I've been thinking and I've realized that a lot of my feelings of being trapped come from the fact that I care too much about what others think.
I feel like, as a genderfluid person, I can't be taken seriously. I am afraid that, unless I end up as binary, I will always be seen as a tomboy or someone who is "subverting gender roles." I am not a tomboy and I find the idea that I would base my identity on something so stupid insulting. I am afraid that I will never be taken seriously as male if I am sometimes female.
Why do I care what others think? Well, for one, because I don't like to be hurt. For another, because I seem to have internalized it.
How can I get rid of this?
Hi Edge,
I think that there is nothing wrong with caring about what other people think. We get this a lot that why do we care what other people think but, some people, me included, care.
As for internalizing, I think that it goes back to how you look at it. If you look at it from the perspective that it is ok to care about what other people think then it is not internalizing rather you are deeply thinking about the issue but unfortunately in the meantime there are not a lot of solutions because we go through social dysphoria and people don't really get how we are expressing ourselves. So the anxiety might persist until the atmosphere is more understanding of gender expression.
I think that we just see things from another angle.
Thanks for responding.
I think you have a point. I also think I need to create an atmosphere that is more understanding in my own head.
You're getting to the point of finding that it just isn't as serious as you have been thinking it is.
I know that sounds weird, but you are verging on another step in the process of being comfortable with yourself.
It's just a relatively big step.
You're moving out of the comfort of the binary you have always known and into the non-binary.
I've gone through the same, more or less, as have a lot of people who have hung around this section of the forum.
You're feeling the need to move on, to gain your acceptance of yourself that you've been looking for.
It's hard to let go, as it is with so many things in life. This is just one of them.
Internalizing is a part of the process that happens. It's always different, as far as I know, from one person to the next.
But it does happen in a similar way for each of us.
We are unique in how this works, it doesn't apply the same for binary people.
I suppose, as I really don't think about it for them, that they have a process that is unique in this respect for them.
Metroland is correct, it's a good observation. And the anxiety from social dysphoria, it happens.
The internalizing is part of the turmoil of how you care and how others care and how all that is going to fit together.
I think it's coming together more as 'the big picture' at this point for you.
You're already creating that atmosphere of understanding this, for yourself.
Try not to take yourself so seriously, or any of this.
Let it go, what others may care or not care about.
Remember that they are just as busy caring about what others think of them, too.
We all do, to one degree or another. And that's part of the point...
It doesn't matter as much as you would think it does.
People are going to care about you for far bigger reasons.
Your gender is just one of many things that people care about you and it's not that high on the list.
If you're worried that they may care about your gender in a negative way, let them.
But you needn't worry about those people. They either come around or they go away.
If they go away, if they make gender an issue over everything else, there isn't much anyone can do for them.
You offer much more than gender to those who you care about and those who care about you.
Be happy that this is coming together for you. Others are going to be happy for you, too.
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