Hi, im Mac and im new here. I kinda just wanted to rant alil bit about something. I have a friend that knows about me being a trans guy. We got into a fight because she didn undertand why id rather be called Mac instead if my birth name Taylor. She thinks that since Taylor could be a guy name that i should just be comfortable withthat, but im not. I tried to explain to her that using that name, the one that i grew up with represents the fact that i was born as a female and i just dont like that. I feelthat even though it can be a male name it will always represent a female for me. I dont understand how to explain everything to her and have her not be mad at me. Any advice.?
*hugs* Just be like, "You know people with embarrassing first names so they use their middle name? Or people who hate being referred to by their middle name? It's the same thing, so respect my wishes please."
If she's *really* your friend she should be able to support you and accept your feelings.
--Jay Jay
You shouldn't have to explain anything. "I just don't like that name" should be sufficient enough. My brother is a cisgender male, with a very masculine first name. He hates going by that name, so we just call him by his middle name. If your friend really feels like she needs a reason to not call you by your birth name, then point out how stupid that sounds. Millions of people around the world go by a name other than their birth name (example: celebrities).
If she were a friend the explanation "I don't like that name" would suffice. What she is trying to do is make your transition about her. Because she doesn't understand or like something she wants you to change.
Names are a personal thing. Just because your name may be masculine or neutral that's not a reason to keep it if you don't like it.
In an ideal world things would go as people above have commented, but it's not ideal like that. I knew someone (a cis female) who changed their name while I knew them from their given name to 'Honey' because if you googled their given name it came up with a porn star first. It was a legit reason, but took a long time for people to take her seriously and do it because in their eyes it didn't make sense, just like in her eyes it doesn't make sense that you're changing an already androgynous name into a male name. It makes sense to us because we're used to these things, but she's not. I'm not saying she shouldn't accept you and make the effort to get used to it, but I can sort of see where she's coming from. She could just be reluctant to change because it's a bit awkward, especially if not many other people are using the new name. I felt like that when the girl I knew changed her name, I hate using people's names anyway, and I was never sure which name to call her by because there wasn't a unanimous change over.
I'd just explain that you prefer it, and even if she doesn't accept that straight away she'll soon follow suit when other people are calling you Mac all the time.
Quote from: AlecSky on July 21, 2012, 06:41:24 AM
In an ideal world things would go as people above have commented, but it's not ideal like that. I knew someone (a cis female) who changed their name while I knew them from their given name to 'Honey' because if you googled their given name it came up with a porn star first. It was a legit reason, but took a long time for people to take her seriously and do it because in their eyes it didn't make sense, just like in her eyes it doesn't make sense that you're changing an already androgynous name into a male name.
Maybe I am thinking of an ideal world, but I am thinking of who your friends are and how much they care about *you*. You should be there your friend (I don't mean you have to agree with everything). When you ask people sometimes these "friends" are no more than hangers on or acquaintances of some kind. I don't expect quite so much of these people.
Androgynous names are tricky-- I might think they'd be the ideal thing. However, you might have associations that could follow you around. I think you can explain this, but then again, I don't think that in the end any amount of explanations matter that much.
--Jay Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on July 21, 2012, 02:34:24 PM
Maybe I am thinking of an ideal world, but I am thinking of who your friends are and how much they care about *you*. You should be there your friend (I don't mean you have to agree with everything). When you ask people sometimes these "friends" are no more than hangers on or acquaintances of some kind. I don't expect quite so much of these people.
Hmm I suppose you might be right there. I don't really do friends as such so I sort of forget that while my "friends" are more of acquaintances other people do really have friends. I suppose if I asked my girlfriend or the one other guy I know well and consider a friend, to call me something different then they would make an effort but it might take a while to get them used to it.
Shouldn't be a fight. She should understand you don't like the name
However, I wish I were in your position. I get that it causes some dysphoria to you, but I dont have a unisex name. I'm still broke and can't afford to have it changed until September.