Hi, not my first time being in this forum (i get linked here though google alot :P ) but first time posting, Im 23 years old going on 24 in oct. and i finally told my my mom im transgender. Since Ive always been afraid to say anything face to face with her about it (im awkward in social situations anyways) I told her on Facebook while visiting my dad. Well at first she seemed very supportive, surprisingly, but after that initial message the conversation went on.....
To get to the point I don't know if i went about telling her the right way, but i would like to post the conversation of how things went on FB chat.
(Note the first message initially telling her im transgender i deleted because i didn't realize it only deleted "my copy" lol)
Me: (the message about being transgender i included a link to wiki incase she didn't understand what transgender means)
Me: mom?
Her:
Hey I'm sorry the storms here were so bad, internet service went out. I kinda knew about that. I was just waiting for you to figure it out. There's nothing wrong with you. If you want to see a therapist, thats ok, but your best way of coping/dealing with this is to find/ or be around others of the same mind set. It wont be easy. I'll be here to help you with what ever you need.
20 hours ago
Her:
does your dad know?
15 hours ago
Me:
no
14 hours ago
Me:
im not going to tell him while im here
Im just sick of faking things and ive been depressed i think because im so uncomfortable with myself. but yea i would like to see a therapist and i might need some help with some clothes? thanks mom i love you
7 hours ago
Her:
We will work thru this. I don;t think ur transgender. I think that ur something else and ur not sure what! Maybe Gay? Maybe just a cross dresser? I don't know. WE WILL work thru this What ever u need we will get r done. lol
7 hours ago
Me:
I am transgender ive identified myself with a girl for a LONG time since about 9 years old, im just tired of hiding it im sure its hard to accept but ive done alot of research on this and thought about it along time thats why i want to see a therapist.
6 hours ago
Her:
really , ! since 9 yrs. old?
6 hours ago
Me:
thats about the earliest memory yea
6 hours ago
Her:
soo what do u want to do?
6 hours ago
Me:
idk what should i do?
6 hours ago
Her:
what do u want the next step to be?
u have to decide what u want
where do u want to go from here?
a therapist is gonna ask u the same questions
6 hours ago
Me:
im sure
6 hours ago
Her:
well?
6 hours ago
Me:
a little easier to tell a therapist i want to be a female than my mom
6 hours ago
Her:
just think of me as ur tharapist/
6 hours ago
Me:
lol
well ive told u the majority what do you think i should do
6 hours ago
Her:
i
6 hours ago
Me:
well if i see a therapist and he agrees he will prescribe me hormone replacement therapy
just say what u want mom i wont get mad at you
im sure this isnt easy for you
but think how i feel
6 hours ago
Her:
i'm not an expert on these matters. I don't judge/ WHAT Do YOU WANT?
really?
6 hours ago
(she logs off here because i get nervous and cant find the words to say)
Me:
i don't know mom maybe im just confused it feels like something i really want, but i don't want to alienate myself from my family, i shared this with you because i wanted to know what you thought. (she hasn't read this one yet, I regret this one, i feel like i kinda backtracked)
3 hours ago
If you actually took the time to read all that thank you! I just want to know if i went about this the right way? What could i have said differently? What can i tell her now? I don't expect it to be easy but this is what i truly want.
Sounds like your mom is being supportive and wants to help :) The first logical step is to see a gender therapist and then take it one step at a time
hi, actually it reminds me partly of my own conversation I had with my mum, about me being Transgendered. Nope, you said everything I think how I said it TBH, I am not sure there is even a 'right' way of saying it either.
My mum said the same things.. she thought I was gay too, but she is old school anyway and doesn't understand much about this sort of thing. Its pretty typical she would think that, but on a plus side, she does at least confirm her thoughts or understanding of the fact, that you at least seem like a girl in some way. Even though she, like my mum has a pretty narrow field of view with it.
I think you will be fine though, just don't go too full on about it with her, and she will be fine and will come around. She looks like she wants to support you, so just explain what it is you want to do next about this.
Good luck hun !
Catherine.
Quote from: jessigurl on June 28, 2012, 03:46:01 AM
I just want to know if i went about this the right way? What could i have said differently? What can i tell her now? I don't expect it to be easy but this is what i truly want.
Welcome to Susan's.
I don't think there's a right way and wrong way to tell people who love you about issues you are having, transgender or other. You just tell them and if they love you they go about the process of accepting and supporting you. Sounds like your mom cares about you, but the full force of her support won't come over the course of one conversation but over the course of the coming days, weeks, and months as you work out what being transgender means to you both.
Just be honest and make it easier for her to do the same.
Good luck and hugs.
your mom sounds like she is not comfortable and she is trying to get you to commit to a course of action right now.
This is a red flag.
Do not be surprised if she turns on you.
*hugs* You did what is best, I think you handled it was well as you could. I hope the best and that everything works out. Just keep strong and firm in your beliefs =]
I did it. So, i don't communicate with parents no longer. They think, I'm gay and sick
Hi Jessigurl, I think whatever happens it is vital you see a therapist. Remember it may take some time to find a therapist you can work with. Not all therapists are equal. Don't give up and if the therapist is good, they will give you the tools to deal with your family. A good therapist is irreplaceable !
Good luck to you.
Tanya
Thanks for all the support! She was really cool with it and agreed to take me to a gender therapist, of which im currently looking (i made a new post)
Btw how do i change my profile pic? i have a really cute pic but cant figure out how to do it =(
You need 15 posts to make changes to your profile and put up an avatar :)
My first post!! ;D
I'm in a similar situation but with my father.
I came out to my parents three days ago. My mother said she always though I was different and she will always support me. She seems quite happy with the situation but my father is shocked and thinks it's just a phase. He told me not to explain it to anybody even to my cousins until I visit a psychiatrist.
I understand the situation and I think it's rational but I'm afraid that even the psychiatrist diagnoses me he keeps on thinking it's just a whim :'(
It sounds like she is dealing with this much as someone who is grieving a death. I think that is not necessarily a bad thing, she may come around in time.
First she is denying it and then she is bargaining (maybe you are gay or a cross dresser). She isn't farther along than that in the conversation, but this may take a long time. Laura's playground has a very active parent forum and even live chats, you might see if she would be interested in this.
Though she might not be ready yet.
http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php? (http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?)
I think it is too early to assume she won't ever support you. She might not but I don't think you can tell yet.
--Jay Jay