I wish I knew for sure whether I really identify as a woman.
Reasons why I might identify as a woman:
* Since my teen years, I've wanted to be a woman.
* I am envious of my MtF friends who take on female names, develop breasts, and pass as women.
* I am having an evaluation in a couple months by a psychologist who is an expert on gender identity. I'm finding myself hoping he'll tell me I should present as a woman.
* All the books, music, and movies I love, that are directed at females.
* I'm not really comfortable having male friends, or even being around groups of males.
* I love my feminine traits and tolerate my male traits.
* When I watch pornography, I always find myself wishing I were the woman in the clip/story.
* I really, really, want to try presenting female despite the extreme awkwardness it would cause. I literally can't stop thinking about it.
* I think I'd really like myself as a woman.
Reasons why I might not be:
* I never felt female. Still don't.
* Never had the slightest urge to crossdress until I considered presenting female.
* Don't hate my male parts.
* Do feel male some of the time.
* Don't want to go through SRS.
* Don't want to take HRT
* Am mildly uncomfortable at the idea of wearing dresses, skirts or a stuffed bra.
I'm finding myself envious when I read MtFs say they knew from childhood that they were really female. That kind of certainty eludes me. Whatever brand of Transgender I was blessed with is not making itself easy to define.
Anyone else wrestled or is wrestling with a similar set of contradicting circumstances? How did you resolve it?
Heh. You know my answer. Yeah, I'm going through a similar thing from the other assigned gender. Although I want to be male, I do feel female sometimes and I thought I was female until recently. I don't know how to resolve it especially since I(male) do want to take hormones and get chest surgery.
have you ever tried going out as a woman? If you feel strange and uncomfortable then you might be more content as male. I personally feel like myself - not shy or awkward in any sort. I know it can be hard to figure out your own feelings. I never felt miserable as a male but I do feel more comfortable as a girl.
best of luck sorting things out :angel:
Cut and dry "you have to transition" as an answer doesn't always happen. I would think that most have some rational doubts approaching the subject anyway. Well maybe I shouldn't say that because I have no idea about anyone else, but I know that I did. I was lucky enough to know for sure who I was from my teens. I chose to hide it, like many. I didn't get over my doubts about the success and feasibility of the prospect until I was in my twenties when I got to the point where I couldn't bare it anymore and I was 'broken' so to speak. Best thing that ever happened. Do I kick myself because I didn't do anything sooner? Sometimes, but the only reason that I'm who I am is because I went through all that crap so I can't say it was all for naught. I mean, I kinda like me. Your answer is in you. Even if it is hard to see clearly, it's there and you'll figure it out. There are plenty of people who are going to be willing to lend you their advice while you're on your way there if you need it too, remember that ;)
Quote from: agfrommd on August 02, 2012, 08:59:27 PM
* I am having an evaluation in a couple months by a psychologist who is an expert on gender identity. I'm finding myself hoping he'll tell me I should present as a woman.
Having someone tell you would certainly make it easy, but the answer has to come from inside you. I don't think that anyone is going to tell you go forward or don't; if they do then I would find their 'expertise' highly questionable. I am hoping for you that he will help you find the right answer for you when you get to the appointment though :)
Quote from: agfrommd on August 02, 2012, 08:59:27 PM
* I really, really, want to try presenting female despite the extreme awkwardness it would cause. I literally can't stop thinking about it.
Go for it! I support it 100,000% >:-) The first few times out can be very strange and uncomfortable around others, and there's nothing wrong with that; doesn't make you any more or less of one thing and it's natural to feel awkward about it. The world doesn't end either way, but going out may help you develop further some of your feelings.
Best of luck regardless
Quote from: agfrommd on August 02, 2012, 08:59:27 PM
I wish I knew for sure whether I really identify as a woman.
* I'm not really comfortable having male friends, or even being around groups of males.
* I love my feminine traits and tolerate my male traits.
Reasons why I might not be:
* I never felt female. Still don't.
* Never had the slightest urge to crossdress until I considered presenting female.
* Don't hate my male parts.
* Do feel male some of the time.
* Don't want to go through SRS.
* Don't want to take HRT
* Am mildly uncomfortable at the idea of wearing dresses, skirts or a stuffed bra.
It was always other men that were uncomfortable with me They would say "Why are you telling me these things? " You ask to many personal questions" ect .
I'm eager to cross dress but i would want to relay look good. Need to lose weight and grow out hair.
I am enjoying the feminine aspects of nuturiting. I'm taking care of myself. i have picture perfect nail rather than bitten chewed up, bleeding. Lost 15 lbs, cut drinking 80%. And i love to cook.
I like my male parts too. Don't think i would like closing the libido dept with E.
I wore woman's cloths out for the first time this week. Short shorts and a tank top. I felt naked!! Both scary and exciting. i loved the way the top felt even though i looked like a salami. :laugh:
the easy answer is:
I am what I am.
Quote from: Ms. OBrien on August 03, 2012, 10:55:25 AM
the easy answer is:
I am what I am.
Well, once you understand that the problem becomes trying to define it for everyone else. Keep in mind most probably won't 'get it'.
Okay Popeye, though I think it's "I yam what I yam". :D
Anyway, of course you know what I might say too. But I feel a bit of mixed thing going on. I do, in fact, have a history that is probably shared by a lot of trans people.
Of course my stuff is going the other way but I don't want top surgery (well if it woudl be painless and so on) at least at this point. I don't like to bind as it hurts. I don't particularly get along with groups of guys (not sure re: groups of gals either to be honest).
--Jay Jay
I feel the same
As a bigendered bio-male everything you said sounds very familiar.
Quote from: agfrommd on August 02, 2012, 08:59:27 PM
* I really, really, want to try presenting female despite the extreme awkwardness it would cause. I literally can't stop thinking about it.
I once thought this way too. I was reading some old entries in my journal and i could see a progression from "I'll never dress en femme" to "i'm thinking about dressing en femme" to "I present en femme inside" to "I went out en femme" over a period of about two years. I was driven by my female side to do it and the urge became overwhelming, so I finally did it. Like you I could not stop thinking about it. Being out en femme for the first time was both very scary and....... liberating .........
Why not allow yourself to present as female in a private, safe place and see what happens? It may be an issue of acceptance of your feminine side that's at work here.
Quote from: agfrommd on August 02, 2012, 08:59:27 PM
I really, really, want to try presenting female despite the extreme awkwardness it would cause. I literally can't stop thinking about it.
Have you tried to find a local CD/TS group? May of them meet regularly and some times go to local gay bars. Good outlet for those first few exploratory excursions.
I came across a lot of youtube videos titled "Not Trans Enough" with the message that there is no such thing as "trans enough." They're ftm's but I think it's the same anyway since many of them don't want to change their bodies.
Quote from: Violet Bloom on August 03, 2012, 11:37:53 AM
Well, once you understand that the problem becomes trying to define it for everyone else. Keep in mind most probably won't 'get it'.
This is probably true but in my experience where you live and what kind of people you surround yourself with makes a huge difference. Also, while people my not get it when you come out it might make more sense to them as you start changing. A friend of my roommate at the time when I came out heard about me and had told my roommate that she did not get it. She knew me somewhat but just couldn't picture it. About 4 months later she came by our place and when she saw me it all made sense and she got it.
Quote from: agfrommd on August 02, 2012, 08:59:27 PM
I wish I knew for sure whether I really identify as a woman.
Reasons why I might identify as a woman:
* Since my teen years, I've wanted to be a woman.
* I think I'd really like myself as a woman.
Reasons why I might not be:
* I never felt female. Still don't.
"You always wanted to be a woman" and "really like your self as a woman" because you have "always felt female"
What you are going through, my dear AG, is a precess of rediscovery and a revolution against years of indoctrination and oppression.
Many have gone through a journey similar to you which at the end always leads to the eventual total acceptance
Quote from: MariaMx on August 04, 2012, 09:41:22 AM
This is probably true but in my experience where you live and what kind of people you surround yourself with makes a huge difference. Also, while people my not get it when you come out it might make more sense to them as you start changing. A friend of my roommate at the time when I came out heard about me and had told my roommate that she did not get it. She knew me somewhat but just couldn't picture it. About 4 months later she came by our place and when she saw me it all made sense and she got it.
I'm personally not worried about it too much. The same thing goes for a number of other things in life - some people are just impossible to educate. Generally these individuals aren't worth wasting much energy on.
BTW, I love your current avatar - it is so wacky-awesome! I gather it suits you quite neatly.
Quote from: Violet Bloom on August 04, 2012, 10:20:44 AM
I'm personally not worried about it too much. The same thing goes for a number of other things in life - some people are just impossible to educate. Generally these individuals aren't worth wasting much energy on.
You are right, worrying about these things makes little difference. These things can't be controlled anyway so it is what it is. Some however have to deal with more troublesome people than others. An online friend of mine had tremendous problems with other people, I've had hardly any problems at all and most everyone I've met that know thinks what I've done is super cool. I always chalked it up to living in a very liberal and modern society where religion and old traditional values have very little influence, but I may just have been lucky.
In my experience transitioning isn't always as big a deal as we often fear it will be. The thing I came to realize was that I seemed to have more negative feelings about my condition than most everyone else. I sort of have a family in the US that I lived with for a few years in my teens. 5 years ago I went to visit them unannounced after 15 years of no communication. Knocking on their door I was so nervous about what would happen. I was really afraid they wouldn't take well to my transformation. At first I had a really hard time explaining to them who I was, but when they finally got it they were just happy to see me and things were as old times no questions asked. It was quiet weird actually that they seemed totally unfazed and not the least bit curious about me suddenly being a woman with a husband to boot. It was almost as if they didn't even notice.
Quote
BTW, I love your current avatar - it is so wacky-awesome! I gather it suits you quite neatly.
Thank you, and yes. I made it all by myself :)
Quote from: agfrommd on August 02, 2012, 08:59:27 PM
Reasons why I might not be:
* I never felt female. Still don't.
* Never had the slightest urge to crossdress until I considered presenting female.
* Don't hate my male parts.
* Do feel male some of the time.
* Don't want to go through SRS.
* Don't want to take HRT
* Am mildly uncomfortable at the idea of wearing dresses, skirts or a stuffed bra.
I'm finding myself envious when I read MtFs say they knew from childhood that they were really female. That kind of certainty eludes me. Whatever brand of Transgender I was blessed with is not making itself easy to define.
Ultimately I don't think it really matters. I too worried about some of these things in the beginning. When I started my transition I felt there was this trans-standard that I had to live up to. In some aspects I did, but in others I did not. For instance, I never had an intense hatred for my male parts and didn't distinctly know I was female from an early age. As transition and life progressed on however I have come to the conclusion that to me it no longer matters. I no longer care if I transitioned for the right or the wrong reasons. It was the best thing I ever did and I'm actually happy now, and in the end that's all that matters.
As for feeling female, I'm not even sure I know what that means. I am what I am and I feel like I'm me, so I guess that's what feeling female is like.
Hey Agfrommd,
There are more people like us out there, people that just don't know, or never had any "signs". There are also loads of Transsexuals who also didn't know from a young age. I still haven't figured out what to do but i'm taking it one day at a time. Every day a little further, exploring a little more. The thing is being "Gender Queer' or Transgender is a spectrum. My advice would be to do what your heart desires, not what the doctor tells you.
I never felt "female" either. I just felt.. me. There are more than just the stereotypical women who like pink, ponies and make up. That you never really had the urge to crossdress could make sense too, not every woman likes skirts and heels.
Thanks everyone for such wonderful replies. I'd sum up what I've learned as universally encouraging to explore further.
Quote from: xxchristina22 on August 02, 2012, 09:31:54 PM
have you ever tried going out as a women?
I'm not there yet, but I'm kind of feeling that's the next step. It's going to be expensive and time consuming to reach a point where I pass well enough to show my female mug in public, so I'm trying to build up as much personal conviction as I can that it's the right thing.
Quote from: Ms. OBrien on August 04, 2012, 09:32:08 AM
Have you tried to find a local CD/TS group?
Yes. They've been really helpful and supportive, though maybe that's part of the problem. They're all so certain that their transition is / will be / has been the right thing, that it's hard for me to tell which of their experiences really apply to me.
Thanks for the suggestion.
Quote from: Edge on August 04, 2012, 09:41:02 AM
I came across a lot of youtube videos titled "Not Trans Enough" with the message that there is no such thing as "trans enough." They're ftm's but I think it's the same anyway since many of them don't want to change their bodies.
Edge, you have no idea how much it helps to hear this. Thanks.
Quote from: Violet Bloom on August 03, 2012, 11:37:53 AM
Well, once you understand that the problem becomes trying to define it for everyone else. Keep in mind most probably won't 'get it'.
You know, V.B., of all the things I'm chewing over, this is something that I'm finding I'm not very concerned about. I'm confident enough that if someone is open minded and hears me out, I probably could come up with ways to explain it. Being a teacher has its benefits!
Thanks for the warning.
Quote from: peky on August 04, 2012, 09:48:23 AM
"You always wanted to be a woman" and "really like your self as a woman" because you have "always felt female"
Peky, I really, really, really, want to buy what you're selling. I hope you turn out to be right, but as of yet, haven't been able to duplicate your certainty.
Quote from: riven1 on August 04, 2012, 08:07:03 AM
Being out en femme for the first time was both very scary and....... liberating .........
That would be amazing.
Before I say anything else, I have a question which may seem like nothing to do with anything, but your answer will tell me a lot about the kind of person you are - and... well, who knows. :)
Okay, imagine a room, decorated with all manner of interesting furniture, paintings and ornaments. On one wall of this room is a big, full-length window. Outside this window is a vast forest, teeming with life, beneath a vibrant blue sky.
Now, where would you place yourself? Would you be inside the room, looking out of the window - watching the wildlife darting through the trees, the faint wisps of cloud drifting across the sky, wishing you could feel the warm breeze on your face? Or would you be outside the room, looking in the window at the decor, the placement of the furniture and wondering what kind of person lived in it?
Quote from: Sephirah on August 05, 2012, 12:05:59 PM
Before I say anything else, I have a question which may seem like nothing to do with anything, but your answer will tell me a lot about the kind of person you are - and... well, who knows. :)
Okay, imagine a room, decorated with all manner of interesting furniture, paintings and ornaments. On one wall of this room is a big, full-length window. Outside this window is a vast forest, teeming with life, beneath a vibrant blue sky.
Now, where would you place yourself? Would you be inside the room, looking out of the window - watching the wildlife darting through the trees, the faint wisps of cloud drifting across the sky, wishing you could feel the warm breeze on your face? Or would you be outside the room, looking in the window at the decor, the placement of the furniture and wondering what kind of person lived in it?
You're right, it seems like it has nothing to do with anything.
I tend to be something of a homebody, so I'd imagine myself staying protected behind the glass. Though desire would build up to go out and be part of the forest. For a little while, as long as I knew there was a safe place waiting for me behind the glass.
Quote from: agfrommd on August 05, 2012, 12:36:59 PM
You're right, it seems like it has nothing to do with anything.
I tend to be something of a homebody, so I'd imagine myself staying protected behind the glass. Though desire would build up to go out and be part of the forest. For a little while, as long as I knew there was a safe place waiting for me behind the glass.
Hmm. Not quite the answer I was expecting, but very interesting.
Okay. I don't normally do this, but... based on that, and a general feeling I get from you, here's a theory.
Perhaps the reason you're unsure about your inner identity is because you feel most comfortable and confident when you can watch the world from a place of safety. A place which will protect you and keep you from harm. Being male bodied serves a purpose for you, in terms of how the outside world sees you and treats you. It's something which has developed over your whole life. And because of this, perhaps there's a deep fear that's kept your... hmm... self identity, or self-determined identity from asserting itself.
You say in your OP that you've wanted to be a woman from your teenage years. Perhaps it's possible that this want has been... hmm... held in check by your physical body, your anatomical attributes, and how they have been perceived by everyone else and the world around you. It's your place of safety, from which you observe the world from behind your eyes, or "the glass". Perhaps an equally strong attachment has been formed through your association with this "safe place". A place which you only feel comfortable about leaving for brief periods, and venturing out beyond the glass... maybe exploring the real you. But you feel a need to have that sanctuary to return to when you feel overwhelmed. Perhaps that's why you don't hate your body, and have no desire to undergo HRT or SRS. It's your castle, the place you can go back to when you need to. The place which has kept you safe, in terms of the way you feel about yourself, for a long time.
Maybe, rather than identity, your feelings towards your male body come from familiarity, and even occasionally reliance. And the real you is the spirit who dares to venture out from that safe haven occasionally, to exist for brief periods unshackled, but never having had the opportunity to
be for any period of time in order to grow and develop because of a need to return to your sanctuary, to be kept safe from harm.
Quote from: Sephirah on August 05, 2012, 01:28:19 PM
Maybe, rather than identity, your feelings towards your male body come from familiarity, and even occasionally reliance. And the real you is the spirit who dares to venture out from that safe haven occasionally, to exist for brief periods unshackled, but never having had the opportunity to be for any period of time in order to grow and develop because of a need to return to your sanctuary, to be kept safe from harm.
Thank you Sephirah. For someone who has never met me, you have amazing insight into where I'm coming from. You've given me a lot to think about.
ok, ok, maybe it's the researcher in me, or maybe its the mental health professional in me (maybe i shouldn't out myself like that - i've come across many posts where MH people have not been very helpful) but what would you have said if he stayed in the room but didn't look out the window? What would it have meant if he left the room and then looked back? What would it have meant if he left the room and froliced in the forest and forgot the room existed at all?
BTY, to the OP, No one can tell you you are x or you are Y. Our job as therapists to to help clients get their own answers. It would be unethical to give a client an answer - other than just basic education. There is no way any therapist will be able to tell you one way of the other your gender. What she/he can do is clarify for you what you are thinking to help you derive an answer.
Quote from: henrytwob on August 07, 2012, 09:13:42 PM
What would it have meant if he left the room and then looked back? What would it have meant if he left the room and froliced in the forest and forgot the room existed at all?
Im finding im looking back at the room feeling sad i wasted all these years. I tried to play the "conventional gender" game for 30 years. I really wanted it to work. Got a good education, married, Put away ear/toe rings, dressed conservatively, kept my hair short, kept a furry body so i looked right in the locker room, ect.
Endured repeated depression, anger issues, alcoholism, no friendships.
Now i find a forest where this is all ok and even more and im ok too. i went from a hallway of closed doors to a place with eminence possibilities i feel a bit lost even vulnerable. Perhaps ill just become a owl , fly up in the trees of the androgen forest and just watch for a wile . :)
Well, I would say that you don't feel comfortable presenting as a woman because you don't feel like you could pass. If you really want to be a woman, you should try to be a bit more open with transition. SRS isn't necessary, but HRT would be helpful. I never hated my male parts either, so I can relate. Also, I never knew what it meant to "be male//female". People have called me girl-like and man-ish, so I have no clue what these words mean.
I couldn't help reading your post and thinking that it reminded me of some of the questions that at one time I had asked myself. What does it mean to 'feel' female or even 'be' female? What does it mean to dress female? etc. etc. When I read your list, I remember creating lists for myself as well and almost always part of what was trapping me was my unnoticed assumptions that were putting me into a box of categories that when unpacked weren't nearly as daunting as I thought. For example, I too don't really see myself in dresses or stuffed bras. But rather than stopping and worrying whether it meant I wasn't female, I started to ask are women really so monolithic? What females do I recognize, connect with, and understand. For instance, they are jeans and t-shirts girls. The girls that will play soccer, go camping, hiking, and be great mama's to their kids.
I've slowly did a number of things that may or may not be of use to you.
(1) I went through a list of values and I defined them as how I experienced them from socialization. e.g. what is family, friendship, courage, loyalty, community, etc.
(2) I then created my own living definitions as I see them after getting rid of the old expectations and then my partner and I started talking about what we really wanted in our lives and worked on understanding how we understood our values and creating a small focus on 5 or 6 of them to build our life.
(3) Basically, what I did in 1 and 2 was how I went through my list of being female that was similar to yours (but not the same). I started to ask what is my unwritten assumptions about being female, male and trans. I started understanding what kind of woman I identify as which is helping me work towards change. When I started moving beyond hidden assumptions and identifying what in particular I saw then it wasn't nearly as hard to know exactly where I fit.
With transition, I am always open to changing my understanding yet again. Good luck to you in your journey wherever it goes.
First of all, it's called "Transition" not insta-swap! You have time, don't panic! Your points are something that I thought of as well, for years...
* I never felt female. Still don't.: In my culture/upbringing, transgender wasn't in the vocabulary... I always knew I was different, and off from the rest of the little boys, but couldn't put the two together.
* Never had the slightest urge to crossdress until I considered presenting female.: I never did, and still don't. I wear female clothes, but they are all pretty androgynous / butchy. My cisfemale wife often runs around in boy clothes. Our clothes do NOT make us.
* Don't hate my male parts.: I never did either. My parents gave them to me, and they served me all right. I was a bit sad when I woke up two weeks ago after surgery... but only for a split second. :laugh:
* Do feel male some of the time.: Cultural roles run deep. Who is to say what it feels like to "feel" female? Some females might feel feminine, weak, scared, prissy or passive, while others feel their power, bravery, strength, and can kick your butt at any given sport....
* Don't want to go through SRS.: Painful, very expensive, irreversible. Who wants that?
* Don't want to take HRT: These things are an additional risk for sure. Who wants that?
* Am mildly uncomfortable at the idea of wearing dresses, skirts or a stuffed bra.: As above. Nobody is forcing you to wear anything on the outside. Decide who you are on the inside, get it fixed if surgery is required, and then dress how you like. It is nobody's business but your own.
Quote from: GendrKweer on August 14, 2012, 08:50:41 AM
* Don't want to take HRT: These things are an additional risk for sure. Who wants that?
3 month ago i said the same thing now im considering HRT. I said " I dont want to crossdress, use makeup, shave my legs ect and now i do and like it.
Now that the man, gay ,gender filters are off and i explore my feelings im amazed what my true feelings are.
Im think hrt is about 2 years away for me for various reasons. Not going to rush things. If the benefit out weigh the risks its the right thing to do.
If hormones could end the frustration, anger, fear, guilt and the noise in our heads Its worth growing boobs and saying "See Ya" to libido.
For some of us
Quote from: joann on August 15, 2012, 06:26:46 AM
3 month ago i said the same thing now im considering HRT. I said " I dont want to crossdress, use makeup, shave my legs ect and now i do and like it.
Now that the man, gay ,gender filters are off and i explore my feelings im amazed what my true feelings are.
Im think hrt is about 2 years away for me for various reasons. Not going to rush things. If the benefit out weigh the risks its the right thing to do.
If hormones could end the frustration, anger, fear, guilt and the noise in our heads Its worth growing boobs and saying "See Ya" to libido.
For some of us
Hey Joann! I can't express the relief I personally felt when I finally got all the meds lined up and began hrt.... take a little while to get going, a few days, ramping up, but wow. i could really see how testosteron had been poisoning my thoughts and body for 30 years.... well, 15 years post puberty anyway! You could start on a low dose for psychological relief without much worry, which is what I did, then went to proper doses once i lined up a psychologist and endo to supervise.... Libido does not go, goodness no, not for me. Thinking on it, I might say it only goes in people who fetishize females or this processbut aren't actually as transgender as they think they are, if that makes any sense. it would be a litmus test of sorts for you maybe? A year on low dose hrt and youll truly know if you are ready to move forward or back. Good luck in either case!
Quote from: GendrKweer on August 15, 2012, 08:21:47 PM
Hey Joann! I can't express the relief I personally felt when I finally got all the meds lined up and began hrt.... take a little while to get going, a few days, ramping up, but wow. i could really see how testosteron had been poisoning my thoughts and body for 30 years.... well, 15 years post puberty anyway! You could start on a low dose for psychological relief without much worry, which is what I did, then went to proper doses once i lined up a psychologist and endo to supervise.... Libido does not go, goodness no, not for me. Thinking on it, I might say it only goes in people who fetishize females or this processbut aren't actually as transgender as they think they are, if that makes any sense. it would be a litmus test of sorts for you maybe? A year on low dose hrt and youll truly know if you are ready to move forward or back. Good luck in either case!
I did low dose HRT with success to quiet down the ruckus in my head several times in the past. However the underlying problem never goes away. But with help from what I call the 3Ds you get good at sidestepping the whole trans thing for decades. They are Distractions, Diversions, and a touch of Denial. In my case I also needed my monthly or so escape from maleness by cross-dressing at home. Something I've done about all my life.
The system worked well for about 4 decades. YMMV
Quote from: GendrKweer on August 15, 2012, 08:21:47 PM
i could really see how testosteron had been poisoning my thoughts and body for 30 years
Ok . so you feel that T was adversely affecting you opposed to suffering from the lack of estrogen?
In my case i am taking Testim gel 1 tube/day because my doc thought it would help with cognition problems due to my MS. Due to my drinking (which has been greatly attenuated) my liver couldn't make enough of a factor that allowed estoril to buildup in my system causing the feminism feelings (Oh..Libido went to 0 too). This went on for the first two months. When i realized what was happening i cut drinking down to 3 glasses o wine/day. feminin feelings went away.
Thinking of continuing testosterone and adding Estriol cream 6.25 mgs topically daily.
http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Estrogen-Bioidentical-Wrinkles-Menopause/dp/B004XJIDEO (http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Estrogen-Bioidentical-Wrinkles-Menopause/dp/B004XJIDEO)
Quote from: joann on August 16, 2012, 06:55:05 AM
Ok . so you feel that T was adversely affecting you opposed to suffering from the lack of estrogen?
No, no, I don't mean that quite so literally.... just that for me, after removing it from my circulation, my personality "improved" so much that my wife couldn't believe it. And she thought had adored me before! :) But now she said I was a different person, the same basic person but more even, level, able to express, able to communicate, unconcerned about things that used to drive me up the walls.... So the estrogen and lack of testosterone was the key. I can't speak about the interactions between hormones and alcohol, although I do tip the red wine with some frequency.... cheers!
It sounds like you should experiment and see what suites your fancy, and then move from there. We're all different and have different goals of what it means to be transgender.