Hey. I read somewhere that the ladies sometimes overcompensated masculinity before they knew/were out. I was wondering if any guys did as well for femininity?
I tried for about a year... got a haircut with a side fringe, wore andro clothes leaning on the female side and "got a boyfriend" (that lasted about a day... I was only 12 :P ) That's it. I felt like a total fool.
I think that especially where I live it's socially acceptable to be a masculine woman more than it is a feminine man, although maybe not to the extent that I take it, but people kinda get used to it after a while and end up treating me as male even though they call me "she" and my birthname as I'm not out. It's just okay to be a butch woman so I think there are probably less FTM's "overcompensating" than there are MTF's, although in older generations/more conservative areas that might be different.
I do feel sometimes that it would be easier to go all out feminine and push all of this out of my head for the next two years (my plan is to transition when I'm legally able to do medical stuff) instead of going how I am, which is just acting myself and ending up passing but still having to live as female at the same time. I know I'll just feel awful trying to be someone I'm not though.
Quote from: AlecSky on July 28, 2012, 07:05:25 PM
I do feel sometimes that it would be easier to go all out feminine and push all of this out of my head for the next two years (my plan is to transition when I'm legally able to do medical stuff) instead of going how I am, which is just acting myself and ending up passing but still having to live as female at the same time. I know I'll just feel awful trying to be someone I'm not though.
Oh man, I tried to do that. It took several years to realize that it just made things so much worse.
I spent about ten years trying hard to fit in. Pretended to be a hetero sex kitten (went to a lot of straight sex parties), had long hair, wore kinda sexy clothes (I didn't do it very well, and the next day I would be back to cords or a jacket and tie), and flashed guys. I also walked around naked in front of my D&D buddies, who were all male.
Poor things. >:-)
Sorta like my female trans acquaintance who was totally ripped and about to join the military when she thought better of it...
Nope. In fact, a shrink commented on my attire with "scary but not dangerous" and called me "hypermasculine" which of course was positively hilarious to me. :laugh: I guess I overcompensated the other way. I wouldn't know how to dress feminine to save my life.
Quote from: Frank on July 29, 2012, 02:05:21 AM
I wouldn't know how to dress feminine to save my life.
That was part of my problem. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. :P
Quote from: Frank on July 29, 2012, 02:05:21 AM
I wouldn't know how to dress feminine to save my life.
I'm with Arch on this, I failed miserably at it as well.
From the "ladies" side: from 13 to 19 nobody could have been more "macho" than moi; motocross races, full contact karate, track and field, free hand rock climbing, whitewater inner tubing (class IV), several girlfriends at the same time, going commando, etc....and all for nothing, at the end it went down to the proverbial: "To Be or Not To Be." What I learned from the experience was that my gender identity is not tie to any specific behavior, voice inflexible, anatomical characteristic, or dress code, but it is rather an innate indefinable self perception of just being female.
The funny thing is that as female as I am, I still like and practice some of those "hobbies," they are what they are hobbies that demand endurance and mental discipline, which are not exclusive to a given gender.
Quote from: Edge on July 28, 2012, 06:42:30 PM
Hey. I read somewhere that the ladies sometimes overcompensated masculinity before they knew/were out. I was wondering if any guys did as well for femininity?
nope never did,
I was rather girly at times when I was younger, but not as fitting in I am just alittle femenine in general and it havent changed.
I am alittle annoyed I never tried actually cause it seams like I dont have a provement for being trans if I never tried being "a real girl".
sound rediculous I know..
Quote from: Natkat on July 29, 2012, 09:14:23 AM
I am alittle annoyed I never tried actually cause it seams like I dont have a provement for being trans if I never tried being "a real girl".
lol I feel the opposite. I feel like I can't be considered a "real man" because I did try and I did succeed (except for the real part) and I'm pretty feminine too.
Yup.
If you knew me my whole life, you never would have guessed. I did have a tomboy streak as a kid and a known hatred of dresses, but as I got older i definitely tried my hardest to fit in. I did a great job at it, but I was miserable and didn't really know why. I was uncomfortable and had anxiety every day about my appearance/presentation.
Now that I am ME, I never even think about it. I just AM.
Jay
My personality has always been the same, but my appearance was feminine and promiscuous so cutting off all my hair and chucking out all my slutty clothes/makeup and going for jeans and t-shirts was a big change. Such a huge weight off my shoulders too
Quote from: sneakersjay on July 29, 2012, 10:51:35 AM
Yup.
If you knew me my whole life, you never would have guessed. I did have a tomboy streak as a kid and a known hatred of dresses, but as I got older i definitely tried my hardest to fit in. I did a great job at it, but I was miserable and didn't really know why. I was uncomfortable and had anxiety every day about my appearance/presentation.
Now that I am ME, I never even think about it. I just AM.
Jay
^This, exactly actually. When I was younger I had a period where my grandfather knew and treated me like a boy, but after his death no one else listened. I gave up at 8 and spent the next 16 years pretending when the exception of 6 months when I was 20. Now I just worry about hiding my chest and getting my surgery set.
Not me. I looked basically like a dude with long hair since I started dressing myself at age 7.
Quote from: Edge on July 28, 2012, 06:42:30 PMI was wondering if any guys did as well for femininity?
*spits out drink* I definitely...was not, lol. I was always really masculine before I came out as trans. I'm not sure if I was overcompensating by being masculine or not, though, because it honestly never occurred to me to be anything else. I'm not sure how conscious I was of it. I always wore "male" clothing even as a young kid since my mother didn't mind. I tried once or twice (lasted maybe 2 weeks) to wear women's clothes but I just got bored, felt horribly uncomfortable, self-conscious and gross and changed back to my usual clothes. I think that's one thing that worked in my favour when people would try to get me to dress in female clothing is 1) I was always really ->-bleeped-<-ing stubborn 2) I hated and still hate being uncomfortable in my clothing.
I think the only thing that was subconsciously being more masculine was some of my attitudes towards people. I could be very aggressive, but I think in many respects my aggression/tough guy response was a defense mechanism that made up for not having the words to express my identity. I was never able to use the word "woman" or "girl" or "female" to refer to myself, so I'd find myself in these weird "I may have this, but I'm not a woman/don't call me a woman/I don't identify as a woman" situations, but wasn't able to say exactly what I did identify as, lol.
So yeah, there was definitely no femininity for me...and even to this day, now when I'm not really concerned about masculinity or femininity people still read me as really masculine...which can suck when you feel like people should just see you for you and not as masculine/feminine. I find its not something I can really control, though.
Quote from: Arch on July 29, 2012, 02:44:33 AM
That was part of my problem. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. :P
Well, it's not exactly a problem in the long run, but way back when, I can totally relate to this.