just me, my cis boyfriend does bellydance, watches chick flicks, loves baking and wears dresses sometimes. I think the mark of a "real man" is a guy who does whatever he wants, for himself, whether its working on cars or wearing sequined red shorts (one of the many festive things in le boyfriend's closet).
gender and sexual orientation have nothing to do with anything.
men like men
women like women
men like women
women like men
men like women and men
women like men and women
what you feel your gender is on the inside, has nothing to do with who you're attracted to. :)
Cisgendered guys can be as effeminate as they want to be and have whatever sexual orientation and they're still guys. In my opinion, trans guys aren't any different.
My brother and my son both have blue eyes and long eyelashes and my brother likes to wear colourful clothes (he had bright purple shoes last time I saw him).