So, it's been a little since I last posted. Things are still messy at the house. My wife is still under the impression that my transsexuality is of the devil... She's said some hurtful things to me lately too like I'd make an ugly girl. She obviously has no understanding of how I feel and how comments like that do not help! On the bright side, though, I am scheduled to sere a therapist well versed in gender issues on the 21st. I guess we'll see what happens then...
Oh, forgot to add this. My drinking has been my crutch through these rough times, which I know is not healthy. I had a crazy bad weekend topped with me dangling from a car window going 50 mph and touching the fast moving concrete! A wake up call for sure.
I'm sorry to hear how unaccepting your wife is; during what is already a tumultous period of time, she should be the one supporting you and helping you along. Going along to the therapist and relaying back to her everything you've talked about may make her begin to think about you, your needs and your feelings.
Oh, and if you can, I would definitely look to reduce the amount of alcohol you've been having recently. Like you said, you seem to be relying on it to make you feel better or to forget your troubles but alcohol is a depressant and will end up making you feel worse. I used to be the same, getting drunk nearly every day and waking up feeling awful, but i'd still keep up the vicious cycle. I eventually got my act together and - whilst I still enjoy going out and having fun - i'm much more restrained and never get blitzed like I used to do.
Also, waking up and realising you've spent £50-60 with no memory of anything and having a raging hangover really sucks!
You seem to have had your epiphany so the tough part now is putting it into practice :) All the best and keep us updated!
x
Sorry to hear that your having some rough times. I really hope they get better for you. I used alcohol has a crutch for a while, and it only made things worse, reeaallly worse. I dried myself out about 4 and a half years ago and feel a lot better. I bought a bike for the summer and got back into winter sports during the snowy months. When I'm doing those things it seems to really clear my mind and I feel really good after. I'm not trying to oversimplify your situation, but maybe if you did something like that you feel more in balance too.
Thanks for the encouragement. I'm definitely done with the alcohol. It's just not worth it to me anymore. I'm just going to try my hardest to stay focused on the things that will make me happy in the end!
I"m so sorry to hear of some of the tough issues you are facing, CJ. I s'pose that when we consider how confusing all of this can be for ourselves at times, it must be much more confusing for our loved ones.
I wish y'all the very best in seeing things through to the best possible resolution.
I had to give up the drinking a bit over a year ago, and while I can say "Yes... things have improved...." - more importantly, things are a helluva lot less insane.
My very best thoughts - Sadie