Hey everyone,
I'm wondering how to come out to my dad, who's had a bypass surgery (his heart valves had to be replaced) without causing him to get a heart attack, or anything of the like? He doesn't have a clue (or maybe just the tiniest bit) and he's a very conservative, narrow-minded person when it comes down to such things. He's also prone to very dramatic reactions to any such 'important things'. It's also worth mentioning that he hasn't noticed any of my body developments from 9 months of HRT, even though I live with him and my mother.
So does anyone have any idea how to go about it? I don't want my coming out to be the death of him, literally. Even though I don't really like him, I couldn't forgive myself for it.
You mentioned in your blog that your mom knows already. Maybe you can enlist her help for coming out to your dad. She may know when and how to best inform him.
Uhm, well, I've discussed it far and wide with my mother, and she's not sure, either. I've already consulted her, as well as my brother (who's completely against me coming out to him). So, yes, any advice would be appreciated.
If you think it's too risky, don't do it, it's not worth it. I also have a sick dad and it's hard to pinpoint exactly when to come out to him. I was planning to today actually because he's going into some serious surgery but I decided against it because I didn't want to add stress to him. If you do tell him, he needs to be at his most relaxed.
I would back the not bother to tell him. The only member of my family who I haven't told is my 90 yr old mother in law. She is very sweet but I don't want to give her a shock. She does see my finger nails and clothes et and says that I look nice but we (the family) have decided to let her ask questions rather than 'force' stuff on her. Sort of let her acclimatize to the situation.
Cindy
Quote from: Maja.V on July 16, 2012, 08:18:46 AM
Hey everyone,
I'm wondering how to come out to my dad, who's had a bypass surgery (his heart valves had to be replaced) without causing him to get a heart attack, or anything of the like? He doesn't have a clue (or maybe just the tiniest bit) and he's a very conservative, narrow-minded person when it comes down to such things. He's also prone to very dramatic reactions to any such 'important things'. It's also worth mentioning that he hasn't noticed any of my body developments from 9 months of HRT, even though I live with him and my mother.
So does anyone have any idea how to go about it? I don't want my coming out to be the death of him, literally. Even though I don't really like him, I couldn't forgive myself for it.
I have had bypass surgery. Your father is likely in better shape now, then before the operation.
If you are still living with your parents, and your dad doesn't notice (or mention) that you are changing, then maybe you can wait to come out to him until you move out. Worst case scenario, if his reaction is anger and disapproval, seeing you on a regular basis will only compound that and will probably make your life hell as well.
On the other hand, you are 9 months into HRT. Changes to your body will become more and more apparent, and if you plan on going full-time any time soon, that will be readily apparent. Sooner or later your dad may notice, or someone might naively ask, or somehow you may be put into a situation where you have to come out to him, ready or not. So, to prepare for that, I wouldn't count on always being able to avoid coming out to him.
Like other posters recommended, tell him when he is relaxed. Maybe in the morning when he has just woken up or after a little drink of alcohol? I would also suggest coming out in a letter and not being there when he reads it. That way he can read it and react without confronting you immediately and possibly starting an escalating argument. Let your mom and brother know if you decide to take that route so at least they can be prepared for whatever comes of it.
I'm not a medical professional or anything, but it seems unlikely that someone could kill themselves by becoming angry. If you are worried, maybe you or your mom could consult with your dad's doctor, explain your situation (or your concern), and see what the doctor says.
I'm thinking of Fred Sanford grabbing his chest: "I'm coming to see you, Elizabeth! It's the Big One!" Hugs, Devlyn