"I Always Knew"
September 3, 2012 at 1:10 am Natalie Reed
http://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/09/03/i-always-knew/ (http://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/09/03/i-always-knew/)
It often strikes me that one of the most central means by which transgender identity, and the whole transgender mythos, as it exists for our culture, is held together is through narrative, "our stories". The very concept itself seems hinged in a narrative progression, a story told in miniature even through the terms we use: "Male to female", "female to male", "assigned male at birth", etc. Even the prefix trans, in defining us, places us forever in the action, the crossing. What we are being defined by a story of how we became... or, as the terms would have it, how we're becoming, locked forever in the story arc, the transition, the transgression... male to female.
One of the more overt ways in which the idea of trans people, what we are and what we mean, is held together in the cultural imagination through the iteration and reiteration of the transgender narrative can be seen in the endless documentaries, human interest stories, TV specials, and so on, wherein we're approached over and over again by journalists who ask to tell our stories, to "represent us" through those stories... all of which are, of course, asked to either conform to the standardized narrative or edited to it. This version of the narrative in turn is used to reinforce a whole universe of cultural beliefs, assumptions and values about gender and sexuality, with the same recognizable motifs, themes and tropes employed to some degree in almost every instance. The Before/After shot. The putting on make-up scene. The moment you finally felt like a "real" (wo)man. Etc.
And savvy trans folks learn quickly to recognize and laugh at the absurdity of all these predictable, recurring elements of the Trans Story, no matter how sexist, othering, dehumanizing, reductionist or inaccurate they may seem.
WOW!
This is the most articulate account of something that's bothered me about the way transgender is talked about in both mainstream and Trans forums. Because my story is so different from the "always knew" narrative I kept hearing, I never recognized telltale signs in myself until deep into middle age.
Yup. I didn't realize I was "different" until age 8 or 9, and I didn't realize I wanted to transition until I was around age 30. Not all of us conform to that traditional narrative.
Aye, I wasted some time wondering whether I was transgender, because the girl I always was just wasn't feminine - and the "official trans woman" storyline always seemed to involve dolls and princess dresses.
Spot on, babe.