Hi! I'm Ben, a young FtM. I've decided to come out on 12 october (UK coming out day) I'm writing a letter but every time I read it I think it just sounds too stupid! HELP PLEASE!
Mum,
I want to start off by saying I love you and I couldn't of wished for a better mum. I hope you will understand.
There's something I have to tell you. I was kinda hoping that I could wait. I could wait 'till I'm older and move away from home. I'd never have to tell you but I can't wait that long. It probably seems a bit odd I'm writing a letter and not telling you face to face but I can't do it. Don't just read this and do nothing. Because I couldn't live with the fact you knew but nothing changed. If you have any questions you can ask me if you really, really want but I'd prefer you to google it instead. Today it is National Coming Out Day (12th October) so I thought it would be the best time.
Before you read this please try to be as open minded as possible. I know that won't be hard for you as you're such a nice person. :) Also don't read this if you're stressed or about to do something. I know you're stressed quite a lot but yeah....
I knew something was wrong since I was 8 or 9 well to be honest I can't really remember much before then. In year 2 or 3 I remember imagining myself as a adult. I was wearing a suit at work and I was a man. Another day in year 2 we had to draw ourselves in 20 years time I (without thinking) drew myself as a man. I wish I could just forget about it but I guess my mind isn't strong enough.
I'm just gonna say it. Mum. I'm transgendered. There that's it. I don't expect you to understand. All I want is for you to accept me.
I'll talk to you soon. Not right away. I need time to think. Leave it a couple of days.
Please tell me what you think of it. Also I'm not sure what to put at the end as my name. I don't want to freak out my mum. Maybe I should leave my name blank? ???
Hi Ben,
I think it is a nice letter.
Very heart felt and compassionate.
Maybe sign it as 'Your Son, with Love, Ben'
This is a hard step and a difficult one. Do not expect immediate acceptance. Try and keep the talk going and in particular empathise that there is nothing wrong with you and that your family life has been fine (if it has) .
You can always ask your Mum to join Susan's as a significant other (SO) and we can give her support as well.
Hugs
Cindy
Hi Ben.
Nice letter. As my own mother lived a couple of hours from me at the time, I wrote too. It gives you time to think about what you are going to say and gives her time to organise her reaction.
Perhaps you could include something about Gender Dysphoria being a condition caused by early brain development , cause unknown. That way you can absolve her of any blame and stress it is a medical condition, not psychiatric.
If she does want to contact me I would be happy to chat, having a son who transitioned several years before me. His actions showed me the way, so I have seen Transition from both sides.
Hope it all goes well.
Karen.
Great letter.
Do you think your mother knows a lot about transgendered people?
If not, you might want to add something like "transgender is a physical condition that occurs when the brain's gender doesn't match the body's sex at birth." Also that being transgendered is not curable but it can be treated by transitioning to your internal gender, and that transgendered people who cannot express their internal gender can become very unhappy.
Good luck Ben.
Thanks to everyone who has posted a reply!
I think my mum knows what transgender means because of things in the news and on TV (My step-dad definetly knows what it means because he's interviewed some for where he works). I'm still not very sure what to put as my name... I think i might put Ben but I don't know..