Hi everyone, I'm new here.
Don't really know what to say, but basically I am here because after many years of denial, I've finally come to terms with the fact that I want to try life as a male.
As a young kid I was always a tomboy, I guess I had a strong influence from my dad and brother, but the tomboy thing changed when I hit about age 14-15... I started to become really self conscious, and thought the only way to boost my self esteem was to dress like a girly girl, I thought long hair, make up and cute clothes would make me more desirable and help me fit in more and such.
But it has been terribly exhausting and depressing. Never have I ever felt good enough as a girl, I've always felt like an ugly, awkward girl, even become so desperate in my attempts to be a perfect girl for the world that I developed an eating disorder a few years ago. I've never had typical feminine good looks or tendencies, I've always had a bit of a deep voice, I had some past skin problems and I can sometimes have a bit of a foul mouth. My dad has always told me to act more like a lady. Deep down, I have desperately wanted to just wear t-shirts and jeans, leather jackets, guys style v neck shirts, briefs and a lot of other styles of mens clothing, but until now have never actually thought about putting those thoughts into action. I've never liked having to style my long hair and do my make up for hours every day, I'm finally at my last straw with it.
So here I am...
I haven't told anyone I know in real life about this. No close friends, no family, I don't exactly have any friends, I think my mum would understand but I know my dad would disown me... But the hardest thing about this is the fact that I have a boyfriend and he's completely straight.
I've thought about maybe moving out of home and pretty much starting over new, getting a place in the city where the people are all really diverse and different, and starting my new life as Masa there. I've been looking at mens clothing stores online, bookmarking what I want, and I'm thinking of buying it all, along with a binder and a wig... I don't want to cut my hair at this point, afraid I'll mess it up so a wig seems like a good way to get an idea of what styles I'd be comfortable with.
Basically, I am here for advice and support. I don't exactly know how to go about all this, so it would be nice to have some guidance and friendship :<
Hi Masa :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's :) Glad to have you here, This is a great place to find new friends and information
Please be sure to review
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Hugs
V M
Hi Masa, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 8112 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another member. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2F3%2F32%2FPentacle_1.svg&hash=99e763d33bc5c4d79014cb34bf6acb3dfec8befb)
Welcome i am fairly new myself ^_^
Hi Masa, it's nice to meet you! I'm up near Boston. You better be careful with the foul mouth, I have a bar of soap for that! Hugs, Devlyn