I feel that one of the most painful things for me is , that I was not raised as a girl and a girl.
that's something I could not never experience in age 31 and i will never fully overcome this.
I also realized that sometimes trans feel discomfort talking with women, even ones that accept you and understand there will always be a gap between us and them.
I know I should accept myself with all my faults and different, but it still hurts and will hurt the future.
Maybe if I grow a daughter, then it will give me experience a bit of growing up as female ...
I remember in movie about the first trans who had the SRS surgery like the French Cocsinel,
All of them said they donn't feel real women but as transgenders .
Maybe besides the inability to give birth, the reason is the one I mentioned.
I wonder how those who really feel the change as children and were then able to live as women with a partner
Not really, it bothers me more when I look at teenage girls. My childhood was happy, things didn't go downhill until I hit puberty.
My experience was similar Trista. I watched my own children grow up, and as I didn't really differentiate between boys and girls when I was young, don't feel I missed out there. I have to admit to the odd pang of jealousy when I see teenagers though.
Puberty was the start of the downhill slide for me. I would have much preferred my teenage years as a girl. True I almost certainly would have had a hard time as a young dykelet in the late 60's and early 70's, but that would have been preferable to what I went through.
Karen.
Short answer yes I miss all the things that go along with gowing up as a GG. A kinda of a disclaimer to this post though as I just came to the truth to myself I haven't done anything yet so those feelings might change.
Yes I do.. Alot and it hurts! I have a huge problem with this actually and it has made me to "chase" my childhood in adulthood. That is trying to replicate events etc... Not fun at all :(.
I grew up on the countryside so I moved to a similar area not far from my previous home, I was at a farm as a kid and therefore bought a farm.
I really need to get past that dream to revive my childhood and make it right.. Because it will never happen and I know it! But still I try..
The feeling is hard to describe.. But if I would try I would do it like this "It feels like someone stole my childhood and I had to stand in a corner and watch".
Ok this sounds really weird but I did seek help so atleast I do something about it.
In response to the thread's title...
Yes. Very much so.
Sad? No, because it is what it is. But I do miss not having grown up as a little girl.
No, not sad and really, I rarely think about how I grew up, I see it as a waste of time and I've had to let a lot of stuff that happened go and the best way to keep it gone is not to dwell on it.
Hate to admit this but yeah, I have always been very jealous of girls. There was a time when i was younger; before the gender roles weren't that important where i was basically a girl. I used to dress up, play with dolls, have loads of female friends, even had a boyfriend. Then after a while this behaviour became unacceptable and i was forced into boring boy stuff! So yeah i feel like i missed out, especially since these issues caused me to have severe depression, and made me very isolated.
No.
I find that since I have been living as a woman (not as trans) that I picked up where I began living (as me).
So no... I don't pine for past experiences. I focus on the present and on my goals.
No, not so much. Actually I was more sad about the missing teens but have moved past that now. My life is really good now so I tend to focus more on that. Besides, there's so much interesting stuff to fill ones life with that's not related to sex/gender. Life is so much more than being a woman or a man.
Maybe they are jelous of us who transitioned!
Never feel you missed something because others might feel they missed being YOU !
Quote from: Amazon D on July 08, 2012, 07:23:08 AM
Maybe they are jelous of us who transitioned!
Never feel you missed something because others might feel they missed being YOU !
When I first came out and started transition I had a really good friend that actually told me she was a bit jealous of me. Her own life was one of problems and lacked a sense of purpose and direction. At the time I thought it was preposterous, but now almost a decade later my life has blossomed while hers has spiraled down into a cesspool of alcohol/drug addiction and psychiatric problems.
I think it's very common for us who are trans to feel we are victims of the cruel cruel universe, but the fact of the matter is that so many people are far worse of than us. I'm certainly not happy about being the way I am an the things I have missed, but life is in fact pretty good.
For me personally being trans has it's silver lining. I'm a sucker for the unusual. I think unique and rare experiences are among the true fruits of life, and the unique perspective I have gained from my transition and the somewhat unusual life I have lived is very valuable to me. It makes the inside of my head a very very interesting place. It's a great place to "live" and I enjoy myself very much with my thoughts and intellect. To me being trans is a bit like being able to see a color no one else can see.
As for my friend I feel very sad and I miss her very much and I often think of her and wonder if she is still alive. For a time she was one of my very best friends and part of the entourage of female friends I had through my transition. To me they were worth their weight in gold in the way they included me as one of them.
just yesterday we went to our neighbors for a BBQ, they had their granddaughters over for the summer, ages 15, 11 and 8, well behaved very pretty blond girls, reminded me so much of my girls when they were that age and I really miss that time!
Its was nice to see such polite young ladies and yes in the back of my mind it kind of makes me sad that I was stuck in "boy mode" growing up :( but my sister and I when we were young had a very good childhood regardless of my issue...I was a tall blond cute boy to to others but I really wanted to be a tall blond cute girl instead....oh well, at least now I can be a tall blond, uh..."older" girl
since very early in my childhood I learn to constantly fantasize about my daily experiences, so there was never a real experience that did not have a cognate made-up one; the memories are vivid and real to me, both the real and the imagined.
Nice coping mechanism, eh?
Quote from: peky on July 08, 2012, 11:56:00 AM
since very early in my childhood I learn to constantly fantasize about my daily experiences, so there was never a real experience that did not have a cognate made-up one; the memories are vivid and real to me, both the real and the imagined.
Nice coping mechanism, eh?
absolutley!! I had a great imagination and I used it well :) when alone in private my whole mannerisms change to "all girl" always have since a young age!
Yes. I really wanted to have that experience, the friends, the girly talk and all that goes with being a teenager and normal development.
It is so difficult when you try to be stealth and not have those experiences to relate to.
Caroline
Whilst I didn't grow up as a girl, I was regarded as the quirky guy who was included in the 'girl talk'. I got to have a female adolescence, albeit a vicarious one, so I'm not sure I missed a whole lot..
I tend to get very jealous and slightly catty towards some girls that I meet because they were born how I feel.
Quote from: kelly_aus on July 09, 2012, 06:50:52 AM
Whilst I didn't grow up as a girl, I was regarded as the quirky guy who was included in the 'girl talk'. I got to have a female adolescence, albeit a vicarious one, so I'm not sure I missed a whole lot..
Yep,that was me also ;)
The girls always let me into their circles from when I was young to even today, it feels so natural to me and even some of my female friends say the same thing even though I'm in boy mode at the time...at least I have all that, it's not all bad.
When my daughters were younger I was always driving them and there friends everywhere and taking them shopping etc. even into their teens. None of their friends minded at all as I sort of had a better understanding of them than any of the parents ;)
My parents were accepting of me the way I was. They didn't try to force me into meathead sports or ritual hunting of animals, and they didn't mind that I spent almost every Sunday of my childhood playing make-believe games with a girl. So there I think i got a fair dose of girl-upbringing without even knowing it. My teenage years were terrible, I just had no idea why.
Young women in their early twenties make me feel a bit sad. They make me wish I had sorted things out ten years earlier than I did.
I am surrounded by females all day every day and its hard to not think of my past the whys and why nots, sometimes inner child work can help, it brought me to my knees its not for everyone, but i found a way to become more at ease with myself.
:)
I miss it, but only in a non-painful way. I muse often on how it would have been had I been able to experience my total life as a girl....a womyn. I'm not jealous, exactly, but yes......it's something I missed out on. And looking back is waay different for me, as I began transition at 54 (yeah....old ts dude!) But then, I am who I am, and also who I was. I have a very close bond to my wife/partner, and my family, and that would all have been different if I had a different past. I'm 61 yr older womyn and have a long time in front of me.
Soooo............looking at all the younger girls and womyn I could have been, and grokking the gestalt, I am who I want to be. I am free. However I got out of the cage, I'm free, no shoulda, woulda, coulda allowed. I'm out, and have my partner and (most) family intact. Once free, there's no real point looking back.
Hi,
To live as a boy or girl had no impact on myself as a kid. i was different to start with in how my brain is hard wired,
As a kid i was not forced in any particula way & really most of the time i was happy & known as the kid who was allways smileing.
So was i a boy or girl i did not see boy or girl. i did not think as one or the other, i was 10 when i knew what i was. intersexed,
My Mom was neat i was allowed to be my self & do those things i liked , yes well still had to help out in the house washing day get the copper going & hand wring the hot steaming clothes out hard work for a kid, well just Mom & i , till her Mom & Dad came to stay with us for 7 years, health issues,
No i did not miss out ether way.
Jos & i have had our 3 kids two boys & a girl all grown up of cause & with there own.
My only regret would be i could never carry my own child . So Jos has done that yea i know its not the same , Kaylyn gave birth to 4 kid'es & one is very close to me that was 9y 6m's ago,
so shes very special to me as in shes my child i could never have,
So over all iv been blessed in so many ways were i lack its been made up to me over the last 18 years, in more ways than could have been , had i just been ....only..... a female .
my disadvantage not being ether a male or female , my advantage has been being born both male & female at birth. being around me now youd see only a female / woman , so yes its pretty good,
...noeleena...
I am
I think what i wish i could have experienced most is the daddy daughter bond that could have been.
I have an okay relationship with my dad now (finally) but growing up was very difficult and i can't help to question how different things would have been if gender was such a crucial part of my life being transexual
Yes it would have been wonderful to grow up and experience that part of life. I just embrace life for what it is now and enjoy being able to come out.
Sometimes, when I see a young girl, I do feel a bit sad that I missed out on that. As a child, I used to want to play with the girls, to play house and such, but I had fun playing with the boys. But I missed out on cute dresses, girly movies, and other little girl desires that I had to hide and pretend wasn't there.
Quote from: asi on July 07, 2012, 06:11:11 AM
I feel that one of the most painful things for me is , that I was not raised as a girl and a girl.
I second that.
I often wished I had experienced childhood as a girl.
Of course, but I think it saddened me more when I watch documentaries where young children come out to their parents and their parents take them to see gender therapists. I wish my mum did the same and I was given the chance to be who I am, instead of being forced to be a boy.... We can all hope and wish that things should have been in a certain way, but start thinking of the present and work towards a wonderful future :)
Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on July 07, 2012, 06:31:15 AM
Not really, it bothers me more when I look at teenage girls. My childhood was happy, things didn't go downhill until I hit puberty.
X10,000,000
It's teenage girls and young women...and it is driven by jealousy. I started really hating my body when puberty started and I didn't have those female experiences. I wasn't able to have my first prom dress, try out for the cheerleaders, have that engagment shower...the list goes on.
But I am finally at a point to where I embrace my opportunity NOW to do the things women my age are doing...I have really surprised myself at just how some of the non-glamorous things have really been enjoyable for me. :)
Not really. My childhood was bad and the same exact bad things would.still have happened. All in all my life is ok now and I have people that love and support me so I'm happy :)
Yes and no.
For a time I did want to but curcumstances changed when my mum died when I was nine, I am sure she would have supported me as she knew from an early age about my GID and we talked about it more than a few times as she mentioned this idea of becoming a girl to me which at the time was incredible.
Then my world changed when my father returned from years overseas with work, who told my sister and I cold that he wished we had died in the same accident. Understandably I dont have a good relationship with him or care what he thinks. From about the age of 10 it was all about survival and escaping the situation which I did at 16. Sometimes it is more important to deal with the most serious issue first as it took me years to talk to someone about this and watching my mum die next to me, it tore me up keeping it secret for so long in many ways is as hard as talking about my GID issues. Yes what could have been but sadly was not.
Oh, I don't know. I was a very solitary child anyway. I mostly kept to myself and read books from a very early age. (I was reading at a fairly advanced level by first or second grade.) By the time I got to my teen years and junior high school, I had grown very close with my "posse" of girlfriends; there were 5 of us, me, Andi, Tammy, Debbie, and Alaine. We were inseparable for the 3 years of junior high. We hung out, listened to music, went to restaurants. The girls would often dress me up in their clothes; it was fun to us.
Things were difficult and relationships were distant in the house I grew up in. I grew up with a goal, a burning desire: to be a woman. I think that desire kept me focused as I moved into adulthood. My little sister had no focus, and she grew up to be a very young slut and a porn actress. Sometimes I think that I might have followed a similar path if I had been born cis-female.
I really like the woman I've grown up to be! I am very pleased with how my life has turned out.
Interestingly enough, with all of the fun I have these days playing with makeup, with my slender curvy body, my waist length pink, blue, purple, and black hair, and bangs to my eyelashes, my partner says that I look a lot like a Barbie Doll. She thinks that is why little girls are intrigued by and drawn to me everywhere I go. Whenever I see little girls, they just fixate on me; they are fascinated by me... they often stand and stare... I wish I knew what goes through their minds as they stare at me. My partner always says, "Little girls know a Barbie Doll when they see one." It just tickles me.
Sorry I'm invading your conversation, but I feel quite a resonance with the topic. Of course, only the opposite.
I always feel this strong surge of jealousy and sadness when I see little boys, because I feel like no matter what the future holds, I can never have those lost days back. The past will always be wrong, and I feel like I missed out and on an important part of my life. Hell, I'm still missing out on being a teenage guy as well. It's something that really bothers me. :(
I feel saddest seeing girls in their teens and early twenties (I'm 28 now). There is a lot of fun to be had in those years and I do feel like I missed out because of my gender incongruence. That said I try to accept it.
Quote from: glicious on July 18, 2012, 06:48:37 AM
Of course, but I think it saddened me more when I watch documentaries where young children come out to their parents and their parents take them to see gender therapists. I wish my mum did the same and I was given the chance to be who I am, instead of being forced to be a boy.... We can all hope and wish that things should have been in a certain way, but start thinking of the present and work towards a wonderful future :)
My Mum was very supportive and did suggest I see a gender therapist. I told her there was no cure and that they'd just tell me I was a freak (obviously I'd internalised the prejudice from society at large). and she left it as an open door. I really, really, really regret not taking her up on that offer. Single worst decision of my life.
I don't dwell on it, but I recognise that a different decision then would have likely made the rest of my life significantly better and easier.
Such is life. There's no point in dwelling on it, I just have to learn from that mistake and use it to inform my future decisions.
Yes at times I do feel bad about not having a normal female childhood.
I remember as a child being jealous of my sisters.
There is one vivid memory of them playing with dad.
I can even see myself standing near by and they had fun together.
It look like so much fun but I had to be a little man. :(
But most of the time I am just happy to be the women I have become.
If I hadn't went this route I wouldn't have become the person I am.
Well, I don't really have many memories of my childhood, so I don't think it matters how I grew up. It would have been nice, but it's not like I had a terrible childhood. Of course, growing up as a boy meant a lot of pain (BB tag, etc.), but it was still fun. On the bright side, I'll be one of the few girls who actually understands men seeing as to how I was raised as one.
Huh, I've been thinking about this for a while, actually.
Yes. I feel sadness when seeing little girls, wondering what I missed.
For me, I knew I was different at a very young age, probably 6 or 7. However, I didn't know HOW I was different. At the same time, I thought it was normal for little boys to wonder what it was like to be a little girl, and vice versa.
Anyway... I think that almost everyone has a bad teenager-hood. I don't really know anyone who didn't have a rough time during at least part of that awesome stretch of 9 years when they were a teen. For me, I binged on mountain dew, wasted my life on a computer, and generally didn't really GROW that much.
Oh and Hi. I'm... Back.
Not growing up as a girl? It does make me a little sad, and I do wish I could have experienced it. But, until I was about 7 years old, I grew up with only an older sister and we did play with Barbies and my little ponies, and played dress up (until my mom began discouraging it) and house. So I did have a bit of the experience. My problems really came in middle school, with puberty. So, sometimes, yes I do feel sad when I see the preteen and teenage girls, growing up, finding themselves, turning into women--just naturally and without any barriers. That it just happens for them, and they still have their best years ahead of them, has been a point of difficulty for me for some time. But as I have already spent a good amount of time trying to get over my past, for many other reasons than just my GID, I really mostly look forward to the future, and the transition ahead of me.
In a word: Yes!
C'est la vie, c'est le guerre. It's better to see the glass as half full. Regrets to the back of the bus. Onward, ever onward. Don't look back, something may be gaining on you.
I Played mums and dads etc as the mother or the girl character , since I made up the games for my 2 sisters and 2 brothers, I played with a purple and pink teddy bear , I did miss out on a lot, but as a kid I didn't take real notice since I did what i wanted. As for being jealous of teenage girls , I am but I'm not , being a quiet acting male that had to take in everything and not go through the teenage girl experience, which I watched with most girls at school and sisters e.c.t was so many dumb things , not envious really. Maybe I have a hint of jealous for fact I had poison running through me for which I have to do a lot of work to get rid of the effects. But overall not really jealous at all. - Worded better
Well, I've been thinking about it some more, and while I'm grateful for the fact that being raised as a boy gave me the life I have now, the friends I have now, and made me the person I am now, I honestly think it would have been nice and much easier if I were just born a girl and raised as such. So in a word, YES: I am jealous of little girls and even of teenage girls with all their drama, for some reason.
Yes, particularly because i went to a catholic school thru 7th grade where they separated us by gender for everything. Then i switched to public thru highschool where i just wished i was able to grow up like the girls i around me. I finally got smart and stopped wasting time but it still took me a while to accept myself. And thats what it sorta comes down to for me. At the end of the day i wasnt ready until i was. So it is what it is, just think of the future now
I'm sometimes intensely jealous of every little detail that I missed, every moment, every thing that most females take for granted, because everytime I saw a girl do this or that I felt this inner anger burning inside and it killed me then, and obviously still does. At least from time to time. Just the romantic things, or the more simple, day to day stuff. This dress, that summer vacation, the music festival that I would've like to go to the way I really am.
I only hope to be able to do these things in the future, and get rid of the burden as well as purely enjoy myself to the fullest. And kick some ass in the meantime.
Yes i do feel a little jealous. Growing up i did mostly girl things but i was a boy. Going through school they separated boys into one group girls into another and i felt like an outsider. I'm glad they dint do that in college, they do but its not like boys go into one group girls go into another and discuss your feelings and stuff.
oddly enough when i started accepting myself for who I really am, i went into a sort of "little girl mode" for some reason i started clutching my blanket my grandma gave me and my little dalmation named "major" (named after my childhood dog) and started speaking like a little girl, at least when I was all by myself in my room. I said words like "foo foo" and "everything had an s on the end and i was acting real strange and felt totally ultra femme, like someone hit me with a femme laser or something"
anyways that wore off now and im more like in my teenage mode now.
Quote from: Shawn Sunshine on September 01, 2012, 06:18:16 PM
oddly enough when i started accepting myself for who I really am, i went into a sort of "little girl mode" for some reason i started clutching my blanket my grandma gave me and my little dalmation named "major" (named after my childhood dog) and started speaking like a little girl, at least when I was all by myself in my room. I said words like "foo foo" and "everything had an s on the end and i was acting real strange and felt totally ultra femme, like someone hit me with a femme laser or something"
anyways that wore off now and im more like in my teenage mode now.
Well, you're probably just making up for lost time? I adopted some girly habits before I even accepted myself as trans. Heck, my favorite teddy bear is a giant 4.5 foot bear named Mr. Snuggles.
I bet He is snuggly soft" :laugh:
I do sleep with a cloth doll that I named Rachel.
She is about the size of a small baby and I love to fall asleep hugging her.
I would not want to go to bed without her.
Maybe it's the little girl in me that has missed so much of growing up.
Quote from: Shawn Sunshine on September 01, 2012, 06:37:37 PM
I bet He is snuggly soft" :laugh:
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He is soft. Whenever I play with my stuffed animals, I always feel like I'm filling a gap from my childhood, especially when I have tea parties. My little cousin let me wear the tiara. I felt like a princess ;D.
Do I think I missed out on anything? Yes.
Mostly the acceptance of children around me and family.
I was a ballet dancer and I was the only boy of the entire academy of about 500+, I had only about 3 friends (girls) and the rest looked down on me with disgust and rejected me solely because I was male. I was a "dirty trouble making boy" so the parents would say. When in fact I was very nice and friendly.
Even with my family, I was loud, hyper, curious and chatty. Everyone thought I was weird. VERY WEIRD. But I firmly believe if I was a little girl with long black hair and bangs it would have come across as charming and cute. I just feel like being a little boy made me weird, the fact that I wasn't a little girl was the problem.
I always thought that there were to many rules in being a boy, girls could do anything, act any way, wear whatever they wanted. I always felt left out.
Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on July 07, 2012, 06:31:15 AM
Not really, it bothers me more when I look at teenage girls. My childhood was happy, things didn't go downhill until I hit puberty.
I am in the same boat, I was always feminine but in a boyish way. Not hyper crazy funny voice.
Oddly enough guys in school sometimes felt this need to protect me O-o because I was tiny and innocent!
Puberty hit me like a bat though.... and I wish I could turn back time as a girl. I missed my life hiding myself, and now I am in my 20s and regret it.
I never had problems with people, I was still liked but I didn't like myself, I never felt comfortable with me.
I'm FTM, but I dislike small boys immensely. I wouldn't be surprised if that has something to do with it.
Well i kinda didnt know the difference of a boy and a girl till i started getting picked on in the third grade. Thats when it all went downhill . I thought i was a girl but my eyes was broke so i couldnt see my real self, so i thought. Lol. Even tho im nineteen, i still missed out on my first period and other girly things when i was younger...so yes...sometimes i do get sad.
Quote from: DianaP on September 01, 2012, 09:05:02 PM
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He is soft. Whenever I play with my stuffed animals, I always feel like I'm filling a gap from my childhood, especially when I have tea parties. My little cousin let me wear the tiara. I felt like a princess ;D.
I don't know how I missed this image, I used to have a snuggly buddy when I was like 6-8 years old! I lost most of them by taking them into the bath tub xD I cried when they were thrown out O-o on the inside. I was good at carnival games x3
Yes - Definitely without a doubt.
Teenage years were the worst - its like your life has been stolen from you...
PS: now I miss my old teddy bear :'( I used to love that thing and had it till I was 9-10.
Think I still had till a few years ago. Now I wanna go look for it.
Honestly, not really.
Today I actually really like who I'm becoming. I don't think I would be anywhere close to here had I grown up in the "right" all along. I'm a product of my past. There were definitely some bad moments growing up that left their mark on me. That said there were good ones too and I don't think that I'd want to give up those good memories. All together my past is what shaped me into me.
This is a very interesting conversation.
I remember that when I first started to transition, I always felt jealous of the things my Cis girlfriends talked about of growing up , their first kiss, discovering boys (and girls), girly things. Then one day one of my girlfriends suggested hypnotism. So I signed with this lady in North L:onion. I ended up having 10 sessions with her over many weeks. Basically she put me under and then put all these thoughts in my head of days growing up as a young girl. Many of these were her own experiences.
This all helped in my transition as I had these "implanted " memories and when later on being out with cis gendered women who only knew me as JudithLynn, I had "real" girly experiences to talk about.
Hugs
JudithLynn
You know I was thinking about this the other day. This used to be one of the killer dysphoric things for me, that even going full time didn't help. That and the whole not having a womb thing.
I had GRS in Montreal last May, and I realized the other day... I haven't had those feelings of missing out since then. And the womb thing. That is gone too. It surprises me actually, as I didn't think GRS would change how I felt about what I missed, but I suppose it's just feeling more at home with my body and my self, and feeling like I can just get on with my life now?
Either that or the whole distraction of dealing with healing (and all the other stupid stresses that have come into my life lately) gives me no time or energy to wonder what it would have been like! :P
Yes alot of the time, i daydream about it alot. Why did I have to be born in the wrong gender. "sigh"
Yes :embarrassed:
As long as they call me "Miss", I'm happy enough.
Yep. I think it's only natural to feel you've lost that. However, if you have nieces you can certainly jump in their play time and have fun!
That question is just plain wrong however you put it... If you had you simply wouldn't be who you are today so it's a nonsense. It's like asking a very tomboyish girl if she regret growing up with 3 brothers instead of 3 sisters you just don't do that.